Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[Neffi211]

Jayne-
We are doing donor embryos this cycle...sorry I thought you knew that and that is why you were asking. Our clinic has excellent embryos from a donor that got pregnant with twins on the first try so we are going to try this. I feel like I need to do everything just once to know I have tried before throwing in the towel, but this will be it. Financially we just can't do it again. I did use donor eggs in my 7th cycle and m/c. So fingers crossed this is it! I have told everyone that they are donor. DH and I discussed it for a long time and we figured that even with the small chance of them finding out, we would never want them to think that we lied. The littlest think like blood type could be different....so we choose to be honest and I think that may casue some issue later in life becasue they will never know where they really came from and that will be hard, but hopefully we will be all they need.

[Ninde]

Evening ladies:

Julia: yes honestly yes, even with bleeding you can be ok. I feel so sorry for what you are both going through. I hope the rest really helps x

Christy: thank you for your understanding words. Im not joking when I say i was nervous about logging on earlier because i really didnt want to upset anyone. And im glad af has come - I must say it to dh because im pulling my hair out here with all the symptoms!! Do you think you will go with ivf?

Neffi: my sister went as far as organising donor eggs with a clinic in the ukraine. She hasn't gone ahead yet but she still may. She would feel like you that she would tell the baby for exactly the same reason as you.

Blessed: oh that's rough with what your mum said how are your hpt lines doing? And how are your sugar cravings?!

Jen: that's really tough about your sister in law.and I know what you mean about feeling alone in this and how tough it is. How is your back today?

Amanda: im so sorry about your beta, I really am. And i know its not comparable but im so glad your mum is cancer free

Lyd10: that's awful that you ended up in the emergency room. How are you doing?

Bodie: how are you doing?

Maria: thank you so much for your kind words x and how did you get on shopping? Did you get anything?

Jayne: really sorry you are feelingbad with cramps.and I really hope your mum's blood work comes back with good news.

Gina: im so sorry your grandmother isnt getting the care from the hospice that she needs and deserves.and I hope you do get home when the time is right for you.

Leorira: how are you doing?

Kerpupples: everything ok?

Kiminish: how are you feeling?

Rose: how is your Saturday?

Afm: was teaching all day today. It was a good day and worked well. Came home and then we went out to see the movie "we need to talk about kevin". I read the book about 5 years ago.powerful tale and raises real issues about bonding, mother child love and if a child is ever born with sociopathic tendancies or if its as a result of a lack of attachment. Has anyone else seen it?

Ninde

[blessed143]

Ninde- The HPTs have been getting darker over the course of the days. I am so glad for that. I know that it is not a definite positive but praying that it is. My mom I think means well but never struggled with this so I dunno. I just changed the subject. I think that a negative would be something that I have a right to be upset and sad and disappointed about. I just wanted her to know that. But whatever, I leave it in HIS hands and pray that it goes well! How are you doin? THinking of you!

Julia- I am thinking of you. I would post to Ghost and have. I have no idea who or what he/she is. But Ghost seems to respond quickly and seems to know what they are talking about. Thinking of you!

AFM- DH and I went out to eat and ended up calling his mom and invited her out to eat with us. She came with DH's niece's daughter who is Almost two but DHs niece is like 20 and pregnant again. Yeah.... Had to talk to DH about the fact that its hard to hear that she is 20 weeks pregnant and has no job, this kid and the 2 year old have diff dads, no husband, no boyfriend and la la la and lives with her mom and we are struggling to get pregnant and all the stress that comes with it. I am so sorry for venting. Ahh.. I do not wish her badly but I sometimes things are hard to take in but I just pray that GOD blesses us with a child/children and I just pray that things work out.... I leave it in HIS hands and look forward to Monday where I just hope I get a BFP!... I am thinking of you all!

[Julia73]

Bleeding is mostly spotting and mostly brown. What a roller coaster. I'm sick of crying. Thank u all for the support. I'm so touted right now, and I'm hopeful. Thank you girls. I do appreciate all of u.

