2013 IVF Cyclers Join Us HERE!

[MyLove]

I am at a total loss today. Went in for my first OB appt today. Could not find a heartbeat. U/S showed no HB and baby had expired. Just sick to death. I would have never thought this possible this time. I waited hours before calling DH because I just did not know how to break it to him. Now I have to decide between D&C or Cytotec pills. I am going back to my RE as soon as they can get me in. Just do not want to do this at OB's office. Not sure I can ever walk in there again. Any advice ladies? I am a wreck.

Cristie

Christie,
I'm so sorry! I just felt so relieved once you heard the HB! I don't know which is better nor what to say to your DH. Nothing I say can take away your pain and I wish I could! You are in my heart deeply! I sit here and complain, whine, worry and haven't even heard a heartbeat yet sulking in my dispair of problems with my DH and clinged to you for your knowledge and support and now I have nothing to offer in return due to my lack of IVF HELL AND LACK OF KNOWLEDGE! I know you don't know me personally but my heart aches for you and I love you!
Dawn/MyLove

[MyLove]

Alisa & Dawn: I'm so sorry that you two are in Beta hell, but know that I'm right there with you (although I feel pretty much out of it at this point)! Dawn, keep us posted tomorrow with how your Beta goes. I have a good feeling that you will have doubled Alisa, I know that waiting until Friday must seem like an eternity, but maybe it's just giving your little one some extra time to snuggle in Hopefully work has been able to keep your mind off of things, somewhat, and I'll be watching for your good news on Friday.

Cristie: Words cannot describe how deeply and utterly sorry I am for your loss!!!! Even though this is of probably no comfort to you, I do know exactly how you feel. During my 1st IVF attempt, I went through Beta hell for a while, and when that finally straightened itself out, my baby's HB was really low on the US. At my next US I was prepared for the worst, and was amazingly surprised when it had picked up, and was up to a normal level. With that said, I was released from my Fertility Clinic, and moved on to my OB. I was finally starting to feel optimistic about my pregnancy, when at 10.5 weeks, I saw a little weird blood when I wiped after going the bathroom. I went in for an US that day and found out that my baby no longer had a HB I know that shock that you must have felt today, and the blindsiding blow it must have caused you. Please know that we are all here for you during this extremely difficult time. I know that everyone grieves differently in this situation, but I am happy to email with you, or talk to you whenever you need! You are in my thoughts, and my heart aches for what you are going through.

Lindsay: You're my cycle buddy and my friend. How are you? Please let us know. I'm so worried about you! I know I may seem overly attached but I love you ladies! I've never had anyone to talk to about IVF, 2WW, etc. You all welcomed me with open arms and I feel we worry, stress and morn together. Please keep us updated if you can. Love you and here for you no matter what! You have a Beta scheduled today right? I do too! I'll post my results as soon as I get them and I hope you will have some beautiful numbers!

[Sunshine1576]

Cristie- I sent a message to you last night on IVF Gals, but I cannot get you off my mind. I wanted to also tell you what helped me was making out a list of all my favorite comfort foods and sending dh to the grocery store for me. The next day dh surprised me with sunflowers...I'll never forget that. A month later I went to Lowe's an bought a rose bush to plant in memory of my angel. But take all the time in the world you need, we are always here for you, completely understanding how difficult the IVF journey can be. I pray for some peace and strength to help you get through this difficult time. XXXXHugsXXXX Christy

[Sunshine1576]

I'm over here wishing Lindsay and Dawn a good beta today! Truly thankful we have each other to lean on and that support will take you both so far!

Lindsay- I'm glad you are using the IVF relaxation tracts, they really did make me sleep better at night. My advice or insight would be to stay positive throughout this journey. We learn something from each cycle, maybe right now it's not very clear but those who choose to hang on will one way or another bringing home their babies. This journey can take a toll on us, it's so hard at times, but it makes us stronger and together we'll put up a fight to make our dreams come true.
Dreams do come true!
Christy

[bloomli]

I got my Beta back for today, and it was a 48! This was a huge surprise, and now I don't know what to feel/think. I've read many stories, where people with low betas actually have it climb, only to have it eventually fall, but I'm still trying to hold out a little bit of hope for a miracle. I will have another repeat Beta done on Saturday, so another two long days of waiting (ugh, the waiting), and we'll see what the Beta comes back at then.

