Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[Ninde]

Nicole: oh that must have been very hard, this is so bloody tough. So many take it for granted and for us its almost impossible. How is your physical level of pain?

Christy: this co worker is really breaking your heart isnt she? And its awful your boss isnt dealing with it proactively. And by not she is actually letting a bad atmosphere develop between you all. Im sorry, you have had a really stressful year and you dont need this. And then the feeling of time going by is very tough. Im really thinking of you and im sending some "get off your hard ass" vibes to your co-worker!!

Afm: I woke early this morning and for the first time let the fact that i will be 41 in a month in. Im really wondering if its a good idea even if we had the money to do another ivf because of the escalating risk if i were to get pregnant. We have our wtf meeting this ti e where at least this time I cant be told my embryo quality was bad so maybe they will have a suggestion but i doubt it. We may go to another clinic for their opinion and maybe some tests and then make a decision.

Ninde

[WeHaveHope]

Ninde-my heart goes out to you. I completely understand your concern. I think that going to another clinic for a second opinion is a great idea. Maybe a fresh set of eyes analyzing your situation is exactly what is needed. I will continue to pray for you and DH and for a successful cycle that let's you bring home a happy healthy baby. Sending you all my love...

[kynlee]

Blue so sorry Hoping this all passes soon so you can get past this cycle and look ahead, its so hard when you have to wait for A/F and relive things... ( sending you a hug)

Ninde- I think going to get a 2nd opinion is a great idea, Have you ever thought of using DE?

Christy-sorry you have to deal with this co-worker your Boss needs to step to the plate and write her up so that she can eventually fire her...

[jayne321]

Pocos~ I don't think you're crazy for thinking about IVF/pregnancy hopes non-stop. I am guilty of that as well. I am hoping this next cycle is the lucky one for you.

Nicole~ laughed at your comment about getting out of the elevator. I'm thinking of you and hoping you're feeling better.

Sunshine~ tough times with the co-worker. Hopefully, she'll get fired or quit soon so you don't have to deal with her.

Ninde~ I'm hoping you get some answers at your WTF meeting? Would you be open to donor embryos or eggs? I continue to think of you. I like the 2nd opinion idea.

Maria~ you must be busy. Hoping you're getting a little sleep once and awhile.

Kynlee~ you're so close to getting out of 1st trimester. Yay.

Leora~ thinking of you. Are you OK?

ARM~ OHSS is getting a little better. I'm nauseated at times which I love. Thinking I may venture to the gym today to get my body moving again. I obviously can't do much because of the OHSS but my mind is going a little crazy without exercise. I've been having nightmares there are 3 in there because I'm pretty sure my RE would recommend selective abortion and I'm not sure I'm capable. My DH would want that as well because he thinks triplets are too risky. I really hope there is one or two heartbeats and not zero or three. Anyone have thoughts based on my HCG? I know it's just a guess but I would love some input.

[Waitingkay]

POCOS - Thanks girl, I'm and always was like you thinking about having a baby when we went to sleep and sometimes even more when we would wake up. I believe that this is normal and I'm praying and crossing everything for you.

Christy - Yes, you are most definitely allowed to scream, many of us would. Having such a co-worker is simply ruining the atmosphere for you there (not only you personally). I understand though there is only a limit to the number of ways you can write a letter and try to explain to your boss the situation. It is very common of bosses to be indifferent and to just assume you are all responsible for creating the working environment when in fact a good boss should be a contributing partner to that. Thanks for understanding our situation, and for showing so much compassion. In fact this compassion is harder for me to show to myself if I choose the selective reduction way and it is enhancde as I said earlier by knowing the depth of desire that all of us here have for just that one healthy baby. How will I find the power to talk to my belly if this will be what we choose, and explain that I have to save at least one? That both mommy and daddy are simply terrified of having to live with the blame that we had a chance to save at least one and went with the worse option?

Maria - Thank you for thinking and praying for me and for us. It is indeed felt, finally today afternoon I am less anxious than before. Thank you, that with your sweet girls you are still here with us on our journey, giving us all hope.

Ninde - Sorry, with all that was going on I simply forgot when was the date you were going to have the WTF meeting? No, I agree with you it doesn't sound like they can blame the embryos this time. Maybe, just maybe the protocol wasn't the right one for you? I repeat what Kynlee said a while back, you are always here for each one of us and we want to be here for your success and happiness.

