Hi Girls.
Chubbs, I can really identify I promise. My love & thoughts & best wishes go out to you right now. I am crying a little as I type this, because I know exactly what you are going through. Try & have a break. We have now decided to go to Marmais in Turkey for 1 week, rather than just 4 days in Paris. Will do that in spring instead. We really need more of a restful few days, as I am sure you do. Have a good think about where you want to go from now in a while, when you feel a bit more positive. Don't make any major, life changing decisions at this time, lets face it, we're not in the best frame of mind for it are we. Much better to wait till we feel a bit better. Have you tried a Flotation Session. They are very good. I am due a free one soon, but normally they are £35.00 a time, but are well worth it. I think I will wait a few months to get this out of my system, but they are very relaxing, so I am focusing on good things right now & you should too. We are going to a Chris De Burgh Concert in October, so have that to look forward to. Try & plan lots of nice self-indulgent things to do. I plan to try & get a bit fitter & lose a little weight if poss, if for nothing else, to make me feel more positive.
This is my second attempt. I think I have said the first time I had 8 eggs, 5 matured & 3 fertilised so 2 were put back. This time, although they upped my drugs a lot (so consequently the cost shot up too!!!), I still only got 8 eggs, but it got worse, only 3 matured & only this one fertilised, so as you, only 1 put back. I did say I cheated on Monday & tested that evening & got a negative, so that prepared me a bit, but everyone said that it could still happen, it had turned round for some & been positive later. This was not my experience though. As I said, was due to test last night, but Wednesday evening I had some spotting. Last time I came on 3 days before testing, but this time, I still hadn't come on even after negative test, so I had started to hope as had felt sick & dizzy etc from right after ET really & hadn't last time. I seem to have different symptoms each time. Must remember to write down to ignore them if do another final one. I truly believe now that all my cruel symptoms came from those damn Progesterone pessaries!!! They are evil. That's one good thing, at least we don't have to endure them or the shots if you were having them. By yesterday morning it was more like the usual AF, not spotting anymore, although not too heavy. I did the HPT, just to prove it so I could dispense with the pessaries. Needless to say it was -ative!
I sincerely hope you can find peace, (don't ask me how that's possible, as I haven't a clue either!!!). It's not easy trying to be positive at the moment, is it. My husband won't even adopt, so I don't even have that to hold on to, so we are just going to see if anything happens next April & they give us all a free go & will go from there.
Take care of yourself, maybe keep in touch on here. Perhaps we can now put messages in the life after treatment section. I will be thinking about you in the coming weeks.
Lots of love & healing thoughts.
Mandy (Miller) xxxxx
To everyone else.
Thanks a lot for your support through this. It has helped, although not easy reading the good luck messages after it happend. Could someone post my result please, as haven't a clue how to & probably couldn't bring myself to anyway.
Good luck to those of you still waiting to test/cycling. I wish you all the best. I probably won't be able to look & see the results though, as may be too painful, but I do wish you well.
Sorry, have really waffled, but it's good therapy.
Thanks again, love, Mandy (Miller)xxx
