Looking into using donor eggs

[JessicaJJ]

Hello! My name is Jessica. I'm 36 yo, married, no kids. I came here to find support, some advice and of course information about infertility and ivf. The reason why I have to use donor eggs is premature menopause. I feel like I'm not ready for such a big step. I know almost nothing about this procedure. That's why it scares me so much! I'm confused. I hope you will help me to puzzle out this question.

We've been always dreaming about having children. We wanted to get on our feet, to buy our own house, to create family and environment where we could bring up our kids. Both my husband and I are from shelter. We don't have relatives who could help us with finances or babysit our children while we at work. We have only each other who we can count for.

We've started ttc a year ago. I've noticed menstrual disorders. At first delay of my periods I thought that we were pregnant. But test was negative. We kept on trying but no result. I knew that something is wrong with me. I was so scared to go to the doctor and hear that I'm infertile. But this happened. I was diagnosed with premature menopause. I was told that my ovaries no longer release eggs which needed to conceive. That was a really heartbreaking moment.

My only option is to use eggs of a donor. I have so many thoughts and doubts. How will I feel about a baby from an egg donor? Will I love it as my own? Will I be able to feel it is my child? What if my baby decides to find this donor? What if my baby hates me because of this procedure? I'm so scared. I hope you will share some experiences and advices with me. Thank you in advance!

[Gia9]

Welcome to the forum! We all here are suffering or have had won the war with infertility (I'm still to find success though) - but it comes without saying that with the support and the knowledge on find here share the fertility journey just gets bearable. I'm not particularly is the same situation as you are but I guess I can relate to the desperation of being a mother and all that comes with DE conception. A lot of women have these DE related dilemmas like will they be truly our child?? what if he/she is more inclined to the biological mother when grown up? I'd say the answer lies in how you end up making them feel. A child is like a blank canvas - they pick up what they see - I've seen adopted children and even step-children get along so well that I don't consider DE children any less capable of doing that. You need to feel it's yours and they will reciprocate. What's in a biological linking - some features some traits - you can ask any of your family members for the DE if resemblance matters to you.

When you have to choose between DE and not being a mother, I guess the choice becomes quite obvious. Just make truce with your mind cause these are not matters of the heart for sure. Good Luck!

[xenia]

I can't help with dir experiences, however you would find lots of successful stories on eggdonationfriends com Hope this helps

[Vikky]

Hi dear! I have some experience in this whole de ivf thing so I'll try to help. First of all I want to say that I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I understand your confusion. This is so hard when you face infertility and nothing helps. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19 yo. I've been in treatments for years and zero result. I was lost. I didn't know what else to do to make all work. I was looking at my friends who were getting pregnant and gave births. I was constantly asking myself "Why me? Why nothing works?" I've tried so hard. Each time I believed with my whole heart and soul that "this treatment will help for sure". And each failure was breaking me completely. To be honest sometimes I have thoughts to stop fighting and accept childless life.

Now I'm happy I didn't give up and continue to go for my dream. I'm pregnant and I'll become the happiest mother in the whole world very soon. I've already shared some thoughts in the other of your thread. But I want to add that you will forget all your doubts as soon as you know you're pregnant! You'll love your child! You won't feel child's not yours because it will be your child! You will carry your baby, you will spend 9 months talking and singing to your baby, you will give birth. And as it was said in that research you've posted about - mothers who use donor eggs DO pass their DNA to their children! Even though I didn't hear about it earlier I still knew the baby is mine and I'm the one and only mother of my baby. We used anonymous egg donor so it'll be impossible for our child to find our donor. We are still thinking if we tell our baby about egg donor. Anyway we have time to decide) The most important is to find correct words to explain your child this truth. There is a lot of info in the internet so it won't be so difficult to find the right words. IVF with donor egg is not a crime or something negative to hate. It's a way of infertility treatment. I'm sure your child won't hat you for this! I hope I helped a bit) I'll be waiting for your updates! Wish you best of luck xx

[JessicaJJ]