Kynlee - How is your Sunday? I'm filling mine with food so far, and quite a bit of chocolate too:)

Nicole - I'm sorry about how bad you're feeling. I is true though I at least don't always understand how it feels for you and I think you can and should vent to us and tell us so we can all think of you and send you nothing but love and support in this hard battle you have.

Leora - How are you?

Jayne - well, the doubling time is good, if you are looking for some prediction I'd say twins Because of the fact that the doubling time wasn't even faster I wouldn't suspect triplet, but the doubling time can decrease when you have OHS - by which mechanism I don't completely recall. So until the U/S enjoy feeling pregnant.

AFM - Tomorrow we have 2 appointments and we discussed making a decision afterwards or at least in the next couple of days. If we go for reduction it should be done after the NT scan and until week 13 (or by the end of it, not sure). We are 10 weeks and 6 days today. If we will do the reduction which in itself is risky for the entire pregnancy like an amnio (nobody knows if the amnio we did during the last pregnancy caused prolonged uterine contractions or even a hidden infection that contributed to the loss) To top this the trans vaginal stitch which we will do regardless should be performed just a little bit later and I'm afraid of doing 2 interventions, each carting a risk to the entire pregnancy. I just don't even find on the internet ladies who had a similar experience of ambiguity regarding the late loss of a singleton, and then either carried twins successfully or chose the option of selective reduction.

[Sunshine1576]

WaitingKay- I do have much compassion because you are out there with the most difficult decision to possibly make. What are dh's thoughts about the whole thing? I really hope the two doctor appts tomorrow sheds some light and they can give you some reassurance in helping you both decide. I'm like you in so many ways, not wanting to give up on the fighting twin the one who hears your voice and responded by getting stronger in the growing days. It must so hard but you must focus on the best outcome and I cannot wait to hear all about your appointments tomorrow evening when I get home from work. I will be praying for you as always. X

Kynlee- You can ALWAYS vent to me, and I'm so glad your RE messaged you back giving you total reassurance about the progesterone this weekend. You are almost in the second trimester can you believe that? More then anything thank you for all the encouragement. With all the scripture I made a notebook full of all the verses from August we collected over the month.

Ninde- I'm voting with the majority here a physician's "second opinion" is the best way to go. How are you and dh doing with everything? As for my coworker, I don't work with her until next Saturday night, so I need to focus my energy on more important things right now but overall work can be a good distraction with the right mix of people.

Jayne- I'm glad you are doing better with the OHSS I have no clue about that stuff but I hear it's something you never would wish on anyone. Your numbers look good I'm betting on twins but we know on the pregnant board one of our past cycle buddies gave birth to healthy triplets so anything is possible.

Nicole- I've been thinking about you and I hope the endo is resolved soon so you can move forward to a FET cycle, maybe we can cycle together this fall?

AFM: My sweet SIL left me a vm checking in on us while I was outside playing fetch with Vegas (our labrador retriever) and I thought about calling her back but tonight I'm going to bed early extremely tired from visuals/floor set at 6am this morning. P.S. I crashed on the coach while watching Hallmark movies, I just love the special moments Hallmark movies create, awwww completely romantic love stories that touch your heart. Anyway- THIS week I've got to finish getting my health insurance enrollment keyed in, so hard to decide on which plan being that I don't neccssary want a high deductible and I've not good at itemizing receipts for a Health Savings Plan. Also this week we're reapplying for the IVF Attain loan with fingers crossed to get this 100% financed!

[blueeyedreamer]

Christy, I really want to kick that girl's a$$ for you. What a pain. I was talking to my mom today about a cousin of mine in a completely different situation, but leaves me feeling the same. I just want to slap some sense into her. Your boss is doing nothing but enabling her. She needs to know there are consequences to actions. She shouldn't be taking her job for granted. She needs to be able to work to support the baby and I can see how the boss is sympathetic, but still...ugh I could go on. I don't know if I will be able to cycle in the fall. It depends on how fast everything else moves along.

Kay, I hope your upcoming appointments give you some clarity. I can't imagine your situation. It sucks all the way.

Patricia, I'm doing ok. My cramps were bad on Friday, we're not bad yesterday, and are medium today. I started bleeding heavily again for most of the day. I hope it finishes soon. I've been able to focus on work which has been nice. Today DH and I went out to the farmer's market, to lunch, and then for a walk around the lake. It was nice. We started making plans for our next run. Aside from a few comments about the bleeding, we didn't talk about ivf, cycles, etc.

