First timer

bibby · Post by **bibby** » Sat Sep 21, 2002 11:00 pm

Been logging onto the site all day - finally found somewhere where there are other people to talk to (apart from the fact there appears to be an error in the Chat room, can't get in there at all!). I've got my appointment to start injections for my first ICSI attempt on 10th October. Everyone says "I bet you're excited aren't you"? Well, I'm not! When we started trying 5 years ago, I wasn't really bothered about conceiving, I just thought it was about time we started trying. It's a good job we did as I wasn't the ticking fertile time bomb I thought I was! I've been through the paranoid stage, the getting upset stage and in a way I quitely resigned myself to a life of childlessness. Now, I'm dreading the treatment. It's going to raise my hopes all over again - and I don't know how I will cope. Is this just me? Everyone else seems so excited and positive. Maybe I just need to pull myself together? Sorry for the depressing posting. My mind has been working overtime all day. Bibby

Janice · Post by **Janice** » Sun Sep 22, 2002 4:30 pm

We are due to be at the top of the waiting list in December. As the time gets nearer, friends and family are getting very excited - not me! I can only describe it as a "protection" state of mind and even that doesn't describe it! For so long I have held myself together every month by thinking that of course I won't be pregnant, we have not started the treatment yet. When we do start the treatmen, what excuse can I tell myself then when AF comes. It is kind of like leaving yourself wide open up to hurt. I don't have any answers for you, but I do empathise with how you feel.

Sandra S · Post by **Sandra S** » Mon Sep 23, 2002 1:05 pm

Hi My first IVF attempt failed in August and due to try again probably October/November but I just wanted to say that I felt/feel excatly the same as both of you. When you have been trying so long you go through various tests and treatments and in the back of your mind you always know that if all else fails (which of course you don't think for a minute will happen at first) you can have IVF. When you get nearer to IVF you feel you are on your last hope and if this fails, that's it. I think excited is the wrong word - how can you get excited about spending between 4-6 weeks sticking needles into yourself etc?! The outcome though could be exciting and eventually will be for all of us i'm sure. You are not alone! Goodl luck. Sandra X

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Mon Sep 23, 2002 10:09 pm

I'm not excited either! Haven't been on the board for a little while but logged on tonight as I'm going in tomorrow for a basline scan before (presumably) starting sniffing again in 3 weeks. This'll be our 3rd time and the thought of going through the disappointment again (but more so) is making me feel that I don't want to start. But also (and this is the really ridiculous thing!) the thought of it working and being pregnant with one or possibly more is scarey too! Clearly my hormones are all over the place. Anyway, I think it is perfectly rational to be a little irrational at stressful times like these! Good luck to everyone Alison [Edited by Alison on 23-Sep-02 23:10]

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Tue Sep 24, 2002 9:48 am

Hi Alison, Just wanted to say it is nice to hear from you again, and I'm pleased for you that you decided to go for it again - I think last time you posted you were considering waiting until next year. Good luck for todays scan - I'm sure you'll be fine. I'm feeling a bit the same - all over the place really - its only our 2nd ICSI, but 9th attempt counting IUI and 13th counting useless clomid cycles - hmmm, 13th, wish I'd not started that sentance now! We should be used to disappointment by now, but I can't say it gets any easier. I also feel really run down - some days better than others but work just about wipes me out and I started treatment pretty fit albeit a tad overweight (in my own opinion, luckily not according to the dr's scale). Bibby and Janice, don't forget it is that little glimmer of hope that keeps us all here going - so don't deny yourself it, but it is totally natural to protect ourselves from hurting. I've said before that I think the build up to the 2ww is the best time because you really feel like you are doing something and you can safely talk about the 'what if'. And someone mentioned on the old site that being 'pregnant' during the 2ww is more than they could have hoped for prior to having IVF treatment. I like that thought. Sandra - good luck for when you start again. Take Care Fiona xx

bibby · Post by **bibby** » Thu Sep 26, 2002 3:30 pm

Thanks for your messages, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm feeling a bit more positive now but time seems to be really dragging now I have the date for my first appointment! Patience is a virtue, I remind myself... Luv Bibby

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Fri Sep 27, 2002 6:20 pm

Hi to all the un-excited people! Just wanted to thank Fiona for remembering who I was - I was ridiculously touched. I'd got it wrong and it was a blood test this week - got to go back next week for a mid-cycle scan so they can see exactly where I am in my cycle. I've been following yuor news on the other thread, Fiona, and was really pleased for your news today. Keeping everything crossed for us all, much love, Alison x

beck · Post by **beck** » Fri Sep 27, 2002 10:13 pm

hello bibby,janice,sandra,alison&fiona hey i was scared to but im in my second week now of down reggging and i dont think i could have done it without the support of the girls on the ivf board......someone somwhere on here always have the answers to your queries..and you will always have a cycle buddy/buddies. well i glad to see you again sandra!! good luck girls and keep us posted !! hope all goes well for you alison let us know the results wont you!! hugs becks xx

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