Do any of you feel like sometimes you just don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone?
Just for the last few days (since AF came really) I have not wanted to do anything. I don't want to talk to anyone cos I think they just think god she's feeling sorry for herself again. I was meant to be at a family barbe last night and just could not face it so stayed at home. No matter what I do I just can't seem to lift myself out of it. I'm normally so positive and deal with whatever life throws at me. I could work 7 days a week if I could as this the only time I'm distracted and more myself.
It probably doesn't help that October we can't even try as I'm having a hycosy and plus DH is away for a month anyway. And I'm not dealing well with my 2 best friends being pregnant. It feels like there is a constant pain in my chest, like someone died almost. I would normally talk to my friends, but I obviously can't talk to them about how I feel, it wouldn't be fair. Whenever I think about them both being pregnant, I just don't know how I will face the next 6 months.
My cousin was meant to be staying while my DH is away as I don't like being on my own. Now I don't feel like I care, I want to say to her I want to be on my own. She doesn't really understand what I'm feeling (she's not trying to conceive though at the moment). She has endometriosis and said her doc put it into perspective by saying "its not cancer" I think she thought that would help me. Of course I appreciate having my health but that doesn't stop me feeling awful about all this.
Sorry to go on.
unsociable
unsociable
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
-
doraglasses
- Member
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:47 pm
Terri,
I know how you feel.
The other day my MIL asked DH, "do we have any hope this time?" I felt soooo bad cos I feel like if, God forbid things don't work out this time, I'd be responsible for not being able to fulfil their dreams of having a grandchild. I'm trying to run away from everyone, my friends, my family. None of my friends know that I'm doing IVF, but their constant nagging questions "when are you planning to start a family" or things like "you don't have to worry since you don't have kids ...." really kills me. (its funny, even while I'm typing this, I can feel tears in my eyes). One of my close friends had a baby 4 weeks ago and I've been telling myself that I should go and see her and her baby, but I just don't feel like it. I have completely stopped socializing, feel lonely and oh yes, for some reason when I do talk, I sound very rude and frustrated.
You got to hang in there, for your sanity. I say if you don't want to talk to anyone, don't. Try and keep yourself busy, read books, go to the library or just go shopping. Do things that you want to do and not what people expect you to do. Bring yourself together!!
Lots of Love,
Dora
I know how you feel.
The other day my MIL asked DH, "do we have any hope this time?" I felt soooo bad cos I feel like if, God forbid things don't work out this time, I'd be responsible for not being able to fulfil their dreams of having a grandchild. I'm trying to run away from everyone, my friends, my family. None of my friends know that I'm doing IVF, but their constant nagging questions "when are you planning to start a family" or things like "you don't have to worry since you don't have kids ...." really kills me. (its funny, even while I'm typing this, I can feel tears in my eyes). One of my close friends had a baby 4 weeks ago and I've been telling myself that I should go and see her and her baby, but I just don't feel like it. I have completely stopped socializing, feel lonely and oh yes, for some reason when I do talk, I sound very rude and frustrated.
You got to hang in there, for your sanity. I say if you don't want to talk to anyone, don't. Try and keep yourself busy, read books, go to the library or just go shopping. Do things that you want to do and not what people expect you to do. Bring yourself together!!
Lots of Love,
Dora
Yeah I know how you feel to.... I have totally been cutting myself off from people just now as well.
I nearing the end of my first cycle of ICSI (test 29th Sept) and started to bleed a bit overnight on Saturday. I felt totally devastated, much worse than I ever expected to feel. I was meant to be going out with my Mum the following morning and couldnt even face seeing her.
I think my worst fear right now is telling everyone (think I might have made a mistake telling quite a few friends and collegues). Although they have all been fantastic throughout the treatment time, I feel like I am dreading telling them I know it hasnt worked. I think mainly, and this is where I feel like a horrible person, I cant bear the thought of them all feeling sorry for me. I know they will all be genuinely upset for me and want to say things to help, but I honestly feel like I wish i could just run away and not have to face any of them.
