Need to tell someone my story

debbie · Post by **debbie** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 11:23 am

Sorry this is a long one, but really needed to tell someone whats been going on, so hear goes Have wanted this baby, since the day I saw my d/h 10yrs ago. This is our 1st IVF attempt.On 9/9/02 I had 2 large cysts drained whilst they collected 8 eggs. 5 of these fertilized. Had 2 embies transfered on sept 11th. Did the 2ww and then had HCG test was told the count was very low and although I was +ive, would miscarry quite soon. I didn't. Had further blood tests every 3 days and it got better each time although still not "normal". The Doc decided to give me a scan at 4 weeks as there were concerns of an ectopic, it was discovered that I had develpoed another large cyst that is directly infront of my uterus so nothing could be seen. From then on I was scanned every tuesday, but they could still only see the cyst-all the time my blood tests were getting better, so I was def +ive. 2 Weeks ago I was told that they had got a glimpse of the uterus and that it was empty, my baby was in the wrong place- they were really worried and decided that I would need surgey to remove it, that day!!! We were devastated, I cried for hours that day. Had to have another blood test, and while waiting for the results, went to a different depatment of the hospital for a better scan so they would know where to start looking. Guess what - they found my baby - in the right place with a very good heart beat- we even got a scan pic. Only prob was it looked 5 weeks instead of 8, we didn't care it was alive!!! when the blood tests came back HCG levels had made a massive jump, Doc didn't know what had happened but was now very happy. Now the bad news, went for another scan yesterday which showed the baby was now 8.5 weeks developed, which I thought was a great improvement in 2 weeks, but they couldn't find a heart beat. So I have now been told it's died. We are devastated again. They wanted me to stay for a D&C but I wouldn't- mainly because I don't believe them, It may sound silly but I want another scan on the machine they used the last time, only then can I accept my dream is over. Any advice would be very welcome.

woppa · Post by **woppa** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 11:31 am

I am so sorry to read your post. The only thing I can suggest is if you call your early pregnancy unit at your local hospital and ask them for some advice. Recently we miscarried at 6 weeks and they were brilliant. They were a friendly voice at the other end of the phone and we were constantly reassured. I felt fobbed off from my own clinic but EPU gave it to us straight which was such a relief to us. Ask them if them will do blood tests and another scan if it settles you. I hope this all works out for you and keep us informed. lots of love Elaine xxx

JC · Post by JC » Wed Nov 06, 2002 11:59 am

Debbie, I'm truly sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you other than to say trust your instincts and push for another scan so that you are absolutely sure one way or another before you make any decisions. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you a massive hug and tons of strength to get through this. My love to you and your Dh. Julie x

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 12:07 pm

Debbie, I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I think that you should follow Woppa's advice and call the Early Pregnancy Unit. I can't offer any advice as I have never got a positive in the first place. The girls on this site are wonderful and will offer you lots of support so please keep posting whatever the outcome. Sending you loads of love. Love, Michelle x

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 12:18 pm

Hi Debbie, I can totally sympathise with the devastation and elation you've experienced over the last few months. I recently bled at end of an ICSI 2ww (13th treatment cycle), then tested +ve, then bled again, then had successful (if not slightly low like yourself) beta hCG tests last week. Waiting for 1st scan this monday for confirmation of heartbeat - each hour seems like a day and just when you get used to the hope you are thrown right back down. I agree with Elaine and Julie, for your own sanity you must find the strength to get what you want. You could also contact a local fertility clinic (different from the one your at - perhaps private if you are on NHS) who will do one off scans - there will be a charge, but I imagine if this is the quickest route of any to get answers, it'd be worth every penny. Please let us know what you decide and how you get on - we tend to worry about people on here. Good Luck and remember you've got somewhere to go to share your feelings with now without worrying about being judged. Love Fiona xxx

daisy · Post by **daisy** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 2:22 pm

Hello Debbie, I'm so so sorry to hear your awful news, please contact somone at the early pregnancy unit, I'm sure they will be able to arrange another scan. I totally understand how you are feeling, Our 2nd IVF ended in a miscariage at six weeks and after ten years of trying, like you we truely believed our dreams had finally come true, that blue line just meant the world. No one warns you that miscarriage is not always an instant thing, we had a week of repeated tests (three further blue lines, which I still have.) before they finaly confirmend on the 4th Jan this year that we had lost our babies. I know that there is nothing anyone can say or do that will make you feel any better, but there are people here that care. Take care, I will be thinking of you and your partner. Love Daisy

Sarah30 · Post by **Sarah30** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 2:24 pm

Hello Debbie I was so saddened to read you post, what an awful thing to have happen to you, I can't imaging how you're feeling. Like lots of others on here, I haven't made it to a positive yet, and hopefully will not have to experience what you've gone though. You poor things. I would push for another scan too or even pay for one privately as Fiona suggested. It would put your mind at rest and make it definate either way. I really don't know what else to say except that my heart goes out to you both. Don't give up hope. Love Sarah x

beck · Post by **beck** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 2:38 pm

ohhh im so sorry to see your post, you poor thing. i agree with the others and get a 2nd opinion from another scan either private or nhs. im wishing you all the best. and keep posting, as we will support you all the way. lots of love beck xx

sammy · Post by **sammy** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 6:17 pm

hi debbie,i,m so sorry.i really do know how you are feeling the same thing happened to me in april.I had a posotive but was bleeding,6 week scan showed an empty sac,7weeks showed a heartbeat,we were over the moon,at 8 weeks i didnt feel right so they scanned again and the baby had died .They said it was not growing at the right speed and that it had been quite small,we were devastated.I to just wanted to go home,they told us to have a think but advised a d+c because there was no signs of movement on its own and i wasnt bleeding.I felt so sick at this time it was a friday and i didnt know how id get through the weekend.I to said i wanted another scan when i went to the epau,but they said it would be even more upsetting and that mistakes like that werent made.It was a hard decision but i had the d+c done on the monday on there advice,i felt i couldnt grieve properly not knowing when it was going to happen.You can let it happen natraully it really is a personal decision.I really feel for you i know all the thoughts you are feeling,WHY?If you want to reply or anything im here for you. take care sammyxx

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Wed Nov 06, 2002 10:40 pm

Debbie - I don't have anything practical to say I'm afraid but just wanted to let you know that your story really touched me and that I'm thinking about the dreadful time you must be going through. Everyone's had different experiences but that desperate mixture of hope and despair is I'm sure something that anyone who's gone through the IVF rollercoaster can emphathise with. Please post over the coming days and weeks to let us know how things develop and know that there are people here who can imagine at least a part of what you're going through and want to offer whatever support they can. Much love Alison x

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Thu Nov 07, 2002 5:16 pm

Debbie I can't really add anything to what everyone else has said but I agree you should have a second opinion if you want it.I've miscarried twice and the second time was just as you described, i felt fine went for a routine 9 week scan and there was no heartbeat.My consultant actually reccommended that i have a second scan so she sent me to the early pregnancy unit at my local NHS who were very sensitive. I was so numb I couldn't even cry and I just wanted the D&C as soon as i could possible have it. I don't know if you are private or not but my only advice would be that if you have private medical then have the D&C done privately because some NHS hospitals will put you on a maternity ward which is unbelievably callous in the circumstances. You have had a terrible roller coaster of a ride and the next few weeks will be tough but you will get through it. We are all thinking of you. Lots of love and hugs Terri xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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