depressed/ivf

cath · Post by **cath** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 5:43 am

hi everyone thought i'd come here this am as i can't sleep i'm so fed up. i decided last night to stop my cylogest i'm on day 6 of 2ww but i'm in agony i know my ivf hasn't worked again and feel by taking my pessaries i'm just prolonging af from coming iv'e got severe pp and my boobs are like bricks plus i've got back pain i know by reading past messages this seems quite common but i do know things are not going to plan. i just don't know how i can cope with yet another failure,i've been ttc for 11years now and it's now cracking me up i've had 3 iui's and 2 ivf's in all this time i've seen everyone close to me have babies and put on a brave face and it's been hard. every time before insemination or transfer i've had pp about a day or so before but when i tell the doc's it's always shrugged off i know it's not normal to to have pp before treatment and feel no-one's listening.i'm trying to sleep and i start crying i wake up and i start crying my husband tries to comfort me and i feel worse i try not to show him how depressed i am because it doesn't matter how supportive he is or what he say's nothing can change the situiation or how i feel. i'm sorry if i've depressed you all but i needed to get things off my chest,for everyone going through treatment now i really hope things work thanks for listening xx

NickyJ · Post by **NickyJ** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 7:47 am

Cath, No one tells you about the rollercoaster of emotions you go through, and although I am not sure what I can say to help you just know that there are so many of us who are willing you on and thinking aout the pain you are in. I don't want to make a flippant "it will be alright" remark but I do know I was also totally convinced my treatment hadn't worked (i even had half a bottle of wine and 10 ciggies the night before the pg test as I was so sure) and I was one of the lucky ones. Even if it is not your turn this time (though I pray it is)please just keep talking, whether to this board or your dh or anyone else you trust. Big hug Nicky

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 8:53 am

Cath I really feel for you, you sound so upset. I can't offer much in the way of encouragment only that a lot of girls on this site have had what they thought were AF pains and it's turned-out OK. I know you probably know your own body better than anyone but lets hope you are wrong. According to my consultant, there are proven statistics that a positive mental attitude and prayers actually increases the percentage of success. Whether this is just bollocks, i don't know but what's the alternative? If you give up then you'll always be wondering "what if" ??? My boss's wife underwent 12 years of IVF but has two beautiful kids at the end of it. If you are not happy with the treatment you are getting and feel no one is taking you seriously, can you move ? My husband and I have just had our first failed attempt and it's been really tough. I have also had 2 MC over the past 3 years so I know how hard it can be to keep going but I can't conceive (no pun intended) that it won't work out for us one day. I probably haven't been much help but I'm sending loads of +'ive vibes your way. Love and hugs Terri xxxxxx

beck · Post by **beck** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 9:05 am

hello cath, i agree with terri ! i also had big time pains and swore it was over on my second week.....but blow me down i got a +.....and still im getting pains and twingies..............please dont stop the pessaries, as you never know ...............if your so worried phone your clinic and ak for there opinion. sending you loads of cuddles beck x

Lissa · Post by **Lissa** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 12:20 pm

Oh Cath you poor thing - sounds like you are really going through it. This treatment is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. There is a hell of a lot of psychological stuff during this treatment which really messes your head up - but remember it is only in your head. I have imagined so many different twinges and aches that I have convinced myself of all sorts of things. I have found this part of the treatment especially hard and it is very easy to think of the negative to try and bolster yourself ready for the disappointment of the treatment not working. Now I know its easier said than done but thinking positive is the way forward, and its sounds really "right on" but I have done plenty of negative thinking and I think negative = negative. I decided that why should I let this thing get me down for a whole 2 weeks, its hard enough doing it without bringing myself down as well. You can get through this! This website has been a godsend for me - just to be able to get things of my chest to people who are going through it as well. I hope you are feeling a little better and that I have been of some help - sending you a big big hug. Lots of love Lissa xxx

Louise · Post by **Louise** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 3:29 pm

Hi Cath - you sound so down and upset. You are going through such an emotional rollercoaster at the moment with all your hormones etc. Although it may be hard at the moment, please try and keep positive. I had awful af pains practically the whole way through and bad back - felt like I was getting my period any minute, but I had a positive result. My clinic also told me that all the pains were normal. Keep taking the pessaries Cath as they are so important. Is there someone understanding at your clinic or a counselling service there that you can talk through how you are feeling right now. Thinking of you and sending you lots of ++ve vibes. Lots of love Louise XXX

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 5:22 pm

Cath, I'm so sorry to read that you're feeling so low. Try to take some comfort from others who have been through similar symptoms and yet have still had a positive result. I can't pretend to know how you must be feeling in terms of the unsuccessful treatment that you've had over the years, but I can certainly relate to the depression that you're feeling. Try to stay positive, and I know it's not always easy but look at all the good things that you have in life, your husband sounds lovely. I know it isn't easy when all you can think about is the baby that you so desperately want. But I promise you are not alone in feeling the way that you do, and let's face it you wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel like this. You're not cracking up, you're just coping with a great deal of mental pressure. I'm sending you my very best wishes, I hope you're feeling more upbeat soon. love, Suzanne. p.s don't try and cope with the feelings alone, bottling things up will just make you feel worse, and anyway I'm sure your hubbies shoulders are broad.

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Tue Nov 19, 2002 8:46 pm

Dear Cath, Please dont despair.You need to remember just how huge an effect the hormones are having on you and trust that whatever happens and whatever you decide to do you will feel happier one day, hopefully soon.I can only imagine how excrutiatingly hard it must be to persevere for so long ( Ive just failed for the second time) the only parallel that I can draw is the conviction that you have when somebody you love dies that you will never feel happy again. When in actual fact time does heal, however much a cliche it is.I know this is a different issue but this ivf thing is right up there in the stress inducing stakes. I definately think that you should seek more support to help you right now. take care love Annie

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