Hello Everyone,
I suppose I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately. I was so confident that my treatment would work considering that I had conceived before naturally. Now I realize I was being overly optimistic, and I am having a hard time being hopeful for the next treatment.
Due to demand of work it would be best for us to wait until January for treatment, but I can not wrap myself around the idea that if we don't preceed now we may be wasting precious time. Realistically, I know it is only a two month wait ( Oct to Dec) and I am young enough not to feel so pressured by time. I just want to know now if it is going to work or if we need to plan for future treatments, which we are alreading doing so that reasoning does not make any sense either.
I suppose writing all this out is convinicing me that my ordeal is not that bad, but I suppose I am selfish. I read other stories on the board Staci's, Hope's, Caroline's, Kat's, Dagny's, Traci's and many more, and I feel like I am not being a very strong person to p*ss and moan about my little problems.
For the past couple of days I have been dealing with alot of anger and bitterness for having this to deal with when it seems EVERYONE else can get pregnant so easy and even when it is not something they want,
So, you can see I am dealing with some very conflicting issues.
I am extremely happy for every positive on this board, but with every new postive I ask myself ( and God), "but why could that not have been me?".
Chris (DH) thinks I should view each positive on this board as hope that treatment can work, and I DO FEEL THAT WAY!
I feel guilty for asking why not me?
Well, I hope no one judges me for being so selfish. There are so many selfless women on this board, but I just can not be that strong ( at least not at this moment). If anyone has had any of these same type of feelings please let me know that I am not just an ungrateful b*tch, because that is pretty much how I feel.
Mia[/u]
Bitter...Any advice?
Hi Mia ... I'm so sorry you feel so rubbish at the moment.... it's only a few days since you had your -ve, although I know it will seem ages ago to you, and you need to give yourself time to grieve .... you will feel all these strong emotions .. anger, bitterness etc ... When I got my -ve last cycle, I was so angry - I was so rude and snappy to everyone .. I really shouldn't have gone into work, as I was totally out of order for days .. I suppose the emotions have to come out in some way, and that's how I dealt with it .. lot's of bad moods and lots of crying ! ... but, as they say, time's a great healer and you will slowly start to feel a little better. You're not being selfish Mia, and I think anyone who goes through an IVF cycle is a strong person.
You will, eventually, start to feel a little less angry - you just need to give yourself time.
Take care
Sandra x
You will, eventually, start to feel a little less angry - you just need to give yourself time.
Take care
Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
Hi Mia
i really do agree with what sandra has said you need time and in time you will feel better about this we all feel like this when we get a negative its very hard to deal with, please dont feel bad about what you feel you will get there so hang in there and dont give up hope.
Take care
susan
i really do agree with what sandra has said you need time and in time you will feel better about this we all feel like this when we get a negative its very hard to deal with, please dont feel bad about what you feel you will get there so hang in there and dont give up hope.
Take care
susan
Me 27 DP 28
ttc 6 years started ivf Oct 03 due to M/F
ICSI Oct 03 negative
ICSI April 04 Positive but ended m/c at 10wks
FET Nov 04 positive boy girl twins born 5th july 2005 at 35weeks Blake 6lbs13oz kirsten 6lbs10oz
ttc 6 years started ivf Oct 03 due to M/F
ICSI Oct 03 negative
ICSI April 04 Positive but ended m/c at 10wks
FET Nov 04 positive boy girl twins born 5th july 2005 at 35weeks Blake 6lbs13oz kirsten 6lbs10oz
Oh Mia, sweetheart, stop giving yourself such a hard time! Of course you're not selfish. You are perfectly entitled to your feelings. We all go into this having to maintain that really delicate balance between holding on to the possibility of a positive outcome and realising that statistically it might not work (or at my age, to be brutally honest with myself, it probably won't work). It's a very hard thing to manage and it's all too easy to become over-optimistic. So when it doesn't work, it is bitterly disappointing. It is a mini-bereavement and you need to grieve.
