Some people have no idea!

[Claire]

Hello,

Sorry to have to vent my views here, but I need to shout out loud to people who understand me!
I've just read the most annoying post on another website and I can't belive how people can take becoming pregnant so much for granted.
The website is one I visit which talks about pets (I have two dogs, they are my little babies ).
One girl on there sent a post to another asking if she was still trying for a baby (everyone's quite open about stuff on there!) and she commented how she and her DH had been trying since Christmas.
BUT, they have now stopped for a couple of months because...wait for it...they don't want a baby to be born in the winter, they'd rather have a summer baby.... arrrggggghhhhhhhh!
How can people be so presumtious? They are taking it so much for granted! The other girl replied that if she manages to conceive in the next couple of months, she'll qualify for some tax grant or something at Christmas! If only we could work our conceptions around such trivial things! If only we could just conceive, ANY TIME WOULD DO!
I really felt like diving in and saying something, but I thought it wasn't really the best move, so I came here, hope you don't mind.
I don't normally get so rattled over stuff like that, I try and let it go over my head because most people have no idea what it's really like to be unable to have a baby. She has no idea she's upset someone and would probably be upset herself if she though she had.
But it really bugged me the way she was harping on about having a baby at 'just the right time'.
If there's one thing I have learned from IVF it's don't take ANYTHING for granted and what will be, will be.
Thanks for reading, sorry to go on
take care and loads of luck to us all,
love Claire x

[alicia]

Claire,

The poster on your other list may have an infertility problem, and not even know it. I used to think like that too. Even after 2 years TTC, I blamed my job and all the travel and stress. I was shocked to find out that my tubes were completely blocked and I was given zero chance without IVF. I was so sure I could not have a problem. It was kind of a relief to know the truth though, since then I could do something about it. If infertility was a little more out in the open, I might have done something sooner...

Alicia

[gailp]

I have heard that comment before about deciding a summer or winter baby and that came from a so called friend. As you said we would be grateful for any time of year. Some people take everything for granted and it seems to all just fall into place for them. It makes me want to scream to.

[Amers Or]

Girls sorry but I can't criticise them cos I was one of those green people at the beginning..... like to be organised and plan ahead.... then found out with a shock that it wasn't so simple and realised that after a year of tests and then an op last year that IVF was the only way - now it's just take one day at a time, be patient(which I'm gradually learning to have) and take it as it comes - soooo unlike the old me!!

[nicolamark]

Totally agree with you claire, some people have no idea!
That sort of stuff make's me mad too!!
I know a few people like that..... Wow, wish we could plan it like that, but of course it's not like that in our world is it?

A friend of mine is now preg. with her3rd, all have been planned perfectly apart from each other. You know so that birthday's don't clash etc...

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

[Tiger]

Claire, I am 100% frustrated as you are...

[Jjj]

Hi, I was waiting in the hospital to have some bloods tested. You take a ticket and wait........ whilst waiting, this woman passed me to sit down. The first thing I noticed was her perfectly formed baby bump, must have been about six months and the second thing I noticed was the fact that she wreaked of smoke. She was obviously a really heavy smoker. Does she not realise the harm she has done to her baby, all us girls would give anything to be in that position. Selfish, selfish, selfish person! Love Jjj x

[gailp]

When I was going through my IUI treatment, someone i knew was having IVF, the Doctors told her she would need to stop smoking and also she was overweight, so they told her to try and diet, she did neither of these things. Some people just dont seem to care.

[rajiravi]

Hello
I understand how you all feel because I myself am facing a similar situation. I have a friend who knows that I am trying for my second child for the last 2 yrs and so far no luck. Instead of trying to comfort she argues back to me saying why I want another kid. and she laughingly tells me that she planned a date and time as when they would want their second and in their first atempt itself she conceived and that what ever I am doing is wrong. I don't want to write further as you all are having a similar issue like me. But just to think of it many ladies really don't understand how it is like when they find out how difficult it can be to get pregnant and talk like what we are doing is all crap.

wish you all the very best of luck and hope 2005 is a good year to all of us

raji

[Claire]