My Mum doesnt always help either, she had a lot of problems before she had me and my sister (in the 60's - my sister, 70's me) and thinks its helpful to say "well at least people are sympathetic to you, i was told it was gods way " and things along that vein. I think she thinks it helps me! ARGHHHHHHHHHH
I am trying to stay positive and start thinking about the next cycle, we have 4 NHS tries left as we agreed to take part in a study, but its so hard sometimes.
Basically, I just think if people havent been through any of this, they dont have a clue what its like.......... or realise that telling you someone they know had IVF and it worked for them is helpful! I could just scream when people do that..
Rant over, sorry if I sound all bitter and twisted... really im lovely lol xx
I nearing the end of my first cycle of ICSI (test 29th Sept) and started to bleed a bit overnight on Saturday. I felt totally devastated, much worse than I ever expected to feel. I was meant to be going out with my Mum the following morning and couldnt even face seeing her.
I think my worst fear right now is telling everyone (think I might have made a mistake telling quite a few friends and collegues). Although they have all been fantastic throughout the treatment time, I feel like I am dreading telling them I know it hasnt worked. I think mainly, and this is where I feel like a horrible person, I cant bear the thought of them all feeling sorry for me. I know they will all be genuinely upset for me and want to say things to help, but I honestly feel like I wish i could just run away and not have to face any of them.
My Mum doesnt always help either, she had a lot of problems before she had me and my sister (in the 60's - my sister, 70's me) and thinks its helpful to say "well at least people are sympathetic to you, i was told it was gods way " and things along that vein. I think she thinks it helps me! ARGHHHHHHHHHH
I am trying to stay positive and start thinking about the next cycle, we have 4 NHS tries left as we agreed to take part in a study, but its so hard sometimes.
Basically, I just think if people havent been through any of this, they dont have a clue what its like.......... or realise that telling you someone they know had IVF and it worked for them is helpful! I could just scream when people do that..
Rant over, sorry if I sound all bitter and twisted... really im lovely lol xx
Lulu B
ttc for 7 years
9 clomid cycles
3 IUI all -ve
1st ICSI Sept 05 - BFP!
Stuart Teddy born 05/06/06
FET 24/5/07 results 08/06/07 BFN.
ttc for 7 years
9 clomid cycles
3 IUI all -ve
1st ICSI Sept 05 - BFP!
Stuart Teddy born 05/06/06
FET 24/5/07 results 08/06/07 BFN.
YES is the simple answer to that question Terri 
Dora I feel guilty for the parents as well - they are very supportive and MIL tries not to hassle us. But I know they want to be grandparents.
Some of my close friends know but my work colleagues do not. This past week I have been off work and we have pretty much kept to ourselves and it is great to hide away - on really bad days I don't even open the curtains
Hang in there Dora is right if you don't feel like talking don't - this is a time to look after yourself. I hope it all goes well for you
LOL
Julie
Dora I feel guilty for the parents as well - they are very supportive and MIL tries not to hassle us. But I know they want to be grandparents.
Some of my close friends know but my work colleagues do not. This past week I have been off work and we have pretty much kept to ourselves and it is great to hide away - on really bad days I don't even open the curtains
Hang in there Dora is right if you don't feel like talking don't - this is a time to look after yourself. I hope it all goes well for you
LOL
Julie
Me 32 DH 37 ttc 2years
Male Factor
First ICSI October 04 - cycle abandoned high risk of OHSS
ICSI April/May 05 -ve
ICSI Sep/Oct 05 +ve result 12th October
DD born June 2006
ICSI Oct/Nov08 -ve
Male Factor
First ICSI October 04 - cycle abandoned high risk of OHSS
ICSI April/May 05 -ve
ICSI Sep/Oct 05 +ve result 12th October
DD born June 2006
ICSI Oct/Nov08 -ve
Hi Girls
I know how you are feeling. It took me at least a week to speak to anyone on the phone let alone see them. I just wanted to be by myself didn't even want DH around. I thought i was better last week but last two days i'm back to square one. I'm back at week tomorrow, because my department is small everyone knows everyones buisness. In one way it's great because i haven't had to explain, time off, moodiness, tearfulness and the girls have been really supportive but, I think if i get one look of pity tomorrow i will scream.
