Twins lost at 19 weeks...

[baylorbear33]

It is with great sadness that I write to let each of you know that we lost our baby girls on Saturday night. I went into extremely early pre-term labor at only 19 weeks and there was nothing that could be done to save the pregnancy. We are coping with this as best as possible, but ask that you each keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we continue to work through our grief. We have no understanding of why this happened, only that we are trying to remain strong in our faith that God has a plan for us.

[JesJes]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost twins last year at 22 weeks and know your pain very well. Please let me know if I can be of any support.

[baylorbear33]

JesJes, thank you so much for your reply. How in the world did you get past the pain? I have tried to stay busy to keep my mind occupied, but it is just so difficult, sad, etc. Did they give you a reason for your loss? The doctors cannot tell us what might have caused this to happen. It wasn't technically a miscarriage as I actually went into labor. This scares me because it was like my body thought it was time to deliver. What is really strange is that I saw my OB on Friday afternoon and my cervix was completely closed. I started having labor pains Friday night into Saturday and all day Saturday was just unbearable back pain. I had no idea this was the beginning of labor. One of my sacs ruptured here at the house and we immediately went to the hospital where I delivered our babies. We were actually carrying triplets, one of which was a non-viable pregnancy from the start, but apparently played a big role in what happened as I had been diagnosed with triplet-to-triplet-to-triplet transfusion syndrome. The worst part of the whole thing is that we found out later that when my first sac ruptured here at the house, I had actually delivered one of the babies that was doing fine. The thought that my childs first entrance into the world was into our toilet is simply unbearable. I can only hope that its' demise was instantaneous. I delivered another one of our baby girls that was doing well at the hospital, and she was alive at birth but simply too small to survive. I was doing a little better over the week, but then my milk came in a couple of days ago which only reminded me that my body was ready, but I had no babies to nurse. Please tell me how you managed to get through this as I am a complete disaster. Thanks. Angela

[chelly180]

Angela-
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have any words that I know of that will ease your pain...all I can say is stay strong in your faith and know that I and the other Christians on this board will be praying for you. You have 3 little Angels in Heaven now with their Holy Father, so know they will always be there watching out for you. I teared up reading your post, and I pray that this will not make you question your faith. Please don't give up on your quest to have a child either, it will take time for your heart to heal, but God will give you the strength to conquer.

God Bless!
Michele

[JesJes]

Angela~

My story is this:

From week 7 on I bled, kept passing clots and they said they were just hmeotoma's and that was common.

At 15 weeks pregnant with twins I diolated 3 cm and had an emergency cerclage put it.

By 21 weeks the clots were so bad and I had so many that they ruptured both sacs and my water slowly broke. They tried Iv fluids and everything to build them back up and it was too late. I went into labor at 22 weeks and delivered my son & daughter which both had already passed away. I dleivered them on August 17, 2007.

Afterward they ran a million blood tests and founf out have a blood clotting disorder called Protein S deficiency & Anti-Thrombin III. The blood clots ended everything for me, I had no idea I had this disorder, its was our first IVF and our first pregnancy.

Somehow, I magaged to get myself back together and move on to another cycle. It was the only thing that kept me going and helped with the pain. I had a new plan of attack and focused on it. I got pregnant that November and lost that baby at 6 weeks on Christmas - ugh! At that point I was ready to throw in the towel and not chance it again. But I did, started a fresh cycle in April and am 23 weeks pregnant and have had zero complications. I am on daily Lovenox injections which have kept the blood clots away.

The pain will subside, but will never go away. You'll just figure out a way to live your life with it. I think of my babies every day, especially being pregnant again. I am hoping that when I deliver this one it'll help erase that last delivery which was the worst day of our lives.

I have no cure all for you, it just takes time, and like I said before, for me moving on to another cycle and focucing on that helped a great deal!

I hope this helps you!

I am always here to chat!!

