Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[WeHaveHope]

Dear friends,
First, I want to thank everyone for all of your prayers during this very difficult time. It means the world to me to have all of you praying for us. The last 48 hours have been, possibly, one of the most difficult times I have had to face. As a mother, you never want to see your child suffer. You want to do everything possible to shelter your child from pain and suffering. For the past 12 years I have fought for this. From sheltering my son from the fighting when I was with his father. To sheltering him when we had problems after we separated. To ensuring above all that he had a good relationship with his father. To everything in between. Anyone that knows me and knows what I have been through can tell you that my son is my life and that above all else I have fought for his happiness. I have sheltered him so much. Yesterday I found myself not being able to do that. And it broke my heart. It broke my heart to see him cry and there was nothing I could do to stop his pain. I know in his heart he questions why his father had not called or come to pick him up in two months and I can't give him a reason why. So many questions and I have no answers. His father loved him in his own way. Not the way in which I would have chosen but I know he did. And I know they shared a special bond that can never be replaced. Now he is left with this empty space in his heart that will always be there. As much as I love him, as much as my husband adores him, we can't fill that void. I know time will heal but I just wish his father would have done things a little differently and maybe he would still be here today to see this beautiful child grow up. I am saddened beyond belief. I am saddened for the life lost at such a young age. I know there is so much more he could have accomplished in his life. I am saddened for the loved ones he left behind who will greive his absence forever. I am daddened for the two children left behind without their father (my dear son and a 3 year old daughter he has). We still need many prayers. The days, weeks, and months to cone will be very difficult. My son will miss his father dearly. I love my son so much and hurt for him. My poor DH cried so much. DH hurts for my don so much as well. My step dsughter snd step son have bern wonderful with my son as well. Hugging him and crying with him. Thank you all again for your prayers.

I am sorry for not keeping up with the board the past few days.

Maria

[Julia73]

Jayne- couldn't get all I wanted to type in there in my last message. Didn't want to leave you out! Thank you for what you said, just the phrase you used meant alot. Knowing how badly someone wants something makes empathy tangible for me. Thank you.

Kala- thank you for thinking of us. I'm feeling so much better. I've gone thru alot in my life but that bfn was one of the most trying for me.

I went to the er last night on the suggestion of my nurse. Oh my gosh that place is dirty. Yuck. The found a hemorrhagic cyst that's been causing some pain on my left side. Glad to know that. But I was folded over in pain and they said go take some tylenol...i wasn't happy about that but what could I do? I'm glad I'm ok and that's the end result!

[Gina1976]

Maria- My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you all. I am like that with my son also. No divorces or separations but protecting him from any hurt or pain during a loss or a friend causing him pain. Sometimes it's something we can no longer do or have that control. I know it is even harder not having his Dad around those months. He'll always wonder why. I pray for his peace of mind and help heal his broken heart. To know his father loved him dearly no matter what was going on. I wish I could give him a hug myself. I pray that God will continue to give y'all strength and I know God has his arms wrapped around all of you.

You have a wonderful family. I think so much of your DH for having that much love for your son, and the way you do for your step children. It is wonderful for families to have such a great bond no matter how it was made.

Gina

[margi26]

**CRASHING**

Maria: So very sorry for your loss, and for the profound affect it will have on your son. Sending prayers for you all. ((HUGS))

Christy: Sorry about that friend. Yes, people can be completely insensitive regarding this issue. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that people who aren't going through it, don't really understand. Especially on the heels of your BFN, that was not what you needed/wanted to hear. All of us here, we understand what you are going through. (((HUGS))) And I will continue to cheer you on as you move forward, if that is ok?

Amanda79: So sorry dear that you are having to wait until March...but your dream will be realized. I know it. Hang in there and I hope that you have a wonderful holiday season with your DH and family. March will be here before you know it, but I think exploring *other* clinics might be a good idea as well, especially if you have the time before you could cycle anyway? Sorry about that insensitive co-worker. Ugh. People can be so idiotic---although they probably mean well.

To all you ladies dealing with BFN's....I am so sorry and send lots of ((HUGS)). I know how difficult and discouraging it can be. BELIEVE ME. I have (unfortunately) been there too many times--I cycled with Clomid 3 or 4 months--all BFN. Also, 3 IUI's--all BFN's. One ectopic and one M/C and one BFN all with IVF before finally getting my BFP that stuck and brought me my dream come true. This ttc with IVF or IUI is such an emotional rollercoaster. Hold onto your hope and dreams. Use prayer or meditation if it suits you. Hold on tight to your DHs or partners through it all. And get all the support you can from these women on this board. I never could have imagined how much their love and support gave me strength when I was crying and ready to give up. Sending you all positive energy and prayers from a "former cycler" just like you.....

