Hi everyone -
I'd like to say that things are looking up to give this another try, but after the phone call I had today I really cant say that. Chris was all for another try after we talked and I let that little bit of hope in again. He wants another baby just as bad as I do, but how can you not ask yourself when is it enough? how far can you push ivf with failures before you just cant force yourself to go on anymore?? So Chris wanted an exact number and I called the financial person - and she has no idea what I'm talking about! She said that the only time they drop the fee is if you're cycling again with the same batch of embies. Well, that would be great but there were only 3 and they are gone now. I left a message for the donor coordinator and hope to get a callback tomorrow. In the meantime how can I think of anything else? I am completely amazed sometimes at how much resilience we need to have for this stuff. It seems like it never ends.
Franny - You put it exactly how I feel, most days I say "when it works, thats when its enough". But on a bad day like today, I think "when I just cant force myself anymore". I've gotta say that i'm feeling a bit closer to the latter, especially these past feew days. Boy, its a darn good thing that I did POAS because if not i would have been shocked with my mouth hanging open when she said bfn. I tell you I got back on the flight to come home totally convinced that it would work. Enough about me, I''ve got pom poms ready for your May cycle and I'm going to go beat up your RE if it doesnt work, haha. Have you made any appts to talk to them about these intralipids yet? I love that Gi gave you such a detailed description so you have an idea of what to expect. Oh, wait let me guess, more needles
As long as it works we will take as many needles as it takes, right?
I'm with you on hearing how "perfect" those embies were - it made it hurt so much worse than if he just said nothing. And if we do this madness again? I do NOT want to discuss anything AFTER the valium kicks in. I wasnt thrilled with that timeframe, I wanted to ask more questions, but my brain was swimming through jello by the time I got to talk to him. Oh, the things we learn each cycle - grrr! love you too my friend - xoxo
Libby - I'm with Franny! Please dont feel that way, this is a numbers game ( kind of) and just because ours didnt come up this time doesnt mean we dont want to hear what you've been up to, or thinking, or venting, whining, you know the whole caboodle. Dont ask me where I get words like caboodle, I havent a clue, lol. How are you feeling there mama? I hope that morning sickness hasnt showed its face ( and hopefuly wont!) Please dont stop posting, ok? Like franny I think of you daily too. Ok, thats my limit on mush for today, lol.
Chris _) I thought that too, that trying for a sibling would be a bit easier. It hasnt felt that way for me, all those past bfn feelings just showed up about the same time as I got my schedule and meds. I tried hard to not let it, but those traumas run pretty deep, unfortunately. We will all be here for you when you cycle in July. I've already got my fingers crossed that it only takes you 1 time.
Gi - Thank you honey. I know you're busy, but I miss you so much and when you do post I'm thrilled to see your name again! Its true, these little ones truly were miracles and I think that every single day. Do you think you'll ever attempt a sibling for Miss Kayla? Hi to your mam!- xoxo
Annashope - You have a beautiful way with words and I think you put into words how most of us feel or felt at least during the bad cycles. Isnt it something that you had to go through so much in one year to have your little miracle baby happen by surprise? It makes me wonder sometimes where we are all supposed to end up, you know like is it really random? Or is that old saying true - God laughs when people make plans. I understand how you're worried about all the old cycling fears/ stresses come back, but thankfully we have this place and each other. What an awful thing it would be to go through if we didnt. Whew, I just scared myself thinking that..
Claudia - I was wondering why you were hardly posting. I love how you put it, "your big belly" - you are in better shape than most women preggo or not. You make me dying to know what you've got in there, lol I'm still not sure how you were able to stand the suspense last time of being on Team Green. If it were me, I probably would have begged the sonographer for the answer after your DH left the room - haha. Wow, mama, how has it been almost 20 weeks already?? i'm glad to hear that Ruby is doing just fine and that you're feeling good.
Ronda - Dang, you are busy!! You'll do great with your first 5k run!! So proud of you for signing up! You know me too well Ronda - thats exactly how I think. Like Gina said I'd never want to look back 10 yrs from now and wonder "what if I tried that very last time". You go run your buns off, ok? Even if you dont come in first - its not important, its only important that you tried and took the chance. But I think you'll win
Sheesh - well I'm sending loads of baby dust northwards towards you for tomorrow!! 
