finding out the sex??

[minnow]

hi all,
just wanted to pick the brains of those ahead of me or indeed those who have already made their minds up about this issue. DH and I are torn about whether to find out the sex at the 22 week scan. has anyone who has done so regretted it later? i cant imagine you would but i would hate to feel that i wished i had left it as a surprise. i am really quite happy about having either sex (although if pushed a girl would be wonderful) as i just feel so lucky to be pregnant. i know people are superstitious about finding out but i am more concerned that i will feel as if i've spoilt the biggest surprise.

the other equally strong part though feels as though it will really help me to start to enjoy the pregnancy more as i have felt so awful so far. if i know who's in there, maybe i can focus more on the little person and less on the symptoms! any advice and experiences would be great.

minnow

[Mil]

minnow:
I am about the same # of weeks as you and DH and I have decided to find out what the baby is. Our reasoning: Weather we find out by a scan or at the birth, it will still be a surprise, maybe a little different feeling, but still a surprise. Also, I want to have gender specific stuff. And I just can't wait that long. I am horrible with presents and stuff. I just can't wait to find out.

Before we got pregnant my DH said he never wanted to find out. There is no way I could wait so we decided we would cross that bridge when we got there. At our first scan (8w), the first thing out of my DH's mouth was when can we find out what the baby is. I was quite shocked and laughed really hard. At that point he said I want to know right now. So we decided we would find out. We are going at 18 weeks and we can't wait.

One other thing - A good friend of mine just had her first child and they didn't want to find out. She was very happy with her decision but she did say that it was awful getting so much non-gender specific stuff. She told most people to wait to buy her gifts until after the baby was born. She ended up having a girl and she said she felt like it was worse having a girl and not knowing because she had not dresses, etc.

Good luck with whatever you decided. If you follow your hear then whatever you decide will surely be the right decision.

Take care!
______________________

[kappy]

Hi Minnow,
Before I became pregnant I always thought I'd save the finding out the sex for a surprise in the end. It just seemed like it would be such a great way to end the pregnancy. My DH on the other hand was all for finding out from the very beginning. I thought we might end up arguing over it at the first opportunity to find out, but instead I found I just couldn't resist when they asked. Each scan made her more and more real. Then when I started feeling her first movements (around 17 weeks), I needed to know who was in there bumping around =)

I don't regret finding out for a second. I feel like it helped me tremendously with bonding ... my husband too. During the times of the day that she's squirming all around in there we talk to her ... visualizing this little girl all cramped for space. It's definitely made it more fun. It's also been great knowing for shopping purposes. I thought it would help us name her faster, but after all this time we only recently decided on a name (Hannah Bryce).

Every couple is different though. It's a personal decision. But I think if you truly want to find out, I doubt you'll regret it in the end. Even though we know it's a girl, we're still just dying to meet her ... see who she looks like ... how big she is. It will still be like all the Christmas mornings past for us rolled into one.

Best of luck to you both. Wishing you a wonderful 2nd and 3rd trimester!

[Susie]

With our first child I just had to know so I found out as soon as I could and it was a girl. We had already chose names so from then on DH got home from work rubbed my tummy and said hows Abby. At the end of my pg we talked about how lovely it would be to meet her etc. I am so glad I found out I could relish the news.
When I went into labour it lasted 36 hours was painful and I was so tired. When I gave birth I could have had a donkey I didnt care just as long as it was out.
Finding out early gave us time to enjoy the experience of knowing we were getting a girl, I feel if i'd waited then I wouldnt of cared I had too much else to think of.
My decision was right for me, but its up to you what you do.
Be careful tho my friend was told she was haveing a boy so bought all blue etc, and when bubs was born it was a girl so left hospital in a blue snowsuit! So only buy a few gender specific items.
Good luck
Susie

[Sher8]

Minnow,

I guess I will interject and let you know that we are not going to find out the sex of our baby. I decided I would do this for the first and find out the second. (yes, we plan to try again) To put a different spin on it, we heard that you receive really useful baby gifts because people cannot buy all boy or all girl clothes. I have even heard of diaper showers. Something we all will be able to use.

Best of luck on your decision and go with what makes you feel more comfortable.

Sher

[k]

Hi everyone

Although in the past ive always thought id want a surprise, now im pregnant i want to know! Because im also convinced its a girl, (ive explained this on the 2nd trimester thread) although i wont be disappointed if it is a boy, i think i could bond with the baby better if i knew beforehand. DH didnt want us to know, but seems to be changing his mind now. The nursery will be neutral, so that doesnt matter.
My scan is on the 2nd September, so we will see! my cousin and a friend who recently had babies intended to find out at their scans, but the babies were in the wrong position, so they didnt find out until they were born, so this could also happen!
Kim

[Alette]

we could resist!

we had a scan last monday (a medical scan, not for fun) and we had the opportunity to ask but we could resist!

I do not want to know (ofcourse I would like to know)(if only my husband had asked....but he did not)(and I did not want to ask), but YES ofcourse I want to know how is in my belly!
But we resisted, we wait till birth.
We do not want to open our present yet.

But it is hard! it honestly is!
if this echoscopist had asked us... I am not sure I could resist!

[betty]

With #1 I didn't find out--I really looked forward to the surprise. I did get some weird green and yellow "non gender" gifts as clothing but really, a gift is a gift and those first 3 months pass quickly. Lots of people wait to give a gift anyway and we were blessed with many very lovely baby gifts. This time (just got a +ive yesterday so am cautiously optimistic) I think I may find out the sex so I can organize, sell/give away or aquire from yard sales appropriate baby stuff. Kind of a lame reason probably.

Someone put it to me when I was pg before that there are really so few happy surprises in life, it's nice to have one to look forward to. Unless, like one of my friends who wanted a girl SO bad she thought she'd need time to get use to the idea of a boy if that's what she was having you NEED to know in advance. I think when you have fertility problems and don't take getting pg for granted you are a little less picky.

[julie5767]

Wow! I am impressed at how many of you can stand the wait. I was so miserable and anxious during the two 2wws that we went through, that I think it used up my patience.

We actually asked last scan (at 16 weeks)- because it is twins I get scanned all the time. We now "know" that we have at least one girl (yeah!), but the other one wasn't cooperating, and actually started seeming a little irritated (I swear, it seemed like he/she turned his/her back on purpose and with a little attitude). However, they suspect girl with that one as well.

For us, it was the right thing to do, as this twin thing has been so full of anxiety over potential problems, a cerclage, a heaping dose of morning sickness (which came back!), that this gives me something else to focus on. It has helped tremendously with the bonding process, as well as with names. (We have picked Sophia Noel (Sophie), Liliana Faith (Lily) and/or John Nicholas (Jack).