My guess is that if you let yourself have your feelings for a few days and get them out of your system, rather than beating yourself up because "you shouldn't feel like this" or "you're being selfish" you'll feel much better. Have you spoken to a counsellor at all? It really might help. When I came out of hospital, I was really thrilled to be home and thought things would be ok from here. But when I went to bed the first night, I just could not sleep at all. It was all running through my head and I was getting more and more angry that, as I saw it at the time, the clinic had nearly killed me. By 3am, when I still couldn't get anywhere near sleep, I realised that I just had to speak to someone, so I got up and phoned the Samaritans (they're not just for suicidals, you know). The man I spoke to was fantastic - I got the whole story out and my anger and disappointment and I cried and felt much better. I was on the phone for about 1.5 hours and thought I'd get some sleep then. Unfortunately David then woke up and wondered where I was, so we spent another hour talking about it and I got an hour and half's sleep that night!
It also helped me a lot to talk to another gynaecologist and get an independent view on what happened, even though I then had to accept that maybe I'd partly brought it on myself by taking Chinese herbs without telling the clinic (or maybe that's nothing to do with it and I'll never know really). But getting clearer about the facts has helped me come to terms with it. It still didn't make it any easier to watch all these heavily pregnant women outside the maternity ward smoking away without a care in the world. I wanted to punch them, really. I sat watching them, thinking "how could you do that" and "why, when I'm so bloody healthy and clean living, can I not get pregnant when these trollops are poisoning their babies with nicotine"? But it makes no difference, does it? Good things don't always happen to nice people. Life is not fair.
I think one of the hardest things to deal with is not knowing. Like you say, you want to know if it's going to work and you want to plan your life and it just isn't like that. You don't have any control and that's really hard because modern life isn't like that. We're used to being in control of things. It's a very hard thing to come to terms with but I think that's what you need deal with, living with that uncertainty and dealing with the grief of it not working this time.
I have a feeling that at the moment I am so relieved to be alive that the grieving bit hasn't kicked in. But I'm sure it will. I think there is a huge well of disappointment and despair somewhere that my treatment went so horribly wrong and I never got the chance to even collect all my lovely eggs that were developing so well. It feels like such a waste. And frankly it doesn't really matter what anyone else's story is, I still have my grief. I can see that, no matter how horrible my seizure was, I don't think it's as bad as what happened to say, Dagny, who lost a baby so far into the pregnancy. I would also say that, if you've had a "straightforward" failed IVF that isn't as bad as what happened to me. But that doesn't make what happened to you any easier and you are still entitled to grieve, just as I am.
Give yourself some time to get over it and find someone to talk to - Chris or a friend or your mother or someone might be able to help you through it but I would really recommend a professional. There's no shame in needing some help and that's what they are trained to do. It might make all the difference and you want to go into your next cycle of IVF (if you choose to do one) with the right frame of mind. I sometimes worry about the people who go from one cycle to another with no time to come to terms with their loss in between. They must be living in a heightened emotional state for months and months and I can't believe that's good for you.
Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough. But take it that, as one of the people with a real horror story to tell, I'm giving you permission to feel bitter and angry! You're going to feel it anyway, so you might as well make it ok.
Take care of yourself
love Caroline
My guess is that if you let yourself have your feelings for a few days and get them out of your system, rather than beating yourself up because "you shouldn't feel like this" or "you're being selfish" you'll feel much better. Have you spoken to a counsellor at all? It really might help. When I came out of hospital, I was really thrilled to be home and thought things would be ok from here. But when I went to bed the first night, I just could not sleep at all. It was all running through my head and I was getting more and more angry that, as I saw it at the time, the clinic had nearly killed me. By 3am, when I still couldn't get anywhere near sleep, I realised that I just had to speak to someone, so I got up and phoned the Samaritans (they're not just for suicidals, you know). The man I spoke to was fantastic - I got the whole story out and my anger and disappointment and I cried and felt much better. I was on the phone for about 1.5 hours and thought I'd get some sleep then. Unfortunately David then woke up and wondered where I was, so we spent another hour talking about it and I got an hour and half's sleep that night!
It also helped me a lot to talk to another gynaecologist and get an independent view on what happened, even though I then had to accept that maybe I'd partly brought it on myself by taking Chinese herbs without telling the clinic (or maybe that's nothing to do with it and I'll never know really). But getting clearer about the facts has helped me come to terms with it. It still didn't make it any easier to watch all these heavily pregnant women outside the maternity ward smoking away without a care in the world. I wanted to punch them, really. I sat watching them, thinking "how could you do that" and "why, when I'm so bloody healthy and clean living, can I not get pregnant when these trollops are poisoning their babies with nicotine"? But it makes no difference, does it? Good things don't always happen to nice people. Life is not fair.
