My Update (bit of a rant too)

[michelle_in_scotland]

Hi everyone,
Hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year.
Mine wasn't too great, found out just before Christmas that DH's 21 year old sister is pregnant by her 19 year old boyfriend, it was a bit of a kick in the guts as she told me only a few weeks before that she had a "pregnancy scare" a while back and was relieved she wasn't as she didn't want to go ahead and get pregnant before us knowing what we are going through. Then on boxing day my mother-in-law kinda blurted out that my s-i-l said she has been trying to get PG for the last 3 months and she thinks the only reason they have been trying is so that they can get a house of their own as they are living with them. I really don't know how i kept my calm when she said this but somehow i managed. This is going to sound really selfish but i secretly hoped this christmas would be a special one for me and DH with his family, hoped we would be the centre of attention for once what with our treatment coming up in the New Year and the possibility of our dream finally coming true. 2 years ago it was all about DH's younger brother's PG girlfriend, last year it was all about their baby and i hoped this year it would be about us and our excellent news, but noooooo, it was about the stupidity of his sis getting PG to try and get a house, not once did anyone mention us. Oh god, i'm really starting to sound spitefull and selfish now, so rant over.

Some good news.
We are finally on our way to starting treatment. Our Screening appointment is in just under 2 weeks time, had an appointment with our GP this afternoon for him to fill in the forms, he ticked the boxes that says there is no reason he can think of for us not to have treatment, bit of a relief, i also had the 3 lots of bloods done that the hospital requested and have to go back next week for a smear and swab. It FINALLY feels like we are getting somewhere. Roll on 18th Jan for our screening appointment.

Thanks for listening to me and sorry about the major rant.
Take care and lotsa love,

Michelle
xxx

[LORRAINE G]

This board was meant for ranting so don't apologise!

Just wanted to wish you the very best of luck with your cycle, hope that 2005 is the year for you!

much love
Lorraine G

[DebraP]

Michelle, Lorraine said it perfectly Seriously, this is what many of us use this board for. Writing the stuff down about how we really feel - no matter how it sounds. Esp. the things that other people don't understand, appreciate or want to hear.

Re. your SIL. Who can blame your feelings? I'd be super p*ssed off too. HUGELY, but there are some positives to this. The family's attention will now be elsewhere and thus some of the pressure will be off you two.

I'll also try to stay nice here but 19yr old boyfriends + getting pg to get a house aren't often the most solid of foundations for having a baby. I know it doesn't seem fair. It never does.

Stay positive and good luck with your apt.
Debra.

[Alette]

I would be pissed too!!!

but you have good news, you may start the new cycle!!!

good luck!

[michelle_in_scotland]

Hi girls,
Thanks for the replies, it's good to know i can rant on here without feeling judged for my emotions. I really thought i was being spitefull and selfish thinking all those thoughts about my SIL, it's good to know others feel the same way too.
I'm just gonna try not think about her and focus on our treatment and if it does happen to work out for us, at least i know we will be having a much loved and wanted baby for all the right reasons.
Thanks again for putting my mind at ease about my thoughts.
Take care and good luck to everyone.
Lotsa love

Michelle
xxx

[nes]

Hi. Even though I don't really know what you've been through, I just wanted to say that I have been going through tests for what seems forever.... and through out all of that I have had a friend of mine go through pregnancy, colleagues at work - and to top it all, my dp's neice went into labour and had her gorgeous little boy on Christmas eve....

We are just waiting for my dp to do his tests, then hopefully we can go on the waiting list and get the ball rolling for our 1st go at IVF.... but I can totally say that you are not alone!!! It's been so hard for me that I have been so depressed and moany...

I wouldn't steal anyone's moment of happines when they have a healthy little one.... but I admit that I go through days when I feel that noone has the slightest idea of how much I hate being in the same vacinity as anyone with a bump... I feel so bad that I have these really selfish moments.... but at the same time, I think that unless they have had to undergo what I have, then they can't comment...

So go ahead and rant and rave as much as you want!!!! that is why we are all here....

Hope all goes ok...

Nes.X

[michelle_in_scotland]

Hi Nes,
Thanks for your message too.
I know what you mean about going through tests and waiting forever to get anywhere, it's taken us 4 very long and emotional years to get to this stage. We were told in December that we had finally reached the top of the waiting list and our screening appointment is on 18th Jan and post screening is 8th Feb, so hopefully by then we will know one way or another if and when our treatment will finally begin.
I also understand about everyone round you all getting PG, in the time we have been waiting, DH's best mate had a little boy, his other mate has had a girl and then last year a boy (who is absolutely gorgeous and i'm his very proud Godmother), his brother had a little girl, 2 of my mates had little girls and now his sis is PG, even at work (i work in a shop) every other customer that seemed to come in was PG, it felt like there was a whole epidemic out there and i was the only one that wasn't. Throughout all these pregnancies i kept saying, when will it be our turn, it was never off my mind and i sank into a very deep depression and was given anti-depressants by my GP, and like you say, unless people have been through this themselves they just don't understand how you are feeling, i've even had my MIL turn round and say "well why don't you adopt, there's hundreds of children out there that need homes, i've watched TV programmes on it and it is much easier to adopt these days". It was like a slap in the face, it's not something i even want to consider at this stage, so i told her that and that i want to at least try this treatment in the hope of having our own child, i want to experience being PG. I also said, would you turn round and say to someone else who is not going through this to not try for their own child but to adopt instead. That soon shut her up.
Here i go again, going on and on and on, lol.
Think i'd better end here before this post turns into a novel, lol.
Take care all and good luck.
Lotsa love

Michelle
xxx

[nicolamark]

Hi Michelle,

Reading your msge, is so much like my situation. This xmas it was all about my dh's brother getting his g/f pg after an accident!!!
I know exactly how u feel!! It's crap!!
Anyway, it seems ur trtmt is sooner than mine so go for it girl!!
Wish you all the best in the world!!
Are you using a donor sperm? I noticed u say your situation is male factor!!
Same here, my dh has no sperm.
Would like to get to know you more!! Stay in touch!!

Nicola x x

[ogr1]

try not to take peoples words to heart.
if you havent gone threw ivf and if you havent yearned and wanted something for so long then how could people really get it?

good luck to all of you starting..
becky

[michelle_in_scotland]

Hi Becky,
Your message really hit the nail on the head, people who haven't gone through this just don't have a clue. They seem to think they are helping and being understanding but in reality their comments can be quite hurtfull and tactless.

Hiya Nicola,
No we aren't using donor sperm, my DH has a condition called Retrograde Ejaculation, that's where his sperm travels backwards and goes straight into his bladder and is present in his pee. The consultants have done some tests on this and found that the sperm in his pee is of good quality etc so they took another sample but he had to drink some water with bicarbonate soda in it before hand to take out the acidity in the urine, so with this sample they removed the sperm and washed it and have frozen it for our upcoming treatment.
Thanks for your good luck wishes. When do you start your treatment?
Feel free to email me anytime if you want a chat or moan or whatever, my email addy is in my profile.
Take care and good luck to everyone.
Lotsa love

Michelle
xxx