Dawn, I'm so anxious to hear how yours went today! I love you you and all you ladies too, and am hopeful that you had good news today too Keep us posted!!

~ Lindsay

[MyLove]

Me 39 cauterized tubes 4 children 23DD,20DS,15DD,8DS
DH 36 flucuating sperm count

#1 08/2012
IVF

08/17 Trigger
08/19 ER 17 Fert 3 (8cell, 4cell, 3cell)
08/22 ET 3, 3dpt
08/31 HPT BFN
09/01 Beta BFN

Meds; repronex, gonalF, trigger, then progesterone after ET by IM

#2 05/2013

05/12 Trigger
05/14 ER 9, 5 Fert ICSI, 3 remaining
05/17 ET 3 (2 8cell, 1 4 cell)
05/20-05/24 HPT BFN
05/23 Slight pinkish DC
05/25 HPT faint pos in the am
05/25 HPT BFP in the evening
05/26 Beta 24
05/28 Beta 36.8
05/29 Beta 52.7
05/30 Beta 82.1
06/01 Beta scheduled
To get to the 1500 at a 2 day doubling rate I should be there no later than June 8th. I'm ready to say forget the 48 hour tests and go visit my sister in NC. I need a break!

Spoke to my RE nurse today. She said don't get too excited that the beta double this once and that my RE will not see me again unless I make it to a Beta of 1500 and if I have cramping to go to the ER. That was such a nice phone call. What a cold person. Anyway CONGRATS LINDSAY!!!!! I JUST KNEW YOUR BETA WOULD RISE! My DH had more testing done and we are waiting results from the Mayo clinic. I have a stat appointment with a pulmonologist in the morning due to not only having a nodule in my lung, supposedly my lungs are full of them. I'm praying it's from the pneumonia. I get tested for cancer and heart disease twice yearly because it runs in the family. CONGRATS Ladies!!! Love, Hugs and Kisses to you All!

[MyLove]

I got my Beta back for today, and it was a 48! This was a huge surprise, and now I don't know what to feel/think. I've read many stories, where people with low betas actually have it climb, only to have it eventually fall, but I'm still trying to hold out a little bit of hope for a miracle. I will have another repeat Beta done on Saturday, so another two long days of waiting (ugh, the waiting), and we'll see what the Beta comes back at then.

Dawn, I'm so anxious to hear how yours went today! I love you you and all you ladies too, and am hopeful that you had good news today too Keep us posted!!

~ Lindsay

Me 39 cauterized tubes 4 children 23DD,20DS,15DD,8DS
DH 36 flucuating sperm count

#1 08/2012
IVF

08/17 Trigger
08/19 ER 17 Fert 3 (8cell, 4cell, 3cell)
08/22 ET 3, 3dpt
08/31 HPT BFN
09/01 Beta BFN

Meds; repronex, gonalF, trigger, then progesterone after ET by IM

#2 05/2013

05/12 Trigger
05/14 ER 9, 5 Fert ICSI, 3 remaining
05/17 ET 3 (2 8cell, 1 4 cell)
05/20-05/24 HPT BFN
05/23 Slight pinkish DC
05/25 HPT faint pos in the am
05/25 HPT BFP in the evening
05/26 Beta 24
05/28 Beta 36.8
05/29 Beta 52.7
05/30 Beta 82.1
06/01 Beta scheduled
To get to the 1500 at a 2 day doubling rate I should be there no later than June 8th. I'm ready to say forget the 48 hour tests and go visit my sister in NC. I need a break!

Spoke to my RE nurse today. She said don't get too excited that the beta double this once and that my RE will not see me again unless I make it to a Beta of 1500 and if I have cramping to go to the ER. That was such a nice phone call. What a cold person. Anyway CONGRATS LINDSAY!!!!! I JUST KNEW YOUR BETA WOULD RISE! My DH had more testing done and we are waiting results from the Mayo clinic. I have a stat appointment with a pulmonologist in the morning due to not only having a nodule in my lung, supposedly my lungs are full of them. I'm praying it's from the pneumonia. I get tested for cancer and heart disease twice yearly because it runs in the family. CONGRATS Ladies!!! Love, Hugs and Kisses to you All!

