Insemination or adoption?

[Mike711]

I am a 27 yr old male. I found out that i have no sperm, and my wife & I want a child.

To make a long quesion short, which is better, easier, and more financially affordable?

Adopting a baby, or My wife being artificially inseminated?
She always wanted to 'carry" her own baby, so i am researching before commenting to her about it.

[bubblymichelle]

Hi Mike,

I really am not sure what to say to the answer to your question, firstly hello and welcome.

With Adoption even though the child would never be your own you could grow to love the child and give the child an happy home. Adoption is a very long process and you go through such a long process.

Insemination - This way your wife gets to carry the baby and then you would form the bond straight away.

Reference costs I really would not know the answer to that either, not much help am I really. None of these options would be easy for you!! but at the end of the day its got to be your decision. It would probably do you good to speak to your Wife and express how you are feeling.

Take Care
Shell.
-x-

[Sand]

Hi Mike ...

If your wife wants / needs to carry the baby herself, adoption won't help you, will it ? So, I suppose firstly you need to decide if you could watch your wife carrying a baby that won't genetically be yours. You may have already decided that you'd be happy with this.

Whichever route you decide to take, it will be a long, slow, hard one. I'm in the Uk, so I'm afraid don't have any info re $$s.

Sandra x

[nicolamark]

Hi mike!
My husband has no sperm, we are due to start iui with a donor. we decided this because, I wanted the feeling of being pregnant and adoption wouldn't give me it. My husband is happy about it too.
Do you know why u have no sperm?
Have u had a biopsy?

At the end of the day, the dession is your's and ur wife's. What does she want?
I wish u all the best, with what ever ur choice is.

[AliasR]

Hi mike.

We are facing the same problem and also don't know what's best. I'm not considering the money issue and it isn't even relevant for me. I'm more worried with the consequences of either.

Adopting a baby in Portugal is a 6-year minimum wait and I'm pushing 32 so I'm having a bad time dealing with that option - it's hard enough not to be able to control your own fertility and I'm not looking forward to that.

DI is a completely different issue. We're raised to be independent and set up our own biological families and never stop to think about it for a moment until it's all taken away from you.

I suppose DI would be something closer to the real thing - appointments, scans, morning sickness, delivery. But will we be able to deal with the fact that one of the parents is not the biological father? Will we be prepared to deal with "the baby doesn't take after any of you" or as he/she grows up starts showing a different personality? Will we tell our families or the baby?

When you decide to adopt you have to accept that child is going to be different from you. It's easier to share with friends and relatives. I suppose it will be a lot easier for the couple. But as a woman I feel you lose so much and in the end so does the couple.

Hope I've helped a little.

AliasR

[Mike711]

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I have no sperm...according to the eurologist. I actually want a 2nd opinion\test from another dr. Wife & i have had unprotected sex for 6 years, and No baby yet. Just kind of strange you know? Her dr says she IS able to have children. My wife wants to carry her baby, and it would make me feel better also. However i was adopted, so I feel bad "not wanting" to adopt a child myself. My Mom loved me like i was her own son..etc. I will look into it more.

Thanks,
Mike

[Sand]

Hi Mike ... Get on with sorting that 2nd opinion then, then you can push that to one side and move on ... I hope you can reach some decision with your wife ...

Don't forget - we are all here if you need us ..

Sandra x

[AliasR]

Hi there again Mike

Have you had just a SA or other tests? My DH had a biopsy to check if he was producing any sperm at all and it seems a lot of men do have the stuff, it just isn't coming out!

So good luck with that 2nd opinion and check out the web, there's a lot of info on the procedures available.

Take care

Rita

[nicolamark]

Mike,
What have you and ur wife decided??
Good Luck.

[NickiMark]

Just popping in again to see what's happening mike? All the best!! x

[Katie12563]

Hi Mike:
If you are leaning toward insemination then I have some info you may like to know. The sperm bank I am using has a matching service. They will match a picture of you out of donors that you and your wife select or they will match a picture with all their donors. They have adults photos (which they do not share with customers) to help match the couple with a wonderful physical match. Other services available are: audio cds, baby photos, personality test, and facial feature reports. They test for all kinds of diseases like HIV and even chromosome abnormality.
They will ship to your clinic (world wide).
All this information is available online at cryobank.com.
Its located in the US (California) is is one the the largest around.
The long profile will even give you opinons of their family members, descriptions of their family members and full medical details of everyone in their immediate family including themselves.
Cost (US) $295.00 per vial or $355.00 per vial..your clinic will tell you which type to order (washed or unwashed sperm). They also guarentee sperm count or you get a refund. I hope you might consider this if you use a donor. Your new little one may very likely look like you (smile).Good luck and feel free to ask me any additional questions you have. I am a customer and I did concieve the very first time. I miscarried but test results (we tested the emybro tissue after DNC) point to low quality egg (I'm 42).
**** Mike you posted awhile back but maybe this will still be helpful to you*****

[Sad05]

We have a similar problem to yours, Mike. Trying to decide which option to go for, but my husband finds the thought of donor sperm difficult. Then again, reading about the long adoption process makes me wonder. I am torn between the two, as I think adoption might be ethically preferable, somehow, yet as a woman I would love to experience pregnancy, and feel that the child is ours from the very beginning of its life. I guess both options are invasive in their different ways...

[NickiMark]

We are just on iui number 2 on my 2ww now. we used donor. Dh is ok about it as he understands my need to experience pregnancy, but equally he's still sad that never will he be a rel dad. But what ever he will love our baby and treat it as his own.

sad05, I hope that u make a choice soon, Good Luck x x

[tryin2concieve]

i have been in your shoes and i am a female. I do have advice for you on a womens prospective. First off talk to your wife and ask her is she open to adoption i have recently been looking into international for myself. I think if i knew 6 years ago what i know now me and my hubby would have had better descisions. after 6 years of ivf and iui i have spent so much money i could have adopted 2 children but if i was you i would suggest to my wife a round or 2 of iui with donor sperm to give her the opportunity to carry the child while looking into and starting the adoption process as it is a long one if you want more discussion i would be happy to talk to you and her as i have done all routes.