And the fat lady has sung...

[CT_Michele]

Yup, it's over for us. I went to ER this morning. I waited in the waiting room for what I knew was way too long. RE called me in and basically said they have found a total of 4 sperm, non moving. He said he would do retreival if that's what I wanted and would inject whatever they found, but they were giving us virtually a 0% chance of attaining fertilization. RE knows me well, as do many of you, and of course I said I couldn't go down without a fight. I figured maybe one of those non-movers was actually alive, or maybe if the lab kept looking they would find something. So I went into ER, under anesthesia, and RE tried for 40 minutes and could not get a clear line to either of my ovaries. No eggs retrieved. It obviously wasn't in the cards for us.

We are at the end of our journey for now. Unless DH decides he is ok with using donor sperm for an insemination, or that he might be ok with adoption and we magically find the money to do it, then we are going to have an only child.

I am truly blessed to have my miracle little girl Ella. I am just beyond sad that she will never know the joy I knew growing up with siblings. I don't want this to be it, but it looks as though it is.

I am staying out of work until monday. I need to take ganerelix injections to bring down my estrogen, and hopefully ovulating out 20 eggs won't be too uncomfortable. I also need to take care of DH who has been in bed for over 24 hours after an excruciatingly painful third tese. I need a few mental health days too. It's a lot to take in that after so many years and failed attempts for baby #2, that is actually the end of my journey. Heartbreaking.

[Happy Bunny]

I'm so sorry Michele. You fought incredibly hard against some very difficult circumstances. Your courage and determination is amazing. My heart goes out to you and your husband.

I'm sure that the next step, whether it be donor sperm, adoption or staying a trio will become clearer for you once you and your husband have had some time to recover both physically and mentally.

*big hugs*

[Neffi211]

Michele-
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Tears are running down my face while reading your post because I truly know how you feel. The battle for more kids has been such a mess for us too and we have tried all of it....egg donor, sperm donor, donor embryos, and adoption.....and still nothing yet! It is painful to realize that it may be the end of the road and I know your longing to want Ella to have siblings....I feel the same for Jack. But we are blessed to have one and I hope you can be at peace with it someday.

[LYD10]

Michelle - i am so sorry. the road to the 2nd kid has proven very hard for you. for what its worth - i am preparing myself for being happy with just the 3 of us as well. i am trying to focus on the advantages of that - like being able to attend my DS events with both his mom and dad present. i know that's not what we planned - but its soemthing.

i hope you get some rest this week.

[kerpupples]

So sorry to hear this Michele. You and DH really put up the good fight! FWIW, I grew up an only child, and there are definitely some perks if that's the route your family ends up taking. Peace to you.

[LYD10]

So sorry to hear this Michele. You and DH really put up the good fight! FWIW, I grew up an only child, and there are definitely some perks if that's the route your family ends up taking. Peace to you.

Michelle - i also grew up as the only child. and i didnt know what i was missing. i had lots of friends. and supposedly rich imagination from making up games for myself I am trying to find a silver lining here. I've been mentally preparing myself for the reality that my DS will be the only child if, after spending my 40th year trying, i will not be able to give him a sibling.

[Ghost]

Heartbreaking.

Yes, heartbreaking. That is a very disappointing cycle in everything going wrong at once. I suppose the meager consolation is that it gives you some closure to the IVF process.

I'm very sorry I could not help more.

[CT_Michele]

Ghost - You have helped me more than you will ever know. You are right, I am glad I have closure. I am glad I attempted the egg retrieval. I would have always wondered if I didn't try. Thank you for all of your support over the years. I will be back now and again to check on my friends, and of course to say hello to you my dear friend! Who knows what my future holds, but for now I am going to hug my daughter tight, be grateful everyday for what I do have, and get back to my students who I am sure miss me bunches already.

Thank you all for your kind words. I know you ladies truly understand my pain. I have made so many good friends here and I wish you all the best in your journey. May you all be as blessed as me to even get one. Much love to everyone and enjoy your upcoming holiday!

[leorira11]

oh Michele, I'm so sorry.

[Alwaysangel]

My fellow Ct girl, im so sorry!

[sharishu]

Hi Michelle-
It's your August 08 Bump Buddy . Sorry to hear this news. I know you said the fat lady has sung, but still... e.g., my BIL's sister had her second IVF baby at the age of 48. I know your circumstances are totally different, but there are many years ahead for you and hubby, and you never know if feelings will change (re: adoption, donor sperm etc.), technology will change, etc. And of course (like me), you still have your amazing little miracle baby. I myself just had my third in a row IVF fail. Each time that happens, we tear Eliya apart with kisses and love until he says 'No more!!' We are definitely blessed to have such amazing little beings to take care of. I wish you only the very best. My IVF sisters (even though I may not visit here very often) hold a special place in my heart. So mwa, and may you be showered with blessings.

Shari xxx

[SueQiwi]

so sorry to hear the news Michelle. What a disaster! So much drama and disappointment in one IVF cycle. You and DH must be physically and mentally exhausted. I wish it could have worked--it is so unfair--I hope at least this may give you closure. Hug your beautiful daughter close.

[to_have_fun08]

so sorry Michelle. I know you have tried and tried to have the 2nd child. least at this point you know you have pulled out all the stops and done what you can. Give your little girl lots and lots of hugs.

[brit1612]

Sorry to hear this Michelle, that sounds like such a devestating cycle to go through. I remember cycling with you back when you got pregnant with Ella. I finally had a miracle as well, but it took me 6 cycles to get him. We are now starting the journey for number two and I have the same feelings as you. I know we are extremely blessed, but would love to give him a sibling.

You may have already asked your DH about this, but have y'all considered donor embryos / not sperm?? I am only asking because we have male factor as well, and my DH could not be ok with donor sperm. But to my suprise... when I found out about donor emrbyos he was ok with it. Without donor embryos, we would not have our first little miracle boy! I think the fact that we would be in the same position, neither of us bio related to him, it made him more comfortable with the idea. Just a thought. Will be thinking of you and your DH.