Hi girls,

I was quite angry last night when I wrote this post. It's not like me, I try and take things like that with a pinch of salt, but it's hit hard recently how ignorant some people are.
I was the same before I realised I couldn't conceive. I wanted two children by the time I was 25 or 26 so that I wouldn't be an 'old' mum. DH and I had it all worked out years ago.
Huh, can't believe I wrong I was!
I'm only 32 now and if FET works then I won't class myself as an old mum, just a wiser one and a very, very lucky one.
If one thing being infertile has taught me it's what a miracle life is. Having IVF strips the whole concept of conceiving down to the bare bones and we really learn what an amazing gift having children is.
I don't think many people think of it like that. Maybe I'm wrong and I don't want to judge, but some women just have a baby, and then another and maybe another and don't really think deeply about the miracles they have been given.
love claire x

[ruthie]

hiya every one i agree with you all , i resently told a sml group of (so called) friends that me and my dp have been trying for a baby for about 6 yrs and that i'd also had 2 failed attempts @ ivf . their reaction has knocked me for 6 it was like i hadnt said a word ,1 (so called) friend thought that i had been selfish for spoiling their night ??????? i wont repeat what i told her to do . i am a very private person where ivf is concerned and it took alot for me to tell them ( because i knew they always wondered)but now i wish i never bothered at all .
good luck to us all Ruthie

[taylorjools]

reminds me of when my naturally pregnant (AAAAAAGHH) for the 2nd time (AAAAAGH) 39 year old sister said to me, whilst holding Thomas, 8 months, you get the picture..(during my UK visit in Jan) "we always said we would have 2 but I love being pregnant so we'll probably have a 3rd........."

WHY ME??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I do love her and should be happy for her but it's soooooooooo hard..........

Love and kisses
Julie from Germany

[CC]

I didn't see this thread first time around so I'm, reviving it because there's some really interesting observations on here - and it's great to know I'm not the only one who encounters such insensitive people. I have lots of friends who have done the old 'We think we'll be married for a month or two and then have a baby' and I think to myself 'as if it's that easy' - the crazy thing is every one of them has! When we started TTC none of my freinds were even thinking about children, now four of them are mothers (one of them has just had her second) and another freind is 6 months pregnant. The pregnant friend was really 'sensitive' (not) in 'breaking the news' to me - we all met for a meal at Christmas (my first time out in about 5 months because I'd been finding it really hard to see people after my failed treatment). We had just ordered and were congratulating another friend on her recent engagement when pregnant one comes over with champagne + 12 glassess. We all filled up ready, thinking we were toasting the engagement when she suddenly says 'I have a little announcement of my own - I'm 4 months pregnant' and then expected me to drink to her happiness. I know it sounds selfish but she must have known that would be difficult for me - she could have warned me in advance - it was a huge shock and I cried for three full days afterwards. I couldn't cope with her sitting there drinking champagne and (what felt like) laughing at me - I felt useless and humiliated and everyone at that table knew how stupid I felt and how I was struggling not to cry while they ate their food (I just drank all night) that was the longest night ever and I never want to feel that vulnerable again. I only venture out now with people I trust who won't say stupid things and who will consider my feelings before opening their mouths. Do I sound really over-sensitive? Probably but it would be nice to expect a bit more from true friends.

[LittleP]

I agree with you all too.

We have some good friends - yes, you've guessed she's pregnant at the moment and whenever we see them they always complain about one thing or another - firstly, she fell too quickly (I have to ask What is "TOO quick"??), then it was the wrong time and so now the baby is due at the wrong time of the year for his job, and the list goes on ....

There are times I have just wanted to stand up and shout about how selfish they are moaning on and on, but hey we can't because we haven't told them about the IVF.

Anyway, with a bit of luck and some healthy Baby Dust, we will all be able to turn the tables and talk about our own future happy events

Good luck for whenever everyone.

Little P

[ogr1]

if people havent been there then they dont have a clue and how could they?

but we have a bunch of birthdays in july and a bunch in dec/jan and that is hard.. none of the kids like to share there birthdays....
and buying presents for all of them hurts us in the pocket book..

i now that the day before christmas we went and had our scan and found out that our twins had died and that the day after christmas we would have to do a d & c.. so christmas was very very hard and a good friend of our came over to help with chirstmas and they had there newborn son..

it was hard but it was also great that they did think of us and help with our other kids at home...

what i tell my self or at least try to is that i am glad that they dont know how i really feel. i wouldnt wish this emptynees on any oone...


everyone try and hang in there hopefuly one day you all will be showing off your bundle or bundles of joy....