IUI starts Oct, Not ready :(

[GhostHunter]

Hello

I am 33 and my DH is 32 and we are due to start our very first IUI treatment next month (12 October 2005). Well the meeting after the general talk.

After being poked and prodded through all the tests and not really being told what was going on, what the tests were for etc sometimes not even the results. On our final consultation we were told we were classed as "unknown infertility".

My tubes are fine and we have a 50% chance of passing on Nurofibromatosis which my husband has mildly, if it is passed on it will, each generation, be slightly more noticeable (thus as my husband is mild it would be mildly moderate!). With modern technology it is easier to treat and more widely understood so we are happy to take the chance.

I have high blood pressure for which I am on medication and regular check ups (every 6 months).

Our specialist speaks with a quiet but fast paced 'indian' style twang to his voice (not being racist) so it has never been easy to understand him. He also either expects us to know what he is waffling on about or doesnt know how to relate to us when discussing things, so we just leave more confused than we arrived. Not knowing what questions we could have asked!

Our specialist calls it "artificial insemination" (personally the first time he said this I felt like an animal not a human) the general discussion meeting (where a whole group of couples embarking on IUI go so we see we arnt alone) it was called IUI and this board says IVF - is there a difference and if so what is it? Sorry to be dumb but perhaps you cansee how confused I am now?

I am terrified, confused, dont know if I even want to go through with all this, lonely (I have no friends, we live miles and hours from my parents, I am embaraced to discuss it with his, even though my mum in law is a lovely lady who is like my second Mother!)

I am frightened it wil hurt, I am scared as have no support, I feel alone and dont have a clue what is going to happen.

If I am not ready now can I defer it until I am more knowledgeable and mentally prepared? Can I say I want to lose weight first (as I am overweight now)?

I have a war going on inside my brain whether to go for this treatment or try for adoption / fostering!

HELP!

Thanks
H

[GhostHunter]

I forgot to say we were refered imediately by our GP to the specialist over a year ago. We were not offered any alternative natural methods like timing / temperature before.

Our specialist seemed hesitant on putting us on this programe (again making me woder what info he may be refraining from us).

If I hadn't asked "what can we be doing in the meantime to improve our natural chances" he wouldnt have given us 2 months of Clomid (they didnt do anything).

Should we have been given more options either by our GP or by the specialist before being placed on the IUI conveyorbelt?

Thanks again (sorry to carry on but im feeling so negative about the whole experience!)

[Lizzie]

Hi

I am also relatively new to the site. 1st post last week.

You do sound really confused. I have had 10 goes at IUI which stands for intra uterine insemination (not quite sure of spelling). 7 of these were natural (ie no drugs) and 3 were with superovulation (with fertility drugs) so I know a bit about IUI but no expert.

Firstly the treatment does not hurt. They insert a speculum. This is the same as what they use for smear tests. Bit uncomfortable when inserting but nothing to worry about. Then they insert sperm through this using a catherta ( i think). Takes about 5 minutes. Then you rest for about 10 mins, after that you can go home. Then just wait for your period. It's a long fortnight!!

I think you can defer treatment if you are not ready. Mine was all at Leeds General Infirmary and all I had to do was ring on morning my period started to make a day 2 appointment for scan each month. Don't know if other hospitals are different.

I have also had one cycle of IVF which is different from IUI. A lot more complicated! Maybe read some of the info available on this site which may make it less confusing.

My advice would be don't do anything until you are ready but everthing seems a lot more confusing at first. Honestly it's not that bad! Just the emotional side that can be quite hard to deal with. But if you don't try it you will never know.

Hope this helps. Any more questions - fire away!!


Good Luck



Lizzie

[KTF]

Hi H,

I am no experts as new to all this myself. I am sure there are plenty of people on here who will give you better advice. I have taken this from one of the books I have been sent.

IUI and IVF are two different treatment.

In IUI they basically monitor your cycle (either natural or more usually drug assisted to get better control) and check for the correct day for insemination by an ultra sound scan. This will be when you have ovulated (released an egg) The actual procedure itself is said to be quite simple a sample is taken from your husband and they inseminate you with it. From then on the normal process takes over as to whether your eggs fertilse.