I think one of the hardest things to deal with is not knowing. Like you say, you want to know if it's going to work and you want to plan your life and it just isn't like that. You don't have any control and that's really hard because modern life isn't like that. We're used to being in control of things. It's a very hard thing to come to terms with but I think that's what you need deal with, living with that uncertainty and dealing with the grief of it not working this time.
I have a feeling that at the moment I am so relieved to be alive that the grieving bit hasn't kicked in. But I'm sure it will. I think there is a huge well of disappointment and despair somewhere that my treatment went so horribly wrong and I never got the chance to even collect all my lovely eggs that were developing so well. It feels like such a waste. And frankly it doesn't really matter what anyone else's story is, I still have my grief. I can see that, no matter how horrible my seizure was, I don't think it's as bad as what happened to say, Dagny, who lost a baby so far into the pregnancy. I would also say that, if you've had a "straightforward" failed IVF that isn't as bad as what happened to me. But that doesn't make what happened to you any easier and you are still entitled to grieve, just as I am.
Give yourself some time to get over it and find someone to talk to - Chris or a friend or your mother or someone might be able to help you through it but I would really recommend a professional. There's no shame in needing some help and that's what they are trained to do. It might make all the difference and you want to go into your next cycle of IVF (if you choose to do one) with the right frame of mind. I sometimes worry about the people who go from one cycle to another with no time to come to terms with their loss in between. They must be living in a heightened emotional state for months and months and I can't believe that's good for you.
Anyway, I think I've rambled on enough. But take it that, as one of the people with a real horror story to tell, I'm giving you permission to feel bitter and angry! You're going to feel it anyway, so you might as well make it ok.
Take care of yourself
love Caroline
Thank you for giving me "permission" to be angry. I have been feeling this way for many days and have not wanted to post because I view my situation as "really not that bad" in comparison. Posting my feeling have helped me deal with the anger.
Sand,
Thank you for your reply. I am instructor at the university so I have had some time off over the summer. With school starting Monday I think things will be alot better. I need work to keep myself from obsessing about things. I too find myself a bit short with people. IVF has put a brand new perspective on what is worth stressing over and what is a waste of time to worry about.
Oh Caroline, Thank you so much. You are right a straight forward IVF, frozen blastocysts, under 35, and beautiful son...things could be ALOT worse. Thank you anyway for giving me permission to be angry!
I am going to try real hard to get over that.
I am a psychologist, so even though I have considered conseling I have a hard time going to talk to someone with the same amount of education as myself. I have a woderful friend who is also a psychologist who is much more clincal-oriented than myself and she is a great help. Chris (DH) is not so supportive. Chris is 7 years younger than I and doesn't feel the urgency that I am feeling. Chris views this IVF as a success ( little complications and some frosties) so he does not see why I am so disappointed. Basically, Chris just thinks I am being impatient.
I suppose in part I use this board as therapy because most people just don't understand IVF.
I laughed out loud when you mentioed punching the smoking pregnant women. My clinic is in a hospital and shares their offices with OB/GYN so every visit I had to sit in a waiting room with a room full of pregnant mothers. VERY FRUSTRATING!
Thank for being so kind!
Mia
Sand,
Thank you for your reply. I am instructor at the university so I have had some time off over the summer. With school starting Monday I think things will be alot better. I need work to keep myself from obsessing about things. I too find myself a bit short with people. IVF has put a brand new perspective on what is worth stressing over and what is a waste of time to worry about.
Oh Caroline, Thank you so much. You are right a straight forward IVF, frozen blastocysts, under 35, and beautiful son...things could be ALOT worse. Thank you anyway for giving me permission to be angry!
I am going to try real hard to get over that.
I am a psychologist, so even though I have considered conseling I have a hard time going to talk to someone with the same amount of education as myself. I have a woderful friend who is also a psychologist who is much more clincal-oriented than myself and she is a great help. Chris (DH) is not so supportive. Chris is 7 years younger than I and doesn't feel the urgency that I am feeling. Chris views this IVF as a success ( little complications and some frosties) so he does not see why I am so disappointed. Basically, Chris just thinks I am being impatient.
