Unexplained-is it time to give up? everyone have a lap??

[NickyMolly]

Dear Everyone,

I have posted on this board on and off, dipping between cycles - and feel that I am coming to an end. I have managed a +ve but m/c at 8 wks. and in total have had 5 IVFs (part NHS funded). The last one was a short protocol with a new clinic, which has a very good reputation. The consultant, doesn't perceive there are any problems as last time I had good embies, but they didn't implant. The old story.

I have a new fear now, two good friends who conceived late, both got breast cancer. One died, after it had spread during breast cancer, and theother, I hope will survive. As I am quickly approaching 40, I fear the dangers.

I have looked into adoption, and adopting from Russia is a distinct possibility. Some days I feel really positive, and other days just ...you know ....desperately sad, and feel a total failure.

Please can someone either give me a kick up the a*** (sorry) or some advice. I think family can take only so much, and fresh pair of eyes would really help.

Also, does everyone have a laparoscopy? I haven't had one and wonder if something could you explain our unexplained infertility??

I am sorry this is such a one way message, but hope someone out there can help.

Kindest to everyone on these boards,
Nickyx

[Sand]

Hi Nicky ... Sorry to hear of your turmoil ... Have a read of a thread by 3p (Clare) titled "Ever Wondered Why IVF Fails ? Read On" which is further down this forum. Maybe on page 2 or 3 by now .. Clare describes various tests that she's had done to seek answers ..

Cancer is a scarey subject and it must have hit you hard having to watch 2 people that you love go through so much. I hope your 2nd friend recovers soon.

I don't think you need a kick up the a*se. Instead, maybe, a little support from the girls here. On a good day, they do provide light entertainment too !

I hope someone comes back to you with info about laparoscopies. I haven't had one, so don't really know what they entail.

Chin up Nicky ... You must be a very strong person to have endured 5 cycles. We can all relate to how you are feeling ..

Sandra x

[minnow]

hi. i'm really sorry to hear that you arent getting any answers. it really is the most heartbreaking part of IVF, that sometimes even the most knowledgeable consultants cant answer the basic question of why it isnt working.

re. laparoscopies.when i went for my first consultation, it was suggested that this was the first most useful test to be done as dh xperm was fine and no known probs with me. i had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy which basically allowed them to check that everythin inside was looking and behaving as it should. it is not particularly cheap (£2k from memory) but it ruled out any obvious probs.

i too dont think you need a kick up the arse. it sounds like you need some time to consider what you are going to feel ok about doing next. i have had long thoughts about the cancer issue and dont think there is enough conclusive evidence to persuade me not to continue. for what it's worth, dh is a doctor and feels the same.

perhaps the biggest consideration is how you are feeling emotionally and whether you are able to go through another cycle. i suppose the fact that you know you have been able to get pregnant gives them some clues.

whilst you are unsure, perhaps the only answer is to take some time out. if you trust and value your consultant, maybe another appointment to talk through it all again would make sense.

adoption may be the best way forward but you need to be as sure as you can be that that is the direction you really want to go in. what does your partner think about it all??

sending you lots of love.

minnow

[LittleP]

Nicky

Hi there. I am so sorry about the way you are feeling. I too was unexplained and had success followed by miscarriage.

I have now chosen to go through a new hospital who decided to investigate further and I had the immunology tests carried out (although expensive at just under £800.00 well worth it!) and it turns out that I have a high level of NK cells. Unfortunately this can lead to implantation taking place but a miscarriage following.

Now that I have a way forward I am going to going through IVF with a totally new approach. For me this has been a breath of fresh air as I now have an answer. I don't want to say that this is obviously going to be the same for you, but it might be worth asking your consultant if there would be a chance that it might be a possibility.

The week before we got married we found out that I had cervical cancer. I have had numerous operations and even some laser surgery to deal with this and have now been given the "all clear" . I was told at the time that this should not have any long-term affects.

I really hope that you find some answers and go forward to a positive result.

Little P

[pauline69]

Hi Nicky

I'm sorry to hear about your friends. I hope your 2nd friend recovers. I don't dwell too much on the cancer issues associated with IVF drugs etc. I reckon I'll worry about it if/when I have to.

I had a laparoscopy about 4 years ago to determine why we couldn't get pregnant. The laparoscopy only proved that there was nothing wrong with me internally and so our infertility is still unexplained.

The procedure itself took about ½ hour and done as a day patient (but because I reacted to the anaestetic (sp?) I always throw up and also the antibiotics they gave me to take afterwards (they made me throw up too!) I was kept in overnight so they could monitor me & come up with some new antibiotics that I could take). My abdomen was sore for at least 1 - 2 weeks after and could only wear loose clothing as there was a stitch or 2. There was also limited scarring as they enter via a small cut at the belly button!

Luckily I didn't have to wait too long for this procedure as we are with BUPA and the cover we had paid for all investigation works but not for treatment.

I hope this helps.

Sending you PMA and hugs.

Best Wishes, Pauline

[AliasR]

Dear Nicky

I was vrey sorry to hear about your story.

Do check that thread Sandra talked about because it really has a lot of precious information, you never know...

We all have our ups and dows and going through all the treatments pushes you to your limits and wears you down so what you really need is to be proud of yourself and how strong you've been!! Sending PMA your way...

LittleP

I had no idea of all you had been through
Keeping lots of fingers crossed and waiting for good news!

Rita

[Tessa]

Hi Nicky,

Sorry about your feelings and situation! I and all the other girls on this board know how you feeling, only you can decide when you've had enough. I feel that way every month when AF arrives. It is particularly frustrating when you know that not everything has been done that should've been done I have no idea where you are from, but I know that I have been given so many excuses and different reasons why certain tests shouldn't be done and so many mistakes have been made it nearly cost me my life.
I had OHSS last year causing my kidneys to fail, I was told after that, that because of the kidney failure, I could never carry a child. We used a surrogate for 3 FET but they all failed. January I was told my kidneys were OK to TTC again (although a risky pg) so that is why I am on chlomid again. IVF is no longer an option for me, so chlomid is my last chance, but I just can't give up.
Today was another day I wanted to give up. I found out that our surrogate that we had used is expecting twins for anoher couple and I just feel...... what have I done to make life so cruel?

I hope your story does have a happy ending..... never under estimate how strong you really are deep down

Take care
Tessa