Am I brave or what?

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 11:54 am

OMG Girls, well I've done it - I'VE TOLD MY MUM. She was in a good mood as going away on a line dancing weekend today, and had asked me to drop her and a couple of friends at the coach point. I reckoned the friends would ask if I was on hols (I was right, they did), and I thought it'd be easier to tell it how it is. Anyway, she was really upset - apologised for seeming hard sometimes. She explained that as she had a fairly hard life (and I can vouch for that - one parent family, kid problems - not me, my older brother, and some fairly nasty things won't go into, etc) so at 70 she shys away from getting involved in problems, but her imagination had led her to all sorts of illnesses I could have had. I can see her point. For all the mancunians, bizarre thing was when I mentioned Dr Leiberman was our consultant, she said 'Oh, Brian - he's been there years' Now guessing she knows about him from her hysterectomy at St Mary's 20 years ago, but it took me aback slightly. Feel like a bit of a weight lifted for the time being at least, and maybe she'll think twice about adding to any stresses in the future. Thought I'd share with my wonderful mates. Lots of love and luck to everyone Fiona xxxx

Sarah30 · Post by **Sarah30** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 1:56 pm

Well done Fiona! Always best to get things out in the open - you never know, she might be able to help in some small way. Good for you. Sarah

) ps - I can tell it's a relief by the tone of your message, you sound well happy!

JC · Post by JC » Fri Nov 29, 2002 2:35 pm

Hi Fiona That's a very positive step you've made, well done and I hope you feel better for it, you certainly sound as if you do. My parents have always been very supportive, but I know that my Mum finds it difficult to get her head round my infertility as she "never had any problems getting pregnant and had very easy pregnancies and births with all 3 children", this was her words after my 2nd ectopic, as if that makes a difference! I hope you'll soon be fighting fit after your ectopic and back on the rollercoaster again. It's certainly great to have you back although I completely understand why you stayed away for a while. I know I don't get to post much but I do read the board almost every day and have been thinking of you (my bosses are out this afternoon which is why I can post, yippee). Sending you love and hugs. Julie x

Loonpants · Post by **Loonpants** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 3:24 pm

Well done Fiona it must have taken a lot to do it. I'm glad she took it better than you thought and maybe she will be a bit more sensitive now she knows the whole story. I wish my dh would tell his folks, or do I? His mom is lovely but a right fuss pot, but I think maybe she would stop blaming me for working and not giving her son children. She hasn't said anything to me but has been on the phone to my mom. I had to tell my folks because they were staying with us when we went for the PG test last August. Wish we hadn't as her and her fella are not the most sensitive of people. Now she keeps asking what is happening and to tell the truth I don't want to discuss it with them. I'm probably not sure what is happening myself. I wish you all the best and hope you are on the road to recovery and I for one are glad you shared this with your mates, as that's definitely what we all are. Best Wishes Lisa (Loonpants) xx

beck · Post by **beck** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 3:30 pm

hi fi im pleased you told her now at least when you start next time you can relax more at home, how are you now? lots of huggies beck x

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 5:01 pm

Hi Fi I am so glad that you told your mum - I bet she felt guilty for her behaviour....well done! Hope you are doing well. I'm on day 9 of the 2ww and feeling fine (completely normal I must say) Hope to chat soon Love, Michelle x

caz · Post by **caz** » Fri Nov 29, 2002 6:07 pm

this is really interesting. we haven't told anyone that we will need icsi or di to have a baby. I'm not entirely sure why we haven't. 1. I think dh is sensitive about telling people(macho thing about being infertile I guess) , and 2, I dont realy want people asking me about it all the time and constantly wondering if I'm pg! But I must say - i tell my mum everything - and its so hard not talking to her about it. and I think she'd be gutted if somehow she found out that I hadn't told her I sort of also think that if I told my parents our problems now - and they saw us thru ICSI - and IF that didn't work , then it would be eaasier for them to accept DI if we go for that option. Although I have to say we're not 100% sure we'd tell people about DI either. CONFUSED! How open have you all been ??

