The Over 40 Crowd

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:24 am

Hi Jude
So sorry sweetie, are you OK? You are being really sweet not telling dh til this evening, that's really kind and brave of you.

Good news that you can have another go really fast, it at least gives you some kind of feeling of choice. I think that's what I'd do in your situation. I wicxh I'd done that after our failed IUI but of course I thought we had to wait years for donor eggs in the UK .............We wasted so much time (and money) in the UK too. Also here in Germany , we told the clinic our results up to date, but they still insisted on going through them all again and putting me on Cycloprogenova for 3 months to test womb lning response. My periods had stopped completely, and I was having hot flushes and have a moustache! I mean how much more menopausal can you get?
I guess as they had no other way to help they wanted to be really really sure. But it's not fair cos it gives you false hope. The only reason I found out about going abroad for DE is that it's illegal here in Germany, I wonder if they're just trying to protect their "business", pretty immoral if that's true.
Anyway, you are not ranting you are frustrated and I really understand that. I mean we are so worried about the IVF and all we don't even have time to think about being an older mum and stuff.
My mum's coming to see me next week, she's an angel with her "baby fund", give dh a break form me blubbering all over him.

btw have immaced my moustache away!

Love and kisses

JulieT

longbaygirl · Post by **longbaygirl** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 3:15 pm

Jude - sorry to hear about your BFN. Glad you are going for it again.

I'm off for my donor transfer next week.

I will keep you all posted.

Joy

randa2006 · Post by **randa2006** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 6:17 pm

Jude,
I'm so damn sorry, sweetie.

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 8:18 pm

JUde

thinking of you

JulieT

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:09 pm

Jude, I hope you're managing OK with today's disappointment. Planning a next step can help but give yourself a breather too. Sometimes I've been hit with emotion weeks after a -ve vs. immediately. Give yourself a chance to get angry. I hope DH gets home soon.

Joy. Good luck in Kiev. I hope everything works out well. It will be interesting to hear how it all goes, you might start a trend!

I'm feeling truly panicked. Mostly I suspect because we start to move tomorrow and we're not ready. DF works nights so I'm here trying to do it all but feel so despondent about how much needs to be done that I came here to pound it all out. Stupid I know but maybe a tiny break will help? I hope so. What's got me really worred is I just found my June 2004 ivf timetable where I downregged for 2 weeks. I turned the flat upside down and found the timetable for January 2005 (which didn't happen because of too high FSH), again 2 weeks of downregging. So why does my current timetable have a month of it this time? I knew it seemed longer than usual but haven't asked and now I'm worried there's a mistake. My Puregon dose has been increased because of the FSH, does anyone know if downregging needs to take longer too?

Jeez I'm such a worrier. I have to keep packing otherwise I won't sleep tonight for stressing about it all.

Hoping youre' all feeling more optimistic.
Debra.

randa2006 · Post by **randa2006** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:10 am

Debra,
Moves are ALWAYS the worst stress. I would rather dig a ditch than move. So I'm really sorry that you are. Just keep picturing yourself a week from now. It'll all be over and you'll be in the new place. A week is nothing.

As for the changes in your down regging. I'm going to assume that is the same as the birth control pills they give us, they just don't call it that at my clinic. It is to create flexibility and set your clock. My doc says you can take them for varying amounts of time before each cycle. So I don't think you need to worry.
As for the increased dosage? Because of my age they gave me the max to start with (why screw around, right?) At younger ages, and better FSH levels, I think they try to start as low as they can and work up. Each cycle teaches them something (at least that what my doc said) so they get better each time. Sounds a little hit and miss I know, but it's better than over medicating and causing another problem.
Please forgive me if I'm way off base. I'm trying to help.
Take a deep breath or two and the move will be over before you know it. (drinking also helps

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 7:06 am

Thanks Randa.

I had a moment of clarity in the middle of the night (it's not like I need to sleep or anything), Easter. They've extended it to get over those dates. I'm going to call in 5 mins when they open anyway. I realised the extra Puregon was age/FSH, they've taken me up from 250IE to 300IE a shot. I trust them but I don't really need a month of this extremely emotional and irritable state right now - nor the expense.

This move is so not how I wanted it. The friend who was to help carry everything down the 4th flights of stairs (and up 2 at the other side) had to go out of town and as I sit here my knee and back are hurting and I've only been up an hour. I know it's partly the meds but I feel extremely low and sorry for myself.

Wallow over. PMA Debra.

JudeM · Post by **JudeM** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:33 am

Hi girls

Thanks for all your lovely messages & kind thoughts. Still negative this morning so I guess it hasn't worked.

Told DP last night over the phone, he was disappointed but said he half expected the result. He wants to go ahead again immediately (to hell with the financial costs!) as he feels that it would, with luck, give us 2 more attempts - one with fresh embryos & possibly one with FET.

I'm inclined to agree with him - although I'm getting old

I'm fit & healthy - never smoked, don't drink to excess, eat a healthy diet & exercise at least a couple of times a week. Emotionally, I'm a lot better today & feel up to discussing things with the clinic. I think I'd rather look forward to our next attempt than dwell on our failure.