Jessica

[angelbaby]

[Angela,

I was due in Feb 2007 with twins. Itw as an IVF fresh cycle, we put in 6 embreyos. My doc didnt want to put 6, he said I was being agressive, but i refused to listen to him and my hubby. When I found out I was prgrant, the count came very high. The dr said I may be carrying triplets and since I am petite, we may have to go for alternate reductive to have only 2. After 2 weeks of pregnancy I bled a lot and they only found 2 sacs. So I guess GOD made that decision for us since I was never going to choose. In my 19th week of my pregnancy I stated to get major contracttions ehile we were at the movies. I didnt even know what a conraction felt like and called my dr and he saked me to go the ER rightaway. They did numerous tests and said my membranes were out of the cervex. I was so blank that I felt my world had come to an end and couldnt understand a word of what the dr's were saying. The next morning the dr took me in saying that my cervex had opened up and we need to deliver the twins. But he said he may try to puch the sac in from Twin A, and stictch my cervex so we could pull the pregnancy longer. But the chance of the operation being successful was close to 1%. I decided to be awake for the surgery because if my daughters came out I wanted to see them. They also told me to let go of my babies since the chances are very slow. After 4 hours of surgery he was successful in pushing the water bag in and stitched up my cervex and they admitted me in the hospital. he also told me not to be very excited since we are going to take it one day at a time, since the contractions can start anytime and the cervex will open up. I was on complete bed rest in the hospital. I had so many complications while in the hospital but still tried to stay +ve and on the 24th week, 3 days my water back broke and i started to bleed a lot. They delivered twin a (We named her Ektaa) by normal delivery. She was this cute ANGEL Doll. She weighed 1 pound 9 oz. She was so precious. SHe made a small noice when she came out. They were going to get the 2nd twin out and she was not ready to come out, so she did another surclage. But the complication was both the placentas were attached. So they had to keep the placenta from Ektaa too in there. While I was going through the surgery my mom was holding Ektaa. Before they took her away from the OR they asked me and hubby to say bye to her since her lungs were not developed and she may not make it for more than 10 min. When my surgery was over, she was still alive, my hubby held her and they gave her to me. As soon as I gave her kangaroo care, she peacefully passed away on my chest. She was so peaceful. Exactly a week later, I had developed clots since the placenta had strated to leak a day after Ektaa was born. I almost went into Coma, had pnemonia, reactions to blood tranfusions, etc and it was time for her to come out. We tried so hard to pass every day but the end had come. My bdy had the poison in it from the leakage of the placenta and our younger twins had started to swallow it. So I had to go through a C Section since she was breach and had 5 minutes to deliver her. So didnt even have enough time for the anesthesia to work. She was in NICU for 3 days and her condition went from bad to worse. She passed away in her dad's arms. She suffered a lot being in the NICU for 3 days. I think that was the hardest to see our baby go through all the pain. But I have these wonderful dreams that my GRANDMA is holding them in her arms and telling me 'THANK GOD, THEY ARE IN A BETTER PLACE'. I definitely miss them everyday and remember them everyday. Since I went through all the surgeries it is hard for me to have full term babies anymore, so I am giving my time working with kids who need love and affection. I volunteer with kids who dont have the love and affection form their parents.

[angelbaby]

