dont know

babyfaimlynow · Post by **babyfaimlynow** » Fri May 06, 2005 6:22 pm

thank you for your post.. if i wouldnt have read it i dont think i would have came here..
was afraid i would start more trouble..

you wrote that you are having donor eggs also..

i would like to think that i wouldnt feel that away. but i am afraid that i might.
i cant see me or husband not loving any baby that would be put in our arms..

i wish that it my clinic would choose..
they have what they think are our best matches and then we have to choose between them..

how are you dealing with this....

and again thank you so much for responding to my post..

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sat May 07, 2005 3:06 pm

Hi there, I too am hopefully having tmt soon with donor eggs.

One of my main problems has been that my family seem to find it very important that everyone takes after someone, they have her eyes, his nose etc etc. I feel sometimes like I have let them down in some way because Iwill not carry on the genes.

It has taken me quite a long time to sort it all out in my head but I really believe we will forget any of these worries when we have a child to love.

Love, Kat xx

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Sat May 07, 2005 5:14 pm

it's really funny how suddenly the smallest things come to matter

"the baby takes after you", "it's got your eyes"...

Today i was just wondering about that... Everybody says i take after my mum and granddad and physically it's true... But i also believe that the way i am and the way i behave were greatfully influenced by living with them

Had i been raised by parents not genetically related to me would i behave the same way? Would i be the same way? i think not.

i've read somewhere aorund here that anyone can conceive a child (?) but it takes really special people to raise and love one

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Sat May 07, 2005 6:58 pm

Hi girls

yes it's true, but why do the comments of others weigh so heavy on our minds??? It's not right is it. My mum when I was in the Uk would be talking sympathetically with me about our cycle (she is funding it bless her) and at the same time talking about how my nephew (just 11 months) takes after this one and that one...

For one I am glad I wont be passing on some family traits like reoccurent depression and unstable temper (my father) and really big ears

you do have to laugh!

I agree with Rita too, from the minute that emby is in the womb it will be our baby and influenced by us our feelings our environment. This is how I think of it now, and frankly the other family members can go boil their heads. Maybe it's easy for me as I live away from them and only really see my sis and mum regularly. They will still make thoughtless comments, but my family with me and dh and baby angel God willing will be first priority and strong anough to get over that. Theothers will also learn, it'll mean they think about what they say (I hope).

Love to you sweetie donor buddies

bigJ

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Sat May 07, 2005 7:34 pm

Gosh BigJ i really love the way you say things!

I always take forever to figure out what to write...

It's not that ohter people's comments matter that much... it's just going to be different and we weren't brought up to consider life that way so i guess there's a sense of loss there...

But you're quite right BigJ, there will be thoughtless comments but how can family or other people think otherwise? If you think about it for a minute they have never had to consider half of what went through our minds while dealing with this... So i guess it's up to lots of patience.

What matters is your family and nothing much else

Rita

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Sat May 07, 2005 9:35 pm

aw shucks Rita you are sweet thank you

I had a breakdown in 2003 after the failed IUI and corresponding burn-out (over work tryuing not to believe the POF diagnosis). I couldn't believe that after everything, and also supporting dh with his kids, that I wasn't going to have my own...I have been through a lot of very excellent therapy, and that has helped me be more clear on things, many things. I hope anything I can share can help someone and prevent them going through what I went through.

You are right, it is going to be different and I do worry about that a lot. I am told though that once you are pg things look very different. It's all very theoretical at the moment isn't it? That's how I managed to keep avoiding the issue. All the other women in my family have "normal families" I am even the only one with step kids / dh 2nd marriage. Dh and I have moved beyond that all now, and are excited about our little family unit, our child(ren)...God willing and we are all unique so our child will be a citizen of the world so to speak

Love and kisses to you

bigJ

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Sat May 07, 2005 9:50 pm

It's going to be different only as far as genetics is concerned. I have no doubt a child will be loved no matter where s/he comes from as long as s/he is wanted. We just see things differently i guess.

And most families do take everything for granted, most women have no idea what it takes to conceive a child - a neighbour of mine keeps saying she can get pregnant just by smelling her dh's undies!... And she has no idea how much it hurts to hear that...It is that simple for her!! And it makes me b***y mad!! But hey that's life...

Have you seen Shell's picture of her baby? Just knowing you'll have one of those precious creatures will make everyhting worth while...

Love and kisses to you too

Rita

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun May 08, 2005 9:22 am

Hi, another thing is, no one knows what a combination of me & DH genes would be like anyway so we have nothing to compare with. We are actually very different, so if a child came out like him then it would be quite opposite to me and if it came out like me then who knows if it would be genes or it's environment. Does that make any sense?
Kat xx

taylorjools · Post by **taylorjools** » Sun May 08, 2005 12:27 pm

total sense Kat

dh kids (twins, now 16) both look like him and not atall like their mum so there you go, living proof

plus as we already said, with the donor colouring being matched to ours, there's not going to be a throw back to my red headed welsh great granny or something is there

Love bigJ

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Sun May 08, 2005 12:50 pm

you're absolutely right

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Sun May 08, 2005 2:17 pm

I do like the idea they take your photo to get a good match for looks though. The clinic I am registered with for donor eggs here in the UK just got me to fill out a form, probably because there are so few donors they only try to match the basics like hair colour and height. Jools - do you get to see a picture of your donor? Or do they just tell you a bit about her?
Kat xx

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Sun May 08, 2005 9:59 pm

Would you consider seeing a picture Kat?

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Mon May 09, 2005 12:16 am

we had been on a list to get donated embies..

we dh and i thought that it would be our baby..
and our baby would be so loved no matter what..
i know how much i love each and everyone of our children that we have been so blessed with.
we had one child that was here when he was almost 17. he graduated at 19 and everytime we took him to th3e doc the doc wou ld be amazed at how much each time he came in that he looked like my husband..
his manarisums where becomming hubbys..

we had decided that we wouldnt tell anyone that we where going to use donor embies..

it wasnt any of there business..
but with my health i most likely wont ever beable to carry full turm so ..

but you have a chance weather you adopt or if you have donated sperm or eggs or embies.. i have no doubt in my mind that each and evryone of you would love yo ur baby and would be the best parents..

becky

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Mon May 09, 2005 9:01 pm

Hi, thinking about it, I don't think I would want to see a picture. I think if I knew what she looked like it might mean I was not focusing on the child being mine, it might make me feel different. Who knows?
My acupuncturist today reminded me to take each day at a time and not rush things or get too excited. He is a very sensible man.
Kat xx

AliasR · Post by **AliasR** » Mon May 09, 2005 9:20 pm

yes, he is...

although we're usually excellent giving advice but terrible following it

dont know

dont know

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