I'm so jealous!!!

[kira099]

Hi girls! How have you been? Sorry but I really REALLY need to vent! I hope some of you can relate! Because I feel so bad about how I feel… I’ve just found out that my cousin and his wife are expecting their 2nd baby. Don’t get me wrong! I am happy for them! But every time I hear that someone is pregnant I feel so sad and depressed. And as ashamed as I am to say it I’m so jealous! When it going to be my turn???? WHEN? Everyone in my life is pregnant or already has children. Literally everyone I know! I receive at least one invitation to a baby shower per week! It’s insane and it’s driving me crazy! It’s getting me so down that I find myself making excuses not to go around friends and family houses like I used to. I can’t bare feeling like this!!! Do you think I’m a bit*h?? So sorry for this post. I feel like a bad person. I hope I’m not alone...

[milaSM]

I totally understand how you feel. I try to be happy for others but deep down inside I’m so jealous... I think we have every right to feel the way we do... It’s human nature. We are trying and longing for a baby... And when someone else gets pregnant it’s a downer. Don’t apologize for your feelings. Just try to channel that negative energy in another way. My best friend called yesterday to tell me that she is expecting! While I am happy for her, I can’t help but be jealous. She has only been trying for 2 months (naturally)... I’m so depressed... I so feel like I’m getting my rag! I just try to remember that I am still blessed with the things I do have and know that someday it will be my turn! Hang in there. It will be our turn too!

[JessicaJJ]

If you are a bit*h then I am queen bit*h. I wouldn't say I am jealous. And trust me I have thought about this a lot. Hearing someone else is pregnant just reminds me of this very uphill struggle I am in. It brings me back to the depression I have to fight every day to keep going to my dream. I am in the same boat. Every of our friends has had their babies and moved on to their second in the last two years we have been trying. We are about to start surrogacy as it is our only option to get pregnant. Even our friends doing IVF have been successful and are starting on #2. Infertility is just unfair. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed. I am so depressed and of course those seem to be the times when someone else I know reveals their pregnancy. Or one better is when a coworker brings me her sonogram picture and brag about getting pregnant on her first month trying AGAIN! She is half way to #2! And we started trying for #1 way before she and her dh did. Not to mention we have spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on failed treatments. I am not sure how to make this better. I personally am in a place where I no longer want to hear it will happen when it’s supposed to or everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah. I cannot believe there is any good reason for infertility in a person that so desperately wants a baby and yet terrible people get pregnant so easily every fckn day. Sorry this is my rant. Bottom line... You are not a bit*h and not alone.

p.s. I didn't mean the way I feel is by any means the right or best way to feel. In fact I wish I still felt that this was happening for a reason or that my DH and I getting pregnant was even a good possibility. I just can't get to that place anymore. I really have lost most hope especially since it is never going to happen by any natural means. It will always take intervention which means I have to be willing to keep trying which I am just about done with. I would truly want to believe there was a reason for it.

[Estellla]

This thread is like reading my diary. I was the last one of every group to get married. Friends from my town, friends my grade school, friends my high school, friends from jobs - all have multiple kids. I know people who were told they did not ovulate and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who had one ovary and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who got pregnant at 41 with no meds. I know people who had twins the first time they had unprotected sex. I know people who had 5 abortions and had kids with no problems - you name it. And I am about to HOST a second baby shower after all my miscarriages. But what can you do? A baby is a great thing. I can't expect people to apologize for a new life. I do wish they would stop complaining about their heartburn or sore feet or gas to me though. Then they say to me "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" And I think to myself - if I could live through my mcs then I think I can handle a little gas or sore feet. I think when I'm finally successful at this I promise not to complain to any woman in my life who is not a mom.

[hally09]

Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am. I wish I were in better spirits to start this yea! My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our first baby for 3 years now. It's been so frustrating! We have zero progress. We're currently seeing our RE. There are no good news at all… I think we’ll have to turn to IVF… I don’t know how I feel about it. And honestly I do not want to think about it now. We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, 2 IUIs but nothing. Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless. My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI. She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been. It's been so hard!! And what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly. I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby. He just doesn't understand. Anyone have any encouraging words?

