Nasty surprise

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 1:42 pm

Well, we weren't due to test til Tuesday, but woke up this morning to bleeding. Without being too graphic, had had a little bit of brownish stuff yesterday, but this seems to be the real thing. Completely lost is this morning and have been just so tearful - I can't help thinking that both we and the clinic have tried everything this time (our third) - I've been having 3 injections a day to help implantation, and that if it hasn't worked this time I don't know what can be done differently to make it work. This time last year we were so excited about starting our first IVF after Christmas, and so optimistic, and just at the minute I don't know how we're going to pick ourselves up to go again. Anyway, at least the house is now clean after a month or so of neglect (found scrubbing the bathroom strangely therapeutic!) and I guess I could make a start on my Christmas shopping this afternoon to keep busy. But can't help feeling that this next few weeks were meant to be some of the most exciting of our lives and now they're going to be some of the worst. Sorry to be so depressed and depressing, but I know you'll know how I feel. Much love Alison x

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 2:26 pm

Alison I am so sorry to read your posting. This whole business is so unfair - and after 3 attempts you definitely do not deserve this. Take some time out to pamper yourselves, get drunk, stay up late, have a massage...and think purely of yourselves. You need this time together...make the most of each other and thankfully you have a supportive dh to help you through this. Sending you loads of love and huge cyber hug. Love, Michelle

Nina1 · Post by **Nina1** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 3:05 pm

Alison, I'm so sorry - that's so grim and I know you must be feeling horrible today. It seesms so unfair that it hasn't happened for you this time round, but I do think that every single attempt has the possibility of not working out of pure unluckiness. It's so hard when you feel you're constantly picking yourself up again, but you can't know that next time won't be your turn. For the time being, do lots of indulgent pampering, mixed with some healthy food and exercise(which I'm certain helps with frame of mind), and just go back to being 'you' for a little while. Thinking of you tons and sending lots of love. Nina

Wicked Lady · Post by **Wicked Lady** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 4:15 pm

Dear Alison I am so sorry that you two are having to go through so much pain. Sending you both lots of love, thinking of you. Nicola xxxx

becky · Post by **becky** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 4:22 pm

Hi Alison I am so sad to hear that Af came..and so close to getting to test day too.. I am due to test on Friday and I am now 98% sure that AF is on her way to me...now knicker checking at every chance! To make it worse had two mates around today - one 8 months pg and the other brought her 7 month old round!! You are so right..the emotions are so far apart..from full elation of happiness to the worse depression in world. Treat yourself to a few nice things that you couldnt have had if the treatment had worked for you; Massage - will all the oils Hot bubble bath A bottle of really nice wine Hot frothy cappocino (spelling is terrible) day pass to your local gym for a jacuzzi and sauna Dance the night away in a smoked filled night club I know that no advise helps at all really ..but I am here if you need someone to talk to. Love Becky B

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 4:26 pm

So sorry to read your post Alison, I don't really know what to say other than to reiterate what the others have already said. I know you must feel completely hopeless at the moment, but as you know, we do all eventually bounce back from each set back. Wishing you and your dh all the very best. Take care, Suzanne.x

DEBORAH · Post by **DEBORAH** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 4:52 pm

Alison So sorry and so sad for you and hubby at this sad time. Like the other girls have said pamper yourself go out and blow some money on clothes that you no-doubt have put off buying (like I did when I was going through 2ww) and look drop dead gorgeous over xmas. You never know what 2003 will bring? Love Debsx

beck · Post by **beck** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 5:11 pm

hello, just want to add to the list............im so sorry to see your news, try and keep positive it will work for you. lots of love beck x

pru · Post by **pru** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 6:41 pm

So sorry to hear your news Alison, words can not express what you are feeling. The other ladies have given you some good ideas on how to pamper yourself, I know this won't take the pain away but it will ease it slightly. All I can say is take it easy, and cry if you feel like it.

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » Sun Nov 24, 2002 11:54 pm

Hi Alison, I just wanted to say we are all here and going through it with you. I have just had my 3rd go canclled due to no ovarian activity and as u say it is a real S@'T. We both so wanted to have something to look forward to over Christmas, but as the others have said here's to 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck. Mandyxxxx

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Mon Nov 25, 2002 10:32 am

Oh Alison - what are we going to do? It's just so bloody unfair isn't it? I'm finding it harder to accept failure each time (and as you read, we've just had our 3rd failure as well) - it just seems that there's no hope. Nothing can help you out of the dispair that you and your hubby are feeling at the moment except for time and your love for each other. I've been finding that I feel okay one day and shit the next, bursting in to tears for no reason. I guess it's all part of the healing process. Thinking about you and your hubby. It definitely helps being able to talk to everyone on this website. Alison P

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Mon Nov 25, 2002 10:39 am

Alison Hang in there, thinking of you Terri xxxx

andreaj · Post by **andreaj** » Mon Nov 25, 2002 12:41 pm

Alison, I'm so sorry for you and dh, I know that nothing can take away the way you feel. but I would like to reiterate what everyone else has said, please take some time to pamper yourselves - open abottle (or two) of wine, have a hot bubble bath and generally give yourselves lots of tlc. Andrea <><

cath · Post by **cath** » Mon Nov 25, 2002 4:26 pm

hi allison sorry to hear your news, af came to me today [12day of 2ww] i'm gutted too i don't know what else i can say take care xx

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Mon Nov 25, 2002 8:12 pm

Thank you all for your kind words. It really is wonderful to hear from people who are going through the same sadness as us, those who are still waiting, and those of you are proving that this bloody process can actually work some times! I just had to share yesterday the black thoughts that I couldn't quite share with dh - I'm the optimist in our relationship! I suspect we won't get a follow-up appointment til about February - its usually a couple of months, and we've got a few nice things planned in the meantime, including a skiing holiday in January (this'll be my 3rd "last skiing trip before having babies"!) - and no doubt by the time that comes round we'll be ready to think about another go. And next time IT WILL WORK! Anyway, thanks again, and good luck to you all, particularly those on the 2ww - I will be checking up on your progress! Love Alison x

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