[BlissfulCS]

Lindsay- that's very good news. Low betas can go either way and the fact that you more than doubled is a good thing. We need some success stories here and I pray you have one.

Dawn- If RE isn't going to see you until you hit 1500 I say go ahead and take that trip to NC. Good luck!

Cristie- I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Facing losing this pregnancy has been so difficult and I am barely five weeks along and never even saw a heart beat. I cannot imagine going through this again, or experiencing it even further along. The pain must be so great. I wish I could take it from you. I am so very sorry. I know there are no words that can make this better, that only time can help and even then you are forever changed. Please let us know what if anything you need.

[ironchef78]

@ Christie, I am praying for you.. I am so sorry to hear.. it really shook me to the coore, we all spend so much money and put all our hopes and dreams in a test tube, which has a less then 50% chance of coming through, but the thought of having offspring for out DH created in love makes it easier for us to go through this injections, blood testing and awful nauseating metformin..
We are all here for you
@ Lindsay.. I dont even know what to say... but keep praying... one day soon.......
@Alisa... My thoughts are with you.. and hoping for a miracle
@Dawn ... U're so strong.. u have a lot going on for you yet u are here lending a shoulder for ur fellow ivf sisters to cry on, I know u'll be fine...

I am have just started my menopur, i have to take 225mg, along with metformin 1g twice daily in addition to the buserelin, I am now on .25mg.. Lets see what happens thats a lot of meds.. is there anyone else on this regime?

[bloomli]

Dawn: Congrats on your Beta doubling- that is soooooo exciting!!!! I don't care what that awful RE Nurse told you, but I say that with your levels continuing to go up, it's a great sign Especially when your body is trying to fight off pneumonia!! I got your other message, but for some reason I couldn't reply to it. Any idea why? When I went to compose a message, it said that I might have just registered to the site and need to participate more before I can send a message. Weird huh? Can you send me your email? That might be an easier way to do private messages. Let us know if you decide to take that vacay! I think that's a great way to take your mind off of things- some fun in the sun with family My parents are in town this weekend, and I'm hoping they provide a good distraction until my next Beta on Saturday

Alisa: Wishing you lots of luck tomorrow!!!! I have faith that you'll keep the "Beta rising" trend going

Cristie: Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing?? We're all thinking of you, and are here for you in whatever way you need us! Please just know that you are not alone during this very difficult time, and our hearts hurt for you

~ Lindsay

[BlissfulCS]

Let me start by saying you are all in my prayers, but none more so than Cristie right now. Aching for you my dear...

Well ladies, I have some beta news. I almost exactly DOUBLED. 440 today for a 47 hour doubling time. The nurse of course says its a low number at 22 dpo but definitely suggests that its unlikely to be ectopic (they don't rise normally typically) and could mean I had a fighter and/or a vanishing twin. Ultrasound and bloodwork in Grand Rapids on Monday. I am pregnant. And its possible I might stay pregnant.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[suzyq]

My Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your love, thoughts, and prayers. Each of your words were very touching to me and gave me strength. Your service to me has been great and more than you know.

Went in this morning for a D&C. All went well. I chose to end this and not wait it out. Also heard horror stories about the pill. A pleasant experience for a terrible event. I called my RE and went back to the SRM clinic. They were very kind and caring. Just don't think I can ever walk into my OB's office again. She is wonderful, but the whole experience was so shocking. Maybe I will feel different later, but not going back for now.

I am praying for each of you ladies. I hope each of you get that precious baby soon.
Love ya,
Cristie

[MyLove]

My Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your love, thoughts, and prayers. Each of your words were very touching to me and gave me strength. Your service to me has been great and more than you know.

Went in this morning for a D&C. All went well. I chose to end this and not wait it out. Also heard horror stories about the pill. A pleasant experience for a terrible event. I called my RE and went back to the SRM clinic. They were very kind and caring. Just don't think I can ever walk into my OB's office again. She is wonderful, but the whole experience was so shocking. Maybe I will feel different later, but not going back for now.