Savannah · Post by **Savannah** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 11:04 am

Hi Fiona, Well done!!!!! Wow, it takes more strength than the average person realises! I can say it probably would make things alot easier, although... I told my Mother in law near the start of it all and she has been so fantastic! She has even offered to be a surrogate mother for me! Mmmmm, maybe not! But what a wonderful thing anyway! My Mother has been very good, but... I think she finds it difficult to accept that I have problems! I really would have thought she would be the one who would understand more! 'At least they haven't said you CAN'T have children' is what she keeps saying! That doesn't help, if they found the problem, they will know what to do! Unexplained... you guys know what I mean! Caz, in conection with your question, I have told my friends, and some of them have been great! They understand when I'm not in the mood to go over and play with their kids. (That time of month when it is another dissappointment or at any other time) But one couple we haven't said anything to, we tend to really have good relaxing time with, we know they aren't going to ask questions or feel awkward when the subject of kids come up! So there is pro's to both telling and not telling! I hope your Mom stays supportive, she sounds like she will! Keep us informed! Savannah

Wicked Lady · Post by **Wicked Lady** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 4:18 pm

Dear Fiona Welldone you ! I think it is best to get things out in the open and hopefully your mum will be supportive now. I told my mum dad and brother right from the start and they have always been fantastic. Peters mum still thought her son was a virgin even though we have been together for seven years! She didn't like us sleeping together as we're not married but as soon as she wanted to be a grandmother that all changed. She made Dh's life hell with tales of other peoples children and in the end he blurted it out on the phone. She refused to believe there was a problem with him and said that ' we've never had anything like this in our family before' more or less blaming me for it all. She is loaded but would never consider helping us pay for treatment as she is very religious and feels we should not mess around with what we have and adopt instead she says we should never have DI but if this was happening to her daughter I bet she would be completey different. She doesn't like the idea that my parents would be natural grandparents whereas her and her husband would not be. How selfish. Where as my mum and dad haven't got a pot to pee in and have offered to help financialy, but we said no politely as we didn't want to take there savings. Respect to the FI! LOL Nicola xxx

andreaj · Post by **andreaj** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:32 pm

Fiona, Well done, it must have taken a lot of guts to tell her - but I bet she'll be a lot more supportive and understanding in the future! Me and dh were living with my mother-in-law when we started our IVF in August - the house we were buying fell through, so we had to live with her whilst we found a new one. When we 'signed up' for the treatment we fully expected to be in our own house by the time we reached e/c, but we didn't actually move till 5 days after e/t, so we had no privacy at all through any of the treatment! I'm not sure how much the stress of all that, as well as the move added to the failure of our cycle. I'm sure that I had the most public IVF cycle ever, as everyone I work with knew about it, in addition to dh's workmates and both our families. In some respects that made it easier, as everyone was very supportive, but it also meant that I was continually asked how things were going, which was fine if I wanted to talk; but as you all know, you do get days when you just don't want to discuss things. At one stage I felt that I should be producing a newsletter, I got so fed up repeating myself!! The big downside of the above was having to tell people when it didn't work - dh did most of it for me as I couldn't face it (bless him!), but there were still people at work who didn't know, and who asked me when I went back, which brought back some of the pain! Oh well, to tell or not to tell, it's a very personal thing - but my next attempt will be a state secret - except from you guys!! Andrea <><

mands · Post by **mands** » Sun Dec 01, 2002 2:10 pm

Hi Girls First time for us and we told all our close friends and family. Too obvious that I'd cut back on my drinking... i didn't want people teasing me about being pg. My family are all very fertile - got pg as soon as they stopped using birth control, so we're seen as a bit freakish. Also had to withstand lectures from stupid people about the joys of parenthood and why hadn't we started, nip nip nip... letting everyone know put an end to constant ribbing so it's worked for us so far and everyone's been v supportive. I don't know how I'll feel about it if this attempt doesn't work. I think we got enough to worry about, being secretive wastes alot of energy. Take care Mands

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