Cycling In 2012 Board (formerly Fall/Winter 2011-2012)

[leorira11]

500 pages! crazy!
I can't believe how far this board has come along (does this site have page limits? )

Christy - that sounds like a crazy day (and I'm so bad with cars that when I took mine to it's first inspection test, 2 years after buying it, I had NO IDEA how to *open the hood*. The guy couldn't believe it, but I'm really that car-impaired. I'm a good driver, but once the hood needs to be opened, I just want to cry!) - I hope the u/s and bw come back normal and you are all set for October! This is happening so soon! I hope it's fantastic for you!

Nicole - I'm glad to hear your DH is good with going ahead. What are your plans for the RPL testing? Do women with MS have a higher chance of RPL? (I have no idea, just curious.) Just so you know, all my RPL testing came back 'normal', so we have no answers at all to why I'm pregnant for a fifth time and still trying to bring home our first baby.

Patricia - losing weight is ridiculously hard - especially when you are under stress. I would like to not gain too much weight this pregnancy (ideally, because I'm overweight to start with, I should only gain 10-15 pounds total by the end), but stress makes it so much harder. I'm totally a 'stress eater' and turn to chocolate and cake when feeling down. I'm so impressed that you are making such a huge effort to lose weight. I think that's amazing. And welcome to the FB group The adoption people asked about your SEX LIFE? WTF? Why is that relevant? Our adoption meetings were hard (asking questions about my relationship with my dad, our experiences with infertility/loss, etc), but nothing like that!

Kay - that sounds AWFUL. I can't believe it! Ovarian torsion is so uncommon, but with your whole story already - it's just the freaking cherry on top, no? Stay strong hon.

Amy (Jayne) - 5 more days until your u/s!

Pocos - I'm sorry you are so stressed that it's affecting you physically. I can totally related. During my IVF cycles, I would do weekly massages - just to help me relax. I find that it works both ways -- when I'm emotionally stressed, my body tenses up - but when I force my body to relax, it helps to relax my mind. Can you do a massage of some kind? Even just getting DH to do it helps a lot! Also - I take Effexor (which is a class of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety pills) and have taken it with every IVF cycle and every pregnancy. My psychiatrist (who is a specialist in tautology - the science of drugs in pregnancy) says it's fine, but better if I wean to Prozac (which doesn't help me nearly as much) before the baby is born, just so the baby is born without an addiction to the Effexor. If I decide I can't (for emotional reasons), it's not a problem at all, and baby gets a low dose of Effexor and weans off after birth. I don't know what exactly Lexapro is -- but Prozac is 100% safe for pregnancy if that's an option for you.

oh - and all my tests are normal (after 2 miscarriages, 2 pre-term delivieries, 4 BFN cycles....) and we were told to just keep trying. It's tough. Really tough. I wish I could say it wasn't, but it is. But I'm pregnant again - and all signs look good.

AFM - The past two days were Rosh Hashana - the Jewish New Year. I hope this new year brings everyone some kind of peace. Even if we can't all have healthy babies, I hope we can find the peace and the strength to keep going, with whatever we choose in life.

I just remember sitting in synagogue 3 years ago, 10 weeks pregnant after my first IVF cycle with twins, and just thinking "wow, these two babies will be born this year". I never ever thought they would be born... but die immediately afterwards.

The last 4 years have been a hell for me and I just want to say thank you for all the love and support you've given me.

(and when I come to the USA next - I'm meeting some of you for SURE!)

[Julia73]

I hope I don't jinx this by saying it, but I have 4g for the moment and wanted to say hi!

Patricia- I will message you asap and see I'd we can set up a time to chat, I just can't rely on signal and with all the expenses its a new house, impending birth and such we can't add another bill to the repertoire lol. Thinking of you.

Jayne-hi! I hope all is well with you. I definitely remember cycling with you

Sunshine- hey you! So exciting that you're about to cycle again!! I don't think I'll be cycling anytime soon, I just can't imagine trying to add another baby after Samuel is born. This has been a rough pregnancy and i'm still paranoid that it won't turn out well. No reason to think that other than i'm a cup half empty girl...its in His hands though and they are so capable!!!

