Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[blueeyedreamer]

We haven't talked about our fet yet. I'm not going to rush into it. I want to have a consult about RPL so we can be proactive.

[Sunshine1576]

Patricia- I woke up thinking about you this morning, the house was so peaceful listening to the rain fall. Even my eyes was all teary thinking about your terms of acceptance. I understand there comes a time when we have to accept things for what they are, I know it's not easy I'm even having trouble accepting it.I have to respect it's a personal decision but we all only want the best for you. If you can honestly can say "you gave this your very all, and someday you won't be looking back asking what if"...then maybe that is the point of knowing "enough" is really enough. Regardless you do need answers to move foward and maybe your RE can provide you and dh some insight, I really hope so. X

Nicole- Again I am so sorry to hear the beta news, what do they think happened? I hope running will bring you help ease the frustration with this journey, I am always here for you too.

Annashope- Thank you, It's been terribly hard to get this financing all figured out but know it will be all worth it in the end. We got the appraisal back on the house today and our property is valued 25,000 less then what we paid 4 years, meaning we would have to bring more to the closing table (around 18,000 to finance for a 2.85 IR, in order to cut our payments down so I don't think the refi is going to fall through.) Also we paid off dh's truck on August 13th yet it takes 30-60 days for it to show on the credit burreu. I need them to speed things up, maybe I'll give it one full month and then reapply... That would be next week. How are you doing these days?

Jayne- I'm thinking of you and I'm wishing you a good beta tomorrow, yes we are longing for some good news on this thread. I really want this to bring us some hope that miracles can still happen. Besides that you deserve to give your child a sibbling so don't you ever feel guilty for venting.

AFM: After work this evening I met a good friend (from 4th grade) who comes down from Alabama every summer. We had dinner tonight at a local seafood restaurant I had been wanting to try at The Boatyard on Panama City Beach. Dinner was really good, grilled mahi-mahi seasoned to perfection-- but it was A wonderful treat catching up with her. Hopefully I can talk her into staying a few more days down here will see! (P.S. I'm always so full of hope, I guess that is just the way I'm wired.)

[Ninde]

Kynlee: thank you. No we never have frosties so it would be fresh.

Christy: again, thank you. I dont think i could ever say "enough" I may just have to say we can do no more. And the same goes for regrets. But we just dont have unlimited time or money and that's what makes it all so much harder. I honestly feel that sometimes decisions we make we arnt 100% happy with but that doesn't mean that means they are the wrong ones, it just means they are the best we can make with what we currently have. And I absolutely know you want what's best for me and whilst I think that's a baby/babies, the universe doesn't seem to be in agreement. Did you manage to talk your friend into staying a bit longer?

Nicole: what is rpl? And how are you doing? Are you physically in pain? You keep going through my mind x

Jayne: best of good luck today

Ninde

[Waitingkay]

Sad difficult day. After praying and resting and eating best I could, the very little twin caught up. I started bleeding today and wasn't too nervous about it because we had our U/S scheduled for today anyways. I worried mainly for the twin. Well they are both okay, and the bleeding seems to come from nothing even if when I now got back home I see it is stronger, almost like period. Then our high risk picked up the phone and consulted for just a few moment with another doctor. The verdict was, both twins are okay. If we want this pregnancy to last they believe there is zero to nearly nonexistent chance we can make it with both babies. He said we will absolutely have to do selective reduction. I'm heart broken. I don't think we can eventake the chance with second opinions because if we choose what to listen to and then end up loosing 2, when our last late loss was too hard I truly don't think we will ever be okay with it. When we left the clinic I honestly thought if I could give this little soul of a baby to you Ninde or to you, Nicole. Why give me 2 when I can't keep them both and will be forced to actively reduce one? How can an IVF wanna be a mom ever reduce a healthy baby? What is wrong with this world?

I'll try and write more to all of you later. I am in shock now, that my little one did everything I asked him/her to and caught up and I'll need to take him away. Myself. So much pain.

[to_have_fun08]

waitingkay - My heart just broke for you.. I am sorry, this is unfair..
I know you had PTL before but is there something they could try if you decided to keep both. I can't imagine how hard this is but in the end, when you do have a healthy baby at home, maybe just maybe it won't seem so bad.

[Waitingkay]

To_have_fun - Thank you so much. It is a terrible time for us. We don't really know what has caused the PTL and my history is so mixed up. The IVF is due the the sperm issues, we never thought there was anything with me. I did have a minor cervical procedure a few years back but they didn't seem to think it was because of the cervix. I had an amnio done 2 weeks before I started bleeding at 21 weeks. A week later came contractions and only then did I start to dilate - with IC women arrive totally dilated to the hospital. Afterwards when they found out I had APS it seemed very easy for all docs to suddenly say it was probably the APS, but let me have a cerclage (vaginal stitch not an abdominal) but just as a safety measure. What i fail to understand logically, isn't there any way I could be put on strict bed rest for 4 months and save them both? I have heard of ladies who carried twins to term with a vaginal stitch even after a history of a late loss due to IC? Also I know the APS is under control even with twins when I use lovenox and aspirin. Then again the less logical thoughts. I'm so involved with the ladies here, and with what it means to be crushed again at a late age with a BFN with no baby at home. I think it is not okay to kill a baby that there is nothing wrong with. Wrong for the baby and so VERY WRONG WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY LADIES WHO WOULDN'T HAVE ANY ISSUE TO CARY THEM BOTH.