[Angela,

I was due in Feb 2007 with twins. Itw as an IVF fresh cycle, we put in 6 embreyos. My doc didnt want to put 6, he said I was being agressive, but i refused to listen to him and my hubby. When I found out I was prgrant, the count came very high. The dr said I may be carrying triplets and since I am petite, we may have to go for alternate reductive to have only 2. After 2 weeks of pregnancy I bled a lot and they only found 2 sacs. So I guess GOD made that decision for us since I was never going to choose. In my 19th week of my pregnancy I stated to get major contracttions ehile we were at the movies. I didnt even know what a conraction felt like and called my dr and he saked me to go the ER rightaway. They did numerous tests and said my membranes were out of the cervex. I was so blank that I felt my world had come to an end and couldnt understand a word of what the dr's were saying. The next morning the dr took me in saying that my cervex had opened up and we need to deliver the twins. But he said he may try to puch the sac in from Twin A, and stictch my cervex so we could pull the pregnancy longer. But the chance of the operation being successful was close to 1%. I decided to be awake for the surgery because if my daughters came out I wanted to see them. They also told me to let go of my babies since the chances are very slow. After 4 hours of surgery he was successful in pushing the water bag in and stitched up my cervex and they admitted me in the hospital. he also told me not to be very excited since we are going to take it one day at a time, since the contractions can start anytime and the cervex will open up. I was on complete bed rest in the hospital. I had so many complications while in the hospital but still tried to stay +ve and on the 24th week, 3 days my water back broke and i started to bleed a lot. They delivered twin a (We named her Ektaa) by normal delivery. She was this cute ANGEL Doll. She weighed 1 pound 9 oz. She was so precious. SHe made a small noice when she came out. They were going to get the 2nd twin out and she was not ready to come out, so she did another surclage. But the complication was both the placentas were attached. So they had to keep the placenta from Ektaa too in there. While I was going through the surgery my mom was holding Ektaa. Before they took her away from the OR they asked me and hubby to say bye to her since her lungs were not developed and she may not make it for more than 10 min. When my surgery was over, she was still alive, my hubby held her and they gave her to me. As soon as I gave her kangaroo care, she peacefully passed away on my chest. She was so peaceful. Exactly a week later, I had developed clots since the placenta had strated to leak a day after Ektaa was born. I almost went into Coma, had pnemonia, reactions to blood tranfusions, etc and it was time for her to come out. We tried so hard to pass every day but the end had come. My bdy had the poison in it from the leakage of the placenta and our younger twins had started to swallow it. So I had to go through a C Section since she was breach and had 5 minutes to deliver her. So didnt even have enough time for the anesthesia to work. She was in NICU for 3 days and her condition went from bad to worse. She passed away in her dad's arms. She suffered a lot being in the NICU for 3 days. I think that was the hardest to see our baby go through all the pain. But I have these wonderful dreams that my GRANDMA is holding them in her arms and telling me 'THANK GOD, THEY ARE IN A BETTER PLACE'. I definitely miss them everyday and remember them everyday. Since I went through all the surgeries it is hard for me to have full term babies anymore, so I am giving my time working with kids who need love and affection. I volunteer with kids who dont have the love and affection form their parents.

[baylorbear33]

Angelbaby, wow, you really went through quite an ordeal. Your story gives me confirmation that there is simply no explanation for why some things happen. We work so hard to get pregnant, take care of ourselves, and yet are devasted by such a tremendous loss. It has now been a little over 3 weeks since we lost our twin girls. I am doing better, the tears have subsided unless triggered by something. I think I am still somewhat in shock that it even happened. So many things about my life have returned to "normal" that it's hard to believe that 3 short weeks ago, we were expecting twins. I'm sure this is one of the stages of grief and I just hope that I am dealing with this and not just suppressing it. My DH and I have already started discussing our options for the future. We are in agreement that we want to try FET with our remaining embies; however, we will only transfer one at a time in an effort to avoid a multiple pregnancy since we had such tough time. What's difficult is that our first pregnancy was a result of only one embryo implanting, yet it split and then split again resulting in triplets. It just scares me to death that this could happen again. We had agreed before we started our first IVF fresh cycle that we would only try IVF once. Fortunately we had 3 embryos frozen which gives us the opportunity for FET. If we are unsuccessful, we will begin the adoption process. I think it is wonderful that you have focused your life on helping children. That is a great gift that you give to them each day.

[garfieldtracy]

I feel your pain. We just lost our little one this past Monday (11/17) - his funeral was Friday (11/21). I went in for my 36 week OB/GYN visit - nothing unusual - and there was no heartbeat. They induced me and he was delivered at 8:47 PM (11/17). There is nothing I can say that will make it better - if you hear something that works - tell me - I need it !! I am just keeping as busy as I can - otherwise I just sit and think about him and start crying. I got to hold him both Monday night and Tuesday morning which helped a lot. The problem I have is that he was doing great at week 35 - and when he was delivered he was about 5 lbs. and was 20 in. He would have survived if he was delivered earlier - BUT as the Dr. said there was no reason to even suggest doing that.
Just know that you are in my prayers and I know how you feel.


Take care (or at least do the best you can).
Tracy

[danialpaul1]

don't worry I can understand but the whole world waiting for you, wake up & smile the coffee, you are alive then nothing went wrong !

[marcus]

so sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your twins

[Sunshine1576]

danial, Where is your sensitivity?

[lucymatt10]

Oh! that's so sad. Keep patience and faith on God, It's HIS will. May God give you strength to bear this loss!