6th time lucky?

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Sat Nov 02, 2002 3:03 pm

We have only just got connected to the internet, and my first search was on IVF, where I stumbled on this page. We have had five IVF/ICSI cycles in the past year, (the 2nd being successful for just six weeks). We have planned to have another go in January. I am finding it very difficult to keep going and am currently off work with depression. I would love to hear from anyone who has also had repeated failures, on how they are coping. Thanks daisy

Julie Martin · Post by **Julie Martin** » Sat Nov 02, 2002 5:04 pm

Hi daisy , we only found this web site in september after our first ivf treatment failed, wish we had found it during the 2WW. We have had 1 IUI which failed, 1 IUI abandoned as too many eggs produced and the last attempt which was IVF started out as IUI but was converted to IVF, again because of the amount of eggs i had produced. You had been through a lot this year havent you ? You need to find the strength to carry on, we became aunty and uncle again last week, that was very hard, but we know if we dont try we wont get what we both want most in the world. My friend has just had IUI for the first time and is now pregnant. I got her a card today to say congratulations, she was really touched as she knows what ive been through. We might be having treatment about the same time next year, we need to save to fund treatment again as we have only been on nhs list for a year now. How about you ? are you going private or nhs? Keep positive Daisy, you can do it. I read the Pregnant after treatment posts sometimes just to get some reasurrance. Take Care. Hope to Hear from you soon Julie M XXXX

beck · Post by **beck** » Sat Nov 02, 2002 5:53 pm

hello daisy. welcome to the board.crikey you have been through it..........well you now have friends on here that will help and support you . if you have any questions then ask, someone will reply. im wishing you all the luck and you julie!! hugs beck x

anna13 · Post by **anna13** » Sat Nov 02, 2002 6:28 pm

Hi Daisy, How are you? I am one of the ever hopefuls!Had a negative result last week from our 3rd IVF cycle......;all of them have been in the last 15 months. Why do you need to have ICSI/IVF? Did you have FET in any of your cycles or did you have to go thru' the start everytime?? We are planning on starting the next cycle in the new year-that will give us a break of a couple of months and also we'll get the finances in place,hopefully. Since I'm 37,also thinking of other options.What about you? This is an amazing site and basically got me going thru' the 2ww,last month. Let's hold hands and pray for all of us. Keep in touch.... Bye.

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 12:47 pm

Hi Julie M Thanks for replying. I read your message and cried, (it's something I seem to do all the time at the moment). I can really relate to your feelings in becoming an Aunt last week, my sister, who is seven years younger than me is pregnant with a baby due in the new year, we were told by them saying how "upset" they were because it had come at a bad time (they had just moved house and were between holidays, tough ah!!!) I felt like screeming at them because they have no idea how lucky they are. We are also paying for our treatment, which, obviouly after five cycles has left us in debt. The only thing that keeps us going is the treatment and the hope that next time it will work. I hope your planned treatment goes well in January. Keep in touch. Love Daisy

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 1:10 pm

Hi Anna I'm so sorry your 3rd IVF failed, I know how tough it is. I have just turned 38, which is why we have had so many attemps in such a short time. My consultant has insisted that I take a break until the new year, which probably is a good thing, because I know in my heart I am not coping very well at the moment. We are also finding it finacially very difficult. I'm not to sure what other options there are, my doctor has mentioned using a donor egg, but said this is even more expensive than the IVF I am having, and because I am still producing eggs which they ferterlize, using ICSI, he did not think it would be of much benefit to me. How about you what options have you considered. Take care Daisy

Louise · Post by **Louise** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 1:52 pm

Hi Daisy I sm so sorry to hear how awful it has been for you this year - I really feel for you. Thise site is such a great support - I don't think I could have got through the 2ww without it. I found it so re-assuring to know that I was not the only one and there are lots of others going through the same process. I found it very hard when my sister had a baby and all there was was baby talk all the time - you have to be strong don't you. I wish you all the best for your next attempt. Lots of love Louise XX

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 3:59 pm

Hi Daisy, Firstly, welcome to the site. I don't post much any more but I do keep popping back every now and again. Your message moved me alot and I can say that I do know how you feel. My partner is infertile due to cancer and I have had 8 IUIs and 3 IVFs. Due to start again in January. It is hard getting through IVF and mostly what keeps you going is the thought of being able to have another go and thinking that it may be successful. When it fails it destroys you and there aren't many moments when you don't think about it or the failures. Other people around you become pregnant and you are still standing still in time worrying about money and how the hell you will get through another one or the rest of your life after having spent so much money. Daisy, you have been throuigh so much in a year! The only thing that has got me through has been the gaps inbetween IVF treatments. We only stop due to money and for the first month of the wait I hate it and everything around me and find it hard to cope. However, after a couple of montnhs the waiting becomes more bearable. You need to give your body the chance to recover but more importantly your mind. I don't think we as women who do IVF fully appriciate how hard it actually is, as we just have to get on with it. But it is hard and we need to acknowledge this. It also takes alot out of your relationship and this also needs time to recover. I guess that you feel angry at being told to wait, but it is for the best and I promise that you will feel better even though the tears roll all the time now they will stop. Keep logging onto the site and sharing how you feel. No-one will judge you but help you through. I have made some amazing friends through this site and they are the only reason that I am strong. Lock yourslefs away at christmas and enjoy each other. Don't feel obliged to do family stuff as you need to take care of your feelings, not everyone elses. Drink some wine, eat some crap as whatever we sem to do makes not a scrap of difference. Its all about lcuk and we all keep holding for out lucky day, whihc I have refused to give up on just yet. Set yourself limits as to how much you can take as no-one can carry on like this indefinantly. Think of you and ways to make your life easier as you have been through so much. Here if you want to talk thinking of you, alice xxxxxxx

alice · Post by **alice** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 4:00 pm

Daisy, I also wanted to say that it does work for women on theier 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th tries. Its just luck of the draw. Don't give up on yourself.

