The Over 40 Crowd

JudeM · Post by **JudeM** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 3:43 pm

Congratulations Alette - what a fantastic result!!

Good luck with the next stage.

I didn't realise that having 3 embies put back gave us a 50% chance of success.

Debbie

Take things easy these next 2 weeks. Unfortunately, we have our Annual Conference next Tuesday so there's no chance of taking time off but my boss knows what's happening & he's being quite strict with me not overdoing things which is really nice.

Jude

PS. Alette - we live in London - well Wimbledon actually.

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 6:18 pm

Hello ladies, I am so glad to find this thread as we have so much in common! The problem of early menopause is bad enough but when dh (now 47)has already had children, and donor eggs is the only chance it's a wierd thought. I love my stepchildren dearly (twins now 16, were 4 when we mariied) but I was bitter at first as dh didn't want anymore (both babies and the mother nearly died at birth). It took me a good 5 years to talk him round. For the last 5 years he is as keen as me, but of course by the time we started ttc my menopause had set in (I had fsh of 17-20 sthg at 35 already). Because we had to reverse his vasectomy we wasted time as we waited then another 6 months to test if had worked and of course with antibodies there is no chance of natural pregnancy anyway. We are now due to go to Barcelona (we live in Germany where ED is illegal!). They claim success rates as high as 70% as they use donors under 25 (Uni students). I just hope they're good and as friendly as on email. The expense is high especially when you add travel and hotel, and kennels for our 4 dogs (my child substitutes!) I find I have aged very much in the last 5 years, being continually told you are menopausal has a drastic effect on your womanhood regardless of the baby issue. The hot flushes, facial hair etc are dreadful and he mood swings are a nightmare. I am now on HRT (CycloProgenova) and my endometrium made it to 7mm on day 14 this month. I hope that's a good sign. The good news is I finally visited my nephew (8 months, sister 39 natural conception) and found that I could love him in spite of our trouble, he's a little miracle. Does anyone else have early menopause????????????????

You are wonderful, and I agree that egg donors are angels

Love Julie from Germany

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 6:41 pm

Hey Jude, I just noticed you have been to Barcelona - we have our first appointment there in April - I am so nervous. I have been treated for depression (caused by infertility) for the last 1.5 years, It;s hard to believe we have finally found a solution. It's great to read about your experience there, it has really helped me. I am so sorry your first try didn't work, but it also helps me to be realistic. It's all been a bit wierd really as ED is illegal in Germany it's all been a bit cloak and dagger, but I have a great gyneacologist who's doing the scans etc. How did you find the feeling of donor eggs? My hubby jokes that we'll get a baby that wants his tapas at 2am! Did you find the donor selection stuff oK? How do they do that once the obvious blood type stuff is done? Did you find that realy menopause is very hard to accept?

After we got the appointment by email it took me a week to pluck up the courage to book the flights and hotel, I don't know why but it adds to the stress having to travel. It seems so unreal. You are right though Barcelona is wonderful so we are going to try and take some time out too. Please wish me luck as I am giving up smoking and drinking this weekend. My sister (who's pregnant with her 2nd naturally concieved child) is nagging like hell and very supportive. Hubby is aupportive but pragmatic so it's wonderful to get female support. Thank you so much.

Love Julie from Germany

randa2006 · Post by **randa2006** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 7:11 pm

Alette!!!! 13 EGGS!!!! We should nickname you "the hen"

Geeze laweeze! I'm so happy for you! Please let us know how many fertilize and how transfer goes.
You are a great example of how us older girls can still defy the odds!
God Bless!

randa2006 · Post by **randa2006** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:29 am

Jude you've dethroned me! I'm no longer the oldest one on here!

Actually, happy to step aside. Welcome! Welcome!

JudeM · Post by **JudeM** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 11:25 am

Thanks Randa - that's made me feel ancient!

Julie

We found everyone at the clinic in Barcelona fantastic and they were very reassuring. As I'm dark haired and DP is blonde, we were quite open minded regarding donor selection. Heck, we've both got redheads in our families! Our donor was a 24yr old university student.

It took a little while persuade DP to consider ED but he's fine with it now. I've always felt that as I would be carrying the baby for nine months and going through the agony of childbirth, the actual genetics wouldn't mean much to me.

I was termed peri-menopausal - still ovulating but not necessarily producing eggs each month (I think). It was hard to accept as it was a disappointment & a sign of getting older, but it was just another hurdle to get over. As ED is available it wasn't the end of our dreams of a family.

Travel wasn't a problem for us - just make sure your DH carries the cases on the return journey. I rested up for the rest of the day of ET & we spent the next day just slowly wandering around museums & cafes, flew home the following day. To round things off I took a day's holiday and just lazed around the house when we got back.

Do try & keep your spirits up, Julie. If you want to email me with questions about the clinic & treatment in Barcelona please do, I'd be happy to pass on any tips.

