I am so sorry. I was wondering what was going on. I knew you had some problems to sort out at home but I never thought it was this. After everything you have gone through too, it just sucks.
I am glad you are going to get away for a bit to Butlins. I went to Butlins years ago and snogged, yes, snogged Darren Day!! Before he was famous obviously but he was appearing on stage there. I used to really fancy him and couldn't believe my luck. Any way I digress, have a fab time and I bet Alex will love it.
I am sorry though Shell, I am quite shocked. Take care and give Alex a big hug from me.
I have got my EC tomorrow, I have 40+ follies so it should be interesting to see how many eggs there are.
Thinking of you.
Love and hugs Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
I am so sorry - I had a nasty feeling this was the case as thought it had to be something very serious for you not to be around if this makes sense - even with Alex to look after! Told myslef off for being a cynical cow! IVF as you know is so hard and relationships do break up - I don't know the details and none of my business anyway - sometimes IVF can be used as a smoke screen if that makes sense. You are not being stupid for still loving Lee - these things are all so hard and having done the divorce bit myself have some experience.......
What you need is support which you have from you family and you need your friends. Lee could use some space to get his head sorted more by the sound of it and at the end of the day the little man needs his mummy and I trust Lee will not lose touch with him whatever. You have my email address etc if ever you need a chat or moan or ***** etc........ These things are so hard Shell I have been through it only not with a baby...... It seems so cruel for you to have what you have always dreamed of and lose something else. My thoughts are with you as always
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Well thanks for your messages, brought a tear to my eye to be honest. Lee is still living at home but its a mess to be honest. He said he doesn't want to leave Alex but at the end of the day we can't go on like this. He said that he went through with the IVF to make me happy, but he wasn't really bothered. He also said I was worthless because I can't concieve kids naturally but the thing is he did say sorry and said he regretted as soon as he said it but I slapped him round the face when he said it because that cut so deep.
I do have to try and stay strong for Alex and perhaps the week I am away will break or make us, who knows. Why he is still living at home I always think theres a chance we could get it sorted.
Trace I have been trying to get some info from CAB but can't get through to them, if we have our own house and my name is on the mortgage, I ain't sure if I am allowed to stay in the house? Do you have any information you can give me?
I don't want it to come to divorce but at the end of the day I have to think of my happiness, when I look at Lee I love him but then when I look at him again I hate him for everything he has done to me. When I had Alex our lives was complete and you couldn't of wished for Lee to be a different person but so much as changed.
I'm so sorry for going on, I'm such a nightmare, well managed to get my ironing done, just got to hoover downstairs now.
You must be in such turmoil. It is so hard as to what to do for the best. I can understand that all the while Lee is still in the house you will be thinking that there is a chance or reconciliation but I think sometimes distance can bring you together too. As hard as it is to accept being under each others feet while there is so much hurt and anger won't help at all. I have been in a similar situation although not a marriage at stake but it deffo helped to put a few miles between us (a previous relationship).
It took my breath away at the comment Lee made about you being worthless as you can't conceive naturally, infact it has made me cry. You say he apologised as soon as it was said but it was said and it was unforgivable. Oh Shell it must have hurt you so much when he said it. Well done for slapping him - I'm sending a cyber slap his way right now!!
I am quite shocked he could actually say that.
As far as the house is concerned you will have many rights being a mother of a small baby. I hope you manage to get some information from CAB soon.
Shell, I am really thinking of you and I hope things start getting better which ever it goes we are all her for you, you know that.
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
I'm so sorry to hear about your problems at home. Like Tracey, I'd read between the lines from your previous posts but had hoped that it wasn't what I thought. Time away from Lee should give you time to think, but you also (if possible) need to get a break as well.
I can imagine how hard the decisions that you're having to make are. Lee's comments about infertility were unforgiveable (I'm steaming at his insensitivity) but you need to weigh up all of your relationship and what would be best for you and Alex.
