Feeling Alone in this

[BriMusic]

Hi, I am 23 years old going through my second round of egg retrieval. I had Ovarian Cancer when I was 9 years old and they removed my left ovary. I have been clear since. However, when I was thirteen they found another tumor on my right ovary and removed half of my right ovary. About 9 months ago I went into my doctor and she told me my AMH level was .07. She said if I wanted biological children (ever) I'd have to freeze my eggs now. I've ALWAYS wanted children, and I've seen the struggle so many couples have had with adoption. I would love to adopt someday, but I would also like the option to have biological children if possible. I don't know what I will want in the future, what my husband will want. I can't make these choices now.

I am a Women's and Gender studies student at Columbia University in NYC, and I'm actually taking a class called "Politics of the Family Post-Genomic Era" I feel many students in the class only know what they read, and are against IVF because the readings portray women as desperate and privilaged. It's frustrating.

I got 2 eggs on my last retreival with 250 of FSH. This time I'm on 450 of FSH. My parents live in Costa Rica, I just broke up with my boyfriend, and none of my friends really understand what I'm going through. I want this. I want children. But it's hard doing this all alone with no one to talk to who understand. What if i don't get any eggs this time, or just 2 again? Do i keep going? Would I keep going 5 years from now? I hate that I have to make this decision NOW, when I'm not ready for kids... would I regret not continuing? Thanks so much for listening.

[MamaBoo]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I cannot imagine having to make that decision or going through what you have gone through so early in life. I cannot offer you advice. I have never been in your shoes, but I wish you the best of luck.

[margi26]

My situation is much different from yours, but you story really spoke to me and then when I saw you are attending my alma matar (Columbia!) I felt I must respond to you.

You have been through so much already for such a young woman. Clearly you are very strong and intelligent. I completely believe that you are doing the "right" thing. It isn't easy to go through IVF as a married "older" adult woman. I can't imagine what you are going through doing this alone and so young.

I am sure that it will pay off in the future to have those eggs, regardless of how many you are able to retrieve. A friend of my husband had leukemia as a teen. He, at his mother's idea, decided to store his sperm. Now, over 20 years later, he and his wife are working on having their second child with the sperm he harvested so long ago, so long before he met his wife, so long before he could even imagine being a father. (This story actually hit the news a few years back.)

((HUGS)) to you!! Hang in there!! You are truly a strong woman!

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

[blessed143]

Hi... I am not in your particular situation but I just wanted to write to you. I am only 3 years older then you and I know that right now it is hard choice to make. The uncertainty and the fact that you dont know what the future holds. I would say that if one day you want to have kids then you should move forward with it and store your eggs. When the time comes and you want to have kids I would hate to think that you would be upset and looking back. Take your time and and think about it. Have you talked to your doctor? Right now you dont want kids but what if that day comes and you meet the perfect man and want to start a family? I know that I may not be making this easier but I truly do care. It is hard going through the process of IVF and this place is so good to get the support we need. I hope that you are able to make the right decision for you. Praying for you!

[Happy Bunny]

Here's a few things to consider:

1) Is there a women's cancer survivor group or an infertility group near you that you could attend? Perhaps being in a group of like women would give you some support and make this time easier for you.

2) There is always research going on to improve assisted reproduction... Your chances for success are not static. Every day, the treatments improve and our odds get better. What may be a low number of eggs today might be no problem in the future when you are ready to use them.