Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[LauraN]

Kynlee- vaginally

And sorry, i can't remember who asked, but yes, this was our first donor egg cycle. We will use as many of the frozen embryos that we need to, assuming some make it, but we will not do any more fresh cycles, even donor.

[Tiger04]

Blueeye – YES, that’s the book I was thinking about…I think I need to read it! So, are you going to POAS? Really cheering for you! This is going to be your cycle!!

Ninde – sizes look good! At 20, I would say they will absolutely trigger you tonight!!

Kynlee – I totally agree. I think DH is so nervous that something will happen because it’s still early that he might get more into it as time goes by! How are you doing? My U/S was vaginally and man they were in there for 30 minutes!

LauraN – congrats on being PUPO!!!! So exciting!!! Can’t wait to hear how many make it to freeze! I’m sure you will have good ones!

[BRMommy2B]

Question for you all. Trying to remember what the er day is like. Do I need to get someone to keep my 2 year old that day? Will I be able to walk around and pick her up? Hubs will be there but she is a Mommy's girl, so if I can't hold her she prob needs to be in a different house from me!

[Sunshine1576]

BRMommy- I remember ER where they wheelchaired me outside to dh's truck, felt groggy and unable to hold down much of anything, slept most of the afternoon. I would recommend someone watching her so she won't be confused or upset.

LauraN- Congratulations on officially being PUPO, let the countdown begin! Are you doing the progesterone suppossies or shots this time around?

Nicole- I totally agree I cannot wait to get this girl out of our store so I can go back to a stress-free environment!

Yesterday she and her boyfriend came parading in announcing to us they are having a girl and going out for dinner to celebrate. I thought yep they barely have two dimes to rub together and most likely they will be celebrating at McDonald's. She and her boyfriend are moving in with his mom the end of the month to help cut back on funds, which they have NO idea how lucky they are to have someone willing to help them. When I came into work this morning in the stockroom there was a pink babytub and a snoozing pink tummybear (you know the one that sounds like the mom's womb). Yes I work with a bunch of women so this is come to be expected but they could be considerate even a little of how it made me feel depressed, everytime I walked into the stockroom today I was reminded. (I thought about taking a oversized coat and covering everything up or better yet telling the coworker to take them out to the car but then I remembered she doesn't have a car, her licensed was suspended and her boyfriend takes her to work and picks her up. I did point out to the other assistant how thoughtful it was of her and she laughed and said she gets a kick out of buying babystuff and told me each week she'll probably have her a prize. I was like a prize for what? The coworker calls this pregnancy a mistake, but I guess everyone there is excited for her (probably more then she is) so she's going take advantage of everyone and let them spoil her, but please I ask them ONE small favor do it when I am off or at least not around me. *I thought I had came to accept her pregnancy, maybe it would be easier if I knew she was happier about it and being a mother is something she really desired.* Instead she's going to milk it for everything she'd got and take advantage of whomever she can including federal assistance which explains why she's not marrying the guy she's with. I asked another coworker today how does the last name work for the baby if she's not married to him. I know he would be responsible for child support but who's last name would the baby have and how would that make any guy feel if she couldn't name the baby after the father's last name. Goodness she's a nightmare. I do chitchat occasionally with her, thought about even painting her something related to owls for her nursery but then it probably would be something she wouldn't know how to appreciate. sigh but then again the giftcard was my orginally idea for the shower I probably won't even attend.

Later today the pg coworker asked me to help her at the register and I did but she got mad because she felt I took over? What happened another customer walked up as she saw me explaining the $ difference the customer would save using the calculator and so pg coworker walked over to try and help the other customer. She has a short temper and told our customer that we couldn't do a price adjustment because she don't have the merchandise with her, but she HAD the receipt. I ended up handling everything and I had a talk with the coworker in the back before she went home. Of course she blamed her lack of patience with people on her hormones. Dh knows how depressed I am and tells me I should find another job somewhere else just so I don't have to put up with her crap anymore. But I told him I do enjoy what I DO at work and she is the ONLY immature person I have to put up with so I'm not going to leave. I worked way to hard to get where I am, but at the same time I need to be moving forward with our IVF plans. He reminded me last night as soon as it stops raining long enough the surveyer will come out and we get our mortgage refinanced and reapply for the IVF loan. I'm so tired of standing still but what else can I really do. I know reading this I sound ridiculous and enough is enough. It's crazy how absorbed I get but it's eatting me up inside and I pray at night to keep my sanity (which helps) but then I go through another day working with her and I find myself miserable all over again. Thank you for letting me vent once again tonight AND more then anything I need someone to tell me STOP reflecting on the past! Grrrrr I must hiberate somewhere, our 13th wedding anniversary is coming up 8/27 and one who is usually creative on ideas I have become numb and cannot even think right now.