I know things will get better and i know that you girls are going through the same so i'm not on my own. Haven't visited this site much as i feel at the moment i can't contribute much and don't "fit in" to a thread.
Take care and your in my thoughts
love
clairxx
I know how you are feeling. It took me at least a week to speak to anyone on the phone let alone see them. I just wanted to be by myself didn't even want DH around. I thought i was better last week but last two days i'm back to square one. I'm back at week tomorrow, because my department is small everyone knows everyones buisness. In one way it's great because i haven't had to explain, time off, moodiness, tearfulness and the girls have been really supportive but, I think if i get one look of pity tomorrow i will scream.
I know things will get better and i know that you girls are going through the same so i'm not on my own. Haven't visited this site much as i feel at the moment i can't contribute much and don't "fit in" to a thread.
Take care and your in my thoughts
love
clairxx
Me -31
DH - 35
1st Attempt IVF Aug/Sept 05= BFN
Next cycle with ICSI, hopefully April 2006 = BFN
Hydrosalphinx being removed in November. ICSI next year. Last chance saloon!
DH - 35
1st Attempt IVF Aug/Sept 05= BFN
Next cycle with ICSI, hopefully April 2006 = BFN
Hydrosalphinx being removed in November. ICSI next year. Last chance saloon!
wow, can't believe how many of you have responded already, thank you. It makes me feel a bit better to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Dora, I know what you mean about when you do talk, you sound rude..........thats how I feel too. I know I keep saying the wrong things to my friend who is now pregnant after 3 years. Part of me thinks she has forgotten what it was like. One of the first things she said to me was "will you be godparents" I said "are you asking" and she said "no, I have to ask my husband first" Then a few days later she said the morning sickness is getting on her nerves. I normally see her 3 or 4 times a week but I can't face it now.
Lulu, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Don't give up yet though, you just never know. I hate that feeling of people feeling sorry for me too. I think thats one of the main reasons I don't want to speak to people actually. I think we must all get the "I knew someone who went through this before and now she's got 10 kids" stories. It means nothing to me, just cos someone else got there in the end, thats not a guarantee for me. And the amount of people who say "you just need to relax and then it will happen" Yeah right, I was relaxed for the first year as didnt' think there as a problem and nothing happened then either.
Julie, thanks, my parents and in laws don't hassle us at all so we are lucky for that. Infact my mum in the last week has been the most understanding person I have spoken to. She normally gets cross if we feel sorry for ourselves over anything but over this she is really good. At the same time i hate to talk to her too much and worry her.
Clair, I was just wondering which thread I 'fit into' as well and couldnt decide so started this one. I'm in a similar office to you. Its good in a lot of ways as I can be down in the dumps and they all know its not personal. But if they come and sympathise then that sets me off crying again. One of the girls is great but she says she knows how it feels as she tried for a third and was unsuccessful. I did say to her that this is nothing like that. To have 2 children already and then find you can't have a third one might be upsetting. However, having no children and wondering if it will ever happen is far far worse.
Like you, I thought I was better the other day and then I went back to square one as well.
thanks everyone, at least I know I'm not insane.
Dora, I know what you mean about when you do talk, you sound rude..........thats how I feel too. I know I keep saying the wrong things to my friend who is now pregnant after 3 years. Part of me thinks she has forgotten what it was like. One of the first things she said to me was "will you be godparents" I said "are you asking" and she said "no, I have to ask my husband first" Then a few days later she said the morning sickness is getting on her nerves. I normally see her 3 or 4 times a week but I can't face it now.