We-the girls are precious. Hope you're getting some rest!

Afm-finally settled into the new house completely...I think. Samuel is getting very heavy and my back is killing me but i'm grateful. I was 28 weeks yesterday and can't wait to see him. They are doing my glucose test Friday morning as well as blood work for iron, etc. please don't let me need iron pills. Omg I hate them!! We should be scheduling a 4d ultrasound at the Friday appointment. I think for around 30 weeks. They see me every 2 weeks now which is exciting. I'm still praying for everyone here. Baby dust to all!!

[Ninde]

Hi ladies happy 500th

Christy: that ivf attain program me is so red tape isnt it?! Great you have it sorted!

Nicole: apologies, I didnt mean to suggest your dh wasnt being helpful. Sorry about that

Leora: happy nearly 15 weeks. As for the adoption mtgs, we have had 6 mtgs and they have focused on the types of things you mentioned plus the other absolute rubbish. I also know that social workers and therapists rarely see eye to eye!!

Julia: I cant believe you are 28 weeks with samuel, that's wonderful x

Pocos: how are you?

Waiting kay: I really hope you are ok

Afm: had adoption mtg. Thankfully it was alot more relevant. All about our thoughts on discipline and education. 2 more mtgs to go before report is compiled but only three countries open at the moment - florida (irish government wont deal with them yet as baby is taken at from birth mother at 3 days which is not legal here), bulgaria which we cant apply to as the age of the child is generally 4 and we wont be passed for a child that age) and Vietnam - which has a huge waiting list. I think we both accepted today that adoption is looking less and less likely

Ninde

[Sunshine1576]

Wahoo I see we made it to page 500 wow just don't make me go back a year from now, it would be too depressing. I know there are days when we are have no clear understanding what the future holds but I really believe if there is a will there has to be a way! During my commute today I thought back when I had my first IVF and it was around this time of the year right before the holidays. I also started going to my new clinic this time last year, ironic how I tend to pursue treatment mostly around this time of the year maybe it's psychological for doing this but my first would of been born had I not miscarried. But we're still on the mission to fight this and bring home a baby. Fall has always been about change to me, maybe so but starting over does bring so much new hope. It's like reaching for something that you cannot see but you know it has to be there, our faith in this keeps us going! I hope I don't ramble too much tonight lack of sleep and will be doing personals as soon as I catch up. I tried so hard to keep it all together and not let my boss know how worn out I felt but at one point I told her I'm heading over to Starbucks. I never told her I drove over to my clinic this morning she probably would not of cared but my car was the priority yet I took that chance.

This morning when I got to the clinc I was greeted by my doctor at the elevator...He only visits this satelite clinic every other week so it was a pleasant surprise to see him. We chatted about how things were going, told him dh is currently working 2 jobs and I took on full-time at the boutique. As we were getting out of the elevator he said ok I'll see you in a little bit. He probably had no idea why I was there but at least he recognized me lol. So I'm sitting out in the lobby room and I overhear one patient tell the receptionist that she needed to reschedule due to her car not cranking and having to call OnStar to come jump her off and run to get a new battery...Someone must of dropped her off? I thought oh I could so relate to a dead battery, yep fortunately I had my mailman yesterday who got my car going and last night dh charged the batttery so THANKFULLY I made it to the clinic with no problems today.

