for Lindy

[Toni]

Hi Lindy

I just read your post - i feel so sad for you!! It must be hell going through this, this Ivf thing is such a waiting game, first the drugs and then the scans and then the 2ww - to have another wait like this is totally unfair....especially with the circumstances.

are they totally sure the embie won't survive? In answer to your question maybe what you had was a 'missed' miscarriage, where you bleed and get af pains, but your cervix stays closed, and your body 'expels' the fetus later on. Im only telling you this cos you sounded so confused, poor you, and i spent 4 hours in hospital on thursday morning with a tube in my arm thinking I had miscarried........... this is how they explained it to me as my womb is still closed, too. Stupid hospital advised me against a scan tho, as they were so booked up i'd be there for hours, and told me to wait til next week. imagine that? having some one telling you you have possibly miscarried........and then telliing you to go home and wait til next week?!! I wish i hadn't listened to them as sometimes it drives me mad wondering!!!

anyway I hope i havent upset you as that was not my intention, not sure if what i have said has made things worse, I hope not. We are all here for you.

take good care of yourself and fingers crossed.

Love and Kisses

Toni xx

[Jools]

Hi Toni

How are you now? Are you still in limbo or do you know one way or another yet? When I started to bleed heavily and m/c I went to my Dr who helpfully made me an appt for a scan with my local hospital for the following week, which was just downright cruel. I then decided later in the day when the pains were getting worse to go to A&E at another hospital (so that they couldn't look me up and know that I'd got a scan booked). The Dr there was fantastic and snuck me down for a scan even though the scan dept was closed, so that I'd know for sure. I'm sure that they said that my cervix was still closed, but he also couldn't see an egg sac or anything apart from debris in the womb so they concuded I'd m/c'd. I still kept the scan appt with the other hospital though, just to double check. What did they say when you went to the hospital? Did they do any pg tests on you? They did both blood and urine with me, which showed up -ve. I hope you'll be OK.

Hi Lindy

I think if I remember rightly JenF went through something similar, and I'm sure she got through it in the end. She went to hell and back with her levels, but in the end her embie hung in there. It might be worth looking up her messages. Hope you'll be OK too.

Lots of love to both of you.

Love Jools xx

[Edi]

Lindy,

I posted you on the other thread. I really hope that you are doing a bit better today and ready for the blood test on tuesday. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Toni,
Hang in there girl. I'm sure your little embie is a fighter and will show up nice and strong for the scan this week. Which day do you go in?
I'll be thinking about you.

Stay strong,

Love Edi

[lindy]

Hi,

Toni - You must have been so scared being in hospital and to then be sent home after they thought you'd miscarried!! To have to wait another week, must have been unbearable for you!!! I'm sure that everything will be okay for your scan tomorrow. Take care of yourself, my thoughts will be with you!

Day 35 and my blood test shows an increased HCG of 4794 Still not enough to be the norm healthy one! The nurse says that this is unusual and that they want me to go back on Thursday for another scan as they again think it might be ectopic and I might be at risk. I fail to see how the tinniest of a peanut shown (embe or sac unable to confirm?) on the previous scan in the womb could suddenley be ectopic? The nurse has said that the first bleed may have been due to the other embe misscarring just before Xmas. All I can say is that I've just felt so numb over Xmas and the New Year and feel that I'm am just drifting in limbo with all the uncertainty. So far most of the nurses seem quite negative, so it's difficult to even think a bit positive. I had a small bleed again on New Years Day, but the nurse says this could be what they call erosion of the Cervix.

Jools - thanks for the advise to read JenF, it does give me a glimmer of hope! The nurse today did say to me that at least this does prove I can get pregnant, even if it hasn't been a most pleasurable experience. We'll just have to wait and see, another 2 days to the next stage. The way I'm now beginning to see it is that the longer this goes on the better the chances are of me proving to myself that I can get pregnant and go at least this far!!

Edi - I think I might even start praying tonight for a little more hope and positivity.

Thank you all so much, you have really helped me. I am realistic and know that at any time it could all go and I will have to accept what happens. So for now I really want to help my little embe to fight a little bit more!!

Lots of love to you all!!!

Lindy

[kappy]

Lindy and Toni,
I've been following you both for a few days now. I'm so sorry for all the waiting you're having to endure! It's horrible. It's hard enough struggling through the the 2ww ... then to have it extended to such a degree. And the nurses really don't help. I understand that they are trying to keep us from getting our hopes up, but what's so terrible about offering a little PMA.

I also cycled in December. AF arrived the day after Christmas, and I continued bleeding thru the next day. By the 3rd day it slowed considerably. I was going to my clinic that day for blood work, and decided to try a HPT before my appt (just unusual that the bleeding slowed). Low and behold it was +! Then the Dr. confirmed it with a 75 Hcg. No sooner did my Dr. confirm than my bleeding returned - heavier w/ cramps. This continued thru my next bloodtest (2 days later). My HcG level rose to 174 which is good my my bleeding and cramping concerned them. Yesterday was day 31 and my HcG was 801, which I'm told is normal. Given that bit of info my nurse was still very pessimistic. Now I'm chewing what's left of my nails off waiting for my 1st scan next week.

I understand the reality for me. Nothing is certain (b/c of the bleeding) until they can see what's going on, but would it kill the nurses to try and sound a little more hopeful. They must know that we're well aware of the "worst case scenerio". This was my first ever +, and I would like to believe that my embie could be just fine.

Sorry for unloading out of the blue. I wish you both the best with your future tests and scans! Hang in there! JenF's story really is a good one to read.