One of my customers from the bank had a sister who was pg upon graduating and had broken up w/ her boyfriend...Well she decided to carry her baby to full-term to giving someone a chance at life. I carried her picture with me that day, the girl in her graduation gown, so pretty with long brown hair. I showed dh her picture and pleading to him let us adopt. It didn't fly with him, only to tell me he sees way too many red flags with this and said we aren't quite there yet but he would consider adoption in the future. So I took my shower that next morning with him and we talked more about adoption, I honestly couldn't let it go. Three days later that same week, I'm just one day late so took a pregnancy test reading positive on the screen...I was in complete shock but crying among disbelief at the same time. We didn't tell anyone until we got the official bloodwork back. We went in for the u/s and got to see the heartbeat flicker for the first time, heartbeat they told me was slow but told me not to worry. They scheduled me to come back in 2 weeks... Doctor reassured me that it would be fine to go on business trip to Chicago but while I was there I wasn't feeling well, remembering one night I stayed in bed and dh brought me in a salad. We got home fine and made it to the doctor for the next appt but we were in complete earthshakering shock b/c this time they couldn't find the heartbeat. I never cried so hard in my complete life.
A precious life within me had died. The baby was measuring 2 weeks behind, and I was laying on the patient bed in complete denial. Dh had to make the decision for me to go through the D&C, honestly that was the worst day of my life. Dh thought it would help us move forward and start again. But I wasn't ready to move forward, this all happened in April 2010 and I didn't go back to the clinic until mid-August. We know everyone deals with grief differently.So eventually we went back to the RE did more testing, we told RE we wanted to give it 6 months to try on our own, stupid mistake. I remember it was near the holidays and my brother and his wife were bringing their IVF baby home. I was so happy for them but felt heartbroken at the same time, (my SIL and I were less then 2 weeks apart in our pg. Ours was a natural miracle while hers was a miracle by IVF.) So I took the plunge and we called the clinic back scheduled IVF in late September and was just devastiated that it was negative. We waited until after the holidays and did the laproscopic surgery in the Spring-you know including the dye test to make sure both tubes were open (dh told me later on RE was shaking his head in disbelief because everything looked textbook perfect.) I went into rage because more then ever I needed a medical diagnosis to find something wrong! So we changed RE to a specialist in Gulf Breeze/ Mobile AL, the director of IVF. I walked in brokenhearted told him our entire journey and broke down. I expected him to tell us to try IVF but he recommended IUI. So did 3 more IUIs with follistim this time. Even took the risk with 7 big follicles on a IUI, but still NOTHING seemed to medically work. So here we are waiting to try IVF once again when dh gets employment straighened out. Maybe this journey has taught me to be strong and determined, maybe in the end we know miracles can happen, but when we see your precious Paul we absolutely know they can!
(Ok that has to be the longest personal ever, please forgive me for taking up the ENTIRE page!)