[Kiminsh]

I am thinking of all of you tonight and praying for all of you that are struggling right now. Transfer went very well yesterday. We ended up transferring 3 embryos 8 cell AA, 7 cell AB, and 12 cell AB. These are all much better quality than we had the first go around. I was the only procedure scheduled at my clinic yesterday (that never happens!) so I had everyone's attention. Everyone was just so kind and compassionate, and I had such a good feeling about it all. Now I am cautiously optimistic! I go for my beta on the 23rd.
I am going to need some advice from all of you POAS addicts out there!!! Last time I did not POAS and I was just devastated by "the phone call". I cannot do that to myself again. I need to have some sort of clue beforehand. I have no idea when I should start trying??? I did my HCG trigger on Sunday night, we did a day 3 transfer on 11/11/11 (hopefully that was good luck!) Any POAS advice would be welcomed:)

Kim

[Sunshine1576]

Kiminish, (Kim) Good to hear from you girl, and Congratulations on being PUPO! This BFP will come right before Thanksgiving! It sounds like you had a warm and compassionate group today at the clinic. Glad the transfer went well, the embies quality grade looks nice!

Thanks We, I'm glad I didn't have to wait forever for AF. Looks like a trip to CVS tomorrow for more TAP (tampons and pads) as I wait for yet another 2 weeks to try "naturally" hoping and wishing for a Christmas miracle. My boss doesn't like to see me depresssed, thinks I need to take a break until next year but I cannot see myself doing that... How was the shopping trip?

Ninde, I could mess with your mind but that would be too mean! It must be the irish blood in me because dh tells me all the time I overanalyze everything. I haven't seen that flix but one of my favorite all time movies is "P.S. I Love You!" Maybe we need to find more movies/books so January will hurry up and get here?

Blessed, I know how challenging it is to see family with problems having little ones. My cousin 7 yrs younger just had her second baby in October and I know this family christmas will be all about the new baby. It won't affect me that much since I'm not going home that weekend, sometimes it best to protect ourselves and stay away from the drama when we can. Don't get me wrong I love my family but sometimes they can be a bit much to deal with. I've got everything crossed and I will keep praying for you and Julia!

Julia, I know it's hard because I too keep asking myself how much more can we take, and will dh keep holding on strong?? It takes an emotional toll on every marriage but we are the blessed ones with such caring and supportive husbands, right? It breaks my heart everytime I have to tell him maybe next time honey. I would like just for once wrap up something for Christmas or his birthday and surprise him with the news. My husband seemed to want more clarification on what went on this cycle and so he set a conference call with my RE on Monday, but he's always wanting to take part...To be the one giving the injection or in the room everytime we do any procedures. I know we take turns being emotional, each time the other one picks us back up and we keep on going. We seriously should have Husband Appreciation Everyday, let them know how much we love them for taking such good care of us.

AFM: Rough day at work, I hope I can keep my emotions together a little better tomorrow. Even the sound a baby crying in front of the store parking lot had me in tears today. I need lots of chocolate for now...

[WeHaveHope]

UPDATED 11-12-11 @ 11:08pm EST. Please let me know if I have missed anyone or if I'm missing any updates. Sending you lots of xoxoxo.







UPDATE NEEDED
Melinda72-ER 9-12-11
Kendra_n_Michael-estimated ER 9-20-11
Sky7371-ER scheduled on 10-24-11
Krrice28-IVF 10/2011
Catdempsey-Fall/2011 ER end of October
Pinkboots11-PUPO. Beta 11-7.