Lulu, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Don't give up yet though, you just never know. I hate that feeling of people feeling sorry for me too. I think thats one of the main reasons I don't want to speak to people actually. I think we must all get the "I knew someone who went through this before and now she's got 10 kids" stories. It means nothing to me, just cos someone else got there in the end, thats not a guarantee for me. And the amount of people who say "you just need to relax and then it will happen" Yeah right, I was relaxed for the first year as didnt' think there as a problem and nothing happened then either.
Julie, thanks, my parents and in laws don't hassle us at all so we are lucky for that. Infact my mum in the last week has been the most understanding person I have spoken to. She normally gets cross if we feel sorry for ourselves over anything but over this she is really good. At the same time i hate to talk to her too much and worry her.
Clair, I was just wondering which thread I 'fit into' as well and couldnt decide so started this one. I'm in a similar office to you. Its good in a lot of ways as I can be down in the dumps and they all know its not personal. But if they come and sympathise then that sets me off crying again. One of the girls is great but she says she knows how it feels as she tried for a third and was unsuccessful. I did say to her that this is nothing like that. To have 2 children already and then find you can't have a third one might be upsetting. However, having no children and wondering if it will ever happen is far far worse.
Like you, I thought I was better the other day and then I went back to square one as well.
thanks everyone, at least I know I'm not insane.
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
told my cousin I don't want her to stay now as I want to be on my own. She says thats fine but I know she doesn't understand. just made me feel worse talking to her but thats all I have to talk to now. Now I can just keep myself to myself.
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Hi everyone... I saw the first message of this thread and thought that I'd add my little bit, but reading through the rest of the messages.... I realised that I don't really have much to say right now, as you all have said it already. 
I had my 2 step daughters and brother and sister for the weekend, and felt really awful... the kids were all just mucking around and playing up all week end , and because I have been feeling really rubbish this weekend they must have all thought that I was the big bad step mother / sister....
I have been going throught my first IVF cycle and have been feeling gradually worse as it goes on. From day one of my cycle things got off to a crap start as I have been allergic to the Buserelin.... and It feels like me and my dp are just having constant bad vibes.
I keep snapping at him, and I don't mean to, but over the last year or so I have suffered quite badly from depression, and I feel like I am going through it again.
All I want to do is curl up into a ball and go to sleep... and when I am awake, all I want to do is shut myself away and not see or talk to anyone. I just feel like it's all going wrong and want to burst into tears all the time.... I can't seem to shift my thoughts to any that are positive...
I was quite positive when I started, and just the other I was told that my EC that is scheduled for 29/09 might not happen now, as I might be starting to over stimulate... I feel like I am a pin cushion already, the Puregon injections really hurt, and now I have to go in for bloods and scans on monday and tuesday, to see if things have to be stopped, or if they can continue....
I am starting to get horrible feelings that I know are doing me no good, but I can't shift them...
It's no point in asking any of you to help cheer me up ... sounds like we are all feeling the same... 
at least I'm not alone... feels like I have been for the longest while... and it's so true when people say that unless you know what it's like to go through something, then you haven't got a clue...
I had my 2 step daughters and brother and sister for the weekend, and felt really awful... the kids were all just mucking around and playing up all week end , and because I have been feeling really rubbish this weekend they must have all thought that I was the big bad step mother / sister....
I have been going throught my first IVF cycle and have been feeling gradually worse as it goes on. From day one of my cycle things got off to a crap start as I have been allergic to the Buserelin.... and It feels like me and my dp are just having constant bad vibes.
I keep snapping at him, and I don't mean to, but over the last year or so I have suffered quite badly from depression, and I feel like I am going through it again.
All I want to do is curl up into a ball and go to sleep... and when I am awake, all I want to do is shut myself away and not see or talk to anyone. I just feel like it's all going wrong and want to burst into tears all the time.... I can't seem to shift my thoughts to any that are positive...
I was quite positive when I started, and just the other I was told that my EC that is scheduled for 29/09 might not happen now, as I might be starting to over stimulate... I feel like I am a pin cushion already, the Puregon injections really hurt, and now I have to go in for bloods and scans on monday and tuesday, to see if things have to be stopped, or if they can continue....
