no need to wait for donor eggs in Spain

[taylorjools]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, thank goodness I've found you. hubby and I have been ttc for 5 years. We have been through loads including his vasectomy reversal (successful but he has antibodies), just as we were about to do our first IVF in the UK because of poor ovaries, I slipped 2 discs and had to wait for a back operation that wasted 2 years, by which time i was diagnosed with early menopause (at 38!!! - the hot flushes are not funny - I sympathise with my mum now!). I also have 2 lovely step children (live with their mum, are now 16) who I have helped to bring up since they were 4 but it's hard for hubbu to understand childlessness when he already has 2 if you know what I mean?. We had one shot at IUI in the UK which failed. Further tests showed ovarian failure (I could have saved a fortune if they'd done that test first!!). I buried myself in my work and became depressive with burn out, by which time we had moved to Germany (dh is German) with the plan that he could get a whizzy job and I could prepare for motherhood and relax to get fit for IVF with donor eggs - I then found out that egg donation is not allowed in Germany!. I was treated for depression with therapy for 1.5 years and it has taken me that long to accept it. It was made worse when my sister (2 years younger) got pregnant naturally and straight after the birth pregnant again with baby number2! She has offered to donate but I can't face that for emotional reasons discussed on the forum. It's very hard to separate my love for my nephew with my sadness at our situation. Anyway what I wanted to say is that in Spain there are clinics with no waiting list and excellent services for international patients. One is ivi in Valencia (www.ivi.es) and the other is instituto marques in Barcelona (institutomarques.com). They both have very informative websites in English and are very helpful (by email) We are due to go there in April and the first cycle should happen immediately. It's very expensive - we are lucky as my mum has a "baby fund" for us. If we hadn't moved to Germany I wouldn't have had the therapy that I needed and wouldn't have found out about Spain. I hope that helps someone.

[ogr1]

thanks for all of the info..
that is great that your mom has set that up for you..



good luck in spain..
i nknow thta we have talked on the other board but i wanted to say thank you for posting the info..
becky

[taylorjools]

thanks for that Becky, you are very kind. Will make sure I update the info with my experiences in Spain. I have been to other UK oriented sites where there are postings showing the "official stance" on seeking egg donation abroad is frowned upon. Also raising issue on mixed nationality - how sad is that?
I have no idea why, we have no choice anyway because of German law, and we don't have time to wait years for a donor. My husband is German Prussian anyway (dark clouring and green eyes yum yum) and I'm part Brit (whatever that means), part jewish from way back also part Bavarian. I just want us to have a baby to love, and have no more issues with it not having my genes, let alone any concerns regarding "international melting pot". I hope our children, God willing will grow up as citizens of the world, and good "Europeans". Sorry to go on but I found those postings on the other site quite upsetting and "ist".

Love to you all

Julie from Germany

[ogr1]

want can i say but so many people are just plain stupid!!!!!!!!!!
i child is just a child.. children to hate that is something that is tought...
and everychild should be able to be loved....

i dont know for sure what i am i had been told that i was french ,german and apatche.
dh was adopted so we dont know what he is,
but i couldnt ask for a better husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we all are different but we all still live in this world and we all put are pants on one leg at a time and we all bleed the same colur!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DebraP]

Just to throw a different perspective on the subject of children looking like their parents.

Here in Norway international adoption is the norm if people choose to adopt for whatever reason. Due to an open attitude to sex eduation, acceptance of teenage relationships, generous maternity provisions etc. there are almost no 'Norwegian' babies for adoption at all. It's been very common for about 30 years to adopt from abraod, esp. from war zones, and so there a large number of Korean, Colombian and Sri Lankan Norwegians now. This is a complete non-issue here and it's entirely normal to see classic blonde Norwegian parents with an obviously adopted child.

Traci. Is it that the German authorities will only vet prospective parents under a certain age? As there are countries with children for adoption with a much more flexible attitude towards parents-to-be. China, Sri Lanka, Ecuador, Brazil and Ethiopia to name but a few. These countries have a maximum much higher than 35.

Debra.

[ogr1]

io had started to look in on adopting out of the states but it was more money..

[taylorjools]

Debra

Thanks for your info on Norway. The stance in Germany is no adoption of German children to parents over 35 (this applies even if only one parent is over 35). What you can then do is apply to be "vetted" for international adoption (I think then they discourage anyone over 40). The waiting list here is 2-3 years at least.

Anyway, basically if the IVF/DE process doesn't work out, you are right, we can look elsewhere than Germany. We already decided that we only want to stay in UK or Germany if we have children, I'd have to find out more about the UK situation on foreign adoption.

My baby where ever it comes from will be a citizen of the world

Love Julie from Germany

[ogr1]

i like that citizen of the world