Jude

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:50 pm

Jude, thanks so much for that, it's very reassuring. I have decided that I will get excited about it and face disappointment as and when (if) it comes, life is too short isn't it?

My sisters 2nd baby is due in July, it has been hard as she is only two years younger and has no problems atall, she even got pregnant agin just one month after her first was born! Now I am focusing on loving my nephew, and my new niece when she comes. The bitterness is past and I have moved on and that love is making me strong.

Here's to the future and best of luck to you

Lots of love

Julie from Germany

debbieed · Post by **debbieed** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 6:19 pm

Hello All,
Reading some of your stories makes me realise how lucky I am. I know that we've had to spend loads of money but we have a clinic an hour away that has offered us the treatment we need whereas some of you have had to really battle to get what you need. It just makes me realise that this is all so new still that countries have such different rules. I'm really not sure how I would have coped if I had treatment in a country where I couldn't understand what was going on or where I had to travel so far. You are all so brave and determined - stops me feeling sorry for myself.

Thank you all for sharing experiences and wishing everyone the best of luck.

Love
Debbie

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 8:30 am

Morning ladies....

Randa, I've decided I LOVE this 40+ thread. I've always been the oldest in any buddy group but here....I'm one of the youngest. 41 looms at Easter so it won't be for long! DF is a lot younger, in his 20s in fact so I need to feel young somewhere!!

AF arrived today which is Day 29 and Day 8 of downregging so that's one less thing to worry about. My consultant was right when he said to ignore my unusual AF in January. It hasn't made any difference in later months as I'd been concerned about.

Apart from wishing I could take a pain killer, all is fine.

How are you all doing?

Debbie, did you find something to help pass the time? Preparing for your house move in May sounds WAY too organised. We move next weekend and we've not even taken the boxes out of the loft yet

Debra.

longbaygirl · Post by **longbaygirl** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 9:43 am

Hi Girls,

What a great thread - lets show that despite the odds we can do it!

Jude and Debbied - good luck in the 2ww - that is always without a doubt the longest two weeks in your life. Take it easy and be nice to yourselves.

Jude - I'm in London too - N1. A few of us London girls meet up from time to time. Check the 'londongirls' thread on the fertility friends site, under 'meeting places'. You are welcome to join us.

Allette - queen hen! If my donor lays less than 13 I'm gonna complain!

Julie - how is giving up smoking and drinking? Is DH doing it with you? Do you have lots of support?

Got my donor profile last week - it all seems real now. Kiev in 7 days and DE transfer in 12 days.

Good talking to you all.

Joy

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 10:11 am

Joy....have I missed something important here? Are you having your treatment in Kiev or are you going there for a break/work beforehand?

Debra

longbaygirl · Post by **longbaygirl** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 6:45 pm

Hi Debra,

Yes, I'm having DE IVF in Kiev.

Joy

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 9:02 pm

Joy.

I've no idea how I didn't pick up on this before, sorry. How amazing that suddenly we've 3 or 4 people all having treatment abroad. It hasn't been that common on here, certainly not for the past 15m since I've been a regular visitor.

The best of luck. Why did you choose Kiev?

Debra.

longbaygirl · Post by **longbaygirl** » Mon Mar 07, 2005 7:38 am

Hi Debra,

I chose Kiev because I was able to contact a few women who had already been there and they gave good reports about it. In addition, there is no waiting for donors, and it cheaper than Spain, and only 3 hrs flying time from the UK.

Will let you know how I get on.

Joy

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Mon Mar 07, 2005 6:33 pm

good evening girls!

Gave up smoking yesterday, today is day 2!!!! So sweet of you to ask Joy. dh is non-smoker - don't know how he put up with it really. I guess after the break-down he was more worried about getting me back to normal.
No problems as I am so determined this will be once and for all death of the stinking habit. I gave up for 10 months when I had my back surgery, but started again as soon as I went back to that dreadful stress burn-out job in that crazy ageist sexist company

(ooooh I feel better already).

Saturday I did my head in by surfing and looking at "smoking and fertility" - enough said. Giving up drinking no problem as dh T-total (has been for 5+ years after social-binging problems). Celebrated today by cleaning the flat from top to bottom ( no mean feat - it used to be the village inn and dance hall, the main room is like a barn - especially with 4 dogs running around, can't reach the cobwebs but can't see em without my glasses so who cares?) and throwing out all the ash trays. The cars' turn tomorrow. That'll be really yukky. Now I've got back-ache so have earned a nice warm herbal bath. Oh one of your greyhounds nearly caught a deer yesterday - good job ne was too fat to catch it or we'd be in reall trouble. Now he's back to walking on the lead until the snow has gone (still got 2ft snow and -12degrees C here! no wonder my feet are cold.

Love to you all

Julie from Germany

The Over 40 Crowd

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