[Gina1976]

Sunshine- What a great outlook!

That is very true. Unless we know someone personally, they may have had a hard time getting pregnant also. Now days Dh and I joke about how much morning sickness I'll have WHEN (no more IFs!!) I get pregnant, I had ZERO with DS! He was also the best baby, never cried, whined or anything, so we think it will be completely opposite this time around! lol.

I'm SO ready to get started. Here's to 2012 I hope!

[margi26]

**BIG CRASH**

Leora: What wonderful news!!! Yeah!!! A compacted blast, nonetheless!! How absolutely perfect. I love your plan for the day...snuggle with your loves, soup and hot chocolate (my acupuncturist told me warm foods were best for implantation)...and a rainy day makes it even more perfect in my opinion...and in Israel? A rainy day has to be added good luck. And how lucky about the beta without a date!

Woohoo..(I am going a little blinkie crazy if you don't mind...it has been a while....won't send the pineapple one, you are allergic, right?)








and I know you are one of the best:

[klinger13]

Crashing for Leora -

YAY on everything going great today with your FET! Enjoy your day of snuggling with DH while your little one snuggles in. And I'll be stalking for your POAS & beta updates.

[blessed143]

I'm on my phone but just had my 2nd beta done so now anxiously waiting for results. Uh im an emotional wreck but been praying. I will catch up this afternoon!

[Gina1976]

If my Grandmother is doing like she is now, they have to move her to a nursing home. Once there she'll have some therapy and pretty sure she needs some to help to walk because she's been in a hospital bed for almost a month now. After a couple of weeks of therapy she'll go to a room. She's been asking to go home but she needs to much help to go back. They will take her once she gets down to her last days....which I think will be longer than the 3 weeks she was given. IMO, but only God knows.

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. She is still very bad off but just doing better than they originally though.

[Gina1976]

Blessed- Praying for you! Hope you get a high # on this Beta!!

[anton]

Hi everyone!

Sorry for being MIA...I just didn’t feel like it. That’s all .... As some of you know, I am currently on a break from the IVF world and not reading and posting is too part of the break...not that I wasn’t or I am not thinking of you girls! You are always on my mind and I wish only the best for you! Healthy pregnancies with healthy babies. I am not going to deny the fact that I am jealous of you girls going through your cycles. I wish I was too but you know, the idea of the IVF break is my DH. And I am with him 100%....I just miss my shots and clinic visits and anything that has to do with getting that show on the road if you know what I mean...Even if I never get a BFP the ride was wild and it meant that every blood work, every test, every shot was a step closer to my BFP. That is what I miss most, the fact that I am on hold right now and I am not making a step towards my BFP. Not even a baby step....Oh well, no self pity time! I am sure my future has bright colours is just I am moving slowly towards it!...

I wish 2012 brings changes, good changes in my life and help both me and DH to see some light in the end of the tunnel. Who knows! Maybe 2012 is going to be a year of miracles! For all of us!

I didn’t get that job I was telling you about so I am still on the search.. bummer ...can you believe that after that 2nd interview I went I haven’t heard back from them! Not even to say “hey, we are sorry but unfortunately you didn’t get the job. Or, thank you for your time but we have chosen someone else for the position.” I had to find out (a week after they told me they would call me and let me know there answer) from someone else, by accident . They turned out to be very unprofessional! And I would never work with someone less professional than me. Oh well, jobs are so hard to find right now but I am sure that any day now I am going to find one just for me. At least i have roof over my head and food on my table!...positive thinking!

My DH went to Greece to run the marathon last Sunday (Friday- Monday) and he came back fucked up! Lol he run a distance of 45K and his legs hurt like hell (of course!) and so it’s been two nights in a row that I am doing massage to him. I love spoiling him anyway and so Monday when he came home I had dinner ready (chicken on the grill wrapped in bread crumbs, sweet potatoes in the oven and rocket salad) I even made carrot cake for dessert...It’s in the fridge now, looks like we are going to be eating it till next week! It’s really yummy and can feed a family of 12! Lol. It was raining like Hell on Monday and it was freezing so I thought of making a cake to have with our tea as soon as he gets home will be a great idea...and it was.