[blueeyedreamer]

Christy, do you have a counselor to help you work through all of this? I think it would be really great if you did. You have a lot that you are trying to deal with and it really seems to be taking its toll. I'm really happy that you have this group to vent to because we all can understand at least some of how you feel. I'm wondering if it would be good to have a person to help you learn some strategies to get through those painful moments at work. I don't see anything wrong with asking for celebrations, gifts, etc to take place without you. They know your situation and should be respectful of both of you.

BRMommy, you should not be responsible for children the day of ER. You will likely be in pain and should not be lifting anything or have a child crawling over you. It sometimes helps to really think about what they are doing to you when planning for the rest of the day. It sounds harsh to say that you will have a needle pushed through your vagina in order to stab your ovaries and suck out eggs, but it does help to visualize what you will realistically be able to manage. I hope that doesn't gross you out. Sometimes I have to be really blunt with my dh and say things like that

Kynlee, you're welcome!

[Ninde]

Hi ladies now some ti e to respond!!

Always: congratulations that is truly wonderful and you deserve this so much. Im not sure on the measuring but i presume you go with the ivf dates?

Pocos: I nearly cried when I read your post. How awful for you that people make those kind of comments. Im with the other ladies and feel that you may put yourself under more pressure by saying you dont want children because when you get pregnant it may get difficult. If you dont want to speak openly about the difficulties of getting pregnant (which is your absolute right) then I would be inclined to say something like "when we are blessed with them" that should stop people being so blase about it. Its horrible though, really horrible. Im asking arch angel michael to be with you with his fiery sword x

Tiger: you have really reminded me of the importance of realizing that we all communicate our emotions differently and as women we seem to value the verbal but that other ways are as valid so thank you for that.

Nicole; thanks for the title of the book - I've just ordered it from amazon. Im so sorry about your neighbors. I remember you me to ed about writing a card. Im also glad the two ladies are mother g you when is your beta?

LauraN: congratulations pupo lady!! How are you today?

Kynlee: my 7 week was vaginally

bRMommy: I love Nicole,s image!!! I definately think get help that day and the day afte. I find the seco d day awful

Christy: I honestly do not know what to say about your co-worker. Several adjectives come to mind but none of them helpful so I'll be good!! I know like any pregnant woman she has the right to be pregnant and act it in front of us but we also have the right to be hurt by all the blatent awful things she is saying and doing. My concern though is that you are being far more impacted by this than she is and your stress levels are really going up by it. Would it be possible to draw a boundary around yourself before going I to any space where she will be? Just do it in your mind and ask for the protection you need in keeping this boundary strong? Its not to keep out relationships its to keep you safe from all of the negativity and stress. Let me know if you feel you coukd do that and I'll strengthen your boundary with some reiki distance healing. Im really sorry this is happening

Madam x: how are you?

Waiting kay: everything good?

Afm: the clinic had me coast last night. So im just on the nasal spray to stop ovulation and i finish that at 6 tonight. I trigger tonigh, collection on Monday at 8.45am with only 4 I think by coasting me they are hoping the 17 and 15 grow a bit without my losing the other two 20s. I think had I had a few more to play with they may have triggered last night. Our last cycle saw a few more follicles but only 5 eggs. 4 fertilised with two making it to two day transfer so our quality isnt great. Im worried that with on,y 4 follicles are egg count will obviously be small but im really hoping if they get 4 the quality will be better with fewer nights of stimms and fertilisation will see all of them through. What do you think?

Ninde

Patricia

[Sunshine1576]

Ninde- I thought for sure they would have you triggering tonight, yet they need as many follicles as they can possibly get to help better the chance for several making it to fertilization. An extra day or two can make a big difference on egg retrieval, let your faith carry you the rest of the way. I will be praying as well.

