Career?!?

[wantarugrat]

Hi Gals. I'm still new to this and would like advice from those who may experience the same dilemma. My DH and I recently moved to a new province in Canada and I am now looking for new full-time employment. Herein lies the quandry. I'm torn with not looking for work at all as we are now going through round one of IUI and then most likely IVF (I'm 40, he's 40) and have been in fert. clinic care since July.

I'm wondering who in their right mind will hire a person who needs so much time off work in the mornings not to mention the thought of telling them their new staff member may be taking maternity leave within the year! Once we hit IVF (if we have to) that will be another whole span of time needed off - right? By not telling I feel dishonest and will face the brunt of it anyhow once I start working. By the way, I'm lucky that my DH makes good money to support us both and I have employment assistance until next Sept. Even if you aren't in this position, I would really appreciate comments and/or advice!

Thanks,
Hanna

[JaneR]

Hi Hanna,

Fully understand where you are coming from, this was my dilemma last March. I decided not to tell my employer as I knew I would be working for at least a year before I nedded maternity leave. As it has worked out it will be well over a year fingers crossed.

It all depends how soon your treatment will start and the reaction you will get from potential employers. Some aren't very nice and will not be willing to give you a try.

But there again people always say honesty is best.

I don't know if I've helped or not, but good luck with whatever you decide.

Cheers,

Jane

[DebraP]

Hanna, I also believe honesty is the best policy BUT NOT IN THIS CASE!

My background is HR and I would never suggest lying in an interview but what's to tell at this stage? They can't and won't ask you about children so why offer up such personal details when you have no idea of what will happen, how long it will take and its impact on your life? You wouldn't dream of telling a future employer 'we want to have a baby' if you weren't going through fertility treatment would you?

The general experience with treatment is it often takes longer than expected, not always but often. The apts. for tests and scans can often be arranged early in the morning, lunchtimes and some clinics have one late night each week for people that can't make it during the day at all and/or will open at weekends by special arrangement.

From a personal perspective, I've found work to be my saving grace. Having it as a distraction has stopped me from going mad whilst waiting, and waiting, and waiting....treatment is all about waiting! You'll need something to do in the meantime. I'd say go for the jobs, do your very best whilst you can and handle the rest later. Alternatively, if you prefer, factor in the DH salary, and only look for a part-time role. That way you cover all your bases.

hth
Debra.

[Jools]

Hi

I've just been offered a promotion at work, even though they know I've recently been through IVF, and will hopefully do it again. When I talked it through with my boss (who is leaving, and who I'm replacing), she said that employers take a risk with every female who is of child bearing age, and not to worry about it. This is so true, and I think that with all we have to think about, we forget this! Yes, taking time off might possibly be a problem, but I'd be inclined to ask in interviews about how flexible working hours are for doctors/dentists appts. If they are prepared to work on a time in lieu basis, then if you have a couple of hours off for appts, they won't mind if they know you'll be making it up later. Obviously during the main EC + ET, I'd take a week off, but there's some food for thought anyway!

Good luck

Jools x

[Sand]

Hanna

I'd never really thought about in this way, but Debra's 2nd paragraph is so true. Absolutely don't tell them !

Sandra x

[AMITHIS]

Hanna,

I guess I have a little different perspective on this than everyone else who has responded. I was up against the same thing 2 years ago when we moved from NY to Florida for DH's job. I had been working a very stressful, long hours job in NY and infertility treatment always got put on hold because there was just no way I could fit it into my schedule. It was near impossible for me to get time away from work.

So, when we moved, we decided that I would stop working and take care of the household things so that we could pursue infertility treatment full force. Like you, I would have felt kind of dishonest applying for jobs knowing full well that I'd probably need to ask for time off early on and that I would most likely quit after becoming pregnant! I was also afraid I'd end up getting so involved in a job that treatment would keep getting postponed again (and I'm not getting any younger here!).

At any rate, I think I made the right decision as there have been so many times that things have not gone as expected with these treatments. In regard to my first IVF, I was really very happy not to have to go into work when I was stimming and not feeling well. I definitely would have needed a good week off after the EC and I don't know how I would have focused after the ET. I should also mention that I had to drive into the clinic practically every other day for awhile for appointments and I can't imagine having to juggle that around with a job.

Anyway, for me, not working has removed an entire additional element of stress from my life and I feel very fortunate that DH makes enough money that I can do this. It sounds like you have that situation as well and, in my personal opinion I would take advantage of it! Or, as someone else suggested, perhaps you could just look for something part time which would at least allow you some flexibility.

Of course, this is just my opinion and experience with this situation. I know everyone is different and many people like having work as a distraction. I have never had a problem keep myself busy during the day though so I can't say boredom has been a factor. I guess it depends on your personality and whether or not you have a job that you actually enjoy or that you just do for income.

Hope that helps some and good luck to you!

Staci