I need to sound off and knew just where to come!!!
I have had an almighty argument with my Manager at work about me having to take a couple of days off next week for EC / ET.
Despite the fact that I have been up front with him and kept him informed about when I will need to take some time off, because me going to the Clinic clashes with a member of my Departments holiday, he has asked me to cancel and I am fuming!
The thing that got to me the most was when he said that this was all self-inflicted!
Obviously I wont cancel, but his bully-boy tactics have really got to me! I could scream!
Has anyone ever experienced these sorts of problems before.
Hi Donna...no I've not heard of an employer acting like an a*sehole about this before. Poor you, hardly the supportive environment you'd hope for, is it?
There are loads of way of handling this but you know best how to deal with him, bearing in mind any future time you'll need. I'm not sure how long you want to take but if it's any help, working the day between EC and ET should be possible. If you've a lot of follies then you might still feel a bit bloated but no worse than before you have them taken out. It all depends on how you feel but I've always felt fine the day after, no pain/tenderness etc.
I wouldn't bother responding to his 'self-inflicted' comments, he's right technically as we've all chosen to have tmt but it's extremely callous to say that to someone about to have any kind of medical treatment. He obviously knows very little about it, which is a shame.
How large is the company? if you've a decent HR dept, I'd go and have a quiet chat with them. His behaviour is unhelpful, thoughtless and not likely to make your relationship any better. Would the company support him saying this?? I suspect he'd not say this to a man asking for time off so you've the whole discrimination card up your sleeve too.
The man is ignorant and unfeeling, his loss in life. You've got much more important things to focus on. He is a small player in your world, don't give him more of your time.
Sorry this happened. Carry on with your preparation, not long now! We're all here for you.
What a dickhead he sounds, as Debra says try speaking to your HR dept (I work in HR and can assure you he is treading on very thin ice) or alternatively have a word with your GP who I am sure if you explain the situation will sign you off from EC till after the end of the 2ww - alternatively remember that you can self-certify sickness for 5 days without needing a sick note.
Under no circumstances cancel the tmt, he is a manager and so is paid to manage situations, when for whatever reason he may not have a full complement of staff.
Hi Donna
I agree with the girls. I'm really sorry to hear about your very unsympathetic boss. I think that is really outrageous, and makes me really angry (I'm down regging so I'm extra angry )
I would report him to either his boss or go and have a quiet word with HR. Don't cancel your tmt. How dare he say that you can't have time off because it clashes with a colleague's holiday. I'm really gobsmacked.
Hang in there and lets hope you can get your own back on your boss.
Find out where he lives and order 20 pizzas, 10 curries and 10 chinese meals plus 5 taxis to his address. That will make you feel better!
I am sorry to hear about your problems withy your manager.
I must admit that I did have a similar problem when I did an FET last year, although to be fair the clinic did really mess me about so I could not be clear about when I would go for ET, they changed days at the last minute!
It is very difficult working through treatment especially when you have to take it off as holiday!
I know that it is hard, but as the others say speak to HR and then concentrate on relaxing. I knwo people who have been signed off sick. I'm starting to think that they have the right idea!
Just concentrate on yourself, with any luck you'll be taking loads of time off when you are pregnant!
Donna
So sorry to hear what you had to go through. You must have felt terrified ! Reading your comment I felt hurt for you. As for your manager saying it is "self inflicked" How dare he say such a thing!!! Infertility is an illness, which needs medical attention. Does he have children of his own?? Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. I said a little prayer for you. Hope you feel better, hold your chin up !
Just read your post and, like everyone else, I am fuming !!
What a complete moron. Would he tell a pregnant woman she couldn't have time off to give birth since her condition could be viewed as self inflicted?! I would highly suggest that you start documenting any conversation you have with him and what exactly was said. It may come in handy at a later point. What he should have done was ask the other employee the favor of postponing their holiday (at the company's expense)while you were undergoing a medical treatment.
You should definitely go speak with someone in HR. I think you will find that they are on your side in this matter and should be able to deal with your boss in such a way that you will not get in trouble for going to see them.
I know someone else suggested you might go in between EC and ET but I wouldn't suggest committing to going in the day after EC. I, for one, couldn't stand up straight the day after EC and had to take prescription strength painkillers all day (which made me very tired). I know there were at least one or two others cycling the same time as me that felt really lousy the day after EC as well. You just never know for sure.
Your boss sounds like a complete to$$er!! I am in shock No one should have the right to tell you what to do in these circumstances. I wonder what his wife (if any woman is stupid enough to be married to such a loser) would make of his comments!
I would go to a higher source if there is one and take the issue up with them and by pass him.
Under no circumstances cancel your treatment. There is no telling how you will feel in the days between EC and ET but everyone is different and some feel fine and others are in quite a bit of pain. Either way you shouldn't feel under pressure to go into work as you really need to heal before ET. I would always advocate having as much time to relax and heal as possible. Being infertile is NOT a self-inflicted problem is it?? Having IVF is the only way some of us will get what we desire the most in life and no one should make you feel like it's an inconvenience. Tell him to have a look on this web site and see what we go through before he makes any more decisions like that.
I am so angry for you Donna . I would use a fair few more words if I could to describe your boss but Marcus will evict me off the website!
I hope you sort this out and your boss gets a kick in the NUT'S then he will know a bit of how we feel after EC! Good luck
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
I had the hospital this morning and came in today and my Manager hasn't even acknowledged me. So obviously I am not his favourite person at the moment - shame - he isn't mine either
Had a long chat with DH last night who made me realise that this pathetic little man isn't worth bothering about and that if he decides to take this further, he will be treading on very thin ice! Especially as he backed up his conversation yesterday with an Email saying the same thing. I have logged the conversation / email with HR though, so hopefully yesterdays episode wont get mentioned again (although an apology would be nice, but I wont hold my breath).
You have all been so much help and made me realise that it wasn't me out of order. What would I have done without you all.
Glad you are feeling stronger towards your excuse for a boss and your DH is right, don't waste anymore time on this loser. I can't believe he has backed himself up with an email as well but he has just given you more evidence of his stupidity and cave man attitudes and shot himself in the foot. I hope you do take it further when you feel strong enough to and he gets a reprimand for being an @r$ehole!!!
As for him ignoring you - Tell him to GROW UP!!!
At least you will get some peace and quiet.
Best of luck
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
)
No one should have the right to tell you what to do in these circumstances. I wonder what his wife (if any woman is stupid enough to be married to such a loser) would make of his comments!