I suppose in part I use this board as therapy because most people just don't understand IVF.
I laughed out loud when you mentioed punching the smoking pregnant women. My clinic is in a hospital and shares their offices with OB/GYN so every visit I had to sit in a waiting room with a room full of pregnant mothers. VERY FRUSTRATING!
Thank for being so kind!
Mia
Hi Mia
Thank you for posting about your feelings it has helped me to read them. I felt ok on tuesday when I got my result which was so low it wasn't ever going to work. I just thought be grateful you have twins already and enjoy them. However as the week has gone on I have been feeling more and more down and tearful and today I feel rubbish. I also feel guilty for feeling bad as I have 2 beautiful children and so many others on this board don't have children but are so positive and supportive. I guess my problem is that we have had people here all week that have no idea what we are going through so I haven't had my time to "grieve" Although I really don't want to go there.
I hope you manage to work it out and maybe talk to someone else about you feelings just to get it out.
Take care.
Thank you for posting about your feelings it has helped me to read them. I felt ok on tuesday when I got my result which was so low it wasn't ever going to work. I just thought be grateful you have twins already and enjoy them. However as the week has gone on I have been feeling more and more down and tearful and today I feel rubbish. I also feel guilty for feeling bad as I have 2 beautiful children and so many others on this board don't have children but are so positive and supportive. I guess my problem is that we have had people here all week that have no idea what we are going through so I haven't had my time to "grieve" Although I really don't want to go there.
I hope you manage to work it out and maybe talk to someone else about you feelings just to get it out.
Take care.
Ellie
Mia what a weird coincidence - I'm a psychologist too! What kind are you? I'm a business (occupational) psychologist. I've also done a year long foundation course in counselling skills, so I've been on both sides of the fence. I value what I can do for others and think well, if I can do that for them then others can support me in the same kind of way when I need it. It just validates psychology/counselling/therapy as far as I'm concerned. I never worry about crossing the therapist/client divide to become the client. In fact, to be honest, I see it as a sign of strength, not weakness - a willingness to face things and deal with them, when sometimes, as Ellie said, it would be much easier "not to go there". Can you relax that professional pride a little and let yourself be a bit vulnerable? Still if you've got your clinical friend to support you then maybe that's enough. Don't mean to lecture, so apologies if I've caused offence.
Take care
love Caroline
Take care
love Caroline
Mia,
Don't even think of appologizing for your feelings. We all have them at various times. I am going to tell you some things that helped me - not because I think you need to "fix" your feelings, but because I hope that they might help someone.
For me the worst was the 2 years TTC when I did not know what the problem was. I was so bitter - all the women I worked with were pregnant at that time. And I was not even particularly nice to DH, either.
Once I found out I had zero chance of conceiving without IVF it was a different picture. I stopped beating up on myself for failing to get PG. I tried my best to make up to DH for being so snappy the last 2 years. I started doing a little volunteer work. I quit my stressful job.
Here are the thoughts I try to hang on to:
1) My girlfriends with babies are so busy that they can't do anything else. I have to believe that if it never happens for me, that is because I would be less happy than I think as a mommy.
2) There are many other women with this problem. Before the 1970s, we were out of luck - nothing could have been done for us. Our odds are very low now, but infinately greater than zero.
3) There are many things I want out of having a child. One was to quit my software sales job. I can make some of them happen for myself while I'm going through tmt. That's why I quit my job and entered fashion design school. It is a great diversion. I wanted to bond with other women - now I do that by working in a clothing boutique.
4) OK, this one's kind of weird, but I'm going to write it anyway. Many of the women in the bible were infertile - some went on to have a child and some did not. I believe that this is proof that God understands my pain and that it is not meaningless.
Hope this helps someone. I know we are really big on PMA on this board, but the doctor told me yesterday at ET "Think good thoughts or bad thoughts. It really doesn't matter at all."
Sorry such a long post. Good luck to you, Mia - I hope your dreams will come true with your next tmt.
