How has everyone justified time off to work???

KirstyC · Post by **KirstyC** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 6:35 pm

Hello everyone, I'm very new to all this and just wondered how everyone has been able to 'hide' all the time off you need. I recently had my intital consulation and will start sniffing in Jan and have found out I will have to travel up to london every other day for two weeks, I live & work in sussex. How is everyone dealing with this??? I work for a very small company where the holiday is dealt with by a bit of a nosey lady.. I'm worried they might either find out or think i am taking the piss or something!!! any suggestions???? Kirsty

Janice · Post by **Janice** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 6:49 pm

I am a teacher in a small school, so taking time off is very difficult. I found that it was best to be totally honest with my head teacher, she has been fantastic. Everyone else (apart from my close colleague, who I also socialise with and WILL, one day, eventually, be a godmother!)just gets told that I have a doctor's appointment. Its been easy so far as everyone is ill. Schools carry lots of diseases! My clinic have been very good and given me early morning slots. AND even more fortunately my two week wait is over the Christmas holidays. If people start to doubt my committment etc I will tell them the truth.

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 6:56 pm

I've found with male bosses (I've changed jobs since first embarking on this so am now on to my second) hinting at anything vaguely gynaecological puts them off asking any further questions! More specifically I've said that I've got to have a series of blood tests and "when the time is right" will need a minor op and a few days off work, but won't know exactly when til nearer the time. I suspect a couple of people where I worked before may have guessed, but for me it was easier all round that I hadn't actually told them. And, as most of my friends/family know it suits me to have work as a refuge where people don't know. But it depends on your preferences and the practicalities of hiding time off. Sorry, this has turned into a bit of an essay! Best of luck whatever you choose to tell them. Alison

becky · Post by **becky** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 7:10 pm

I told my work the day that I found out that dh had a low sperm count..had no choice really as I burst into tears in the kitchen (very unlike me) my boss thought something terrible had happened and seemed to be the right person at the right time to tell...it went from there really. It has been hard getting the time off -especially when the times of scans, ec and et keep changing..I asked for 2 weeks off around the time I thought the daily scasn would start and as my treatment has gone on longer than estimated have had to ask for additional time off to cover the other side of the ec..work seemed ok and very supportive.. I feel that it can sometimes be more stressful to have to live a lie then to just tell people and let them either accept it in time - there is not alot they can do about it in the long run as if you are anything like dh and me..having a baby is the most important thing in our life! Good luck Love Becky B

SueL · Post by **SueL** » Tue Nov 12, 2002 9:29 pm

Hi Kirsty Just wanted to respond to you. Telling work can be difficult but it can also help. It depends on who you work for! You know the Company best and can only judge what you think the best thing to do. I also live on the Sussex coast and work in Sussex (but further north) and have treatment in London. I don't know which hospital you are at but some do early appointments. At one point I was travelling up daily 'cos my oestregen levels were a little on the high side!!!!! So for me telling my boss was the best thing I did really. Anyway, when I was doing my daily travel. If you get the Gatwick Express they go every 15 minutes both ways and you can get a week travel card which is cheaper than £22 a day return before 9.30 a.m. travel. You could be on the 7.30 train and be in London for 8 a.m. and make an early appointment. Some days I was back in work by 10 a.m. which was pretty good going! Anyway good luck Which hospital are you at? Love Sue x

NickyJ · Post by **NickyJ** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 6:39 am

Hi Kirsty, I too was totally honest with my male boss, and my team although I didn't tell the entire dept. I was so glad I did, not only did I find out one of the other girls had been doing IVF as well, but my boss was brilliant. On the 2ww I was so worried about getting stressed I booked a week off as leave, and my boss told me to take it as sick leave, as whatever the outcome he thought I would need my leave more than ever at a later date (And he is a slightly older chap!!!) He too panicks at the mention of anything to do with "Women's bits" but he was so supportive it made it a bit of a giggle at times, especially whe I burst into tears at one important meeting!! (I think he told everyone else my cat had died!!!)The only downside is they all know when your test is and everyone was terrified to ask me on the day I returned to work if it was +ve or not, I was lucky it did work but I know from the other friend going through it who was not as lucky that they were so brilliant with her and let her take time off etc to recover that whatever the outcome it worked for us to be up front about the whole thing. Of course it always depends on your team and boss but good luck with whatever you decide and of course everything crossed for your treatment. Nicky

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 8:29 am

Hi, I also found that being totally upfront and honest was the best option. My boss was very supportive and the company so far has been very understanding. My first cycle was in London (I live on the South coast) and it was taking me up to 2 hours each way to get to the hospital for a 5 minute scan (not very time efficient). However, since then I have changed clinics and the scans are done locally which saves a lot of time. Each cycle following the et I have had a week off. I found my GP was more than happy to give me a sick note - it doesn't have to state that you've had gynae work. I guess that everyone if different and only you know how your company works. However, remember that you need to be selfish during this time and you should do whatever is best for you - not anyone else. After all, if it works you'll be off work a lot longer! Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Alison (yet another)

Tracey D · Post by **Tracey D** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 8:43 am

