Been away for a bit . . . . . . . .

Eve_ · Post by **Eve_** » Tue Dec 10, 2002 6:08 pm

Well hello to everyone! Have had a break from drugs, IVF and the whole rollercoaster bit! BUT . . .started taking the down reg. drugs over a week ago - so looking at EC very early New Year(ish). The bit I'm struggling with at the moment (and need help with, is . .. ) I got pregnant earlier this year following IVF but at 8 week scan heartbeat had stopped & I had to have an ERCP. My sister fell pregnant at the same time, and our due dates were 2 days apart! Now she is so happy and big with bump. I feel so dreadful what can I do. Everywhere i look are pregnant people my best friend is celebrating 12 weeks mark this week, even 2 girls in the office are pregnant. I feel like I am going mad, and the drugs don't help!!!! HELP Eve xxx

Eve_ · Post by **Eve_** » Tue Dec 10, 2002 6:17 pm

Sorry have been away so long am crap at this!!! Eve xx

andreaj · Post by **andreaj** » Tue Dec 10, 2002 6:34 pm

Eve, You poor thing - it must be absolutely horrendous for you. Every time you see your sister it must remind of your tragedy. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty about your feelings, and don't try to lock them up inside; you are entitled to be jealous, pig sick and everything else you feel. Tell your dh (or some-one you trust) exactly what you feel - no matter how awful it may be, once it's said, it's got less power to twist you up inside. Are you and your sister close? She probably feels just as awful about it as you - can you talk to her about how you feel? Although it might not feel like it now, you will actually love her child when it arrives. I know - my sister announced that she was pg 'by accident' the week after I found out that I couldn't have kids without IVF (which we couldn't afford then). We're pretty close, but I had real difficulties with the whole situation, and spent the whole of her pregnancy trying to ignore her bump, and deal with the jealousy I felt. We didn't talk about it then, but have done since, and she felt as bad as I did. But from the opposite side of the coin - she didn't want to rub my nose in the fact that she was pg, but whilst she was pleased to be having another child, she was also jealous of our childfree lifestyle (something I'd have gladly swapped!. I was so scared that I'd resent the baby (even thought she didn't ask to be born, but once she arrived though, my feelings changed - I just fell in love with her! My niece is now 3, and my sister and I are back to having a good relationship. Hopefully you and your sister will soon be in the same situation as well. If you need to talk, there's always someone on this site for you. Andrea <><

RLV · Post by **RLV** » Tue Dec 10, 2002 8:48 pm

Hi Eve, it's me! Just thought I'd write to you on here for a change! I know what you mean about pregnant people........... one of my best friends is also just celebrating getting past 12 wks, she's just had her scan and all was well. Also, I see someone every day who is 3 weeks ahead of what I was. It's particularly hard for me this month cos we (me & you) would've been 6 months now. I'm dreading the due date in March as well but hopefully we'll both be pregnant again before that hey?! Take care & speak soon, Luv Rachel X

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Wed Dec 11, 2002 12:19 pm

Eve I know exacttly how you feel. On New Year's Eve last year I found out I was pregnant. When we told my mother-in law 4 weeks later, we found out that my sister-in-law was also pregnant but she hadn't wanted to tell us because everyone in the family "suspects" that we are having ttc. I felt so angry that the rest of the family had been feeling sorry for us but so happy about our good news. As it was our second pg (the first ended in m/c a year earlier) I though the fact that my sis-in-law was pg at the same time, 1 day between us!!!!! was a good omen. God couldn't be that cruel.But sadly at 9 weeks at the scan there was no heartbeat for our baby and I too had to have an ERPC. I was dreading the due dates in September and didn't know how I would cope especially as one of my best friends had given birth only 3 weeks before my expected due date as well. I'd be surrounded. My sis-in-law went on to have a really difficult pg. They induced her 4 weeks early so fatefully her son's birthday was in August and not Sept which I'm thankful for. She never knew about my pg as we asked the mum-in law to keep it to herself until we got past the 12 week stage, which of course we never did. I've only seen the baby once since he was born and it wasn't too bad.This is going to sound Soooooo bad but God forgive me he is not an attractive baby and was nearly 13lb when born so he looked more like a 3 month-old and not a new born. I also think I'd had lots of practice seeing my friends baby who is such a cutie, and my friend who knows about the IVF has been SO supportive has even offered to be a surrogate fo me!!) Basically this is a long ramble to let you know that you are not going mad. Everything you are feeling is totally normal....well to me at least and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Wishing you all the luck in the world for the new year and hopefully you can join your sister in pg bliss. Lots of Love Terri xxxxxx