Telling people about treatment

Bex · Post by **Bex** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 1:14 pm

Hi, Just wondered what people's views were with regards to telling work about going for treatment or not ? About 4 years ago, I had 6 clomid cycles & 1 metrodin (hyperstimulated) that ended in an IVF transfer cycle. I didn't have any drugs to support this and miscarried at 6 weeks. Anyway, i didn't tell my work about any of this and ended up having so much time off each time i didn't get the blue lines, that i very nearly lost my job over it. This time, i'm currently on Day 5 sniffing (started on Day 2 of cycle) and i informed my work about a month ago. They've been really supportive and have agreed to pay me full sick pay to have the 2ww off (i only had 1 wk off last time and it's made me paranoid). Also, as my job is stressful at least they're sympathetic when i'm not feeling well. With regards to friends, only close family know until (if) we get pregnant and then i'm under strict instructions from DH to wait until 12 wks ! ! But, we spoke to a friend at the weekend who has just had a baby and as usual the question came back to us for when would we be starting a family - what are you meant to say in return, without going into detail ? love Becky x

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 1:41 pm

I feel better talking to people about it cause then they give you support and you arn't asked the question over and over "when are you going to try for children?", I have been compleetly open to everyone and have found that it has helped a great deal.You dont have to answere the intermit questions and if they are real friends they wont ask ! I couldnt have done it in the dark on my own but I am a whimp!

Nick · Post by **Nick** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 2:13 pm

Regards to telling work, it is difficult. In my case, as I am a shift worker, I spoke to my boss over coffee - two months before the treatment was to start. This gave him adequate time to allocate. He was understanding, and has given me time off over egg collection - although that of course has had to be shifted! I also took leave over nights. Just last week I had to explain about how I was not responding as swiftly to the hormones.etc.. and that egg collection slot had to be shifted. And no, I don't know when exactly. It is a tricky one. I am doing it step by step. The problem I foresee is the failure to succeed over a number of cycles. That is when he may not be as sympathetic (just what you precisely don't need). Also the snag is my shifts are from 0500 - 1400 or 1500-2400/0100 - Not a great choice, specially with side effects of Buserelin and dashing to the water cooler! BBC Women's Hour did an interesting feature and discussion about a lady who had to travel from Cromer - London for treatment. She was not given adequate time off, and had to sleep in the car. It sounded horrendous. You could ask them for feedback. It was before Christmas.. As for telling others - well, I tell as few as possible, but only when needs be - and then I say simply hospital treatment or treatment. Rather than go into the IVF stuff. It usually works. Oh by the way, cheery news, a mate (now 43) conceived after five years of trying. Halle bloody lujah!:) Nickyxx

Lisa C · Post by **Lisa C** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 3:44 pm

Hi Bex, I am prob the complete opposite to Traci and did not tell anyone until after about 4years ttc, I am quite private. I could not cope with people asking me every month ...well any news... etc. I have told 2 close friends at work and a couple of close friends and my parents. Last time I had treatment i used holiday and occasional hospital appointments to go, but then after I stopped injecting I had over 3 weeks off on the sick because I was so emotional. My doctor asked if people knew, then put on my sick note 'nervous debility' which could prob mean anything. I work in a nosey office and heard that staff thought I had an abotion, miscarriage, was getting a divorce etc. Sometimes if you don't tell it makes them want to know even more. My boss is male and like a female gossip, so I would not trust him at all. This time I still haven't told anymore people and will do the same. If it gets to much I will go and see the doctor again as he was quite nice last time. I think you just have to do what is right for you, how you feel and where you work. Everybody probably deals with it in their own way, so just go with what feels right for you. Sorry for waffling, hope it all goes well LOve Lisa

jen · Post by **jen** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 4:02 pm

It can be a bit of a dilemma can't it. I'm cabin crew and since we started all the treatment back in Sep 01 I stopped flying and was sent to work on the ground - everyone presumed I was pregnant (normally the only reason crew are grounded) so I just told them the truth. Everyone has been great and supportive and time off hasn't been an issue - there have been 4 births in the office though since I started, I must be a lucky omen for everybody but me. I think I will take more time off this time round - after the last 2 I went back to work on the Mon after ET (which was the Thurs) - my doctors say that's fine - but everyone else seems to have longer. Our family and close friends also know but don't pry too much and are just there when we need them. I think most people are really supportive. Take care Jen

Helen G · Post by **Helen G** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 4:30 pm

Hi Bex As some of the others have said, I think you need to do what's right for you. I personally have only told a very few people. I only told a couple of close friends, the woman I work with and my brother that I was going through treatment. Even though my parents know that I need IVF, I didn't actually tell them that I was going through a cyle until I got a negative result. Even though I love them to bits I know that my Mum would have been on the phone every day wanting to know how I was feeling and because I didn't know how I was going to feel, thought it best if she didn't know, just in case I went through major menopausal symptons!! Does that make sense!? With regard to work - I told one of the girls I worked with as I got on really well with her and also so I didn't have to feel guilty about taking time off for appointments, etc. She was really understanding and flexible. If there's someone that you can trust at work then it might be easier to tell them - it takes some pressure off and you don't have to think of numerous excuses of why you're in late, etc. In this game I don't think there's any right or wrong! Good luck with your cycle! Helen x