When my friend threw out her husband, she had rights over the house and stuff because of her little boy but I think that you ought to look into all of that sort of thing as soon as possible, just in case.
Take care of yourself.
Jules
TTC 5 years. Daniel & Charlotte born 22.03.02, 1st ICSI treatment. TTC for 4 further years. 2nd ICSI cycle abandoned, 3rd cycle BFN. Looking forward to being a happy family of 4.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read what's happening with you and Lee. If it's any help I think that lots of couples go through this sort of thing when there's a new baby around. Me and my husband have been together for thirteen years now and in that time I've never wondered about whether we'd ever split up, up until recently that is! I think a lot of men feel neglected and jealous when there's a new baby, and Steve seemed to under go some kind of personality transplant for a while. I think it's hard for them when someone else becomes the centre of our world. He's never admitted to feeling this way, and thankfully he seems to be back to normal now, but I found myself really disliking him for quite a while, and it put our relationship under a lot of strain.
I think also that I was just so thrilled to have my longed for baby that I thought he should be too, and so didn't really allow for him getting fed up and tired.
Anyway, this has become about me now, but what I'm trying to say is that maybe Lee has just changed towards you because he jealous of the new man in your life, and pehaps given time will stop behaving like an arse.
I really hope things work out for you Shell, because like everyone on this site you've been through a lot, and don't deserve this crap at what should be the happiest time of your life.
I hope you have good break, and that the break from each other might do some good.
Take care,
Sue.x
p.s Shell forgive me for this, but, Dagny...DARREN DAY!!!!!!! ....sending you a big cyber slap for that!!
ttc for almost 4 years, diagnosed as unexplained. Just about to begin treatment when we were lucky enough to concieve naturally. Our beautiful baby boy, Daniel, was born on 27 Sept 2003. Now expecting again, baby due 22 Aug 2005.
Thanks for all the lovely comments, well it's quite late and I am still up. Lee went to his Mom's tonight for tea so I went to my friends for curry. Come back at 22:30 and said to Lee that Alex needed feeding and he said well get on with it. He said at the end of the day you can't expect me to feed him and do everything when you have chose to stay out. So I have fed Alex mind he only had 2oz and now just waiting so I can sterilise my bottles.
It's such a strain, one part of me wants it to work but the other part is saying to give up. I have been trying for so long and I just don't think it will work for some reason.
I am going to take this time away and then when I come back I am going to speak to a solictor to see where I stand and what my rights are.
Well I will be packing my suitcase tomorrow, just not looking forward to the drive there to be honest, just me & Alex and I don't usually drive that far.
I joined this board just as you were going through the final weeks of your pregnancy and loved reading your progress and the eventual arrival of Alex. I am thrilled to say i am at that point now myself. I really feel for you. Having Alex must have made your life feel complete, and now its falling apart and you don't or can't understand why or how the man that you thought was so with you is now not. It's such a difficult time for you. You must look after yourself and Alex, and let Lee work through his obvious anger and confusion. Be strong. I hope things do resolve and get better for you all, but even if not you have the most precious gift of Alex with you always now.
take care, helen
Helen
-------------------
me 33, DP 35
ICSI cycle Nov 2003, tested positive.
When I read all your posts girls I have such a lump come in my throat but that's probably because I am hurting so much and it's nice to be able to speak to you all. I know you are not close by but I know you all do care about me.
I am trying to stay strong for Alex's sake and I will come bouncing back one day, the way I am trying to look at it is that Alex is here and I love him more then anything in the world, he's my son and I will do anything for him over & over again, he's the one good thing in my life and the best thing that could of ever happened.
Maybe Lee will realise what he's lost when it's to late.
Oh well case packed now, just so much to take with me but I am so much looking forward to getting away.
Sorry not been around - the flaming village in bloom competition and judging is tuesday so been strimming and doing leaflets and basically far too much......