When I walked into the room chatting with the US tech told her how glad I was that they could get me in at last minute notice since the IVF ATTAIN program needed an uterine cavity sounding BEFORE I could get approved for the refund program. She said but we have you down for baseline, I remembered writing it down when I had spoke to the IVF Attain coordinator yesterday. The US tech asked me what cycle day am I in...I told her this is cycle day 10 she responded normally we do the cavity sounding around day3, I thought oh no does this mean we have to cancel this cycle? She said maybe not but go ahead and get undressed and I'll go talk with Dr. K.. Apparently someone from the main office who scheduled my appt didn't communicate well with ATTAIN. A few minutes later I find out they have to call the main clinic and talk with the IVF coordinator who has to call the IVF Attain coordinator who tells her yes this patient needs the uterine cavity not the baseline...So 15 minutes later with me in the stir-ups draped and all she walks back in and says are you still doing ok I said yes holding a baby magazine reading some stay-at-home business ideas. She said ok we got everything confirmed bringing in the prep tray we are all set, and Dr. K will be shortly doing the exam for the uterine cavity. I said is he the only one that does this test? She said yes it's with him. I had no idea the doctor does this test because I would of had a bikini wax beforehand had I known. lol not that I'm bussy or anything nope I cannot believe I'm talking about that area hehe weren't the stir-ups enough? Haha for the ones out there that didn't know this be prepared! Anyway I was extremely lucky how this all turned out...Had we not talked about the test beforehand and had my RE not been there today I would of been in a pickle because most likely I would of had to cancel everyhing with the main clinic is in Mobile, Alabama. Later this afternoon the clinic called but didn't get the message until after 5. She said everything looked fine she just wanted to go over some things before she sent my results over to the the Attain coordinator. We'll find out for sure tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed that all the test the IVF ATTAIN needs come back fine. I'm just curious if the test will go through with me being on cycle day 10, it's now beyond my control so we'll see. Personals once I get back to a normal tempo. x

[blueeyedreamer]

Christy, glad that all worked out.

Patricia, I didn't interpret your message as saying dh wasn't being helpful. No worries. Glad this adoption meeting was better. Adoption seems like such a tough road, almost worse than the IVF.

Leora, nice to see you here again. I don't know what we will do for RPL testing. I've had some clotting and thyroid testing done but will likely have more. My dr isn't much into the immune factors. But, my clinic just opened an RPL clinic this summer so I am hopeful that everything will be investigated.

Julia, congrats on 28weeks! You're in the home stretch.

AFM, rough day today. Work is stressful because I have way too many kids on my caseload. The national recommended limit is 45 and I have 69. I got an assistant assigned to me and she is an idiot. I was warned that she needs a lot of direction. Yes she does. My MS is flaring up and I had a lot of pain today. I came home from work early. I had a horrific, violent nightmare this afternoon. I get them when stressed or in pain. Today was tough too because I had to go for my last beta which is zero now. I didn't realize how much going there would affect me. I noticed that I was pretty emotional especially when I was working out tonight and saw a commercial on tv for What to Expect... Movie. I teamed up a bit.

I've been told having nightmares is good because my mind is trying to process the stress. I just don't like bloody violence, etc. I took my Xanax tonight to help me sleep and hopefully have a better day tomorrow. I tried giving myself a pep talk that I'm going to be ok. I did have a good workout. That pissed me off this week too because I lost so much of my athletic skill thru this cycle. I'm hoping muscle memory will help me get back quickly. We are going to do a Halloween half marathon in Portland, OR and be dressed as superheroes. That will be fun!

[Sunshine1576]

Nicole- Ugh this journey is so stressful, I absolutely hate seeing commericals on TV about THAT movie too. I watched something called Baby Mama last week and I HAD to turn it off when I found out the surrogate screwed everything up, it about killed me to see her hopes go up in flames as she stormed out of the courtroom when she found out the DNA results-- but I had to remind myself that's just a movie, we have to make the best of what we can......