Thank you for your support during this time and I do need to find some sort of boundary. Last night before falling asleep I thought to myself what if all of this could go away, or at least find a way to make none of this even matter and then I could find myself feeling normal once again. I long for the day to tell them I'm pregnant once again and I know it's not going to happen if I keep being passive and waiting for something to happen.

Blue- As for the counselor it wouldn't be a bad idea...Dh and I are both disillussional (msp) and can be dramatic at times and then at the next moment everything is okay but it goes back and forth. We call each other throughout the day and even when I while I was writing this he called me to check on me. He asked if I was working with the girl today, I said no she is actually off today. Last night dh went out with the guys from work (the college with his cutback in 2013) and they went out drinking and I thought that cannot be a good mix. He doesn't drink much, but with his job cutback and hanging out with people who are safe and secure in their job I did worry about him until he got home. Maybe his division can provide a good support system, I know several of them are concerned about his well-being. But at the same time he often compares himself to them and that's when he gets depressed. He tells me he has a good life insurance policy but I tell him he has no idea how many people this would effect. People who do those kind of things have NO idea what they are doing to their loved ones! I know him so well, he needs to be reminded his job is not his life AND his life is far more precious then the air I breathe.

[Ninde]

Christy: what is msp? If your dh is mentioning life insurance then I think he probably does need to see someone, no one says that sort of stuff easily and he sounds very depressed. Definately reminding him he is more than his job would be good. None of us are in a constant state so i wouldn't let that stop you from working with a therapist

ninde

[Waitingkay]

We - Congrats, your girls are amazing! This must be the happiest time for you guys and I'm so happy for you. Your road did succeed this time around and you are a true inspiration to success after a previous loss and many, many cycles of heart ache. I wish you and your family the very best, keep in touch!

Jayne - Hi, nice to get to know you too. My status is just as my signature, only now after our 7th cycle (5th fresh) I'm pregnant again - 7 weeks 5 days. I still don't feel it's easy enough for me to write a BFP and add a ticker because we have been so close once before and lost at a very late stage. Right now we are extremely careful and don't even let anyone know. Ppl always mean well but I'm afraid if they hear we are pregnant again I'll start hearing advices with a hint of THIS should have helped you keep the baby also last time. How about you?

Kynlee - Thank you so much for this yummy recipe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beets are on my shopping list for this week, can't wait, only talking about it makes me hungry for the 10th time today

LauraN - Congrats on being PUPO! Enjoy this time, and vent to us when the 2WW starts being a pain.

Blue - How are you?

Always - I'm just so thrilled for you. I remember your BFNs, I'm excited and happy for you and so relieved to see again how this process, as hard as it is, can really give us our dreams. Enjoy every minute of it.

Ninde - I am crossing everything for you. I'm going to think of you and pray and send the best vibes ever. Just like Kynlee said, you only need one good one. And right now you have more than that - try to believe in them even if I know the games this process is playing with your mind. Easier to stay optimistic during the stims, and then loose it just a little before ER. Use everything you have to stay calm, and if it helps you - follow every stupid advice you ever heard. I for instance, never wear perfume on ER nor ET day because the smell is said to bother the eggs. I'm sure our RE would laugh if I told him. I also had fresh pineapple every day for at least a week (pieces of, not a whole one because it may get acid and they do cost) after transfer. It helped me get the feeling I was doing everything in my power.

Sunshine – I really understand your feelings about your colleague. I think that your DH surely wants to protect you when he suggests you take another job. But to be totally honest I think that finding ppl who are both immature and insensitive to ours and other types of pain is easy and the safe environment a job you kept for a long time, plus your position you worked hard to get is your safety net in a lot of the insecurity in both your lives at the moment. I am so sorry to hear you worry for your DH, and if you can – do try and convince him to see someone. You two just have a hard period of time and once you cross it he'll look brighter at everything including finding a new job. My hubby had numberless panic attacks at the time after our loss July last year and I used all my love and my preterm labor hormones to take care of him. In retrospect, this has drained me and I wish I'd insisted more he sees someone because it created a build up of anger and took us a while to return to being a rock for each other as well as sharing and being still, a family of two for so long. Hugs.
Tiger – our next U/S is on Wednesday, so we'll know more then. Truly, you shouldn't worry about bleeding, in most cases the vanishing twin happens without pain and most women never even find out they ever did carry a fraternal twin. About your DH, like Kynlee I agree he sounds rather typical to me…they respond very differently than us and him fixing the bathroom without you nagging him? For us that'd be the day.