Hope not missed you - re the house - you both have a right to stay in it as joint mortgage - the mortgage was in my name so threw tosser out! You have rights as you are the mother and principal carer for Alex so will stay in the house until you and Lee can sort soemthing out either amicably or via solicitors.
AS for his comments - very insensitive and quite frankly plain disgusting. People say the most hurtful things at times like this Shell and a slap will not have done him any harm. Actually don't think he means it deep down - at least hope not! and reckon he said it to really hurt. The worst part is that you want it to work but things can't go on this way - I think this is often the worst part of a break up - the limbo bit where not sure what to do either way. See what you think after your break but in my mind you should stay in the house and he should move out for a while so you can both spend time apart not under the same roof. Whatever and however Alex was conveived he is Lee's son and he can't just sweep him under the carpet because he said he only went along with it for you -what a cop out!
Thinking of you honey....
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
I am actually in Wales at the moment would you believe and this is the first chance I have logged on for ages. I can't quite believe what you are going through at the moment. I did wonder, but put it to the back of my mind thinking it was crazy after what you had gone through...I am so, so sorry - it is really unbelievable and I don't know what to say. Hopefully you will get some time to sort your head out a little whilst you are away - it's understandable that you still have feelings for Lee, BUT what he has said is shocking and don't you dare believe a word of it - you are a strong woman and a great mum - and Alex is far more important at the moment - and always will be. He is your dream and to be honest, if Lee continues with things then he is the one who will lose out, not you. Things are always said out of anger, but even with that in mind, some things are hard to forgive and forget...and as for slapping him - that's the least he deserved. You definately do have rights - if Lee has made this choice, then he should get out and leave, not you.
I'll email you when you get home. Take care my friend - and look after yourself and you wee man. Give him a big kiss from me and a big cyber hug to you.
Thought I would log on while I have 5 minutes, had a lovely time away but had to come back to the dreaded. Well it's not going to work with us to be honest and even more so now I have his Brother & Sister in Law against me, and they are someone who I was very close to. What happened went to there house and in conversation Sis in Law said that Lee was supposed of had an affair many moons back, well I confronted Lee when I got home and he said he hadn't. He's spoke to my Sister in law now and she denied it. Well her husband as told her now she is not to have anything to do with me. I had to phone my Sister to come to mine today because I was crying that much I felt so ill and was sick. I told Lee to pack his things and go ebcause I couldn't handle it anymore, he said I was losing it how dare he. I was ok until I come back home. Lee turned round and said he's enjoyed is own company and I should f off back to where I have been. I have been trying to make our marriage work but I have decided enough is enough you get one chance at happiness and I need to get out because I end up a wreck.
Zoe - How is Sam doing? Can't believe how much they are growing up can you?
Trace - Won't be so long for you now, I bet your so excited!!
Right - Shell if I did not look and walk like a flaming tellytubby I would be right over to lamp Lee one -sorry hun but he is in TOSS POT land!
You have given him some chances so now he can F off as he so delicately puts it. Ignore his family that take his side - most people worth bothering about would make sure you are both ok - especially in this instance when you have done nothing wrong. Rise above them and tell them you can understand their loyalty to Lee but does not mean they have to be rude to you and it is not helping matters - infact it is fuelling the fire so could they back away. In return you will not make things harder than necessary!
Then ask or tell Lee to go and live with them or friends as you are not getting on under the same roof and legally you have a right to stay in the house or he has to find you one and pay for it - don't leave that house Shell!
E mail me if you need me
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Lee is being a complete a**e Shell - it's quite unbelievable and if that's his attitude, don't waste any more of your precious time on him. Wee Alex is your life just now, and I can't believe how childish Lee is being. That combined with selfish, cruel, nasty...the list is endless. As for your in-laws, surround yourself with those who really care about you and Alex - it will be their loss, big time.
On a lighter note, Sam is great - starting to wean him now and he's turning into a wee pudding! How's Alex through all this?
What is a wee pudding - is it like a spotted dick or a syprup pudding
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