OH my god my clinic just called as I was typing this out and told me my FSH is too high for this cycle to get me approved for the IVF ATTAIN PROGRAM, she said my bloodwork should of been done on cycle day3. She said I kept getting approved and never thought the test would be expired but she looked back and found out my last bloodwork for FSH was done in January. I said what about the 6 vials of blood I gave late March, she said that was for the IVF program but it wasn't used for the FSH, but why would the FSH from last Jan NOW expire but of course the last application for IVF program was done in July so that would mean FSH test results expire within 6 months. Of course I couldn't figure that all out right on the phone.. I was way too upset! I just broke down on the phone knowing it would be late January if we cannot get this approved NOW being that I'm a retailer with the holidays coming up. What's even crazier is she told me we could do the mulit-cycle program it'a a little more flexible since it's pay out of pocket. But I told her with one failed IVF already I need to be going with the 6 tries with a difference of 10,000 and a refund of 75% back- it only made sense!! I really couldn't believe this was happening....I let her know I could of came in last week had she seen this coming, I was upset and probably said some things I shouldn't, she apologized she didn't know about the expiration. After I calmed down a little from venting I asked her are you sure there is absolutely nothing you guys can do on your end???? She said let me try to see what I can do IF they still have your blood sample from yesterday we can run a different test instead of using the FSH something called AMA but I will call you back once I get off phone with the lab. She said you're still off tomorrow? I said yes she said good we might need you to come back in tomorrow, sigh, So 5 minutes later IVF coordinator calls me back telling me they are going with a different test called AMA-- since I was already placed on birth control pills which is true but she said we're not telling them about the FSH. They can still use the b/w from yesterday. She said my follicle count for yesterday is 14 and as long as it coordinates with the AMA report (which measures the pre-follicles to make sure they are good) she said we should be in the clear- she told them my uterus looked beautiful and the IVF Attain coordinator got all excited...yikes results will be back in 5 days! Should I feel bad that she is fudging this a little to help us get approved? I don't know but we're hanging on tight and waiting to find out. Could there be any little hope left for cycling this year? BTW I apologize for cutting personals short, I need to settle down and digest this a little more. Very skeptical right now over everything and not sure this is going to fall through but we will see next week!

[to_have_fun08]

Sunshine - FX'd that your AMA level comes back. My clinic uses 3 tests to prove how well you will respond to an IVF cycle. FSH, AMA and antral follicle counts.. So if you have 2 of those test come back good then you should be good to go. from what i understand AMA test your ovarian reserve. Good Luck!!!

[Sunshine1576]

Thank you for the encouragement ToHaveFun! As Ninde puts it there is so much red tape with the IVF ATTAIN REFUND program so we will have to wait and see...Stay tuned!

[leorira11]

Christy - sorry this has turned into such a mess! Sheesh! So stressful! I'm sorry hon. btw - in case you were worried, it's totally normal for your FSH to be high on CD10 (than on CD3) - that's because your regular ovulation is happening. I hope this all gets sorted out fast!

[Pocos]

Ninde – I called the psychologist at the clinic 3 times, she finally returned my call yesterday, her schedule is super busy, wont be available to see me until October. I called another psychologist today, she is in my town, hopefully she’ll be able to see me sooner. I also called my naturopath to have acupuncture done tomorrow, maybe that will help me a little bit. The fertility yoga I found is really far from my house and there are lots of pregnant women going too, I don’t know if I can handle that. ☹ I think I will call the RE again and see what he thinks. Last night I wasn’t able to sleep, I would start to fall asleep but then I would wake up with my heard racing, my stomach hurting, a panic attack. I am still listening to the relaxation track, that helps me and my husband soo much. Wow there adoption meetings are crazy huh? I am also thinking about adoption but I don’t know If I can handle all these questions they ask right now.

Sunshine – I am trying to get an appointment with a counselor but I cant talk to anyone! I left voicemessages and I am waiting for them to call me back. Tomorrow I will have acupuncture and hopefully that will help me go through the weekend. I hope everything works out ok so we can still cycle together this year!!

Nicole – Thank you. I am glad your husband is being proactive and good with going ahead ☺ That makes things easier.

Leora – Good idea about the massage, I am going to see if I can find a place to have it done but tonight I will ask DH (he is not that great, but its ok). My family doctor said that Lexapro is ok to take with fertility drugs and also its ok to take during pregnancy. The plan is to stop taking it slowly after I get pregnant.
Its horrible when everything comes back normal. Sometimes I just wish something would come back abnormal… I am glad you and your baby are ok even though you are taking an antidepressant. That makes me feel better about taking it. I live in CT, if you ever come here it would be really nice to meet you!

Julia – that’s so exciting! New house and baby! Congrats!

