Serenity Now!

[WJAwad]

Hello All,
I am new to this board, but I just really needed to make a quick post to vent. This weekend me & my hubbie were going to tell his parents that we were going to move forward with IVF. (His my is a strict Catholic who once told me she did not support IVF.) I called my mother-in-law, Thursday at work and asked her if hubbie and I could come over to talk to them on Friday. Since she works at a bank I also asked her about home equity loans (our insurance has 0 coverage and it will be all out of pocket). Well, things happened Friday and it got changed to Saturday. When we got there Saturday, my mother-in-law announced my that my sister-in-law is expectiing. This sister-in-law has been married ~20 months and only tried 2x. I tried to feel happy for her, but instead left bawling my eyes out. Needless to say, we never had our talk with hubbie's parents.

Thanks for listening! I tried to explain to hubbie why I was upset, I know he tries to understand and love him for trying so hard, but I don't think he can.

[DeniseM]

Wow, sounds like alot of pressure. Are you sure you want to tell the in-laws until after your two week wait?

I'm sorry the news of your sis-in- laws pg was announced just when you had screwed up the courage. That stinks. I know how you feel. two of my sil's just had babies, and the other is pg, one month due before i was.

Hang tough, girl.

We're here for you.

[AMITHIS]

Wendy,

I know how you feel. I was just recovering from a failed cyle when I found out that both my DH's brothers wives were pregnant within a few months of one another. When we got the news I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack. I think I cried the whole evening. He and I have been married 5 years and both of his brothers were not even at the 1 year mark yet. It was really hard. One of them delivered in April and we haven't even been able to bring ourselves to go see them.

I'm so sorry about the timing of the news. Given your MIL's stance on IVF, perhaps it would be best not to even tell them? You need people who are going to support and encourage you and I'm just wondering what telling them will really accomplish?

I say this only because my mother has a similar stance on IVF and I honestly wish I had never even told her we were trying since she has offered me no support whatsoever and just makes me feel guilty for not adopting or taking another path.

Anyway, just my thoughts. We're here for you if you need to vent!

Staci

[dancola]

Can only agree with others - why tell them? We have told no one we are doing IVF and would only tell my family after any successful outcome at 12 weeks. His family would prob not be told about the IVF - they are Italian Catholics and unfortunately the RC church is very anti IVF. There was a recent referendum to allow donor eggs/sperm and most of the country (a lot of young people) didn't even bother to vote after the Vatican told them not too! We're not using donor eggs or sperm but sadly people there are very ignorant about the whole thing.

I think you need support when doing IVF and can't see that you will get any from your MIL. She will be too wrapped up in this new pg to give you any support and if she is anti-IVF then I really can't see what you will be getting from telling her - anything but support I fear and you don't need this. Try and get the support you need from DH or elsewhere - I manage fine with just DH and this board.

[hlloyd]

I agree with everyone else. Unless you need to tell them for practical reasons (ie assistance with your loan, logistical help during treatment) I wouldn't bother. We also have told nobody about our treatment and it is unlikely we will say anything until we are certain it is a keeper (assuming we get that far). This process is so stressful anyway that you really don't need the added burden of negativity and criticism by those that surround you. Like Dancola said, this board provides an enormous amount of support and I have found that DH and I are closer than ever as we only have each other for support.

By the way, I love your choice of title for the thread, it sums up the situation perfectly and gave me a much needed giggle! Serenity now, serenity now.

All the best
Heather

[LittleP]

I have to say I agree as well - if you don't need to tell them and you know that their support won't be very forthcoming, I wouldn't bother.

You need to be relaxed and calm throughout this treatment and certainly don't need any outside worries or stresses - if it was me I wouldn't tell them yet.

Of course it's your decision and whatever you decide I wish you loads of luck.

Little P

[lynne]

Hi Wendy.
I agree with everyone else. Don't tell them unless you have to. I told mine about 2 months ago, as we had started the process for adoption after 3 failed donor IUI's and they wanted to know why we weren't moving forward. They have been completely insensitive and unsupportive (which is what I expected, so came as no shock).
I had had to tell them about adoption as they needed to be interveiwed and I knew if my Dad wasn't pre- prepared he would have said such terrible things Social Services would never ever have let us adopt. Now I have ralised adoption was the wrong choice, until we had tried every option available to us.
I know how awful it is when other family members get pregnant. It all seems so unfair doesn't it?
And sorry ladies to have a go at men, but I have come to the conclusion that they really don't understand. And very often don't really try to. I never considered myself a sexist before this whole process, but I am one now!
Don't tell them Wendy. It won't help.
Lynne

[WJAwad]

Thank you for all your kind words. Based on your thoughts and discussion with DH, we have decided not to inform his family.

Thank you Again!

[Katie12563]

Hey There...add me to your list of supporters. Don't tell until you are pregnant and even then you may want to omit the IVF facts. I agree with the other ladies including Dancola and Hlloyld?? It may add stress to your pregnancy to have inlaws that are torn about it morally. If you must wait until the baby is here safe and sound. When you deliver a beautiful bundle it will be not doubt of God's blessing. If you have a tough pregnancy you don't need to feel that family members are not supportive and believe IVF is wrong so therefore can't support you totally in your time of need. Please think about this and remember you have your DH and us to support you with all the IVF details.
Love & Hugs to you.