An angel baby brother or sister for Katelyn to look after.

[Dagny]

Hi everyone

As many of you will know I got my much wished for 2nd BFP after our 5th IVF?ICSI on the 18th of December. We were over the moon and thought Katelyn was looking down on us making sure her Mummy and Daddy got a fabulous Christmas present. It was not meant to be. Our baby has died - again Why us God?? Why??

Our first scan was new years eve but it was very early 5wks6d and a sac was detected but not much else. We went away feeling OK as it was too early but I had niggles in the back of my mind. We had seen Katelyn's HB at that stage last time. I had some bloods taken to check hCG levels.

We went back for the next scan 4 days later. My levels had gone up but not doubled - alarm bells rang. We had the scan and the sac had grown but still no HB or fetal pole. A deffinate yolk sac was seen. We went home in a daze feeling really upset and I cried for days.

Next scan 3 days later - we saw a fetal pole and shock horror a heartbeat!! But.......... The heart was very slow. We were told it wasn't a good sign but to go away and come back. By this time all my hopes and dreams were ebbing away. More bloods taken - sick of blood tests!

Next scan 4 days later. My hCG levels had risen to 10,000. The sac had grown but not much and the baby hadn't grown (4mm), the heart was still beating but the doctor said our baby will die in the next week This was on Tuesday and I am 8 weeks PG today but I don't know if my baby is still alive or dead.

We have to have another scan (I am really starting to hate scans now) one day next week to confirm that the baby has died and to either wait to miscarry naturally or book in for a D&C.

David and I are still in shock and knowing we have another child in heaven is breaking our hearts.

God Bless you our precious Christmas Baby - we love you and miss you. Hope you and your sister Katelyn keep eachother safe until we are reunited again one day.

Love Dagny and David xkx

[DebraP]

Dagny, no couple deserve the terrible time you and David are suffering now. It's hard to imagine a more heartbreaking series of events. My heart goes out to you.

Your strength does you justice. PM if you want an outlet. My thoughts are with you both.

love
Debra.

[Jules R]

Dearest Dagny,

I am so so sorry that you and David have lost your second baby. You both deserve so much more than this and I'm devastated for you both.

You know where I am if you need me for anything at all. Take care of yourselves.

Love Jules

[louiser]

Hi Dagny
I had to post to you again after reading this sad message and what you have been through since Christmas and what you have to go through. I have real tears in my eyes. So many sad memories must have been brought back to the surface for you and David after the sad loss of Katelyn.
I am sending you lots of strength to get through these difficult days ahead.
I'm so sorry Dagny. May God bless your little angels in heaven.
Thinking of you.
With love
Louise X

[Dagny]

Thanks for your replies I really appreciate it.

To be honest I don't know what is getting me through this crappy time. I am still getting PG symptoms like sickness in the afternoons and tiredness. It seem ironic that when I was PG to begin with I had no symptoms and now my baby has died or is dying I am getting all the symptoms. Mother Nature loves to stick the boot in just that little bit more. The ***** !!! Just like my milk kicking in when Katelyn died. Too bloody cruel for words.

Anyway, I am feeling numb and sick with grief right now and until I have the D&C it doesn't seem like there is anything wrong.

I have been posting on Fertility Friends as you know Jules but it has so many members and feels quite impersonal. They have been very supportive but being back on here feel like home. I have missed you all so much.

I know I am rambling but writing it all down seems to help me. I know it did with Katelyn. Tracey and I wrote so much during that time which I really found cathartic. It's my way of dealing with it all I suppose.

Love Dagny xkx

[bubblymichelle]

Hi Dagny,

I have been looking for your posts and have sent you personal messages but not heard from you but I understand why now i have read your post.

I am so sorry to hear of everything you and David are having to face at this moment in time, you must be so strong. You and David spend time together and love and care for each other!! one day you will be blessed with your precious baby I am sure of it.

Take Care Dagny kisses and hugs to you!!!

Love
Shell.
xx

[sue.m]

Hi Dagny,

I've dreaded seeing this post from you, but when you didn't post after your scan I started to worry that something might be wrong.

It's beyond belief that so much tragedy can be visited upon a couple.

The only comfort that can be had is that your little angel Katelyn has a new angel in heaven to play with.

I pray that you and David go on to have the baby that you so deserve and long for. And I hope that you manage to draw strength from each other at this very sad and difficult time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sue.x

[ogr1]

this world can be so crule..
i was so hoping that no news was good news..

alls i can really say is that i very much regret having a d & c
it had left us with nothing.here when you have a d&c they then send your baby in for test and you dont ever get them back.

it has left me with a huge emptyness..
i wish so much that i had barried our twins... and that i wouold have been able to hold them in my arms.

my tears are flowing for you and for all of us that have had to go threw this

i am truly sorry
love becky

[nicolamark]

So sorry to hear of this. Our hearts and Love go to you!!!
Hang on in there, Honey. Be strong!!

[LORRAINE G]

Oh Dagny I was so sorry to read your post.

My love and prayers are with you and David.

Lorraine X

[alicia]

Dagny,

I was so happy to see you on the board again, and then terribly saddened as I read what you have been going through these past few months. You have been such a help to me and to all of us on here.

I pray that you will be given all that you need to make it through this sad time. And I wish you everything good in whatever path you take from here.

Alicia

[Juliana]

Dear Dagny,
With tears in my eyes I read the heartbreaking story of you and David fighting against what seems like the cruellest fate of losing another baby. My thoughts are with you and I pray you will have the strength to go on and have the baby you deserve more than any couple I know.
love,
Juliana

[ANGELA]

Dagny

im was the same as alicia i saw you were back and i was happy then i read your post and now my i dont know what to say all my love goes out to you you have been a great help to me and many others on here i so wish there was more i could say
you and david are in my thoughts lots of love Ang xx

[Alison]

Dear Dagny

I was terribly sorry to read your post. There is so much about the situation of infertility that is unfair, and I know many people on the boards, and this board in particular, have had such difficult things to deal with, but it is almost unbearably cruel that having lost Katelyn you should have another child taken away from you. You say you don't know how you're getting through this - I can't imagine how either, but I know that you will. You're a strong woman, and you and David must be an incredibly strong couple. Be there for each other, and we are here for you.

Sending you much love

Alison xx

[sophiejane]

Dagny,
I can't believe how much you have gone through this last year, all of which there will be no answers for or reasons. You and David so deserve your dream to come true.

I'm not sure whether I should be - put I am still wanting to be really positive for your little baby ... from what you have said you do not know whether it has died yet. Has the doctors given any hope?????? Your emotions must be all over the place.

You have been so fantatsic to all of us who have experienced the loss of a precious baby, and so I wish I could be as articulate as you in my words but I can't. So just to say I am thinking of you and dh, and will be praying too that the year 2005 will be the year where your dreams come true.
Love from Sophie-J