Hello everyone! Thank you for your kind responses. I was thinking about de for a really long time. Now I know that I really want to have de ivf. I'm comforted that you are feeling the same as I am. I really needed someone to listen to me and to hear me. Every single one of my close friends is pregnant or have children, my sisters, sister in law, cousins. It's so unbearable. When 2 of my best friends told me they were pregnant & of course conceived straight away, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. One of my best friends has had her 2nd baby (conceived straight away) & all she does is moan about tiredness or feeling unwell. I would love nothing more than that. I feel so angry at times that it’s taken for granted & as much as I love her, I need to distance myself from her as it’s too hard to be around. I found recently others for constantly posting pictures on social media of their children as if to gloat. Do they have no awareness of those that may not be able to conceive? For those desperately trying? I feel like people just don’t see.

I'm so happy for you! Your story makes me believe that mine will also be so positive. I'm so grateful for your support and advices. I really needed someone to tell me all these things! All this made me stronger with my decision. Could you please share more details about your de ivf? Where did you have it? How much it costed? How many attempts of ivf did you have? I with be grateful for any information! I'm looking for an agency/clinic now, but I'm at a loss. Reviews and opinions are so controversial. This is so hard to decide which place to choose. Hope for your help!

[Vikky]

Hello everyone! Thank you for your kind responses. I was thinking about de for a really long time. Now I know that I really want to have de ivf. I'm comforted that you are feeling the same as I am. I really needed someone to listen to me and to hear me. Every single one of my close friends is pregnant or have children, my sisters, sister in law, cousins. It's so unbearable. When 2 of my best friends told me they were pregnant & of course conceived straight away, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. One of my best friends has had her 2nd baby (conceived straight away) & all she does is moan about tiredness or feeling unwell. I would love nothing more than that. I feel so angry at times that it’s taken for granted & as much as I love her, I need to distance myself from her as it’s too hard to be around. I found recently others for constantly posting pictures on social media of their children as if to gloat. Do they have no awareness of those that may not be able to conceive? For those desperately trying? I feel like people just don’t see.

I'm so happy for you! Your story makes me believe that mine will also be so positive. I'm so grateful for your support and advices. I really needed someone to tell me all these things! All this made me stronger with my decision. Could you please share more details about your de ivf? Where did you have it? How much it costed? How many attempts of ivf did you have? I with be grateful for any information! I'm looking for an agency/clinic now, but I'm at a loss. Reviews and opinions are so controversial. This is so hard to decide which place to choose. Hope for your help!

I know exactly what you are talking about! All that pregnancy talks while you are struggling with infertility are so exhausting. Posts of kid's photos in social media made me so depressed. I understand that my friends were not doing it to make me feel bad. They just don't get it, how we feel or what we are going through. I'm happy to see them happy, but... but that was too hard.

Now it's a lot easier for me. Now my perception of the world is completely different. I feel happiness. Finally after so many years I feel good and I'm positive on daily basis. Before my de ivf journey I was angry all the time, I was sad and stressed. I hated so many things, I didn't go outside much. I was just sitting at home and thinking how miserable I am. I'm really glad all that is over. I'll become mother very soon and I'm enjoying my life! I'm sure you'll feel the same very soon.

It's so nice to know I could help you a bit. My journey started in European clinic. I'm really glad we chose to go abroad. Not only we saved some money for our child, but also the clinic made everything for us to enjoy the process. There are many clinics of reproductive medicine there, but ours is working with foreign patients. They provided us with translator and apartment which was really nice. We had to care about nothing but our ivf. We had 2 tries in general. I've got pregnant from the first one. We paid approximately €7.000 for everything. High success rates were a major factor which convinced us to choose it.

[JessicaJJ]

I feel exactly the same now as you did before the pregnancy. I hope with my whole heart everything will change for me as well. I want to finally start enjoying my life, feeling happy and making my husband happy. Sadness and hate inside me is just destroying me and my life. I'm tired to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sharing this info. I'll pay attention to everything you've told. I have so many questions for you! I hope you don't mind. How exactly did you choose the clinic? There are many of them. This is very hard to choose I should say. What convinced you? I know that you choose it because the clinic works with foreign patients and has high success rates. And also price seems pretty reasonable. But how did you understand that your clinic is exactly what you are looking for? What criteria did you consider?