Alicia
Don't even think of appologizing for your feelings. We all have them at various times. I am going to tell you some things that helped me - not because I think you need to "fix" your feelings, but because I hope that they might help someone.
For me the worst was the 2 years TTC when I did not know what the problem was. I was so bitter - all the women I worked with were pregnant at that time. And I was not even particularly nice to DH, either.
Once I found out I had zero chance of conceiving without IVF it was a different picture. I stopped beating up on myself for failing to get PG. I tried my best to make up to DH for being so snappy the last 2 years. I started doing a little volunteer work. I quit my stressful job.
Here are the thoughts I try to hang on to:
1) My girlfriends with babies are so busy that they can't do anything else. I have to believe that if it never happens for me, that is because I would be less happy than I think as a mommy.
2) There are many other women with this problem. Before the 1970s, we were out of luck - nothing could have been done for us. Our odds are very low now, but infinately greater than zero.
3) There are many things I want out of having a child. One was to quit my software sales job. I can make some of them happen for myself while I'm going through tmt. That's why I quit my job and entered fashion design school. It is a great diversion. I wanted to bond with other women - now I do that by working in a clothing boutique.
4) OK, this one's kind of weird, but I'm going to write it anyway. Many of the women in the bible were infertile - some went on to have a child and some did not. I believe that this is proof that God understands my pain and that it is not meaningless.
Hope this helps someone. I know we are really big on PMA on this board, but the doctor told me yesterday at ET "Think good thoughts or bad thoughts. It really doesn't matter at all."
Sorry such a long post. Good luck to you, Mia - I hope your dreams will come true with your next tmt.
Alicia
TTC 2.5 years - Me 38 no tubes; DH 32
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
Mia,
Just chiming in to say you have every right to feel sorry for yourself and be angry, we all do at some point. You're not being selfish. And this certainly isn't a little problem, it invades almost every part of your life whether or not you want it to, so as the other ladies have said go ahead and be angry and sad and everything else you have every right to. Plus don't forget these drugs make your mind and body a little crazy. It takes some time to get back to normal. I get annoyed with people pretty easy too, it's only natural. You don't have to be strong all the time. My first cycle I worked from home a lot because I just couldn't deal with facing people on some days, it really helped me. Whenever I'm a total Bi**ch I just tell DH it's the drugs..
Good luck hun!!!
Just chiming in to say you have every right to feel sorry for yourself and be angry, we all do at some point. You're not being selfish. And this certainly isn't a little problem, it invades almost every part of your life whether or not you want it to, so as the other ladies have said go ahead and be angry and sad and everything else you have every right to. Plus don't forget these drugs make your mind and body a little crazy. It takes some time to get back to normal. I get annoyed with people pretty easy too, it's only natural. You don't have to be strong all the time. My first cycle I worked from home a lot because I just couldn't deal with facing people on some days, it really helped me. Whenever I'm a total Bi**ch I just tell DH it's the drugs..
Good luck hun!!!
Me - 35 Unexplained DH 37
TTC#1 since '97
5 IUIs
1st IVF 5/04 - transferred 2-neg
2nd IVF 7/04 - transferred 3-pos but MC at 8 wks.
TTC#1 since '97
5 IUIs
1st IVF 5/04 - transferred 2-neg
2nd IVF 7/04 - transferred 3-pos but MC at 8 wks.
although understanding your feelings (all too well!) and understanding the commends of everybody I do not share all the optimistic and positive views.
In the end you only have about 50% chance of getting pregnant.
A child is not garanteed and we have to cope with the grieve of maybe never having a child of our own....
and this hurts....
In the end you only have about 50% chance of getting pregnant.
A child is not garanteed and we have to cope with the grieve of maybe never having a child of our own....
and this hurts....
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
a babyboy!
-
sarah stead
- Member
- Posts: 33
- Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 6:42 pm
- Location: Leeds
Mia
Hi Mia,
I hope you don't mind me responding to your mail.
I can understand your feelings fully. I thought the problem concieving would be due to DH as I have convieved before. When I found out the problem was me I couldn't believe it. 2 failed attempts later and waiting for a third means that for me, I have felt distraught, angry, envious, confused, guilty and finally resigned to the fact that having a baby will not be easy or straight forward. I am not sure if this helps but at least whatever feeling you go through, you arre not alone and it is normal(I hope).