AFM – What is going on??? I went to a salon to have a hair cut today and the lady that cuts my hairs had left so someone else cut my hair. She was pregnant, and started talking how she hates to be pregnant and how miserable it is to be pregnant, its her second baby and they were both surprises as she was not planning. She was complaining during the whole haircut. I just wanted to RUN and CRY!! Seriously, lately that’s all that’s coming my way! I still haven’t started taken the Lexapro but I think I will start tomorrow, I cant take this anymore, I want my life back. I hate feeling miserable and anxious all day. My neck hurts so bad that I couldn’t sleep last night, my stomach hurts, I think I am getting some acid reflux too. The therapists wont call me back, I will have to take this medicine. I know I will only be mentally ok when I finally get pregnant.

[Ninde]

Christy: dear lord what a day for you. The red tape sounds ridiculous. I know you are a very conscientious woman but do not worry about your clinic fudging anything. Let yourself see it as a gift from someone who is looking out for you. You deserve a break x

Kynlee: are you ok - havnt heard from you in ages?

Nicole: wow that's a very big caseload. Im sorry today was so rough, its heartbreaking about your beta having to go to zero. And its horrible when it hits hard like that. In terms of your nightmares, one of the things that can work is just to talk to your unconscious before you sleep and just say "im not having a nightmare to right" sounds simple but it work

Pocos: where about are you in connecticut are you? Im part of an international association of therapists that work around trauma - here is the link that will give you therapists in your area - if you cant get your own psychologist one of these people may be able to see you - http://www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.or ... SA_CT.html. The way we work is very much through the body and from what you are describing your body is telling you alot. Please go gently

Ninde/Patricia

[Sunshine1576]

Ninde- Thank you and I hope we don't have to flee the country to get a break from all this bull****. Somedays we feel like hiding it seems so much to take in at times. I know there are never guarantees in IVF so taking our strides to move forward is all we really can do. Unfortunately adoption isn't any easier, my best friend and her husband have been undergoing adoption for quite some time. Yet they have their personal home study in front of more then a handful ladies in hope that she will choose them, she says it could be anyday now but I know all the hard work will someday be worth it. I bet there are so many things to consider with closed v/s open- even domestic or international...Why does this have to be so complicated especially when we're willing to provide all this love giving that child a good home and a chance to have a fulfilled life as a family. What is it going to take to prove you two would make excellent parents in spite of your dh's medical condition?! Could there be another adoption agency that you might interview and find this out? xx

Nicole- Sorry I didn't get to post alot earlier today but in spite of all the drama I've been thinking about you. Oh we really need some stress relievers ahem. You keep running and I'll be at the volleyball court taking all this frustration out. Btw I LOVE the Superhero costume idea for your upcoming halloween half-marathon! As far as dh's, it's crazy how they are intuitive and can cue in to how we are feeling and want the only best for us. It tears me up thinking how wonderful our dh's are they sacrificed so much too and we want nothing more to give them a miracle too. It's got to happen!

Julia- Hey back to you and yes this is all in His capable hands! Hang in there you are almost at the finsh line. I hope all goes well at your 30 week appt today I love the name Sammuel. Are you about settled into this new house? Oh and I just realized this will be this little one's First Christmas- how exciting!!!!!

Leora- Thank you, I hope this all works out too after finally getting financially approved you would only think. Dh told me tonight that while it would be a bummer-- it wouldn't mean we were denied we would just go back through everything in January but I told him it's still a little disheartening. Anyway as much as I've grown not to like rules the verdict will be in next week! How are you and David doing?

Pocos- I wish we had her electric razer today when that pregnant woman was making those idiotic comments...I would of taken it and shaved all her hair off! Ridiculous pregnant women make me craZy! But we can't let them get to us, my brother once told me most likely the ones who are ungrateful will be struggling the rest of her life with those unplanned kids. It's sad I know but knowing there life will never be normal has somehow helped me move on. Acupuncture sounds ideal, I thought to myself a massage sure would be nice too. I hope we can cycle next month together too! Regardless I will be here for you always. X

Gina- I've been missing you! I bet your getting everything relocated from Germany to the states as I type this...but let us know once you get all settled in.

