Pregnant Friends

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 2:10 pm

I'm feeling rather low right now. Another good friend of mine has just told me today that she is pg with her second. She doesn't know that we are trying as I feel it is really private and have told very few people. Anyway I tried to sound as happy for her as I could and I really am happy for her but I wish that I didn't feel so bloody jealous. I was feeling really positive till she told me and now I feel flat. Silly really - I mean I know doing IVF is the most positive thing we can do have a baby but it really isn't easy when friends, who got married after us, are expecting for the second time. Hate feeling like this - it is just so unfair that we 'special girls' have to go through this process and uncertainty. I know it will be worth it in the end, I really do, but it is just so hard. Anyway sorry to complain and write such a depressing e-mail just thought I would get it off my chest. Love Michelle x

KirstyC · Post by **KirstyC** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 4:12 pm

Hi Michelle, I know exactly how u r feeling. Lots of my friends seem to keep getting pregnant and having lots of kids in the last year or so. The latest one for me was a single friend recently getting pregnant from a one night stand and me having to 'be there' for her every eveing when she was deciding whether to have an abortion or not!!! ( she is keeping it by the way!) We just have to stay strong, shed a private tear and keep staying as positive as we can. Good luck with everything and stay hopeful! Hugs & Kisses Kirsty xxx

becky · Post by **becky** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 5:09 pm

Tell me about it! Friends getting pg or threatening to get pg i.e just got married or start taking Folic Acid..'just incase!' is the hardest bit about the inability to produce unaided! I had a little group of friends going who had all been trying for a while and we used each other for support against all the..supa doopa fertile Kings and Queens...and then they all became pg with 6 weeks of each other (no joke that is 7 girls..something in the water I think..! So Feb/Mar 03 will be a strange time when the babies all start appearing into the world...and our 'trying like mad to have a baby' life! I have another friend who married this year and who I have found out is trying..on holiday..She is due back tomorrow and I know that she pack a hpt in her suitcase as day 28 fell on her last day of her hols... I am worried sick..can't bare the thought that she is going to get there...b4 me..but then again will she have problems too....urrrrgghhhh I hate this friends getting pg thing.. Stupid really cause these friends are the ones that have been there for me and kept me strong... I am so pleased to have all of my special type people friends on here...I would be lost without you.. Take care all Love Becky B

fi · Post by fi » Sun Nov 10, 2002 5:53 pm

I'm in total agreement with all you say! its good to have a rant and rave every now and then, but it is the hardest thing I think, especially when you get to dreading pg announcements/birth/birthdays/christenings!!! Last New Year I went to a ball and the two girls I was with were preggers and going on about it. I so desperately wanted to be pg this NY (I won't be) however.....I feel like when it does happen to all of us it will be far more amazing, special and wondrous and hope that we never forget that aching feeling every time you walk by Next baby section!!! hugs to you all,especially Fiona right now, Love Fi

Nina1 · Post by **Nina1** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 6:16 pm

I totally agree too. It's so hard. Friends of ours came to stay recently and announced they were expecting. We had to spend the whole weekend being pleased for them, which we were, but it was hard work when inside I was desperately wishing it could be us too. And then, 2 weeks after that the same thing happened with a different couple who were staying the weekend with us! I couldn't believe it. It's like there's a big sign over our front door saying 'enter to announce your pregnancy'. Both sets of friends told us it had happened really quickly and what a relief because you never can tell if you're going to have problems. Little do they know. I'll stop whingeing now! Speak soon! Nina

heather · Post by **heather** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 6:16 pm

'lo michelle, I know exactly how you feel, michelle, only with me it's family, not friends that keep getting pregnant. Early this year was really difficult for me as my sister, my sister in law and my cousin all gave birth, my cousin to twins. This was all before march, and to be honest it really did my head in, not that i begrudged any of them, but it is really difficult to keep smiling while inside you are screaming 'when's it my turn???. I have to admit i kept a low profile from them for a while, but that wasnt easy in itself, but it doesnt hurt as much as it used to. i guess it's something we all learn to deal with in our own way. Anyways, ive mithered on for too long...take care all, heather xxx

DEBORAH · Post by **DEBORAH** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 7:40 pm

Hi ALL I can say that anybody that has told me that they are pregnant or are already pregnant I stear well clear off, the reason being that I don't want to hear them talking about their sysmptons cause I would be so jealous - let me get big and fat, let me have morning sickness, let me have sore boobs, let me etc etc etc...... I snapped at a girl this week she brought her baby daughter (6 months old) into work and I said 'Please just go away and leave me alone I cannot look at her' - I felt so so sorry afterwards but I had to run off to the toilet to have a cry -she didn't know I had just had a failed IVF and the sight of a beautiful baby girl was just to hard for me as still getting upset 2 weeks after a negative blood test. All I can do now is hope and pray that 2003 will bring 'all us special people' our own bundles of joy. Love Debsx

Janice · Post by **Janice** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 8:07 pm

Mmmmm! I can empathise with all of the above. A "friend" gave birth in July - I had tried very hard all through her pregnancy to keep my emotions to myself, she likes to be centre of attention at the best of times! I'd cry in the bathroom before, during and after nights out with her during those nine months. When the baby was born, I just couldn't face going to see her on the night that AF arrived yet again. So Dh went on our behalf, complete with pressie and good wishes. He was told to tell me that "she (the baby) wasn't going any where so I had better learn to accept it and get over it" I have not seen her since, nor will I see her again! Some people have no idea!