Kerribell FET Nov/2011
Tess69-FET Nov/2011
Kala0704-FET Dec/2011
Olim78-FET Nov/2011
Leorira-FET 11/2011
Neffi-FET 12-9-11
WeHaveHope-FET Jan/2012


Alwaysangel-Fall/2011
Anton-Fall/2011
Fruit-Fall/2011
Jasmin-Fall/2011
Cheri76-Fall IVF
Bebesperanza-Fall/2011
Greekchick Fall/2011
Kerri_789 IVF Fall/2011
Gina1976-will schedule appt w/RE in several months for 1st IVF
Hopefulmommy-Nov/2011
Ninde-Jan/2012




LauraN-started BCP on 10-24 for ER/ET week of 11-28
Lyd10-started BCP for IVF Fall/2011



Lauren319-Fall/2011
Outlaw927-Fall/2011


Kerpupples
Tamera-ER 11-11, ET 11-16



Julia73-PUPO 11-1(4 embies). Beta 11-14.
Becca-PUPO FET 11-2
Blessed143-PUPO FET 11-3(2 embies). 11-10 +HPT
SamanthaRae21-PUPO 10-31(2 embies). Beta 11-14
Rosie84-PUPO 11-7(2 blasts).
Kiminsh-PUPO 11-11(3 embies). Beta 11-23

RESULTS

Fvrogers-PUPO on 9-22-11 (2 blasts). BFP 9-30 Beta=57, 10-3=290, 10-24 u/s one HB
Tuffy4u-PUPO on 9-24-11 (2 blasts). BFP 10-3 Beta=205, Beta 10-5=519, 10-25 u/s twins 2 HB's
K8ielovett-PUPO 9-19-11. BFP 10-3 Beta=953, Beta 10-6=3403
Toniaa-PUPO 9-24-11(2 blasts). 10-6 +HPT, No Beta waiting for u/s
Counsel13-PUPO(4 embies). BFP 16dpo=470, 18dpo=2060
Bodie1011-PUPO 10-7(2 embies). 10-14 +HPT, 10-16 Beta=248, 10-18 Beta=725, 10-25 u/s twins, 10-31 2 HB's
Jen8675309-PUPO on 10-14(2 embies). 10-27 Beta=46, 10-29 Beta=59, 10-31 Beta 105
HopeThisWorksM-PUPO(2 embies). 11-1 Beta=146, 11-3 Beta=284, 11-8 Beta=886, 11-10 Beta=1653
JenMink55-PUPO 10-29(3 blasts). +HPT, 11-7 Beta=135, 11-9 Beta=320, 11-28 u/s


We love you and are always here for you
Indigofire
Kamina
Furmomma
Jayne321-possible adoption and/or IVF #3
Sunshine1576
Amanda1979


Ninde 
Alwaysangel 
Sunshineandstars 
WeHaveHope 
Akdelp 
Blueeyedreamer

[leorira11]

wow! I'm gone for the weekend and SO much happens! (Unfortunately, most of it not good...) My brother showed up unexpectedly for the weekend, and he sleeps in the guest room where the computer is!

Maria - your son is so cute!

Gina - that picture of you and DH at New Year's Eve - I was trying to figure out what was going on with your hair until I realized that there is a plant behind you! Looks like you have a crazy mohawk or something!

Julia -Call your clinic and tell them you are bleeding. They should let you come in for a beta early, so that you know whether it's AF or not. Big hugs , and fingers crossed.

Samantha - big beta day for you too tomorrow. Have you POAS?

blessed- CONGRATS! I told you that you were just too early before! I know it's easier to say to other people. I often start POAS at only 8dpo and get disappointed, even though I know it's too early. You grew up in Maui? That's so cool!

Lydia - the thing is, if I'm not on the trip, I have to work! Ugh! Because I'm here such a short time (only since Oct), I haven't accrued many sick days. So I think I'll work Wednesday morning (my transfer is Wed afternoon) and also on Thursday! (I've never been told to do bed rest after transfer - and I work in an office. With everyone else gone, I'm not going to do all that much on Thursday). I know I'll want a sick day on the day of my beta if I think it's BFN. So I'll actually be WORKING while everyone is away. Darn.

and I totally hear you on not thinking fresh will work - I'm the same way about FET. I've had 3 fresh and 3 FET and gotten pregnant on EVERY fresh and NONE of the FETs. So I'm kinda disappointed this is a FET. Hopefully we'll both get proven wrong.