AFM – My famous SIL. 9 years younger than me, the one who conceived an oops baby against her husband's (DH's middle brother) wish on their honeymoon and has constantly been competing against me even when I was nobody worth competing. I struggled long to at least tolerate her presence even after she said stuff like "women who can't have babies should give up trying when they're 32 max" – knowing what we went/go through. So we went out all four of us on Friday and they told us she's pregnant again. Her little girl is 19 months old and DH's brother had the varicocele repair as a teenage boy so they have no trouble with it. She's 10 days behind me now. I'm so afraid of her competing me now…I already lost so much and the last thing I need during this pregnancy is the vicinity of a family member who I never totally trust. We haven't told anybody we're pregnant yet, they told everyone and she hasn't even seen a HB yet – not that she needs to because everything is so problem free for them in this aspect. I can't totally put my finger on it, but it all bothers me. It bothers me that I have lovenox lumps and bruises, and I will need a cerclage just in case, and PIO just in case, and will be in bed restfor many moths – just in case when she'll get her second pregnancy of flaunting her big belly around family gatherings and preparing for birth when we will still be worried because for us the worry starts so late into pregnancy. It just took me by surprise, so do excuse me all for venting.

[jayne321]

Kynlee and LaurenN~ Thanks for the cream idea. Here's the funny thing. My husband is a surgeon and I asked him if he would write me prescription for it and he said, "we have that stuff in my office". I was like... "were you going to tell me about it"? In his defense, I'm a nurse and I've never used it to give an IM shot to a patient. I will definitely try it. Thanks for the head's up. We both work with really sick patients so a little pain with an IM shot is probably their last concern or they are in a coma and have no clue what's going on. And the funny thing is... IM shots are hardly ever given in the hospital setting anymore because everyone has an IV.

Alwaysangel~ Yay for heart beat. What great news.

Tiger04~ No headaches. Just ovarian pain but not too bad. I love your story about your DH. When I was pregnant with my son, I often wondered how excited my husband was and the moment he was born, my DH totally started crying after he was born. I have only seen him cry 3x since I have known him. It was nice to see him so relieved that our son made it here safely. Your DH will come around. These men are strange creatures.

Nicole~ sorry to hear about your neighborhood. My mom passed from ovarian cancer so I'm always extra sensitive when I hear someone passed from it. 31 is way too young. Very sad. Hope you are hanging in there.

Ninde~ I'm thinking of you my stimming buddy. We are about the same (see below). You are probably a day ahead of me.

LaurenN~ Congrats on the transfer.

Sunshine~ so sorry about the co-worker. No fun. Yes, maybe a therapist may be nice to talk through some of these emotions with someone. Would your DH be willing to go with you?

Waitingkay~ oh my. 7 cycles. I can definitely understand your hesitation. Congrats on being pregnant. I can completely understand your need to vent about your SIL. My SIL is nice and normal and it still bugs me that she gets pregnant easily, has great pregnancies and then loses her weight within 2 months. Ugh.

AFM~ another follie check this morning. 5 follicles ranging from 18-20 (my lowest count yet)... little bit of a sad face. I will do one more night of stims and I go back for another U/S tomorrow. I will probably trigger tomorrow night and do ER on Tuesday.

[annashope]

Sunshine I read your post and it took me back to a time not long ago at all when I was in the exact same situation. You have every right to be upset and nothing we tell ourselves really helps except for achieving what we want which is having a baby. 2010 was like that for me. My co-workers were all ending up pregnant as were my siblings and constantly were in my face about it and I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I think the very best thing you can do is to tell the girls at work to keep all of the baby stuff away from you. I too tried to deal with the pain and told myself that every pregnant person deserves to have their moment but sometimes it was just too much and people should be considerate of other's pain. For me it was my sister in law that made the process sooooooo painful. DH and I started trying before she and my brother were even married and all of the sudden time flew by and they were preggers and we were struggling with IF. She constantly posted pictures of her pregnant belly (like 160 of them at a time) and everyone showed me what they were buying her and she had 3 baby showers and even once the baby was born she would post 15-20 pics of my nephew a day on facebook and have my whole family talk about how wonderful kids are and how they are the meaning of life and I had to put all of them in their place. It is ok to be selfish a little. I feel infertility (for me) was like any other disability and I could not understand why with every other disability people have to be so PC but with infertility there is just no compassion. I literally told every family member and friend what I needed from them and what I expected....I did not attend baby showers for friends, or co-workers or even family. I took a relaxing nature walk every day and meditated and prayed over my goals and dreams. Most importantly we can't make ourselves feel good about a situation that makes us feel bad. Dh and I were very depressed before Paul came along and even mentioned our life insurance but in the end we had to remind ourself that we didn't want to die...we wanted a baby and we would have one no matter what.
I am soooo sorry you are going through this pain and I remember it all too well but just know that sometime soon you WILL BE pregnant again and will have a perfect little baby and life will be better. Please feel free to vent anytime because honestly I remember it was the only thing that helped me get through each day---talking about it. PM me anytime if you need. Hugs