A good friend of mine open a baby clothes store (a French franchise) and she asked for my help last week to help her do the merchandising with the French experts that came. (my friend is an architect/interior designer and together with her husband own an architect office but since the jobs are down now they thought of opening a shop) the shop belongs to her MIL and in a very good location (opposite the LV store) so, it was me helping along with her MIL and a friend of her MIL. For 4 days I was surrounded by beautiful baby clothes and I loved it! I got so many positive vibes from that shop and made me want to buy them all! Lol. I don’t know if it was on purpose but anyway,...on the first day her MIL friend started talking about her 5yr old boys, and how amazing they are and how much she loves them and blah blah blah (I wanted to shoot myself right there on the spot! ) anyway, looks like my friend told her MIL about me trying IVF (I didn’t liked that! but anyway!) and her MIL told her friend. Turned out that the MIL friend adopted those 2 boys (one African and one Chinese) in our country (she is Caribbean and her DH is Cypriot) she never had and IVF only lots of IUI and she can’t stand the meds so she didn’t want to do IVF and moved straight to adoption. She was trying to conceive for 12yrs! She told me that adopting was the easiest thing to do! (I immediately thought of you Leora!) she filed for adoption (government office) and to another office....from the day she filed for adoption until the day she brought home the 1st baby only a year passed. She met the parents (Chinese that came in Cyprus and already had children and this boy came as an accident (WTF!!) and as soon as they found out the pregnancy they put it for adoption. So, this woman (the one that adopted) gets a call from the office and asked if she was interested in this Chinese boy case and she said yes and so she met with the parents and they signed the papers. She was present when the baby was born and her husband cut the u.cord and she was the first person that got the baby into her arms. 24hrs later the baby was home with them! Three months later she gets this call from the other adoption agency telling about an African boy. She said yes to that too. The boys are both 5yr old with a 3month difference and they look like twins! Besides the fact that the one is black and the other one is Chinese. Both boys speak Greek and English and are absolutely adorable. The parents of the Chinese boy visited the boy a couple of times (that was the deal) and now they went back to China and of course have no obligations towards the child. Their “mother” not the biological, the real mother, has in box files all their family history and when in age she will give it to them so that they now where they are coming from but most important to know where they now belong. And now the fell off the chair answer!...after hearing this amazing story I asked her how much did the adoptions costs you? and her answer was NOTHING! Adoption in Cyprus is free! OMG! I didn’t even know that! of course I was never interested in adoption (not after having at least one child of ours) so I was shocked. I didn’t get into details but later on when I got home and told DH (he was shocked too) I thought, maybe is free when adopting children from another country other than CY. I don’t know. What if people from other countries can apply in CY? Or maybe you have to be a CY resident. Anyway, hearing her story and seeing how happy this woman was/is made me admire her as a person and be happy for her too.... she goes to me, trying for 2yrs isn’t that bad! – I wanted to kill her right there in the shop! – i then told her that I already had 7 failed IVF’s, 6 fresh and 1 FET and she changed her look and started saying how strong I must be and that she admires me for looking like this after all these attempts etc and at the end she told me that she is a psychologist and seeing me talking the way I talk and the way I think over the whole infertility journey, made her journey of 12yrs seem like a walk in the park LOL!!

OMG! It’s been quite some time to post and I got back in my usual habit of writing a lot!!! Please forgive my LONG post!!

Obviously I haven’t read all those pages that I’ve missed but from a glimpse, I saw a lot of pain and a little joy in the board. I hope it gets around SOON!!!

Sorry for all the BFN’s girls! They suck! I know! Keep on believing in miracles and IT will happen for you. I know how difficult this must be, been there done it unfortunately so many times...My prayers are always with you! All of you! my past cycle buddies, Wehavehope (I am So sorry for your son’s father. It must be awful. I am sure you will be there for your son and will do anything to take the pain away. May God give him the strength to pass this difficult time. and again I am sorry..) Sunshine- i love that u are always positive! keep it up! , Fruit (hey! just saw your PM! i haven't been on the board for ages! I will get back to you ASAP! ) Amanda- soory honey next time! ..... who knows, maybe we’ll be cycling all of us together with the new year...
Sorry for no more personals...I’ll try to catch up some other day....I love you all and I am thinking of you! keep those BFP’s coming!

Just a word to my Israeli neighbours....this is a day that needs to be celebrated! Oh Boy! I am SO glad I’ve decided to check the board today!