Anton- You're been quiet..Are you enjoying your new job at P&G?

AFM: Taking the day off and getting my car looked at, I think it's either the timing belt or starter...yikes!

[kynlee]

Blueeye & Ninde- Thanks I am doing Good, Sorry if I seem MIA I am here watching each of you and you are all in my thoughts regularly... I been seeing my OB every 2 weeks for heartbeat checks since I am a nervous nelly lol And it sure does help me I am getting more relaxed No I am here Cheering each of you on

Sunshine- So sorry you are unsure about the cycle due to BW that they didnt take UGH!!!! These Clinics need to be more on things... Ill be praying everything works out so you can start soon

[Pocos]

Ninde - Thank you so much, I will check how far they are, I live in Stratford CT. That relaxation track is helping us sooo much, we listen to it every night before sleep and I am sleeping (which is great because when I am anxious I cant sleep). The first time I had anxiety disorder (2006) I couldnt sleep for 1 month, I was like a zombie, and I refused to take the medication (prozac and a sleep medicine). Then I collapsed and slept for 2 days and 2 nights. IT was crazy.

Sunshine - OMG I love the razor idea!! LOL What you mentioned about how they will struggle in the future kind of makes me feel better too. At least this whole infertility thing will make everything else seem easier for us after we have our babies (I hope!).

AFM - I had acupuncture today and my naturopath doctor gave me some medicine to take. I dont know what it is, I think its passiflora. I am feeling a little better. I also had a bath last night with some epson salt and listened to the relaxation track Ninde sent me (in the bathroom) and it provided some relief. I need to feel better, I start lupron next week.
My stomach is still bothering me a lot but the acupuncture helped with the shoulder and neck pain. I will be seeing the naturopath every week now, hopefully the acupuncture will help. I still want to go to a psychologist/therapist, hopefully someone will call me back! I called 3 therapists and they havent gotten back to me!

[Waitingkay]

Dear everyone!

I'm back home!!! Today was the first day I'm also feeling better. I had a hemoglobin drop and they gave me iron iv. Ever since the operation last Friday (they manged to save my ovary), I've been very weak and suffering from terrible headaches. Only now do I feel like the iron iv and the iron pills are helping a bit. I'll need to be monitored again and go for BW on Monday.
We have decided to try and keep both, after discussing the issue with practically every doctor related to the issue we could find at the hospital...they tend to uniformly believe that our loss was either placental abruption (related or not to my later discovered APS), or some sort of an infection caused by the amnio test.
On Wednesday we used our time at the hospital and had a NT screening. They believe twin B is a boy, and twin A (as I thought and felt since the slower growth and just a feeling) is a girl - they are less sure though about the sex of twin A since girls are more difficult to confirm at this early stage and we personally know of some "mistakes"! While the boy had a great NT (60 for 12 weeks 2 days), the girl who now outgrew her brother and was 12 weeks 4 days (had a NT of 2mm). The doc said this was still normal, but since we are not allowed and wouldn't anyhow do an amnio this time around and given that I'll be 36 in October, we are worried for the little girl. Any words of wisdom?
I was practically advised to do nothing. No cerclage and P17 arne't proven helpful with twins and I'll have them just cause I insisted. Some docs tell me to do try bed rest, while others point it as useless. I feel I must be on bed rest, because I'm already on blood thinners thus taking care of potential blood clots, so besides disliking bed rest - what have I got to lose? If the cervix can be an issue or uterine contractions etc this may really help...does any of you have advices? Especially twin moms?
I read all your posts while in bed on my phone and am planning to do personals on Saturday or Sunday. Right now, with no connection to bed rest, I need to be in bed and relax for 2 more weeks due to the surgery and my hemoglobin drop. Thank you again (and I will repeat this personally to each of you) for all your prayers and thoughts that put me back on my feet! (or off them, but in the comfort of our home). Thank you so much, I felt your help deeply.

Love,
Kay