[blueeyedreamer]

Annashope- I want to give you a standing ovation for how you stood up for yourself. I wish we all could be so strong.

Jayne- good luck with the follies!

Kay- wtf! She said that. Geesh. I'm 3 years over my limit.

Kynlee- I love beets. I grew them in my garden this year.

Patricia- good luck triggering! Will be thinking of you!

AFM, doing well. Hanging in there. I am 7dp3dt and 12 days past trigger. I think the trigger should be out by now. I'm getting light bfp and am being cautiously optimistic. I tried testing the trigger out and never got a complete bfn, but did get very, very light and now they are getting easier to read. Keep your fingers crossed. I feel the same as every other time with bfp. I'm not going to fully trust it yet. Beta is on Thursday.

[leorira11]

Hi all -

Patricia asked where I had disappeared to - sorry for vanishing! I've definitely been stalking, just not posting.

Does anyone want to take over the list? Just so you know - every list mistress I've had in all my years here has moved on to the 'pregnant after treatment' group!

Congrats on all the BFPs! This board has been on a roll!

Jayne and Patricia - good luck on ERs coming up!

Nicole - BFP looks great! I hope this is the one!

Christy - I'm so sorry about all the drama with your pregnant co-worker. My co-worker just came back from maternity leave and is the least sensitive person in the world. It drives me nuts. She also seems to think that taking time off for things her kid needs (doctor's visits, etc) is much more important than my IVF/doctor's appointments, which drives me nuts! I ditto what people say about a therapist/counselor. If you can, find someone with experience dealing with couples/women dealing with infertility. I found a therapist who specializes in IF, and it's great because she "gets" a lot of things our regular couple's counselor doesn't.

Kay - I'm doing a cerclage too - so PM if you want to talk about it. For some reason, I'm really nervous about the surgery!

LauraN- congrats on being PUPO! Are you POAS?

AFM - I'm doing fine! Baby is measuring a few days behind, but I'm trying not to worry about it. I now have THREE WEEKS until my next scan! I can't believe regular women go through their whole pregnancy with only one or two u/s - I'm so nervous about what's going on in there!

My symptoms are pretty reassuring - so I hope all is going well. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that we'll actually bring a baby home in February. Seems too crazy to be real...

[leorira11]

also - come find me on facebook! PM me and I'll send you my "real" name

[Ninde]

Morning ladies

Nicole: I know you are being cautiously optimistic but yay fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you

Waiting kay: thank you for your kindness, you said some lovely things. Yes, I dont care who laughs I dont wear anything perfumed on er or et days, I remember my re told me the embryos dont like it can you tell me how much pineapple you ate, I bought a couple of fresh ones. My gosh what an insensitive woman your sil is. I dont get resentful of others being pregnant but i sure as help do when someone is pregnant and insensitive. How much will you have to see her. Was she at least good to you in your losses? You have always struck me as a kind and generous woman and you dont deserve such brutal treatment x

Jayne: we are very close!! I hope we both have more eggs than they think how are you feeling?

Anna: its lovely to hear from you

Leora: hey isnt it amazing how 'usual pregnancies ' can take so much for granted?!

Everyone else: see my earlier posts to you all

Afm: triggered last night. Just so pleased to be off the menopur! So today I'll do some work because I'll be pretty useless for tne next 2 days. I decided to take nearly 10 days off, not so much for be rest just so im able to focus on not getting stressed trying to be in too many places

Ninde