Also I'm interested how did you choose your donor? How your clinic selects their donors? Do they use fresh or frozen embryos? It would be nice to choose donor. I really would like to know how she looks like. To be honest I want to choose a donor who looks like me. Not exactly the same, I understand it's impossible. But at list I want my donor to have some of my features. It would be great! Well thanks a lot. I hope I'm not bothering you! I'll wait for your reply.

[Vikky]

I feel exactly the same now as you did before the pregnancy. I hope with my whole heart everything will change for me as well. I want to finally start enjoying my life, feeling happy and making my husband happy. Sadness and hate inside me is just destroying me and my life. I'm tired to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sharing this info. I'll pay attention to everything you've told. I have so many questions for you! I hope you don't mind. How exactly did you choose the clinic? There are many of them. This is very hard to choose I should say. What convinced you? I know that you choose it because the clinic works with foreign patients and has high success rates. And also price seems pretty reasonable. But how did you understand that your clinic is exactly what you are looking for? What criteria did you consider?

Also I'm interested how did you choose your donor? How your clinic selects their donors? Do they use fresh or frozen embryos? It would be nice to choose donor. I really would like to know how she looks like. To be honest I want to choose a donor who looks like me. Not exactly the same, I understand it's impossible. But at list I want my donor to have some of my features. It would be great! Well thanks a lot. I hope I'm not bothering you! I'll wait for your reply.

Hello Jess! Of course I'll answer your questions. I should say it was not easy at all when I was looking for a clinic. Not only I learned by heart all websites with lists of clinics and what they propose, but also I read so many forums and reviews to be sure we'll go to the right place. The main things we were considering were price, using of fresh eggs, criteria by which donors are chosen, rates of success and some general services. It was also important for us that the procedure is anonymous. So there will be no "I-am-your-real-mom-situation" in future.

Our doctor and program coordinator helped us to choose a donor. We made a list of features which we'd like our donor to have. Basing on our list, they chose 3 donors and eventually we chose the one which suited the most. We used fresh eggs. Opinions differ, but as far as I know fresh eggs are better and with them chances to gp are higher.

[Ghost]

We used fresh eggs. Opinions differ, but as far as I know fresh eggs are better and with them chances to gp are higher.

That is true...in egg donor cycles.

[pagerelvia33]

we went for donor egg surrogacy. and we were frankly surprised how easy it all went. we have signed with World Center of Baby. it is a Ukrainian agency. the donor part went fast. we just chose the preferable features and that was it. it is anonymous over there. but we did not have any second thoughts whether it suits us or not. it was our only choice tbh

[xenia]

we went for donor egg surrogacy. and we were frankly surprised how easy it all went. we have signed with World Center of Baby. it is a Ukrainian agency. the donor part went fast. we just chose the preferable features and that was it. it is anonymous over there. but we did not have any second thoughts whether it suits us or not. it was our only choice tbh

Have you done PGS NGS of donor eggs?

[sun_sunny]

Hi Jessica, you should learn about ovarian rejuvenation, it's a technique that works well and I know that some women may have gotten pregnant with their owns egg after doing so. I can only recommend the Crete Fertility Center for its expertise in this area. If you need more information, come back to me. Cheer up

[xenia]

I am sorry to know your story, Unfotunately, I cannot help with my own experiences, but you will get great support from other ladies in this forum. If you might want to read more, eggdonationfriends is an amazing source that is dedicated to ladies who are undergoing IVF DE. Good luck

[Nat'mum]

I myself have been recommended this clinic, in Crete, Crete Fertility Centre for the complete mastery of this technique which is no longer in the experimental stage in them ... I should go in the spring... I hope to have the money by then (1600€)

[xenia]

@Nat'mum - do you mean mesotherapy treatment to ovaries? A friend of my has just undergone it in Poland, and we are waiting for results