Afm, doing ok. Don't know when I will be ready to do the fet. I guess it will depend on many factors. I know I'm not ready to go straight in and will probably wait a couple of months. I'm still pissed this one failed. The stars aligned and everything was perfect. We did the transfer on DH birthday and my due date was my mom's birthday (3 days after mine). It was supposed to work. I was so happy to have mom's birthday as the due date. She would have been so happy. I can't tell her. My brother knows, but I find it too painful to tell mom. She would be ok to know and would likely feel left out if she knew I didn't tell her. It just makes the pain linger. She knows about all the others.

Thank you for all of your kind thoughts. Although I would never wish this upon anyone, it is comforting to have those that truly understand to share the experience.

[leorira11]

sorry! I'm still here and still stalking. Life has gotten busy, which is a nice distraction.

We had a scare from our NT scan (the doctor thought there was something wrong with the baby's skull). A whole weekend of worry - and a follow up showed NO problems. Phew.

Cerclage is Thursday. I know there will be bleeding afterwards, so I'm trying to prepare myself to not freak out when I see it.

Depending on how you count - seems like 2nd trimester starts tomorrow. I'm still vomiting and exhausted - doesn't seem like that'll be ending anytime soon. Starting to feel "thick" too (not showing, I'm too fat to show this soon, but *I* feel it - and D does too!)

I think we are getting more confident that this could be our baby. Not 100% confident yet, but somewhat confident.

Christy - that co-worker sounds awfulllll. I'm so sorry. How does the law work in the USA? Can you (or your boss) fire her/cut back her hours while pregnant? (I know here in Israel, pregnant women are protected from that). Just makes me so angry that she is getting everything that anyone here would kill for - and she doesn't even appreciate it. Vent all you want! I also love the sappy Hallmark movies. David thinks they are ridiculous - do you get your husband to watch them with you, or not? GOOD LUCK reapplying for the loan!

Patricia - I'm so sorry for your BFN. *hugs* I really wish there was something I could do. Is donor eggs/embryos an option? Both logistically in Ireland, as well as emotionally for you as a couple?

Nicole - I can't believe you lost another baby. I'm so sorry. Some people never get answers for the RPL except "it just is" (that's the only answer I've ever gotten....). Does the RE have any recommendations?

Kay - I can't imagine being in your shoes. I really hope you get some answers on what to do - although you probably won't.

Jayne -WHIPPPEEE! I'm so happy for you! Sorry fort he OHSS - but so happy you are pregnant!





I know I don't post here as often anymore, but I love you all and hope there is nothing but good news for everyone.

[kynlee]

Kay- Thinking of you today, I know you will probably have alot going on after your appts but wanted you to know you DH and the babies are in my prayers... I know this is one of the most difficult decisions you will have to make, but we are all here for you... And i still believe in miracles so I am holding onto much hope for the twins...

Christy- I know its a hard decision to switch from Regular insurance VS high deductible but I would do a list of what appts are covered and what you usually do each year (eye appt, routine visits etc, to see if it is worth the high deductible... I do the high deductible cause in RI it covers some of my Fertility treatments and it covers all the meds once i hit the $3000 so for me it was a given to switch... I know you said that is not the case in Florida so the high deductible plan may end up being risky for you I think unless some of the treatments/ meds are covered. If it doesnt cover fertility it will take you a long time to hit your deductible which means you pay for FULL treatment for any regular Dr appt till your deductible has been met or at least that is how it works here in RI... I would call a representative of BCBS so they can guide you on how it works and what it covers to give you some reassurance

[Pocos]

Jayne – Congratulations! I am sure your mommy will be taking care of you wherever she is. Try not to worry about selective abortion now. Live one day at a time and be thankful for what you have today. I have seen girls with high beta numbers with singleton pregnancies, anything is possible in the IVF world.

Ninde - How have you been? Feeling better? You are right, the ivf process takes over our lives, its so hard. I am trying to think about the next cycle, hopefully it will work. A second opinion is a great idea. I switched clinics and had a much better cycle (but no BFP), but I am happy I am at a place I can trust now.

Nicole – I can imagine how hard it was to be in that elevator! For me it seems everywhere I go there are pregnant women, babies, people asking me “when is the baby coming?” Yesterday I went out for lunch with my husband and there was a baby shower there, I just wanted to leave as fast as I could. Hope you are feeling better. I know how you feel, my last cycle was also perfect, but I am sure our time to become mommies will come.

Sunshine – I am sorry about your coworker and all the stress at work. You are right, time flies by. My goal was to get pregnant this year and so far nothing. ☹ I hope your IVF gets 100% financed so you can start soon! When will you find out if they can finance everything?