I hope you don't mind me responding to your mail.
I can understand your feelings fully. I thought the problem concieving would be due to DH as I have convieved before. When I found out the problem was me I couldn't believe it. 2 failed attempts later and waiting for a third means that for me, I have felt distraught, angry, envious, confused, guilty and finally resigned to the fact that having a baby will not be easy or straight forward. I am not sure if this helps but at least whatever feeling you go through, you arre not alone and it is normal(I hope).
SARAH
Hello all!
First let me say a big all around thank you! Everyone's replies have made me feel much better. Sometimes when you are feeling down you feel you are the only person who has those feelings. Is is nice to know that there are others dealing with the same types of feelings.
Caroline,
I am a cognitive psychologist. I don't think it is proffesional pride that keeps me from seeking formalized counseling; I just don't think I could find anyone in this area that would understand my situation enough to give me any concrete help. My IVF clinic doe not have a counselor or any other type of support system. I have many times considered approaching the clinic about the need to create such a position. I of course would be interested in spearheading such an adventure even though it is not necessary my field of expertise.
During my treatment and after I have thought many times about the other women going through treatment in my own clinic. I assume if I needed to seek out a "community" like the one on this message board the other women may need similiar support.
Anyway, I am always very long-winded on here , but I wanted to let you know that in no way were you offensive in any way. Your support has been extra special considering the terrible experience you and David had just pulled through. THanks again!
Ellie,
I am sorry about what you have had to deal with. I told my husband at least I got an unambigous -tive and did not have to deal with the extra waiting by getting a low number. I still feel like I spend to much time feeling sorry for myself and not enough time focused on the positives in my life. Are your twins from IVF? How old are they?
Alicia,
I loved how you listed the ways you deal with this crazy thing, infertility. Here in the same format is my reply...
1) Everytime friends cancel because they can not find a babysitter or when my husband and I take off on a weekend trip on a moments notice or when the screaming child in the department store will not shut up I question if becoming a mother at my age will make me a happy as I think.
2) I am amazingly grateful that science has advance to where it is today. My mother was suposse to be infertile and there was "no hope" for here except to try to conceive the old-fashion way. Luckily she was able to get pregnant with me, but she then had to have a complete hysterectomy at age 25.
3) I know everything I want out of having a child I can get through adoption. It is my husband that feels the need to "have his own child".
Adoption is always an option for me.
4) I do not have a vast knowledge of the bible,but I beleive in God, and I beleive that God has a plan even if I do not understand it all the time.
Thanks! I think what you wrote will be helpful to others.
I am going to post this and finish my reply in another post
First let me say a big all around thank you! Everyone's replies have made me feel much better. Sometimes when you are feeling down you feel you are the only person who has those feelings. Is is nice to know that there are others dealing with the same types of feelings.
Caroline,
I am a cognitive psychologist. I don't think it is proffesional pride that keeps me from seeking formalized counseling; I just don't think I could find anyone in this area that would understand my situation enough to give me any concrete help. My IVF clinic doe not have a counselor or any other type of support system. I have many times considered approaching the clinic about the need to create such a position. I of course would be interested in spearheading such an adventure even though it is not necessary my field of expertise.
During my treatment and after I have thought many times about the other women going through treatment in my own clinic. I assume if I needed to seek out a "community" like the one on this message board the other women may need similiar support.
Anyway, I am always very long-winded on here , but I wanted to let you know that in no way were you offensive in any way. Your support has been extra special considering the terrible experience you and David had just pulled through. THanks again!
Ellie,
I am sorry about what you have had to deal with. I told my husband at least I got an unambigous -tive and did not have to deal with the extra waiting by getting a low number. I still feel like I spend to much time feeling sorry for myself and not enough time focused on the positives in my life. Are your twins from IVF? How old are they?
Alicia,
I loved how you listed the ways you deal with this crazy thing, infertility. Here in the same format is my reply...
1) Everytime friends cancel because they can not find a babysitter or when my husband and I take off on a weekend trip on a moments notice or when the screaming child in the department store will not shut up I question if becoming a mother at my age will make me a happy as I think.
