Hi, haven't posted for a while, those of you who know me may remember that I never respond very well to tmt, well this time is no different. Had EC this morning but there were no eggs. Cried buckets at the hospital but now just feel numb. Why me? Why does it never work? This was tmt no.6. First one cancelled due to poor response, second cancelled due to DH accident, third 1 embryo transferred & -ve, fourth 2 embryos transferred & -ve, fifth cancelled poor response. And this one, no eggs. Had to have a blood test to see whether that last injection had somehow not been absorbed or something. Got to make an appt for 2 weeks time for results of this and, I assume, to talk about next time. Has anyone got any similar stories with a happy ending? I'm not a bad person but I feel like I am being punished for something.
Kat x
why me?
why me?
Me & DH both 41
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
Oh Cat...I'm so sorry. No wonder you feel numb.
You must be incredibly strong and positive to have continued to tmt. 6 so far so try not to start doubting your worthiness, it's not worth spending your time on negative thoughts. I know it's all a question of individual beliefs but I take strength from a Buddhist Noble Truth ' Life is suffering'. Sounds a bit heavy and doom ridden but it basically states that we're wrong to assume that life will be fair and pain free. It states that life is all about learning to recognise challenges and gaining the strength to counter them. Which you're doing.
You are strong and don't deserve this but you will get through it.
Love
Debra.
You must be incredibly strong and positive to have continued to tmt. 6 so far so try not to start doubting your worthiness, it's not worth spending your time on negative thoughts. I know it's all a question of individual beliefs but I take strength from a Buddhist Noble Truth ' Life is suffering'. Sounds a bit heavy and doom ridden but it basically states that we're wrong to assume that life will be fair and pain free. It states that life is all about learning to recognise challenges and gaining the strength to counter them. Which you're doing.
You are strong and don't deserve this but you will get through it.
Love
Debra.
you have not done anything wrong 
you need to stop that kind of thinking NOW
i dont think for one minute anyone of us deserves the hands that we have been delt.
i dont know why people who abuse there children can have them so easaly and we who would never hurt a child have to go threw so much to try and have a child.
but on this board you will find good friendships and alot of supoort.
you couldnt ask for a better lot of friends
becky
you need to stop that kind of thinking NOW
i dont think for one minute anyone of us deserves the hands that we have been delt.
i dont know why people who abuse there children can have them so easaly and we who would never hurt a child have to go threw so much to try and have a child.
but on this board you will find good friendships and alot of supoort.
you couldnt ask for a better lot of friends
becky
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
Dear Kat
I remember you very clearly Kat, I think we cycled around the same time last year. I am so sorry that this has happened. I don't know if you remember my story but I too have alot of failed attempts. Sometimes I have wondered why it has to be me? and why I have suffered so much through all of it. I think we all feel like that.
You are not being punished you have not done anything awful to deserve this. I am afraid it is just life and life is just so damn unfair. You always sound such a lovely person Kat and I know you have been so supportive to many of the women on here. You will get through this even though it is so very, very difficult and really so unfair.
Just know you are not alone in any of this. Many of us can really empathise with your pain. The support and frienship I have encountered on here along with the love of my husband and family are the things that seem to get me through time after time.
I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your husband and sending you a big hug.
gracexx
I remember you very clearly Kat, I think we cycled around the same time last year. I am so sorry that this has happened. I don't know if you remember my story but I too have alot of failed attempts. Sometimes I have wondered why it has to be me? and why I have suffered so much through all of it. I think we all feel like that.
You are not being punished you have not done anything awful to deserve this. I am afraid it is just life and life is just so damn unfair. You always sound such a lovely person Kat and I know you have been so supportive to many of the women on here. You will get through this even though it is so very, very difficult and really so unfair.
Just know you are not alone in any of this. Many of us can really empathise with your pain. The support and frienship I have encountered on here along with the love of my husband and family are the things that seem to get me through time after time.
I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your husband and sending you a big hug.
gracexx
Kat.............
I have not been posting much lately either...Lurking in the background...In between tmts........
Did not realise you were cycling again.......what an absolute bummer.....
Am also feeling a bit down at the mo as spotted the Sept cycle thread and cant believe its a year since we cycled together, the old SCBs.....
I am determined that the rest of the SCBs (me, you, July Ann, Sue(sueq)and of course our dear friend Dagny & Mrs inspiration (Traci) will get to Join Nikola& Tracey on the other side .....we are just a bit slow!!