Jude

Bronagh · Post by **Bronagh** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:42 am

Hi Debra,
The same thing happenend to me last year , I got a letter to send in the date of my next period just the day I had it and returned it immediately. It turns out they were not expecting it so early so they got me started but becuas of easter etc I was on it for 4 weeks ,then has a blood test and they kept me on for another 2 weeks. It was my first timw so I didnt know any different. It was extrememly challanging and extremely depressing.The next time i just refused to go on it point blank and they only had me on it for 2 weeks. With the same result . Talk to them it does not have to be this way.

debbieed · Post by **debbieed** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:54 am

Hello Debra,
My downregging the second time was longer than the first. It was basically to fit into their timetable. I know it seems unfair but for me it was either begin downregging then and have the possibility of them having a space earlier or wait another week until they had really got me booked in. Needless to say I took the option of taking a chance that they would have a space a week earlier.

I hope that your move has gone ok. We are due to move in May so I can appreciate your difficulties. I'm not looking forward to it much, especially as I know dh will be very stressed by it.

Try not to worry too much, it WILL be ok. Try to keep smiling and take care of yourself.

Love
Debbie

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:49 pm

Jude....I love your spirit. You're right, straight back and feeling like you call the shots helps regain some control and a new focus vs. dwelling. You do need to grieve and be p*ssed off but with an apt. booked, the future is sitting there waiting as opposed to thinking of all the 'why' questions about the past.

Debbie and Bron, you were both so sweet re. my grumpiness! I called and yes the extra fortnight (someone in the US, Randa?, asked what this meant, it's British English for 2 weeks (it comes from fourteen nights, hence fort-night) it was to get over Easter. They offered me a prescription for an oestrogen patch but I'd like to avoid any more meds, even if they improve my mood! I'll just learn to live with it (so will DF). I agree it's better to have started than delay and watch the months ticking away.

Feeling everso slightly more optimistic, despite a terrible visit to our new house earlier. The place was in uproar, none of the contractual items agreed had been fixed as they'd promised, there were a tribe of men helping shift stuff (reminding me of what we don't have) plus the snow up there is sooooo much worse than here in town. It will be better tomorow (repeat 20 times.....)

hugs
Debra.

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:02 pm

Jude you are a cool cat (i mean by that brave cat)
and big mega cyber hugs for dh saying go for it- my dh is in that mood right now.................dh's can be really super when they least expect it..!

If it's helpful - maybe just confirms my looney status on this board.........
during therapy we confirmed that I ahve moved 39 times in my life (dearest papa was in the british army so "really stable childhood NOT")
Anyway
- my goal right now is to try and make roots
-that's hard cos I don't really know anymore why we are here (Germany)
- but PMA we are here so lets just get on with it (in Barcelona)

and we collect penguins - but mkost of them are stored in boxes somewhere in Essex.............

work that out!

Love, baby dust and kisses JoolsT

randa2006 · Post by **randa2006** » Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:56 pm

Debra,
I've always said, you know who your friends are when it's moving day. Look around and see who shows up... those are your true friends. Shame on that person who promised to help you and then whimped out at the last minute. Anything short of a personal disaster just doesn't get you off the hook when a friend is counting on you for such a big project.
Okay, now I'll quit wallowing/

Randa
p.s. thanks for the explanation on fortnight - it was me.

DebraP · Post by **DebraP** » Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:33 pm

Hi. just taking a break from our final day of packing and cleaning. DF's day off ended when he got a call about a meeting so I'm taking a breather....there's SO much still to do, I hate to turn around and see it all sitting looking blankly at me.

Randa....nice idea but DF and I are very similar and both loners. I have friends here but they've all got young kids so no extra pairs of hands. DF's friends have all left for Oslo in the past year so we had 2hours help with the washing machine from a cousin and that was it for external help. Never again. When we move again we'll hire help!

Nearly over.....

Good luck Debbie, just hours to go!
hugs
Debra

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:17 pm

I don't know what to say to say the right thing. The grief of a -ve is so profound. Sometimes it gets me down because if the whole "baby making machine" works one has the feeling that most parent s don't consciously go into parenthood.

We dooo and suffer...then laws are passed to make us prove we have the right to be parents...........

Heeeeeeeeeeeelllllllooooooooooooo logic in that ??

I have moved so many times in my life because of job (either fathers/my job/husbands etc).......the best thing I can say:sometimes staying still is better. I am not preaching, just relating experience that I have not yet learned to implement and wish I had done earlier.

Which doesn't help you moving but perhaps the nesting bit of settling in, the emotional bit, can take priorityover the practical bit. I am trying so desperately to avoid the instinct to move, a thing that hits me every time things get tough. With the help of my occupational therapist ( the coolest babe on earth) I am learning that if I stay still some of my goals may find me........if I stay still long enough?

Love and kisses from Germany JulieT (I do go on don't I?)

The Over 40 Crowd

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