please help

[to_have_fun08]

SueQiwi - seek a thearpist. I know several ladies dealing with infertility that have and they really enjoyed the therapy. I know the heartache and the craziness that infertility brings. So many times i thought I was going out of my mind and there was no one to talk to.. NO one got it.. and i know that most of the people that I did talk to were tired of hearing me complain.

[CT_Michele]

Hi Sue,

While I am only 31, I find myself in the same shoes as you, desperately wanting a sibling for my Ella. But we have no sperm left and DH is not ok with donor sperm. I wish I had great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I know I will always want it, and will probably never get it. But what gets me through my days is knowing that I do have Ella. I know exactly how you feel. And all I can do to try and squash those feelings are to pour all of that energy into bringing joy to ella's life.

I don't think you should give up. It sounds like you know what you want to do. Regardless of your decision, I would say make it fast because you don't ever want to look back and regret waiting. In the IVF world, the time is always now.

Counseling is a great idea. I started looking for counselors for dh and I, but most were booked or did not accept our insurance, and we just didn';t have time. But, since dh lost his job a few weeks ago and I will be out for the summer in less than a month, counseling will be a top priority for summer vacation this year.

Good luck...I wish you all the best.

[SueQiwi]

So I made an appointment to see my Dr on Tuesday. I want to know if he thinks I should try again or if they will even let me go again at age 43. I want to know if the miscarriage is bad sign or if getting pregnant so recently is a good sign. Maybe my eggs are just too old. I am so scared he is going to tell me to give up. I will be crushed. But I suppose it would be better to cut me off, if this is just going to be another failure and $12,000 more down the drain! I feel so bitter about the whole thing keep thinking about how i should have been happily pregnant still right now.

[LYD10]

Sue - I am glad you are seeing the doctor again. I wish the cycles weren't as expensive... Because at our age it is a numbers game. Some eggs are good, some not. But if you keep trying - and transfer all the enbies you get each cycle - you have a shot. But it is expensive - emotionally too.

I only had 2 embryos work out of the 17 embryos I transferred altogether. The last cycle I started out with twins and one stopped at same times as yours. So if I only transferred two I would have had the same outcome as yours. It's a numbers game. Sucks that it is so expensive.

[Cookie43]

Sue
So sorry for your loss. Im sure words cant describe....

I am in Sydney. We have a lot of clinics here and cash price is 5000 cheaper than the price you quote per round.... I don't know what your situation is but it might be worth exploring as airfares are so cheap. Maybe you know someone here? ... I too am 43 and I am a firm sceptic of statistics. I have just done my first ivf transfer on round 1. I intend to keep going if it comes to that. It is a lottery to find the good eggs, but i have got lots of friends who gave only just turned 40 and they have had little luck with ivf so I think it depends on the individual.

I am a big believer in therapy.

Keep us posted and don't give up.
Cookie43

[SueQiwi]

Hi Cookie--thank you so much for the tip on Australian IVF prices. Do you know if those prices are for everybody? Or do you need Australian Medicare coverage? (New Zealand citizens can't get Medicare unless we shift to Oz). Could you tell me the name of a good clinic over there and I will follow-up and find out! It sure would be nice to be paying less and also have a few more choices. My clinic has the monopoly here in New Zealand. You do it their way--or not at all!

I've got everything crossed for you!! I hope you get your positive right away and get off this crazy rollar coaster with your dear baby. I will be thinking of you.

[Cookie43]

I think that's the price for the treatment. If you were covered under Medicare you'd get about half of that back. Have a look at IVFAustralia.com.au. That's the clinic I am using. I'd give them a call and ask....worth a call xox good luck.

[SueQiwi]

I am heartbroken all over again. We had decided to try one more IVF and I was just waiting to start my cycle. Well my period never showed up and believe it or not--I was actually pregnant!

This was just so crazy and unbelievable after years of trying and all our problems--to get a natural pregnancy at age 43 was a miracle! I have never had a spontaneous pregnancy in my entire life. But I never really had a chance to feel happy or lucky as I felt immediately scared to death and paranoid of another miscarriage as this was only 2 months on the heals of the other.

And sure enough I started to spot and the worry was all-consuming. I had my scan at 7.5 weeks and the sack was measuring 4 days behind and only a faint heartbeat. And today I went for a follow-up scan at 8.5 weeks and the sack had grown, but the baby hadn't and no heartbeat. I am just gutted all over again.

It all feels so surreal as it all just happened again. And I never told anybody I was pregnant this time as I was too paranoid to "jinx" it and did not want to have to tell everybody the bad news all over again like last time. But now I am feeling incredibly alone and only wish I had told the people that matter so I can get some support now that it is all gone wrong.

I am just waiting to miscarry now and am so very sad.

[leorira11]

Sue- I'm so so so sorry. I'm also waiting to miscarry now. It's awful.

<big big big hugs>

[to_have_fun08]

Big (((HUGS))) to both of you.. I know there isn't much we can say that will help.. Just know we are here for you to vent, cry.. whatever you want to do. I don't know why life has to be so unfair.

[kerpupples]

Oh Sue...I was SO thrilled to read of your natural pregnancy and then so devastated to read of the m/c. I know what it's like waiting aroung for that m/c to happen....it's horrible. Big hugs to you.

[LYD10]

Sue - I am so sorry! the only time i ever got pregnant naturally - it was a chemical. it sucks!

[Cookie43]

Sue
That's awful.
Be good to you - massages, baths, etc.
Then, when you are ready, think about your next step
Hugs