I really hope they sort something out for you at your next appointment...I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling.Its bad enough getting a -ve but to not even get to ET must be so frustrating, to go through all the ups & downs for your chances to be snatched away.....
You are a strong person Kat and I am sure you will fight on.....Dont blame yourself...its just life Im afraidlike the others say........It just seems so unfair sometimes how life seems to be cruel to so many good people and kind to bad people(prime example being that evil rapist who just won the lottery-how unfair is that)
Anyway, have gone off the tangent a bit....and am probably not cheering you up.....just want you to know you are not alone and that lots of people are thinking of you
Take care
Sarah
xxx
I have not been posting much lately either...Lurking in the background...In between tmts........
Did not realise you were cycling again.......what an absolute bummer.....
Am also feeling a bit down at the mo as spotted the Sept cycle thread and cant believe its a year since we cycled together, the old SCBs.....
I am determined that the rest of the SCBs (me, you, July Ann, Sue(sueq)and of course our dear friend Dagny & Mrs inspiration (Traci) will get to Join Nikola& Tracey on the other side .....we are just a bit slow!!
I really hope they sort something out for you at your next appointment...I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling.Its bad enough getting a -ve but to not even get to ET must be so frustrating, to go through all the ups & downs for your chances to be snatched away.....
You are a strong person Kat and I am sure you will fight on.....Dont blame yourself...its just life Im afraidlike the others say........It just seems so unfair sometimes how life seems to be cruel to so many good people and kind to bad people(prime example being that evil rapist who just won the lottery-how unfair is that)
Anyway, have gone off the tangent a bit....and am probably not cheering you up.....just want you to know you are not alone and that lots of people are thinking of you
Take care
Sarah
xxx
Dear Kat,
I am so so sorry, I dont post very much these days either but of course like Sarah I remember my SCB pals! I truly hope that your follow up will provide some answers for you. It always seems strange to me that you can have follicles and no eggs, similar happened to me in my most recent failed attempt! Still we are not the doctors!
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and we have to believe that eventually our time will come. Take care of yourself honey, have a few glasses(bottles!) of wine, and get your DH to give you lots of TLC.
Lots of love
Sue xxxxx
I am so so sorry, I dont post very much these days either but of course like Sarah I remember my SCB pals! I truly hope that your follow up will provide some answers for you. It always seems strange to me that you can have follicles and no eggs, similar happened to me in my most recent failed attempt! Still we are not the doctors!
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and we have to believe that eventually our time will come. Take care of yourself honey, have a few glasses(bottles!) of wine, and get your DH to give you lots of TLC.
Lots of love
Sue xxxxx
Hi all, thanks for your lovely replies, I am glad some of my old buddies are still around too. I know it's not my fault but I can't help thinking there will come a time when they say to me that there's no point in carrying on as it will never work. That's what really frightens me. Having said that the doctor always says 'it was just not the right time' or 'it was just not a good cycle this time' and has never once said anything to make me think she might ever give up on me. (perhaps she just wants the money- no actually I don't believe that at all) She goes back to when I got 4 eggs last Sept and says I can do it again. Sometimes I believe her & sometimes I don't.
Anyway, today is another day. I am going to make the most of these few days off work, have booked a haircut and am going to have a major tidy up around the house. And yesterday afternoon I went to see an acupuncturist (who surprised me by asking questions like he really knew about IVF) and I am going back on Monday for another session. He also gave me some chinese herbs to detox and when I have finished those he will give me herbs for fertility. I know he cannot suddenly make me produce eggs but I figure that even if it makes me more relaxed then it can't be a bad thing to prepare me for my next cycle.
I'll keep you posted.
Lots of love
Kat xx
Anyway, today is another day. I am going to make the most of these few days off work, have booked a haircut and am going to have a major tidy up around the house. And yesterday afternoon I went to see an acupuncturist (who surprised me by asking questions like he really knew about IVF) and I am going back on Monday for another session. He also gave me some chinese herbs to detox and when I have finished those he will give me herbs for fertility. I know he cannot suddenly make me produce eggs but I figure that even if it makes me more relaxed then it can't be a bad thing to prepare me for my next cycle.
I'll keep you posted.
Lots of love
Kat xx
Me & DH both 41
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
ICSI #1 - abandoned
#2 - cancelled - DH accident
#3 - 1 transferred, bfn
#4 - 2 transferred, bfn
#5 - abandoned
#6 - no eggs at EC
#7 - DE in Barcelona - bfp but lost Dec'05
#8 - DE UK - bfn
#9 - FET Sept/Oct '07....