In IVF the process is a lot more involved, they will use drugs to again control your cycle and at the right time they carry out an egg collection, they then fetilse the eggs with the husbands/partners sperm and put them back in again.


That seems a bit waffly and I hope I haven't confused you more, I am sure someone will post with a better reply!

KT

[Smita]

Hi H,
Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time with your specialist- I honestly feel he could explain a bit more about the process and maybe be more understanding of your position before referring to medical or otherwise terms..

Abt Artificial Insem- its the same as IUI- IUI is just fairly recent terminology for the same process..Insemination to put it very crudely means that the sperm is inserted into you with medical assistance instead of naturally(as in thru sex)

If you are not prepared mentally to start, I would suggest you revaluate where you are at both physically and emotionally- any process, whether natural or assisted - to help us conceive takes a whole lot out of us mentally, so I wouldn't want to think, "if only I'd known more, or if only I'd lost weight.." and so many of the if onlys that pop into our mind..

If your hospital/clinic offers counselling, paid or free, it may be a good idea to go with your dh for a session or two- it helps..

Also, do you have an option of taking a second opinion? As you say, if you were not offered cycles assisted with clomid etc, or with just BBT then maybe you need to look into that??
Too often, the doctors we see are so used to seeing women unable to concieve that they directly put us onto the IUI or IVF scene..
You said your tubes are ok, is everything ok with your dh's sperm? IUI is normally directly offered only if there is a mild or more than mild problem in that area- try to find out from your clinic.you have a right to knowing about ALL of your and dh's reports.

This site is a god-send and the women on it are phenomenal- Lizzie has explained what they do in IUI pretty well and so has KTF- it IS very confusing, but you have a lot of sources from where you can find out what exactly happens and when- all the ladies on this site are waiting to help- you only have to ask..

Welcome here, and like lizzie says, if you dont try, you'll never find out!
Sorry for rambling on, i just wanted to help..
oh and theres this book by Zita West called "Fertility and Conception" It is HIGHLY recomended by most ladies on this site- it costs abt 15 pounds and is worth its weight in Gold or so its said!!
Take care,
keep us posted and
GOOD LUCK!!

smita

[DebraP]

Hi there, I've not had IUI but you want want to read some of the info in the blue index to the left of this message. There's a lot there but it takes you through the different treatments, names etc.

It IS confusing and can seem overwhelming at first. I'm one of several on here that have their treatment in a foreign language and believe me, it's vital that you feel you've understood what's happening at every stage. If you can't understand your consultant and have never told him politely to slow down, how does he know that you've still got questions? You could always say 'I'm finding all this new information slightly overwhelming, could you talk a little more slowly so I can take more of it in?'. Another popular tip is to take a pad and paper and make notes, don't worry about how it looks. I always think I'll remember everything but never do and that's depite several attempts at tmt.

The book Smita recommended is fabulous. Has great advice on how to prepare before/during/after tmt and details what the different treatments are. www.play.com deliver for free if you're in Europe.

Lastly, if you decide to go ahead with your October dates, there is a group of women over on the General Forum embarking on October tmt too. People group together in 'buddy' groups and chat about their apts, tests, scans, emotions and later how their tmt progresses.

Good luck and if you're ready for more terms, there's an abbreviations thread at the top of the General Forum which will help make sense when people use letters instead of words

Debra

[GhostHunter]

Hello

Thank you everybody for being so friendly and helping. I think I am going to ask it to be defered for a while as I really dont know whats going on! I would like to try more natural methods first, especially as they may bring me and DH closer again. Of course we still love each othr its just after 5 years of marriage and 7 years of trying you can imagine how our bedroom life has cooled down a little LOL

Yes his sperm test came back fine, no problems were reported there.

I shall see if I can get hold of the book.

I am also going to see if we can access counselling.

Another thing I was told which is putting a strain on my emotions, was I should idealy have had all / any children of my own by the age of 35! Otherwise it may cause further complications with myself and the baby.

Plus my mother in law seems to think I should go ahead with it at all costs, my own mother says its my body, my / our decision and whatever the outcome she will be there for us or here on the next train with one phonecall!

Thanks again to you all, its nice to know i have found some friends who understand and I can talk openly to! I will keep you updated.

Heddwen