I am starting to get horrible feelings that I know are doing me no good, but I can't shift them...
It's no point in asking any of you to help cheer me up ... sounds like we are all feeling the same...
at least I'm not alone... feels like I have been for the longest while... and it's so true when people say that unless you know what it's like to go through something, then you haven't got a clue...Nes X
Mum to Twins Jess & Kai, born 1.06.06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10719;34/st/20060601/n/Jessenia+and+Maqkai/dt/-18/k/286d/age.png[/img]
Mum to Twins Jess & Kai, born 1.06.06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10719;34/st/20060601/n/Jessenia+and+Maqkai/dt/-18/k/286d/age.png[/img]
Hi everyone... I saw the first message of this thread and thought that I'd add my little bit, but reading through the rest of the messages.... I realised that I don't really have much to say right now, as you all have said it already.
I had my 2 step daughters and brother and sister for the weekend, and felt really awful... the kids were all just mucking around and playing up all week end , and because I have been feeling really rubbish this weekend they must have all thought that I was the big bad step mother / sister....
I have been going throught my first IVF cycle and have been feeling gradually worse as it goes on. From day one of my cycle things got off to a crap start as I have been allergic to the Buserelin.... and It feels like me and my dp are just having constant bad vibes.
I keep snapping at him, and I don't mean to, but over the last year or so I have suffered quite badly from depression, and I feel like I am going through it again.
All I want to do is curl up into a ball and go to sleep... and when I am awake, all I want to do is shut myself away and not see or talk to anyone. I just feel like it's all going wrong and want to burst into tears all the time.... I can't seem to shift my thoughts to any that are positive...
I was quite positive when I started, and just the other I was told that my EC that is scheduled for 29/09 might not happen now, as I might be starting to over stimulate... I feel like I am a pin cushion already, the Puregon injections really hurt, and now I have to go in for bloods and scans on monday and tuesday, to see if things have to be stopped, or if they can continue....
I am starting to get horrible feelings that I know are doing me no good, but I can't shift them...
It's no point in asking any of you to help cheer me up ... sounds like we are all feeling the same... at least I'm not alone... feels like I have been for the longest while... and it's so true when people say that unless you know what it's like to go through something, then you haven't got a clue...
Why are things so hard?....
I had my 2 step daughters and brother and sister for the weekend, and felt really awful... the kids were all just mucking around and playing up all week end , and because I have been feeling really rubbish this weekend they must have all thought that I was the big bad step mother / sister....
I have been going throught my first IVF cycle and have been feeling gradually worse as it goes on. From day one of my cycle things got off to a crap start as I have been allergic to the Buserelin.... and It feels like me and my dp are just having constant bad vibes.
I keep snapping at him, and I don't mean to, but over the last year or so I have suffered quite badly from depression, and I feel like I am going through it again.
All I want to do is curl up into a ball and go to sleep... and when I am awake, all I want to do is shut myself away and not see or talk to anyone. I just feel like it's all going wrong and want to burst into tears all the time.... I can't seem to shift my thoughts to any that are positive...
I was quite positive when I started, and just the other I was told that my EC that is scheduled for 29/09 might not happen now, as I might be starting to over stimulate... I feel like I am a pin cushion already, the Puregon injections really hurt, and now I have to go in for bloods and scans on monday and tuesday, to see if things have to be stopped, or if they can continue....
I am starting to get horrible feelings that I know are doing me no good, but I can't shift them...
It's no point in asking any of you to help cheer me up ... sounds like we are all feeling the same...
at least I'm not alone... feels like I have been for the longest while... and it's so true when people say that unless you know what it's like to go through something, then you haven't got a clue... Why are things so hard?....