[kerpupples]

Kay - oh my goodness. I don't envy your position one bit. I know you are afraid to make a choice but I almost feel like you owe it to yourselves to explore any option you may have to keep both those babies if possible. I think it will save you much anguish in the long run. Then again, what do I know? You'll be in my thoughts.

Jayne (Amy) - beta today, right? I'm about 95% sure this will be a c-section. I had one with my daughter due to a previa, and the only way I'll attempt a VBAC is if these two become extremely cooperative and both turn vertex. Right now they are both breech.

Christy - we are still wavering between Graham and Bruce for the boy. Sort of leaning back towards Bruce.

About to head off to my last scheduled OB appointment. I almost went in to l&d last night - was having some pretty decent contractions. Drank a bunch of water and they stopped.

[leorira11]

Kay - one of the only things that helped keep my sanity during all of our eSETs was that I knew they would never let me carry twins again and we would have to reduce if I got pregnant with two. I'm so so so sorry that you are in this position. If you want, I can put you in touch with a woman who lost IVF twins to IC and then carried another set of IVF twins full term. But then again, you can talk to me about losing twins and how high risk a twin pregnancy can be. I'm so sorry that you are in this position. They don't know what caused my pPROM in the first twin pregnancy and told me I'd be fine, even with twins again. But I wasn't....

And what's most awful of all, is they probably want to make you wait now until the end of the first trimester (so you don't risk reducing, and then losing the second one too). I wish I could give you a giant hug right now.

[to_have_fun08]

Kay - I can't believe you have to make this decision. I can't imagine how hard it would be if you lost both especially after your last loss, but would you get over selective reduction. I am not for or against selective reduction.. i know each and every person has a different story, so i don't judge. I know you don't have a lot of time to get a second opinion but deep down I think you need to get one. see what another dr has to say. get a cerclage, take the drugs, do bed rest for ever and ever. Ya never know what might happen.

[jayne321]

Kay~ That is so difficult. Were you hoping the bleeding was one of the twin's vanishing so you weren't faced with this difficult decision? When would you have to make the decision?

Amy~ those babies of yours are cracking me up. They are having a party in your belly at your expense. They are naughty already. I guess they like to cuddle.

Ninde~ your comment on the other board about stealing a baby totally inappropriately made me laugh out loud. It was so funny to me.

AFM~ blood work is in. I felt really good about the whole thing until I actually sent the blood and somehow it made me nervous. My stimulation is worse. More fluid, ovaries are bigger. They offered to tap me but I really want to hold off if possible. Hoping and praying for a good number.

[kynlee]

Kay- OMG I am in tears right now I dont even know what to say nor would i know how to handle this situation... Can you try to put a emergency call into another Clinic or OB to get there opinion, I never heard of this but most of the things i have learned from my IVFjourney I would not have know about if I had not been here... My heart is breaking for you and your DH there are no words I can say to make it easy... This decision is definitely a difficult one, I am praying super hard for your situtation and hoping God can reverse this and make a huge miracle happen... Sending you a huge hug from RI

[Ninde]

Waiting kay: oh dear God I didnt think it was possible to have worse news this week. Im so unbelievably and unable to relate just how sorry I am. Of all the possible outcomes I know Noone saw this coming. Your suggestion of complete bed rest - is there no way that is an option? Kay, whatever you decide to do you bear absolutely no responsibility for this impossible choice. I know you said "killing a healthy baby" is wrong but please dont think of it like that - you didnt choose this, you could never choose this. And in the midst of it all you were even able to spare a thought for myself and Nicole, my god, you are incredible. I have no words but i have the deepest of compassion for yourself and your husband at this time. I have no idea on any level what you must be going through but I am heartbrokenly sad for you.

Im pm-ing you my contact details, if I can help in any way I will. Oh a gra, im so sorry

Ninde

[jayne321]

And the number is 305. Any thoughts?

[Ninde]

Jayne: my thoughts are that's a terrific beta. Congratulations Are you concerned about something?

Ninde

[andsahsa]

Kay,

There are no words that could possiably describe what you are feeling right now! Please know that I don't know you and your husband but you have a wonderful group of women on-line that pass no judgement, just love and compassion. Please don't feel alone!! Please know my thoughts, prayers and love are with you and your husband.

Pauleen