Pregnant Friends

anna13 · Post by **anna13** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 6:51 pm

Hi all, Am logging on after a long time. After our last(3rd IVF) attempt failed in October,DH and I ??picked ourselves up and after a lot of soul-searching,decided to try again in the new year. We thought we were doing fine until I talked to my brother, who is 7 years younger to me, and his wife and who have given me a lovely niece,earlier this year.And I have been so happy for them!!!!! Now she's just discovered that she is pregnant inspite of all precautions and they are not sure if they want to continue with the pregnancy!!!!!! Since then we had councelling and today while I was driving,I just started crying.I had to pull over in a quiet bye-lane and calm down. I am not jealous of them but yet I am and this is the only place I can say that and you would understand. Wishing all of us bundles of joy in the future.......

Tracey D · Post by **Tracey D** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 7:03 pm

Oh Anna, life can be so unfair at times. I have already replied on this topic but must admit have only just read what Janice put about her 'friend'. Janice don't mean to offend you but with friends like that who needs enemies. What a selfish ***** she is, unfeeling etc, etc. Okay I've said my bit now. Tracey D

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:55 pm

Anna13 , I completely understand what you mean. I have heard the "happy" news eleven times since I found out that I was infertile/started ivf(from close friends/family). The daft thing is that I was some what surprised that nine months later they all started giving birth!! I guess its just my age (33) bye bye Annie

Mags529 · Post by **Mags529** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 9:30 am

Thought I would add something. I had the chance to be a birth parnter to one of my oldest friends when her lovely little girl come in to world, but to add insult to injury, I overheard saying "as she can;t have any of her own I thought I'd let her see what its like". When she had her 3rd baby, her comments were " god your so lucky I get pg so easy, I wish I had your problem". (None of her kids were planned) I now don't speak to her. Why can't some people just understand that we do have feelings. DH and I are the only ones from our group they don't have kids, and I have to say most of friends are great and very supportive. Its nice to find such friends who inderstand what we ALL have to go through. Good luck to everyone!?!?!? Mags xx

Lulu · Post by **Lulu** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 10:57 am

Hi all, haven't posted since my 1st attempt at IVF failed in October but just wanted to say I so agree with everything that has been said. it is really good to have this site where we can be honest about our feelings rather than having to smile sweetly and say congratulations as another friend/family member tells you they are pregnant when all you really want to do is cry. Myself and two other friends all got married within 6 weeks of each other, one got pregnant straight away and the other swore she never wanted children. After yrs of trying I concieved last yr but was waiting for the 12wk stage before telling then all and as I was micarrying at 11 wks I had phonecalls from them both telling me they were pregnant!!. Just as I thought I was beginning to cope I went to visit another friend at work only to find out she was pregnant again. After saying all the right things I went out to my car and cried my eyes out. I'm presently awaiting the birth of my cousin's baby, due any time now. Thank heavens for this site!!!

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 11:21 am

Hi - just wanted to add that I agree with Annie that somehow there is a shock twice - its difficult when close friends or family tell you they're pregnant but somehow its still upsetting all over again when they give birth, even though, logically, you know that's what's going to happen! I think I'm quite lucky in that the majority of my friends haven't yet settled down and started families, but the two couples that dh and I are closest too have both become pregnant since we knew we couldn't conceive naturally, but have been incredibly thoughtful. We are godparents to the first couple's son, and went on holiday with the other couple when she was 4 months pregnant this summer. Both things have been hard at times, particularly the holiday as I "should have been" the same amount pregnant if my last IVF had worked, but we figured that it would be an even worse bit of infertility if we lost our closest friends. Funnily enough, the only person who's made a really insesnitive comment was a friend who has 2 children through IVF who commented (after my first IVF failure) that there couldn't be much wrong with her or her partner for the IVF to work both times on the first occasion for them. I did say as calmly as I could that I thought they were very, very lucky, but blimey, I could have hit her! Anyway, I do agree with others that this site does provide a wonderful forum for us to let off steam! Best wishes Alison

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 5:27 pm

Hi All, felt a terrific urge to post on the pregnant friends thread. It's so comforting to realise that I'm not an absolute *****, or that if I am I'm not alone (just kidding). I recently found out that a good friend was expecting her second baby, dh (picking up the jargon) rang me at work to tell me the good news(!), bless him he's not the most sensitive of souls! I spent the rest of the day periodically going off to the loo to shed bucket loads of tears. Not only do you feel wretched that they're pregnant, but terrible that you can't find it in your heart to be pleased for them. She lost the baby at 10 weeks, which then made me feel even worse. We've been ttc for just over 3 years now and have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. May sound a bit silly but sometimes I'd rather think that there was something wrong as at least you could look at fixing it. We've just been offered 3 attempts at IUI, which I'll look at starting in the new year. Due to our circumstances (unexplained), our Health Authority will only look at assisting after 3 years of trying, but instead of my seeing that as a light at the end of the tunnel, I've dreaded it coming round. I think what worries me is pinning our hopes on treatment and it failing. Must try to be more positive! Well I'll sign off now, war and peace or what. Suzanne. p.s have been looking in on you all for a few weeks now, and some of your notes have made me laugh and a fair few have made me cry!

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Fri Nov 15, 2002 7:17 pm

Hi Suzanne Welcome aboard. You are so NOT a ***** and your reaction is normal (well at least that is what I keep telling myself!). I think all of us on here at some time or another have felt like that - unfortunately as so many of my friends have babies/pg I feel like that a lot! We are also unexplained and have been ttc for 3 years. I understand your dread but I am due for e/c next week and after weeks of drugs I promise you it has really come round quickly - plus I think I am one of the lucky ones as I have had hardly any side effects. Anyway I'm trying to be positive and so should you! Good luck for when you do start next year - what hospital are you under? Love, Michelle x

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 3:31 pm

Hi Michelle Thanks for the reassurance. The consultant that we saw is based at Solihull Hospital, but I think that the treatment is carried out between there and Heartlands Hospital which from what I can gather is better equipped. Wishing you all the very best with your treatment, and glad to hear that you're not suffering with any side effects. I'll keep an eye on your progress through your postings. Good Luck, Suzanne.

KarenSmiff · Post by **KarenSmiff** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 5:55 pm

Hi Michele, I can also sympathize with you. Last week my DH came home and said that his brother& wife are pregnant again, they have a 5 yr old boy, and their scan confirmed it is a Girl. Well..... I just wanted to BALL MY EYES OUT, I hate feeling like this, it is such a happy event for them, but I just felt so sad. By the way, weve been trying 3 yrs. DH has had vasect reversed 3 yrs ago and is left with poor motility, I got AF today, so i'm megga glum!!!! Start IUI/IVF in the new year. Chin Up. We have to try and keep smiling! Our day will come. Hugs..Karenx

caz · Post by **caz** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 5:58 pm

Just to say - I found out last week that one of my friends is pregnant - the one who always said she wasn't interested in babies. Apparently it was an accident. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously on the outside I am thrilled for them, but internally felt absolutely gutted! Thats 6 people I know who are pg at the mo Not sure dh really gets the same "jealousy" feelings as me - which made me feel even more of a *****! So very good to hear that others get the same twinges!

Advertisements