Jayne - I've also had "textbook embryo" transfers fail. It's so disappointing. Pretty sure you can start running right away. Scuba diving sounds pretty awesome! I've never been anywhere tropical, but I want to! Tahiti is pretty much as far away from here as we could get, so I doubt we'll make it out there anytime soon. Can you believe I've never even seen the Pacific Ocean? My husband is from California, so he really wants to make sure I see the Pacific before I die

Ninde - Isn't True Blood awesome? So much gratuitous blood/gore and sex. but we love it! I would totally drop my husband in exchange for Eric Northman for a little while Good for you and getting the flu shot. I keep forgetting to get mine - but soon it'll be too late!

Kerpupples - not sure if this is a yearly thing - but it seems like it. There have been dozens of emails a day about the yearly volleyball game between the two offices. Hopefully I'll get to go next year! (or be on maternity leave -- either is fine with me!) Complete chromosome analysis - that's fantastic!

Jen - as hard as it is - stay positive. I always tried to focus on "today I'm pregnant, and for that I'm grateful". Hopefully, you'll be repeating that mantra another 30+ weeks! I love the ticker!

HopethisworksM - congrats! I'm glad that beta doubled again. Now a lonnnggg wait for u/s! How far along will you be? I saw heartbeats at 6w1d last time - which was super early, but super reassuring!

Kiminish - I've asked about Assisted Hatching and was told I don't need it. <shrug> whatever. Congrast on being PUPO! I usually get my BFP on 7dp5dt - so that's when I'm planning on POAS. By then, the trigger is completely gone too.

Neffi - you guys are SOOOO CUTE! OMG!

Christy - NO! I'm so sad for you. I'm also so tired of everything, especially the disappointment, but I can't find a way to stop. Big giant hugs. Oh, I hope you get your Christmas miracle. Go buy lots of chocolate, you deserve it.

Rosie - you are right. That work trip probably would have been stressful. I went on a 2 night work trip at my last job. It was so weird to be 'on vacation', but with work people instead of David or friends! I wonder what those embryos are doing in there too! Hope your hair cut went great! (btw, I have a fantastic hair stylist if you want her contact info!) Just one week until your beta!

Amanda - your wedding photo is amazing! You guys look great! I'm so glad to hear your mom is cancer free. And as much as you knew that a beta of 6 wasn't good - it still must be so heartbreaking to get the final news that your beta is zero. Big hgus.

Blue eyed - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! I can't believe it. That is so awful. I'm crying with you.

AFM - wow. Lots of bad news this weekend.

I'm just getting anxious. I call on Tuesday morning to see what time to come in on Wednesday. We won't know until Wednesday if the embryo defrosts well.

I'm oscillating wildly from - shit this isn't going to work - to - OMG! I'm already 2w pregnant!.

This shit is so hard.

Big hugs to everyone.

[blueeyedreamer]

Leora, you are right. This whole thing sucks. No matter what anyone says. I still can't believe this is happening and I am such over it.

As for the hpt discussion- I have poas on dollar store tests many times, probably at least 50 of them and they have always been accurate. In fact it gave me my first bfp this time. They were neg when neg and pos when pos.

Afm- I am so sad that I scheduled my d&c. It will be tuesday. I have already started cramping hard and have some spotting.

[blueeyedreamer]

Part 2. I'm on my phone and had to change batteries.

I'm trying to enjoy our trip this weekend but it is hard. My brother is visiting and will be staying for a week. I was looking forward to telling him he would be an uncle. Instead I have to tell him he won't. Plus he will be here while I have the d&c. Just dandy. FML

[leorira11]

Just when I think life can't get any more stressful....

I'm sure I told y'all that we are trying our darndest to adopt as well -- the adoption ministry office told us the wait is 7 years. Since we've been 'on the list' for a year already, we're supposed to call in 5 years from now to start the process. UGH.