Hi Kat,
I remember you from SCB and I did not relise that you were cycling again
Time has gone so quick, please try and stay positive, and those of us who were lucky enought still have you and the other SCB in our thoughts, and we are hoping that like us you will reach your dream, then you can join us on the midnight feeds, and upto armpits in nappies....oh joy !!!
Please becareful of the herbs, as per Carolines message !!!
Good luck and lots of baby dust comming your way, we will be looking in on you.
Take care for now
Love Wibbs & Joshua xxx
I remember you from SCB and I did not relise that you were cycling again
Time has gone so quick, please try and stay positive, and those of us who were lucky enought still have you and the other SCB in our thoughts, and we are hoping that like us you will reach your dream, then you can join us on the midnight feeds, and upto armpits in nappies....oh joy !!!
Please becareful of the herbs, as per Carolines message !!!
Good luck and lots of baby dust comming your way, we will be looking in on you.
Take care for now
Love Wibbs & Joshua xxx
Kat, i know how it feels to get that disappointment, especially after doing everything as you should during treatment. My first ivf i had only produced one egg, I will never forget the lady who was doing the scan, she was lost for words. We were called into a room and told the cycle was to be abondoned but advised that I could treble the dosage to kick start my ovaries.... 
On my second ivf with increased drugs i produced five follies growing at slightly different rates 
We were then given the choice to collect or abandon, though we were encouraged to collect. It just takes one egg. But then I had the collection, as i came round from the sedative they said to me i had three eggs, tears just rolled down my face, in my sedated condition, i really felt like i had done something, performed..... cant express the word! 
sadly though they did not fertilise? Being grade a, not sure what did not happen. Had my last attempt approx just over 2 yrs ago with natural cycle had an egg collected but did not fertilise.... You can imagine how i felt, i cried like i lost a child, no one understands entirely how you feel, after 3 ivf i was hoping luck would change. Yes i have taken time out, but i am going to do things a bit different, do not know where the strength comes from... 
there must be some truth in that Budha quote from earlier. Take a bit of time and think about what you want to do, not easy i know. But give it time.
On my second ivf with increased drugs i produced five follies growing at slightly different rates We were then given the choice to collect or abandon, though we were encouraged to collect. It just takes one egg. But then I had the collection, as i came round from the sedative they said to me i had three eggs, tears just rolled down my face, in my sedated condition, i really felt like i had done something, performed..... cant express the word! sadly though they did not fertilise? Being grade a, not sure what did not happen. Had my last attempt approx just over 2 yrs ago with natural cycle had an egg collected but did not fertilise.... You can imagine how i felt, i cried like i lost a child, no one understands entirely how you feel, after 3 ivf i was hoping luck would change. Yes i have taken time out, but i am going to do things a bit different, do not know where the strength comes from... there must be some truth in that Budha quote from earlier. Take a bit of time and think about what you want to do, not easy i know. But give it time.Jjj
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Dawn Blake
- Regular
- Posts: 260
- Joined: Mon Oct 14, 2002 8:32 am
- Location: Kent
Hi Kat
I can't tell you how sorry I was to read your mail, please please please don't feel like you are being punished, you are anything but a bad person, we cycled together last year, and you were a tremendous support to me, so try not to give up, think of these as blips, and they are missing a crucual little something that's messing your eggs (and head) about.
I don't look in on here as often as I like, but rest assured I am thinking of you and all the others, and pray that your day will come, because when it does, you truly forget all the sh*t you've previously been through, hard to believe, but believe me you do.
Sending you and DH massively big ((((hugs)))), take care.
Lots of Love
Dawn xx
I can't tell you how sorry I was to read your mail, please please please don't feel like you are being punished, you are anything but a bad person, we cycled together last year, and you were a tremendous support to me, so try not to give up, think of these as blips, and they are missing a crucual little something that's messing your eggs (and head) about.
I don't look in on here as often as I like, but rest assured I am thinking of you and all the others, and pray that your day will come, because when it does, you truly forget all the sh*t you've previously been through, hard to believe, but believe me you do.
Sending you and DH massively big ((((hugs)))), take care.
Lots of Love
Dawn xx
Oh Kat, I too am really sorry about your last cycle. Trying accupuncture could really make a difference. The first 3 cycles I had (without accupuncture) I got 8-10 eggs, the 2 I had with accupuncture I got 20-25 eggs. And even though I didn't get PG, I'm a complete convert. Keep strong, love
Alison x
Alison x