[pagerelvia33]

Oh... That's so hard. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there. I have overcome this, just with one thing on my mind - I will become a mother as well. That it is not the end. And now at 55 years of age, I am already making much more progress than I was 10 years ago.

[kira099]

Hi all! Thank you for all ur support and encouragement. It just gets so hard sometimes… As much as your family and friends try to be there, they just don’t understand. It’s almost like they tip toe round you. I’m sick of people asking me when I’m going to have kids. It’s always people that haven’t seen me for a while so I just change the subject unbeknown to them its killing me inside. I’m desperately trying for a baby, and dh that’s another story. I just don’t think he understands at all. I tell more about my thoughts and feelings to this forum. I’m so glad I found it. You've all been such a great support to me. Keeping you all in my prayers.

[sabrina]

You are not alone. I can totally relate to how you feel. My cousin just had her 3rd baby. We live in different states. At least I don't have to worry about seeing the baby often. But I am going out to visit my mom soon. She wants me to stop by and see them on my way out to my mom's. I declined the invite saying that she just had the baby and the last thing she needs is me and my two little dogs visiting. When the truth is that I just don't think I could handle seeing the new baby. Then there is my other cousin whose wife is due in June!!! You must be kidding me. Life is not fair at all!!! But we just have to keep faith that someday we will get the little baby that we so desire. Hun, you are not a bad person for feeling jealous. I can totally get it why you feel this way.

[simonna]

I just want to say that I know how much pressure infertility can put on your career and your marriage. The more invasive the treatments, the harder it is to take the failure. At least in our case I am the source. I think that male factor would have been sooo much more difficult on our marriage! After years of trying and failures depression is an inevitable conclusion. Pregnant women around us don't make this journey any easier, especially when they flaunt it in your face! The best treatment for my depression is to keep going and don’t stop no matter what.

[SaRaaa]

I am sure many can relate to you. Infertility jealousy is a thing! It isn't that we are jealous about others pregnancy news it's just that we feel sad about ourselves. It's completely fine. When I am going through such a phase I try to keep myself busy. So that I don't think a lot about the issue. I hope you are soon able to conceive. Sending baby dust your way.

[mell009]

I can definitely relate and you are not alone in how you are feeling. The feelings are completely natural and should be recognized. I am currently on an almost 4 year infertility journey. Unexplained infertility so it makes me even more angry and depressed at the situation. I have had to distance myself from certain family and friends because they lack the ability to provide appropriate empathy and support. You are never required to attend baby showers or other events that are too painful for you to endure. And if anyone questions or are mean about your absence at these events, then it may be a good idea to reevaluate that relationship. In this long journey, I am finding that I need to connect with others who are going through IVF or have achieved success through IVF. These connections can then become friendships as they can relate to the IVF process and struggles. But I know that all this anger/depression/sadness/negativity is not healthy and won't help the situation, so I would suggest finding a support group, IVF mentor, online boards like this one, or a licensed counselor. These resources will allow you a safe space to vent and get all those feelings out in the open. Then they can help provide direction on how to deal with these situations moving forward. Just know that you are not alone. Infertility is so painful every single day. There are many of us still waiting for our turn. I wish you all the best. Hugs!

[desirre]

Your feelings are valid, normal and you are not a B*. I feel similarly to you. I have cycled through grief, anger and wishing the other person was the one struggling and not me. I have fought back tears whilst running full speed on the treadmill when a pregnant woman walked by at the gym. I have wondering how old pregnant women are when I pass them on the street. I am currently avoiding my pregnant cousin mostly because she lied to me about her pregnancy and that lie 'killed' my spirit. I'm finally accepting my path is different than theirs and although difficult, I am doing the best I can do. Infertility is unfair and has no rhyme or reason in terms of who is affected.