Nes X
Mum to Twins Jess & Kai, born 1.06.06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10719;34/st/20060601/n/Jessenia+and+Maqkai/dt/-18/k/286d/age.png[/img]
Mum to Twins Jess & Kai, born 1.06.06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10719;34/st/20060601/n/Jessenia+and+Maqkai/dt/-18/k/286d/age.png[/img]
Hi Nes
I know how you feel. I haven't even got as far as IVF yet but the feelings I have are the same as you describe. And I know its doing me no good but can't seem to get myself out of it either.
I have started to feel like I'm depressed too and I'm too scared to tell anyone as if we end up going for adoption one day, this would go against me!
Like you said, we all feel the same. I just said to my husband, at least I don't feel abnormal anymore as you all feel like this too.
I know how you feel. I haven't even got as far as IVF yet but the feelings I have are the same as you describe. And I know its doing me no good but can't seem to get myself out of it either.
I have started to feel like I'm depressed too and I'm too scared to tell anyone as if we end up going for adoption one day, this would go against me!
Like you said, we all feel the same. I just said to my husband, at least I don't feel abnormal anymore as you all feel like this too.
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Wow after reading this thread I actually feel like the emotions I am going through are normal as they are what you guys have all just written about! We haven't got to IVF yet, but it's pretty much on the cards so we're trying to deal with that. We've had a rollercoaster ride over the past few weeks with all we've found out, and I have never really felt so emotional in my life. I am usually a really bubbly and out-going person, yet at the moment I feel very down. I too am finding it hard to see people (esp as I am one of four daughters and 2 are preg at the mo) so I really dont like fmaily gatherings at present. I am happy for my sisters but its so hard as I keep wondering Why??? Why they got pregnant so easily, and I can't???
That's one question that is constantly on my mind, and I really have to try and let go of it.
That's one question that is constantly on my mind, and I really have to try and let go of it.
Me 24 DH 24 - me PCOS and more complications
-
Katie12563
- Regular
- Posts: 226
- Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2005 11:29 pm
- Location: USA
Terri...add me to the list!
I feel the same way. I have even been away from the board for several weeks. Just needed to spend time not thinking about my infertilty. I've thrown myself into work. I work late ..come home do an injection and off to bed. When I'm at work, just like you I don't obsess over all this.
You are certainly not alone...thanks for speaking out...I feel more normal
hearing you say it too.
PS My co worker went to the same clinic as me and I was pregnant 2 weeks before her...now she is really showing and I lost my baby. I'm happy for her but it makes me sad to think of the little one I lost. I know we would be about the same size now. I totally relate to what you said about your two best friends...you love them, you're happy for them but at the same time you feel sad for yourself. I AM WITH YOU!!!!
Love,
Katie
I feel the same way. I have even been away from the board for several weeks. Just needed to spend time not thinking about my infertilty. I've thrown myself into work. I work late ..come home do an injection and off to bed. When I'm at work, just like you I don't obsess over all this.
You are certainly not alone...thanks for speaking out...I feel more normal
hearing you say it too.
PS My co worker went to the same clinic as me and I was pregnant 2 weeks before her...now she is really showing and I lost my baby. I'm happy for her but it makes me sad to think of the little one I lost. I know we would be about the same size now. I totally relate to what you said about your two best friends...you love them, you're happy for them but at the same time you feel sad for yourself. I AM WITH YOU!!!!
Love,
Katie
Me: 44...NEWLYWED
After 5 attempts (Iui & IVF)
My Little One Is Here...SOOOOoooo Happy
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;32/st/20070701/n/My+Prince+/k/4325/age.png[/img]
After 5 attempts (Iui & IVF)
My Little One Is Here...SOOOOoooo Happy
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;51;32/st/20070701/n/My+Prince+/k/4325/age.png[/img]
Hi Girls
How has your day been? It's good that we can come on here and off load.
I went back to work today and it was awful.
1, the first clinic of the day on monday is paediatric eye clinic loads of babies having vision tested.
2, One of the doctors came up and asked me how the IVF went. Tears no. one.
3, Two of my collegues have found out they are pregnant while i have been off!!!!!!!!!!