Rosie- I definitely see that second line honey!!! Congratulations!!! My prayers are with you for an amazing beta and a healthy baby or two!


Leora- My dear friend Leora! I told you before and I will tell it again! You are definitely my hero!! You are an amazing person and a fighter and you will get your rainbow baby!!! You are born to be a mother honey!!!! Don’t you doubt that! ever! ...Congratulations for that wonderful blast transfer!! You are PUPO!!!! woohoo!! May you have a miracle inside you! I am sending you all the positive vibes I have!!! I cant wait for you to start POAS!!



Baby dust to us all!!!

Love

Antonia

[Sunshine1576]

"Checking In" on everyone this morning AND loving the blinkies!

Leora, That's so awesome that the embryo went to blastocyst, I am sooooo excited for you and dh! Cuddling up with dh on a rainy day with soup and hot chocloate sounds so perfect and you should be optimistic and enjoy the 2ww EVERYTHING went perfect! You have so many former buddies that will be cheering you on too and this is what I call great support!

Absolutely Margi, you understand this journey and that's encouraging to so many of us. I hope to continue to follow this dream too...As you said it best- without the support here you would of given up a long time ago, and the silver lining looks so promising. The girls here need this support right now more then anything, I can soooo relate. Yes, even though there were alot of -attempts, you never gave up and the outcome is going to be worth all this heartache, I just know it.

Gina, I know we have to take it one day at a time, but it sounds like your grandmother is doing like mine as in motivated to doing better so she can go home. She has her room now, made some good friends but wants to go home, as my granny thinks she is only there for rehab, my poor granny doesn't realize what's going on and nobody can tell her because it would cause her grief as she misses her beloved Papa and what she has left of him the house. My aunt has planned our Christmas at the nursing home so she won't get confused. All of her belongings are packed in the garage as my aunt prepares to sell my grandmother's house. It's all so sad, but as for my grandmother she too is holding on and I would be thankful to see her have one more Christmas with the family. Gina, I will be praying for your grandmother too.

Julia, you married into the right family! The last time we visited dh's parents, I was packing up my fertility meds with my MIL, she said you are getting good practice with the diaper bag and we laughed together. It helps that we can find humor in all of this and that they are open-minded about everything.

We, I'm going to continue to pray for your son and his step-sister who sadly will grow up never knowing her real dad. I wish circumstances could of been different, as we know life can be too short. Everyday we should remind each other how much they are loved and be thankful for what we have in life. We really shouldn't have to be reminded but all too often we take life for granted and it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces when something tragic like this happens.

Anton, I just saw your post and I'm going to make myself a good cup of tea and enjoy reading every single sentence. I often think of you, you have always brightened our world! May 2012 bring us many healthy changes AND miracles!

With Much Love,
Christy

[Gina1976]

Anton- Nice to see you post! I wish I were cycling with everyone else too....Still waiting for a first IVF, darn $$$!! I know you didn't want your break but glad you are enjoying it. Being around baby things, I'm sure was hard but it's so nice at the same time. Sweet baby clothes! I'm in Germany and they have the cutest baby stuff esp for winter so before we move next summer I'm getting some pregnant or not! Sorry to hear about the job but since they handled everything with you so badly, it's probably best. I hope you find one soon and one that will appreciate you!

[Gina1976]

Sunshine- Thank you and also prayers for your Grandmother too and that she will enjoying having Thanksgiving there with all of you. It's so hard seeing them like that and wanting to go home. It's tough. The nursing home IMO is best for her until they do bring her home. It's so hard because she's sitting up in bed and feeds herself. She talks and knows everyone and who they are. I'm just glad she's hanging in there. She was looking forward to Thanksgiving with my Mom but that won't happen so I told my Mom after they have lunch to go up there and have a little something with her.

Again, thank you!

[Sunshine1576]

Anton,
I really enjoyed reading your post, thank you for updating us! Jobs seem so scarce in Cyrus, Greece but I LOVE that you have been getting involved with MIL's shop, maybe for now you could help promote MIL's business, maybe launch a website and help her with online orders. I would love to see her merchandise online! Anyway, I have to ask did you and dh ever set the day, you know what I'm talking about...that big event that you have been postponing for the longest time? lol I know sometimes we get so caught up in the moment but adoption is always a possibility and I love that it's free in Cyrus you should really research that and talk it over with dh. He might even have a change of heart. xoxo Christy