WaitingKay – Thanks, please continue to pray for me. Please keep us updated about the appointments, I hope everything goes well. I am praying that you don’t have to go through a reduction.

Leora – Glad everything is ok! I am always thinking of you, you are such an inspiration.

AFM – I am so stressed and anxious lately, I have been crying a lot. I don’t know if I should see the psychologist at the clinic or go straight to a psychiatrist. I just hope I don’t get depression. Its been really hard, I am feeling very lonely since I have no friends in the US, my family is in Brazil. My mom is coming to stay 5 months with us but she is arriving in November ☹ I also cant stop thinking about getting pregnant. I just wanted to stop thinking about it, I haven’t been sleeping very good either. Please pray for me ladies, this journey is difficult and being lonely makes it even harder.

[Ninde]

Hi ladies

Kynlee: im really glad you got some reassurance You asked about donor embryos - cant do that in ireland. One clinic has a satellite clinic in the ukraine to get around the legal issue but ireland-ukraine is a really poor flight routing. Its possible but not easy. And it would cost over US15,000 dollars per cycle and having spent over US21,000 dollars on our previous three cycles in the past year we definitely cant afford that

Christy: I dont have hallmark movies but I can imagine it

Jane: how are you feeling? Is the improvement from ohs continuing?

Waiting kay: my mtg is on thurs. How did you get on today? I know there are numerous stages in this process for you in terms of interventions and you are completely understandably anxious about it all. This must be occupying your every waking moment. How are you bearing up?

Nicole: I understand - everything was lined up so well for you and you had some lovely dates. That can make things so much harder. And I know what you mean about never wishing this on anyone but valuing the support. Im really really sorry it didnt work out.

Leora: you asked about donor embryos being a possibility and i answered that above in my response to kynlee.

Pocos: Oh your situation is very hard with no family to supoort you. I dont know how psychologists and psychiatrists differ in the US but can I suggest a therapist to help? If you are depressed i think that woukd be totally understandable given all you have been through. Its scary I know but a good therapist should be able to help. Can I also suggest you do some relaxation every day and definately before bed - get a good cd or id you like i can email you one of mine. And make sure you are eating properly and drinking lots of water. Avoid sugary foods for your anxietyand eat protein - it also helps with anxiety. And finally - if you dont mind one more suggestion - could you start writing out some of your feelings? It might stop them going around and around in your head. Please go as gently as you can x

Ninde

[Waitingkay]

Ladies;
Excuse me for the total alck of personals and attention to friends, but iii have an excuse. On the way to our first apt today I started feeling a terrible pain in my left ovary. I only have my BB with me so I keep this story very short -the twins are still safe nobody knows were the bleeding is coming from but they were afraid my ovary may twist due to the previous OHSS and because I had such sharp pains. I was admitted to thehospital and they donlt see a reason to operate (by inserting a camera throiugh my belly button because when I don't stand or sit for long I don't feel the pain. No answers about the selective reduction just more contradiictive opinions. I will write mire when I cAn,
Blessings and prayers to all of you,
Kay

[Ninde]

Waiting kay: im lighting my candle for you immediately and sending you strength. Hang on in there, this is tough and we are all thinking of you and keeping you in prayers and thoughts. And so too for your dh and little ones

Ninde

[Sunshine1576]

WaitingKay- Wow what a frightening day!!! I'm glad your babies are ok, I wish the doctor could ease the pain from OHSS though. Were here for you praying daily and always right here in times like this.

Pocus- I hope you are going to be ok, it's so true journalizing does help with anxiety and/or emotional distress. Some of the managers tell me I can always vent to them but I don't think they quite understand the emotional rollercoaster with this journey, like you ladies. As for your family, can you skype them online? I know you miss them terribly. X About the IVF loan we find out if we got approved within the same day. Only delaying applying because we really need to allow enough time for dh's truck payoff to be reflected on the credit burreu--so it will help us get approved for the entire amt we need. We chose a finanical group through the IVF Attain Program that allows us to apply only once per month. I need to find out how much it costs to pull the credit report, I know the first report is free but after the first there is a charge.

Patricia- Thinking of you tonight!

Nicole- I'm a little curious to see how tomorrow goes for the coworker. They are sending her with two other coworkers to train at another store it should be very interesting to hear how everything goes. She wasn't thrilled with riding with 2 new girls she barely knows and is convinced the DM is trying to get rid of her.

AFM: Day one of my last AF cycle so I'm keeping my supply of tampons at a bare mininum!

[WeHaveHope]

Kay-saying many prayers for you tonight.