RECURRENT MISSCARRIAGES

[HEATHER S]

HI EVERY ONE, I,VE JUST SEEN YOUR SITE TODAY AND DIDN,T REALISE THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE ME. MY HUBBY AND I HAVE TRIED FOR A BABY FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS, IN THAT TIME WE,VE HAD 14 MISSCARRIAGES , ONE OF THESE WAS AN ECTOPIC, AND ONE WAS A LITTLE GIRL WE LOST AT 14 WEEKS, WE CALLED HER NICOLA -JANE.WHEN WE WERE PREGNANT WITH HER AND GOT AS FAR AS WE DID (THIS WAS THE LONGEST PREGNANCY) WE STARTED TO BELIEVE IT WOULD WORK AND WE WOULD HAVE A BABY. UNFORTUNATELY NICOLA-JANE HAD TRISOMY 13. WE WERE TOLD THAT IF SHE HADN,T DIED WHEN SHE DID ,WE,D HAVE LOST HER AT BIRTH ,AS BABIES WITH THIS CANT MAINTAIN THEIR OWN LIFE FORCE,(THIS WAS OUR DOCTORS WORDS) WE HAD LOTS OF TESTS ,TRIED CLOMID, ASPRIN .EVERYTHING THAT OUR DOC ADVISED AND NOTHING WORKED, WE WERE TOLD IT WAS JUST BAD LUCK. WE,VE NOW GIVEN UP, AS I CANT COPE WITH ANYMORE BAD LUCK. I WAS LOOKING AT SURROGACY A FEW MONTHS AGO AND SOMEONE OFFERED TO BE A SURROGATE, BUT IT SEEMS THIS WAS A VERY CRUEL HOAX. I HAVE CHILDREN FROM MY FIRST MARRIAGE SO I KNOW I,M REALLY LUCKY, BUT TIM AND I JUST WANTED ONE TOGETHER.I,M 43 NOW ,TIMS 38. SO IT SEEMS LIKE TIME HAS RAN OUT. WE LOST NICKY 3 YEARS AGO, AND HAD THE ECTOPIC 2 YEARS AGO, BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY, READING ALL THE OTHER POSTS I JUST CRIED AND CRIED,MOST DAYS I,M FINE BUT IF I,M AT ANY HOSPITAL APPOINTMENTS OR DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS AND I,M ASKED ABOUT ALL THE BABIES WE,VE LOST, MY THROAT AND CHEST GETS REALLY TIGHT AND I FIND IT HARD TO TALK,AND I CANT STOP THE TEARS. MY DOCTOR ISN,T SYMPATHETIC, AND TELLS ME I SHOULD BE OVER IT BY NOW, BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE I EVER WILL BE. DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THIS OR DO YOU ALL FEEL THE SAME, THAT I SHOULD BE OVER IT BY NOW, HEATHER

[ogr1]

you will never be over the death of your children..

my first mc was 22 years ago.

it is very hard..
and at times it is even harder..
but i have been very lucky. i have had great doctors..
we to thought the last time that we where goingto make it ..but our son died ..

our twins died also..
some times when i go to my doctor i have just sat in there and cried.. cause that is where is was born.. he gives me a little extra time when it is time for my check up.. then he comes in and gives me a hug and tells me one day i will be with all of my children....


i am so sorry... i wish i had the majic words that could ease your pain..

i can now look out at my sons grave and i know he is in a good place..
sometimes i dream that i am holding him..
night before last i dreamed i was holding our twiins..
i miss them so much as well..

this life time can be so cruel.. but please now that you do have friends and women that well litsen to you and that have morned the death of there children and who long to hold one in there future..

a very good friend told me that the death of a child is like a woound..
the wound well heal but there will always be a scar.

i am glad that you have found this forum..
it has helped me threw many of dark times..

i can even laugh now and not feel guilty...

and have preetty much come to turms that i will not be holding my own baby in this life time..

and have found love and laughter with inthis life that has been given to me...

becky

[HEATHER S]

HI BECKY, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, JUST READING YOUR LETTER MADE ME CRY,PEOPLE THAT HAVEN,T BEEN THERE JUST DONT UNDERSTAND, AND THEY THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTON OVER IT. BUT YOU DONT , WITH OUR NICKY I KNOW WHEN SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN , WONDER WHAT PROGRAMMES SHE,D HAVE LIKED, I,VE GOT A GRANDAUGHTER WHOSE 3 AND I THINK ABOUT THEM WATCHING T,V TOGETHER ,.PLAYING IN THE GARDEN, . WHAT TOYS I,D HAVE BOUGHT FOR HER, GAMES THEY,D HAVE PLAYED TOGETHER, I,LL REMEMBER WHEN SHE SHOULD START SCHOOL, LEAVE SCHOOL. WHAT SHE,D HAVE DONE WITH THE REST OF HER LIFE. SHE WAS A PERSON, NOT A FEOTUS, AND I,LL REMEMBER HER TILL THE DAY I DIE. HOW COULD I DO ANYTHING ELSE. SHE WAS PART OF US. A REAL LITTLE PERSON.
BYE THE WAY MY 3 YR OLD GRANDAUGHTER IS CALLED BECKY.
HEATHER

[ogr1]

i just became a grandma.. she was born april 12 at 9:20

she is beautiful..

and we dont forget ever..
but we do need to go on...
life is something that we can enjoy..

read some of the other post and you will see that some of us are pretty crazy .. //

we end up having alot of fun and we help eachother along thew way..

[HEATHER S]

I,VE READ A LOT OF THE POST TONIGHT, SORRY THIS MORNING I,VE JUST REALISED ITS LIGHT,AND YES THERE ARE A LOT OF FRIENDLY PEOPLE ON, I,M JUST A BIT WARY AS I WAS CHATTING TO SOMEONE FOR A FEW MONTHS ON A SURROGACY FORUM , AND WE CHATTED ON THE PHONE A LOT OF TIMES AND WE WERE READY FOR MEETING UP, AND I GOT AN EMAIL FROM HER PARTNER SAYING THAT SHE WAS WINDING US UP AND THAT SHE HAD NO INTENTION OF DOING IT, ESPECIALLY AS SHE,D BEEN STERILISED, I WAS SO UPSET, TIM AND I HAD STARTED TO THINK THINGS WOULD BE GREAT , AND THEN AGAIN ANOTHER KICK IN THE TEETH. WHAT PLEASURE CAN SOMEONE GET OUT OF THAT, I,M AT A LOSS TO UNDERSTAND SOME PEOPLE

[ogr1]

that is horrid..
i dont know how any one could be so cruel.....

you do have to becareful..

you dont have to give anyone any info.. and you can private send them messages threw here..
it well say pm.. for private message..

have you thought about going threw some place that does this for a living?

you should try and get some sleep..
and you will feel better as you post..
i have been posting for a long time and have never had any problems...

so post away
becky