4, I run a patient support group for visual loss/impairment I was reminded that the next meeting is Wednesday too late to cancel, no one else to do it. I can just about support myself at the moment let alone anyone else.
5, My manager (who is great) called me in for a chat. Tears no.2 talk about opening flood gates.
Saying that my collegues have been supportive especially my friend Steph.
Hope I haven't depressed you guys further. Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm off for hot bath and plenty of wine.
Take care folks
love
clairxx
How has your day been? It's good that we can come on here and off load.
I went back to work today and it was awful.
1, the first clinic of the day on monday is paediatric eye clinic loads of babies having vision tested.
2, One of the doctors came up and asked me how the IVF went. Tears no. one.
3, Two of my collegues have found out they are pregnant while i have been off!!!!!!!!!!
4, I run a patient support group for visual loss/impairment I was reminded that the next meeting is Wednesday too late to cancel, no one else to do it. I can just about support myself at the moment let alone anyone else.
5, My manager (who is great) called me in for a chat. Tears no.2 talk about opening flood gates.
Saying that my collegues have been supportive especially my friend Steph.
Hope I haven't depressed you guys further. Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm off for hot bath and plenty of wine.
Take care folks
love
clairxx
Me -31
DH - 35
1st Attempt IVF Aug/Sept 05= BFN
Next cycle with ICSI, hopefully April 2006 = BFN
Hydrosalphinx being removed in November. ICSI next year. Last chance saloon!
DH - 35
1st Attempt IVF Aug/Sept 05= BFN
Next cycle with ICSI, hopefully April 2006 = BFN
Hydrosalphinx being removed in November. ICSI next year. Last chance saloon!
I really feel for you Clair, that sounds like a shocker of a day. But at least that first day is over with, probably what you dreaded most.
I had a few weeks where all I heard is "so and so is pregnant" etc. and even now everywhere I look...........pregnant women.
Surely there must be someone else who can run that clinic? have you talked to your boss. They shouldn't expect you to do that when you are so stressed out yourself.
Katie, that is so tough for you. I'm so sorry about what you have gone through. I find the thought of seeing my friends when they start to show unbearable. I just can't even think about it and I do not know how I will deal with it. That sounds terrible to anyone who has not gone through this doesn't it? I feel terrible for saying it but I guess this is the only place where I can be honest.
Treens, like you I am outgoing and bubbly but right now I'm the opposite. I said to my DH last night though, I think thats why noone can help me because they are so used to me being happy and picking them up out their troubles, that they don't know how to handle it when I'm depressed! That must be tough for you 2 sisters being pregnant.
I even feel like I'm spoiling it all for my friend slightly. She is so happy but she knows I'm depressed. Mind you, she was worse than me before she got pregnant and now I'm as bad as she was if you know what I mean.
If you find a way to let go of that question, let me know.
I know I have to get myself out of this depression somehow but I don't know how.
I had a few weeks where all I heard is "so and so is pregnant" etc. and even now everywhere I look...........pregnant women.
Surely there must be someone else who can run that clinic? have you talked to your boss. They shouldn't expect you to do that when you are so stressed out yourself.
Katie, that is so tough for you. I'm so sorry about what you have gone through. I find the thought of seeing my friends when they start to show unbearable. I just can't even think about it and I do not know how I will deal with it. That sounds terrible to anyone who has not gone through this doesn't it? I feel terrible for saying it but I guess this is the only place where I can be honest.
Treens, like you I am outgoing and bubbly but right now I'm the opposite. I said to my DH last night though, I think thats why noone can help me because they are so used to me being happy and picking them up out their troubles, that they don't know how to handle it when I'm depressed! That must be tough for you 2 sisters being pregnant.
I even feel like I'm spoiling it all for my friend slightly. She is so happy but she knows I'm depressed. Mind you, she was worse than me before she got pregnant and now I'm as bad as she was if you know what I mean.
If you find a way to let go of that question, let me know.
I know I have to get myself out of this depression somehow but I don't know how.
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture