Just needed to talk.

K L Sage · Post by **K L Sage** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 4:40 pm

Hi there, Today I have discovered that my 4th cycle of clomid has failed, and it hurts very much. This time my dosage was upped from 50 to 100mg. I'm hurt because so many people have told me how successful Clomid is and that you only need three cycles of it before it works, and here I am fourth cycle and nothing again (my expectations completely crushed). I've had the ultrasounds, laparoscopy and hysteroscopy and told that nothing bad could be found. Tubes, ovaries, womb etc appear alright. But one minute I was ovulating and now it looks like I'm not. Every month (for the past 4) on day 22 I hve a blood test for my progesterone and so far every month it has been low. My husband says that I put too much pressure on myself, which he's right, there is pressure on me, on both us in fact. He's in the Merchant Navy and is away for 4 months at a time then home for four. He goes away again just after the new year which means one more attempt. His job is a huge pressure for me and is doesn't get easier as time goes on. I have been told time and time again to relax by my consultant, my friends and family, and I do try but it's not easy is it. To eliviate the pressure a little I gave up work to spend more time with my husband when he's home. I now go to the gym to vent out my frustration. I've started having reflexology and we even went away to the carribbean last month to get away from it all, to try and forget and relax by just having that quality time us couples need. Which was great, fantastic even. But you still have to come home and confront the difficulties don't you. Although, I am not as far down the line as some other women with regards to treatment (it's going to get tougher I know,) it's still all stressful, and grief is grief. And I think that is what I am feeling at the moment, a sense of loss. No matter what stage any of us are at, once those maternal wantings and feelings kick in, they are just too powerful to ignore. I do have a very supportive husband who always picks me up when I crumple at the start of each period, but he doesn't feel or understand the hurt inside. Not many people do, only those that are in the same boat as me. Hence this email today really. I'm quite a private person I don't open up very easily, but reading some of your messages today and seeing how you all support each other has insipred me a great deal. Even if no one replies to this email, just typing my feelings out like this has made me feel a little better. I can begin to think positively about my next visit to my consultant next week. Thanks. Kerry Sage

woppa · Post by **woppa** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:02 pm

Hi there Thanks for writing your e-mail. I would love sometimes be able to write down all my feelings and get it all out. Usually I dont though and bottle them all up and then explode--usually at hubbie who sits and lets me !! I know exactly how you feel although I can't begin to understand how much you must miss your hubbie whilst he is away. I miss my man when I am work !!! ( sad I know !!) We have been trying for our dream child for nearly 8 years and have had 3 attempts at ICSI. our first 2 attempts were abandoned due to poor stimulation and our last go in September we thought was the answer to our prayers !! Had brilliant response to drugs and sailed through treatment. We were delighted to get 14 positive tests !!(kept clearblue in business) However it was not meant to be when we miscarried at 6 weeks. We were just heartbroken. This web site is just brilliant and the girls ( and some guys) will answer any questions you may have. If you stay away for several months then you are welcomed back in. We would have been lost without it and look forward to next year when hopefully we can meet new cycle buddies. lots of love and hugs woppa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:10 pm

Hi Kerry, Welcome to the site. You're right it does help to talk about your feelings and what's so great about this site is that everyone can relate to what you say, as we're all feeling that disappoinment and hurt. I'm glad to hear that you have such a supportive husband, this is stressful enough to go through. It must be bloody frustrating for you that he's away for months at a time though. If you're anything like me, I only seem to have any enthusiam for you know what at the appropriate time of the month, so if hubby's not there.... We've been trying for just over 3 years now (diagnosed with unexplained), and let's just say that this TTC does your sex life NO favours! You say your a normally private person, well look what you just made me do!! This time time last week I wouldn't have thought I'd be posting details about my sex life on a web site!! This site has been a god send to me (I'm afraid I've become a bit hooked though!), I feel as if I'm part of this special club, instead of feeling as though no-one understands what I'm going through. Anyway I've waffled enough, look forward to speaking to you again. Take care, Suzanne.x Good luck with your appointment next week.

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:16 pm

Woppa, think me and you were responding at the same time. Yours sounds so much more sensitive than mine! Damn..Damn..Damn! I just sound like a sex crazed *****! (during ovulation only, of course) Take care, Suzanne.X

woppa · Post by **woppa** » Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:56 pm

no suzanne --- I am a sex crazed ***** too !!! [Edited by woppa on 30-Nov-02 17:56]

beck · Post by **beck** » Sun Dec 01, 2002 1:50 pm

hello poor you............well we are all here for you, if you need a chat. most nights around 8pm someone usually logs on for a chat. hugs beck x

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Mon Dec 02, 2002 12:14 pm

Hi Kerry, Wanted to just let you know that I've been down the clomid route too - had 4 cycles that gave me horrific asthma (having never suffered before or since) and four failures under my belt. I'm sorry that you have been through the same The next likely treatment for you is going to be IUI (artificial insemination - or turkey basting as we like to call it!) possibly with induction of ovulation, so it might be worth getting some of your husband's sperm banked before he goes back to sea. This way you could be continuing to try whilst he's away - a bit weird, I know, but something to consider if you feel strong enough. Also, you've not mentioned if your dh has had a semen analysis - we had what was called a 'Strict Kruger Morphology Test' done, its more expensive than the normal tests, so not sure if available on NHS, but instead of showing a normal count for my dh it showed 96% abnormal sperm - an answer to our infertility! Anyway, 9 failures later this site has helped me to bounce back from the worst of times, so I can highly recommend it. I'm still very determined to continue until success. As Woppa says, don't be afraid to ask anything - there's normally someone who can answer. Love Fiona xxx [Edited by fiona_lk on 02-Dec-02 12:16]

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