DEBORAH · Post by **DEBORAH** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 6:06 pm

Hi Girls Just wanted to say that after having my 1st IVF and it failing all I can do like yourselves is wait for January 2003 and then I will then be hopefully having another go through NHS. If my next go fails I think it will be harder to accept than the 1st failed attempt but all we can do is hope a pray for each other. GOOD LUCK TO DAISY & ANNA13 & JULIE MARTIN & ALICE you never know we may all be cycle buddies together. Love Debsx

Lucy · Post by **Lucy** » Sun Nov 03, 2002 8:03 pm

6TH TIME LUCKY Hi Daisy I just wanted to say that there are a few of us here who have been down the IVF road 6 times or more. This site is a great place for surport and to make friends. I have some fantastic reletionships with some girls I met here and I would not have been able to get through my cycles without them. Like you I am about to start my 6th attempt at the end on Jan 2003 I am trying really hard to be positive about it and am having acupuncture and Chinese herbs which I think has really helped. Keep in touch as it looks like we will be putting our bodies back on the IVF tredmill at about the same time. I hope you start feeling better soon Love Lucyx

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Mon Nov 04, 2002 1:36 pm

Alice thank you so much for your message of support. I am very sorry you and you partner have been through such a tough time. You described exactly the emotions I have been feeling, my doctor says IVF is like going on an emotional bungy jump, from complete highs, prying that this time it will work, to complete despair when it fails, I guess there is only so many times you can go through that. I was coping ok initially, even when our 2nd cycle ended in an early miscarriage, although it was devastating, our first blue line in over ten years of trying, it was the easiest decision in the world to have the 3rd, we truley believed, one failure, one very nearly, surely the 3rd would work, and when it didn't it was hard, but my solution was to plough into the 4th. I had a severe haemorrhage during the egg collection, and I don't know if I was a little weak from that or just the successive fasilures, but I just sunk so low, and I don't think I have really picked myself up from that. Perhaps as you say the break will do us both good, and the new year will bring the luck we need. I do gain encouragement from the messages of success on the board, and you do hear of people that do have success after many failures, I guess that's what gets you hooked, you always think NEXT TIME! Thanks again for your message. I will be thinking of you both. Love Daisy

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Mon Nov 04, 2002 1:51 pm

Hi Lucy, Thanks for your message, lets hope it truely is sixth time lucky. I'm not sure exactly when in January I will be having my treatment, I need to plan it with the hospital after my next period. I hope it will be around the same time, it would seem from the messages that there will be quite a few of us, lets hope 2003 will be a bumper year for success. Take care love Daisy

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Mon Nov 04, 2002 2:02 pm

I just wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to send their messages of support, as a new comer to this page, I have been totally overwhelmed by your words of encouragement. It's good to know that I am not alone, and that there are people out there who completely understand how I am feeling. I wish you all the very best. Love Daisy

nicolam · Post by **nicolam** » Mon Nov 04, 2002 2:52 pm

Just had to say hello. So glad you found this site - it really is so reassuring to be able to plug into a world where people know exactly how you feel, as at times you really feel you are going mad. Of the very few people that know about our situation, me and DH try to avoid talking about it anyway. We experienced our third failure last month - my third try in 9 months, so you can imagine that this year for us has just been pure IVF mania. But I writing to say that, I don't know if this weird, but I'm actually quite happy at the moment as it just feels so great to be 'normal'. No drugs, no appointments at clinics etc, etc. So far, I've been able to build up a resistance to seeing babies, which of course are everywhere. When I see them, I try to see them as just other peoples babies - they're not mine, so I shouldn't feel any attachment. It also helps to think about the horrid things - sleepless nights, the piercing cries, not being able to go out, no money etc. And so far, this is getting me through the day... Plus I've been trying to do all the things that I haven't been able to do since January - get plastered, go running, go buy new clothes (I'm sure I'm not the only one who purposely hasn't bought new clothes just in case you get pregnant and they won't fit anyway...) I'm taking more notice of my appearance/hair, arrange nights out with friends (although I know I am SO lucky that my closest friends are single or don't/aren't worried about having kids) and planning a holiday. My parents have been wonderful - in a tearful phone call to tell them it hadn't worked again last time, I told them how I felt I'd let them down blah, blah and they said that they have never felt that and it wouldn't worry them if it never happened, but as long as I was happy and could deal with it. I was so pleased to hear them actually say that. We hope to try in the New Year, maybe use our frozen ones etc, I might even try a different clinic - anything so that it doesn't feel like I'm back to square one. I've also bought a book through Amazon called Sweet Grapes, it's about accepting being childless and life after you've decided not to try any more infertility treatment etc. I've only just started it so will let you know if it's any good, but it's another step towards trying to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad moments, but I just got to the point of being so fed up of being fed up. I had a dreadful skin allergy for the last 9 months and guess what, it's gone now. So who knows how important being psychologically strong in all of this is. Good luck Daisy and all the other veterans (and hi there again Alice) and here's to 2003 being a lucky year. Nicola x

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