How do you all cope, after m/c ?????

debbie · Post by **debbie** » Sat Nov 16, 2002 11:19 am

Hi everyone Sorry to be depressing again, but on Thursday it all came to an end for us. We did the rescan and there was no heartbeat, so decided to take the medication to bring on a miscarriage- it seemed so wrong to swallow that pill even though there was no hope, and there was no sign of it happening naturally, has anyone else gone for this option? with hindsight I should have had a D&C as the whole thing was excruiating and traumatic.we were left alone for 7 hours whilst it happened (didn't even get offered a paracetamol) and I really believe my heart broke in that room. D/H was wonderful, for someone who 6 months ago knew nothing about "womens bits" he excelled himself on Thurs, he really was there for me. I just wanted to know how you all manage to cope at times like this, I go back to work on Monday, but at the moment I can't stop crying/thinking about what might have been. I don't want to see anyone, don't answer the phone or the door, don't want to go out, etc. I desperately want a baby but am so scared of going through all this again and ending up even more depressed. I guess I should think about it in a few months when my mind is clearer. I wish everyone of you all the luck in the world, and wish I had found this site earlier in my treatment as the support offered on here is brilliant Anyway its bye for now, love to you all Debbie & Stuart xxxxxxxx

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 10:05 am

Dear Debbie and Stuart, I haven,t experienced miscarriage ( Im upto iVF attempt number 3) I just wanted to send you lots of sympathy and I think you need time to grieve before you try to make plans( which is what you already said!) very very sorry Annie

andreaj · Post by **andreaj** » Sun Nov 17, 2002 5:28 pm

Debbie, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for you. I've not been through what you're suffering - I've had 1 failed attempt at IVF; planning another go in January - but I can understand how you're feeling to an extent. Please allow yourself to grieve before you think about trying again. Don't go back to work if you don't feel up to it - your feelings at the moment are more important; you and Stuart need lots of tlc just now. Like you, I didn't find this site until after my treatment, but the girls here are so supportive, especially at a time like this. Thinking of you Andrea <><

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Mon Nov 18, 2002 12:27 pm

Debbie I've had two MC's , one spontanious and one like you where there was no heartbeat at 9 weeks and I had to have an evacuation. I can't believe how brave you were to take the medication, it must have been terrible for you both. I'm afraid the only advise I can offer, and it sounds really contrite, is that time heals. You both need to take time to grieve. Grieve for the baby you've lost and the associated dreams. It's really important that you shouldn't feel a fraud in doing this. You can't be "a little bit pregnant" so don't feel that you shouldn't feel all the emotions you have and I also think that going back to work so soon is ambitious. God forbid, but if you had lost a member of the family, you would take time out to grieve properly, this is no different. You will know when the time is right to try again, and you WILL want to because the desire to have a baby is stronger than the fear of it not working. I wish you all the luck in the world and am sending loads of love your way Terri xxxxx

pru · Post by **pru** » Mon Nov 18, 2002 5:24 pm

I had an ectopic a few years ago then a miscarriage last year. It is horrible at the time but you will get over it. Just take it in your stride and have faith that things will work out and they will at the right time. Best of luck

RLV · Post by **RLV** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 6:36 pm

Hi & sorry to hear your bad news. Same happened to us end of August - got 1st time lucky with ICSI and all looked ok at 7 and 9 week scan. Then at 11wk scan heart had stopped. I went into hospital next day for an evacuation which was pretty shit. It was the worst day of my life and I thought I'd never stop crying. But.... the pain does ease with time. I still keep thinking about 'what should've been' and still sometimes get down about it but you have no choice really but to get on with things. About starting again....I'm starting next ICSI in December and am terrified in case we have another disaster as I really don't know if I could cope again but on the other hand I want to go for it cos it's the best chance I have of getting pregnant. Take care and take time to grieve. Better luck next time. Luv Rachel XX