Louise · Post by **Louise** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 8:16 pm

Gosh Janice, it sounds as though she does not deserve you in her life - what a horrible person. People can be so unsympathetic can't they. They is a woman in my office with a son in law with a very high sperm count. She knows my husband has a low sperm count and we were going for ISCI as we were trying naturally unsuccessfully for 5 years and all she kept telling me was how hard it was for her daughter to NOT fall pregnant due to her husband's high sperm count. I wanted to throttle her and when she kept talking about it, I used to walk away.

DEBORAH · Post by **DEBORAH** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 8:19 pm

Janice I cannot believe a so called friend said that - what a hurtful thing to say if she only knew what you were going through I am sure you would have been ok with her in time. Who needs enemies when you have friends like her. We are here for each other. Love Debsx

Tracey D · Post by **Tracey D** » Sun Nov 10, 2002 10:59 pm

Dear All, I haven't logged on for about three months - since May/June when I had my first go at IVF. I am now in the middle of my second and am in the dreaded 2ww. I sympathise with everything you say and sometimes it feels, and I am sure most of you feel the same way, that you can feel so alone. I work as a receptionist and work with another girl who is also a good friend. I found out the other week that she is pregnant and I thought my world was going to fall apart. She literally came off the pill and 2 weeks later hey presto she is pregnant. I didn't know what to do I just wanted to give up my job and run away home. I have calmed down but obviously I am going to have bad days. I am dreading getting my results of my 2ww because 4 days later she is having her first scan and I really don't know how I am going to cope if my IVF has failed again. Isn't life a complete ***** at times????!!! Tracey D

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Mon Nov 11, 2002 9:55 am

Hi Girls Honestly what would I do without you all? Thank you SO much for all your responses - I am overwhelmed - it has really made me feel better - I've always known I was not the only one out there going through this and it is so nice to be able to speak with all my new friends in the same boat. I must say I feel much better today about things. Had my 5th Purgeon injection this morning and last night, for the first time in a week, I actually slept really well. I'm not very good with lack of sleep and tend to get cranky and over emotional. We WILL all get there in the end and when we do we'll all be better parents for it. Thanks again. Love Michelle x p.s. Janice I hate the sound of your 'friend' and you are better off without her and Kirsty, a one night stand - oh my god!

andreaj · Post by **andreaj** » Mon Nov 11, 2002 6:06 pm

Thank goodness - a place where I don't have to be pleased when friends announce their forthcoming 'happy event', where I can be honest, and say that I'm jealous, and that I want it to be me!! THANK YOU, LADIES!! Within 10 days of being told that my only chance of children was through IVF, both my sister, and the girl I work with both annouced that they were pregnant. It was more upsetting as my sister already had two boys, and this pregnancy happened whilst she was having a break from her contraceptive injection! It was a really nasty time for us both - she was aware of what we were going through, and thankfully didn't rub it my face, but it still hurt so much. I'm pleased to say that we were able to work it out, and I see a lot of my niece - but it drives me up the pole when all my workmate does is talk about how wonderful her child is! Right, now I've got that off my chest, I can go and prepare dh's dinner. Andrea <>< PS: Janice you certainly don't need 'friends' like that in your life.

Janice · Post by **Janice** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 6:40 pm

thanks to everyone who has made me feel sane again. I was so shocked when "my friend" said the things she did but more recently I have been thinking that I am a bad person for stealing her thunder, not being more supportive, not going to see the baby etc etc. BUT as son many of you have said --- what kind of friend says that to anyone!

Loonpants · Post by **Loonpants** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 3:34 pm

Hi everyone Didn't want to feel left out so thought I would post. I also get the biggest jealousy pangs when someone announces their pregnancy within my family and friends and I also find it difficult to coo over new born babies. But I have to say that I get very excited when there is a birth due on the Pregnant after Treatment board because I think we forget that they know how we are feeling and have been there and they deserve to be PG. I know that doesn't really help much. I still have a really good cry now and then, but some days are better than others. That's it I've just started getting choked up. Wishing that all your dreams come true. Lisa(Loonpants) xx

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