2) I am amazingly grateful that science has advance to where it is today. My mother was suposse to be infertile and there was "no hope" for here except to try to conceive the old-fashion way. Luckily she was able to get pregnant with me, but she then had to have a complete hysterectomy at age 25.
3) I know everything I want out of having a child I can get through adoption. It is my husband that feels the need to "have his own child".
Adoption is always an option for me.
4) I do not have a vast knowledge of the bible,but I beleive in God, and I beleive that God has a plan even if I do not understand it all the time.
Thanks! I think what you wrote will be helpful to others.
I am going to post this and finish my reply in another post
Wow, what a long post. Here is the rest of my reply.
Hope,
My husband does not let me use the "it's the drugs" excuse any more. I think I have worn that one out
. Thank you for chiming in! Do you know when you will be cycling again?
Alette, Sarah and Susan,
Thank you ladies for letting me know my feelings are normal.
Like I said today I am feeling much better. I think obsessing about the situation just makes things worse. Alicia, mentioned that it is important to have a diversion. I agree and I think it should me something you really enjoy like Alicia and fashion school. I am going to take Alicia's advice and turn the guest room into a place where I can work on my art. I suppose the nursery will just have to wait (at least for now
).
Lots of love and PMA
Mia
Hope,
My husband does not let me use the "it's the drugs" excuse any more. I think I have worn that one out
. Thank you for chiming in! Do you know when you will be cycling again?Alette, Sarah and Susan,
Thank you ladies for letting me know my feelings are normal.
Like I said today I am feeling much better. I think obsessing about the situation just makes things worse. Alicia, mentioned that it is important to have a diversion. I agree and I think it should me something you really enjoy like Alicia and fashion school. I am going to take Alicia's advice and turn the guest room into a place where I can work on my art. I suppose the nursery will just have to wait (at least for now
).Lots of love and PMA
Mia
Mia,
Oh, I totally relate about DH and the adoption thing! My DH is so wonderful in every way. It's just that he doesn't think he could become attached to an adopted child. I think this belief is common to men. I don't understand it because he adores our cat, and she is of course adopted.
I think after going through infertility tmt for a couple of years (however long we last
) he may feel differently. I believe in my heart that if it is still as important to me then, he might go along.
Alicia
Oh, I totally relate about DH and the adoption thing! My DH is so wonderful in every way. It's just that he doesn't think he could become attached to an adopted child. I think this belief is common to men. I don't understand it because he adores our cat, and she is of course adopted.
I think after going through infertility tmt for a couple of years (however long we last
) he may feel differently. I believe in my heart that if it is still as important to me then, he might go along.Alicia
TTC 2.5 years - Me 38 no tubes; DH 32
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
1st- IVF June 2004 - early MC
2nd - FET Aug 2004 - Twin boys born April 25, 2005!!!
Alicia,
My husband is 6 years younger also. There is definately something to be said for loving a younger man. I think some of Chris' thinking comes from his age (he is 28). Chris doesn't feel the time pressure like I do nor does he realize the many changes my body will go through if I become pregnant.
I tested Chris out on our kittens first, and I think he will be wonderful parent even if we have to adopt. Chris just wanted to give IVF a good ol' American try first.
I think my major concern with DH is that he is young and all the fertility problems are from me. If Chris wanted he could very easily find a nice young lady his own age and they could have many children the old fashion way.
Luckily I only feel that way when I am extremely down. In reality I believe Chris loves me very much.
I am so anxious to start my treatment in January. I have three frozen. Twins would be awesome!
Mia
My husband is 6 years younger also. There is definately something to be said for loving a younger man. I think some of Chris' thinking comes from his age (he is 28). Chris doesn't feel the time pressure like I do nor does he realize the many changes my body will go through if I become pregnant.
I tested Chris out on our kittens first, and I think he will be wonderful parent even if we have to adopt. Chris just wanted to give IVF a good ol' American try first.
I think my major concern with DH is that he is young and all the fertility problems are from me. If Chris wanted he could very easily find a nice young lady his own age and they could have many children the old fashion way.
Luckily I only feel that way when I am extremely down. In reality I believe Chris loves me very much.
I am so anxious to start my treatment in January. I have three frozen. Twins would be awesome!
Mia