Hi Kirsty C. I think Alison above me on the reply is my lovely telephone friend and she has given me a great support over the last couple of weeks. I am the same as her I have my scans locally and then go up to London. I have not told my bosses as I really don't want them knowing. Where I go for my scans is only 10 mins away on the bus from where I work so I can usually go in my lunchbreak. As for the ec and et I just get a note from the hospital excusing me from work and the hospital are quite happy to do that without mentioning why I need to go there. I only usually have those 2 days off and the one after the et. I've only had one IVF before and when I found out it hadn't worked I obviously didn't go to work and had it as a sick day. Tracey D

Nic · Post by **Nic** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 10:32 am

this is a very difficult question to answer. I choose not to tell my work, and have been living a lie ever since !! I too have very nosey people at work, and I don't feel that I know or trust them enough to tell them my personal business, but on the other hand, I wish I had of told them, as I feel part of the reason why my ET failed was because I was taking time off work, often at short notice, and then work started to question my commitment and put alot of demands on me, which has resulted in me resigning !! If you don't want to tell work, I'd go along the lines of saying that you need time of for gynaecological reasons, and let them make of it what they want. Good luck, I know exactly how you're feeling on this issue.

caroline · Post by **caroline** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 1:12 pm

Hi Kirsty I'm another one who falls into the honesty is the best policy camp. I told my male boss all about my treatment and the amount of time off I thought I'd need. He has been brilliant about it all. (I am also very lucky that my company allows you 10 days off a year for fertility treatment, without having to use holidays) I have also told the people I work with, as I found it easier than trying to remember what story I'd made up to justify the time off. But, the whole thing is entirely up to you. I feel better with everyone knowing, but you might not feel it is right for you. love Caroline xx

Louise · Post by **Louise** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 2:25 pm

Hi Kirsty, I work for a local authority who are really good with time off for sick and am really lucky because my female boss puts her children before everything and was so sympathetic telling me to take time out whenever I needed it when I was on the drugs. I am now lucky enough to have been signed off until I am 12 weeks by my doctor as my job is stressful - this was actually suggested by my boss. There are a few people at work who know, 1 woman who went through IVF before and she was great. I told a very close colleague but then wished I hadn't because she kept rubbing it in about her son in law's high sperm count which was so mean. I think do what is right for you and be selfish. The most important thing right now is having a baby so do what you need to do. Good luck, Louise XXX

KirstyC · Post by **KirstyC** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 4:42 pm

Thank you everyone for all your advice!!! I think i will tell my boss, but not yet, I will wait for the right time. The problem is I have had so much time off anyway , due to past ops etc I just feel really guilty. But, you are all right, the IVF is the most important thing.. Thank you so much, it's so nice to know I'm not alone... Good luck to everyone in their treatment... Lots of love Kirsty PS Sue,we are using the ARGC in upper wimpole st.

lisa · Post by **lisa** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 9:29 pm

Hi Kirsty, I work in an open plan office with all girls but I still thought that keeping quiet would be best....until I started the treatment. I said nothing for a few days then confided in one of the girls with the whole update, then someone overheard (not sure if that is what I planned - alright yes, that was the plan), next thing everyone knew and I was giving them all daily updates. But I am so glad and it was the best thing that happened. Everyone, in their own way helped me through it (one of them filling my glass with water hundreds of times a day). They were all so supportive and if I needed to shoot off for last minute scan I didn't have to start panicking, try and look ill and cover it. I think with all we go through and the amount of time we spend with these people it really does make it easier to include them. As Sue pointed out, if you can train to London and get back for 10ish you can try & cover it - b***dy alarm clock... Take Care lisa xxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Wed Nov 13, 2002 10:13 pm

Kirsty - not been thru this yet so cant offer any useful advice! butI saw that you are going to teh ARGC - which was def on our short list - still dont know if have made right decision by going elsewhere (we have opted for London Fertility Centre in the end). We haven't told anyone we're going to try IVF - so didn't get any recommendations - what made you decide on ARGC in teh end? Good luck with everything!

Tracy · Post by **Tracy** » Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:17 am

Hi all I have only posted a couple of times on the site in the past but read it avidly every day! I wanted to post today as I just saw that Kirsty, you are having your treatment at the ARGC which is were I had my ICSI treatment. Our story is that DH has extremely low spem count and very low motility with me also having sight PCOS. We had our treatment in September and were fantastically lucky as it worked for us first time. This is the reason why I don't often post as I feel a bit of a 'fraud' as we were lucky enough to only have to deal with the emotional stress of everything only once. The ARGC were fantastic in my eyes. We had early appts each time (9am) and were in and out in about 10-15 mins. The place where you go for the blood tests is literally around the corner, and this is also a very quick process. Obviously I can't compare to other clinics as I have only had experience of there, but the things I liked were that there are only two men who you see. Personally, I saw Mr Gorgi for all but one of my scans, and Mr Taranissi (the head guy) does 98% of the transfers. You get a mobile number to call Mr Taranissi at ANY time if you have any concerns, and when I did call him at 8pm on a Sat eve he was really nice. The female staff were excellent and really nice each time I called with what I thouht they may think were 'silly' questions. They are also very honest and don't just say what they think you want to hear! Well I won't ramble on any more. If you have any questions you want to ask me feel free to mail me if you like. Good luck to everyone - I have everything crossed for each of you and look forward to reading your progress and success stories! Love Tracy

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