I am praying for each of you ladies. I hope each of you get that precious baby soon.
Love ya,
Cristie

Christie,
I'm so sorry. I wish that there was a way to take away all of your heartache and pain. I will pray for you to have some inner peace with this someway, somehow. I can't say that I know how you feel because I don't but you are a wonderful strong woman! Time does heal all, I just hope that the time of healing is shorter than longer for you. If you need anything, please let me know.
Dawn

[MyLove]

Me 39 cauterized tubes 4 children 23DD,20DS,15DD,8DS
DH 36 flucuating sperm count

#1 08/2012
IVF

08/17 Trigger
08/19 ER 17 Fert 3 (8cell, 4cell, 3cell)
08/22 ET 3, 3dpt
08/31 HPT BFN
09/01 Beta BFN

Meds; repronex, gonalF, trigger, then progesterone after ET by IM

#2 05/2013

05/12 Trigger
05/14 ER 9, 5 Fert ICSI, 3 remaining
05/17 ET 3 (2 8cell, 1 4 cell)
05/20-05/24 HPT BFN
05/23 Slight pinkish DC
05/25 HPT faint pos in the am
05/25 HPT BFP in the evening
05/26 9dpt Beta 24.6
05/28 11dpt Beta 36.8
05/29 12dpt Beta 52.7
05/30 13dpt Beta 82.1
05/31 14dpt Beta 122.5
06/01 15dpt should be 164.2 Beta scheduled
06/03 17dpt should be 328.4
06/05 19dpt should be 656.8
06/07 21dpt should be 1313.6
06/09 23dpt should be 2627.2
RE SHOULD SEE ME SOMETIME BETWEEN THE 10-14, HOPEFULLY!

Well ladies, I broke down today for the 1st time in many years. I seen the pulmonologist this morning (4 hr appt). He basically told me my lungs are full of Sarcoidosis and he's almost 99% sure I have malignant nodules in my lungs. He stated that if he goes into my lungs that if it is malignant it will progress very fast. He told me to discuss with DH what we want to do about BFP, wait or terminate. Sad that my RE won't even talk to me about it, anyway, I am being scheduled for a 2nd opinion. I believe it's just the pneumonia. I was so distraught, I went today for my beta instead of tomorrow. I am going tomorrow too, wouldn't want to confuse my RE Nurse being I have 24 hr Betas being she's looking at only the 48 hour ones. My family physician called today and BLESS HIM, he is scheduling this upcoming week with another pulmonologist and also dropped the bomb that my DH has to definitely see the hematologist at the cancer center. We have a week and 5 days to wait on DH's HFE results from the Mayo clinic too! BY THE WAY, MY BFP is not going to change! I'm hell bent and determined that all of us are going to be just fine! Crazy how we both were healthy as a horse and now we have issues! God will see us through this and my mean stubborn streak as well. FYI some of our IVF meds can cause Sarcoidosis, so investigate and be careful. There's always a substitute. I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE FOR ME! IT REALLY HELPS ME EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY!

[bloomli]

Alisa: Congrats on your Beta doubling!!!!! That's so exciting I can totally see how it could be the situation of a vanishing twin that has caused your Betas to be wacky. I had that with my first IVF too. I am confident that your Betas will continue to double, and that you'll see a beautiful, healthy baby beginning to grow at your U/S on Monday! Now, hopefully, you can enjoy the rest of your weekend

Cristie: I'm incredibly sorry for what you had to go through today. I am glad that everything went well, but know that it doesn't make what you went through any easier. It is totally understandable that you don't want to go back to your OB's office anytime soon. Do what's best for you, and avoid the things that will make your grieving and healing process harder You are so sweet to offer such nice and positive thoughts for everyone after you went through something so devastating. I will continue to think about you, and know that your beautiful baby will be on it's way soon!

Dawn: I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this extra stress, waiting, and medical testing on top of all that you've been through with IVF, and then your Beta numbers You're right though, just remember that your BFP is not going to change! Let us know what tomorrow's numbers are, but I"m sure that they'll be right where they should be I'm glad you're getting a second opinion, and hopefully he/she will have some good news for you. Stay strong hun!

I have my next Beta in the morning, and I am very nervous. I really don't think it'll be good news, but I guess I'll know that tomorrow I'm still bleeding, and I wish it would just stop already! I'll keep you guys posted with tomorrow's results.

~ Lindsay