They recommended an organization called Summit, which handles foster care and has a foster-to-adopt program. We could foster a baby and hopefully adopt a few years later. We applied to them and were told that the wait is about 2-3 years for a baby and that the adoption rate is about 70-80% (which is super scary, because 20-30% of the time, the baby is taken back!).

Anyway - I got a call from Summit today. Because of our history of depression (mine since high school, well controlled for YEARS and my husband's as a reaction to the IF/loss - he's been on antidepressants since we lost the first set of twins) - we are disqualified! oh no!

I asked if we could appeal. She said that I could get written letters from our therapists testifying that we are good candidates as foster parents. So we'll try that - but it's not so promising.

****.

I really really really want to stop the IVF - but if adoption isn't an option, what else can we do? If we aren't willing to be childless and adoption isn't an option - I guess we HAVE to continue the IVF.

This is so disappointing....

[Gina1976]

Leora- haha I had to go and look at the picture again to see! Yep that's a plant! Too funny. Would have been better if DH was on that side, would have looked perfect! LOL

I'm sorry to hear about them disqualifying ya'll! Hopefully the letter will do the trick. That has to be really frustrating!

[Julia73]

Spotting got worse over night. Not anything like my normal AF where it seems like I can't lose anymore without a transfusion lol. But its red and (tmi sorry) now everytime I wipe there's something there. I poas, the dollar store one I had left. Was neg again. Idk if there was enough morning urine bc I had gone like 3 hours before. I read something yesterday that said each test sensitivity is different and I'm pretty sure that since I paid $1.06 for these they aren't very sensitive lol. I'm sure each of our hcg level is different and probably since I was a 3dt that effects that as well. Somehow I'm fluctuating between feeling its over and then feeling I need to have faith. The God I serve is a God of great reversals. He can breathe life into those little embies if that's the plan. DH said we have to wait till spring to do this again bc of weather but I just don't know if I can stand that. I'm gonna do acupuncture if we do have to do it again, plus I will have been much longer without smoking. I quit 7 weeks ago. I feel so defeated. And pretty stupid too. I just knew we'd do this without any problems. How arrogant. I'm not cramping. My boobs don't hurt. I feel nothing like I have AF. I'm afraid to even get out of bed to go to church. My clinic isn't open on weekends as far as a nurse being there. Omg. I just don't know what to do. Yesterday I just wanted to not exist anymore. You women are so so strong doing this over and over. Does it get a little easier each time? I can't imagine it does. I feel like I need a valium and some straight iv prozac.

Leora, I don't think the phones are on at my clinic. You can call and a dr on call with call u back. I hate to bug them on the weekend but I think I will.
Sunshine, jayne, we, ninde, blessed (i hope I haven't forgotten anyone) thank you all so much for your thoughts and especially your prayers. It picked me up incredibly! I can't tell you how much. I apologize for not doing personals. I can't think of much else right now except the what ifs. Hope everyones weekend is calm and enjoyable. Much love to you all.

[leorira11]

I keep 'google'ing "When is enough enough?" and "Living Childfree after Infertility".

I want to stop soooo badly.

In a way, having all the IVFs I could want paid for by the state is a curse - because it's solely up to me when we stop treatments. We can never say "oh, we ran out of money". The only reason for stopping is because I say to.

Adoption is quickly becoming an impossibility. If the foster-to-adopt program rejects us because of my mental illness, I'm terrified we'll wait 6 more years to adopt, only to find out that we are disqualified.

I'm just not ready to live child free yet....

This cycle is showing me how much I just can't take this anymore. I'm going absolutely crazy and I'm not even in my 2ww yet.

The man in the office right near my desk has his 7-8month old son here today. Everyone is ooohing and aaaahing over the baby. Seeing him with his son just makes me want a baby of our own sooooo much more. I have had 2 crying sessions in the bathroom so far today.

I wish we could adopt a newborn. That is my DREAM. But it's really a near impossibility.

I'm so crazy and stressed and going nuts. I can barely stand it anymore.

I just want to yell and scream and cry.

[Gina1976]

Julia- Big hugs and lots of prayers!