Goodluck with AF, hope she shows her sorry face before Oct 14.
lots of love
Indiana.xxxx
JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS
-
doraglasses
- Member
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2005 7:47 pm
-
Jeni Babes
Thanks everyone i will have a good holiday...
I looked this out for nicola but thought you might appreciate it too...
Subject: 100%
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little maths that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 %
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top.
But, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
So the next time someone asks you to give more than 100%,
you know what is required of you.
Love
Jen
xxxx
I looked this out for nicola but thought you might appreciate it too...
Subject: 100%
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little maths that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 %
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top.
But, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
So the next time someone asks you to give more than 100%,
you know what is required of you.
Love
Jen xxxx
Todays positive thought.
Dreams come true, without that possibility, nature would not invite us to have them!!!!!!!
Hope we are all happy bunnies and having a good weekend
Indi.xxx
Dreams come true, without that possibility, nature would not invite us to have them!!!!!!!
Hope we are all happy bunnies and having a good weekend
Indi.xxx
ME:32 DH:37 TTC8YRS
1st IVF Nov 99
[img]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/tiere/d078.gif[/img]
[img]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/verschiedene/a038.gif[/img]
1st IVF Nov 99
[img]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/tiere/d078.gif[/img]
[img]http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/midi/verschiedene/a038.gif[/img]
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Smita
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2817
- Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:53 am
- Location: From India,living in Abu Dhabi
Hi everyone,
Keep up the positive thinking these jokes shd get a smile to nervous faces...here are 2 jokes for today- perhaps heard of before cause they've been doing rounds on the internet for ages!
Still..
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
Keep up the positive thinking these jokes shd get a smile to nervous faces...here are 2 jokes for today- perhaps heard of before cause they've been doing rounds on the internet for ages!
Still..
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
me-32, dh 40
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
Having read Smitas joke a few days ago (which is FANTASTIC by the way!) I couldn't believe what I heard on my own local raido station this morning. I SWEAR this really happened this morning!!!
They do a competition whereby the female presenter gargles a well know pop song and people have to ring in and guess what it is.
A lady called in this morning and thought it was a song by Human League. It wasn't. The presenter apologised as apparently she hadn't gargled it that clearly, and was more difficult than usual. The callers reponse to her apology was to say.................
"that's ok Louise. You're obviously more used to swallowing!!!!!!!!!"
The female and male presenters nearly fell of their chairs!!
I had to stop the car before I crashed!!!!
Not sure that she actually meant it in a filthy way but it sure brightened up my journey to work!!!! javascript:emoticon(':lol:')javascript:emoticon(':lol:')
Keep smiling!!!
Cla
xx
They do a competition whereby the female presenter gargles a well know pop song and people have to ring in and guess what it is.
A lady called in this morning and thought it was a song by Human League. It wasn't. The presenter apologised as apparently she hadn't gargled it that clearly, and was more difficult than usual. The callers reponse to her apology was to say.................
"that's ok Louise. You're obviously more used to swallowing!!!!!!!!!"
The female and male presenters nearly fell of their chairs!!
I had to stop the car before I crashed!!!!
Not sure that she actually meant it in a filthy way but it sure brightened up my journey to work!!!! javascript:emoticon(':lol:')javascript:emoticon(':lol:')
Keep smiling!!!
Cla
xx
Me: 35 DP : 38
1st time IVF - Aug/Sept 05 -ve
FET - Jan 06 - BFP!!!
[img]http://tac.families.com/ezb/842130.png[/img]
1st time IVF - Aug/Sept 05 -ve
FET - Jan 06 - BFP!!!
[img]http://tac.families.com/ezb/842130.png[/img]
-
Smita
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2817
- Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:53 am
- Location: From India,living in Abu Dhabi
Ladies,
kind of x-rated, but funny!
No offence meant..ok, just one question, how do we know if we've crossed a line?? if you know what i mean? will ya girls let me know?
anyay..
just to cheer up those who're feeling low or need a smile!
smita
Here goes..
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest
of my life, between the legs of my wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best
toast of
the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
Street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the
prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the
other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
kind of x-rated, but funny!
No offence meant..ok, just one question, how do we know if we've crossed a line?? if you know what i mean? will ya girls let me know?
anyay..
just to cheer up those who're feeling low or need a smile!
smita
Here goes..
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest
of my life, between the legs of my wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best
toast of
the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
Street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the
prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the
other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
me-32, dh 40
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
-
Smita
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2817
- Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:53 am
- Location: From India,living in Abu Dhabi
Not jokes this time, but just some random thoughts that someone sent in an email..
Have a firm handshake.
Look people in the eye.
Sing in the shower.
If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Keep secrets.
Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
Whistle.
Avoid sarcastic remarks.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per
cent of all your happiness or misery.
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
Lend only those books you never care to see again.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
When playing games with children, let them win.
Give people a second chance, but not a third.
Be romantic.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as
important as it first seems.
Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your
convenience, not the caller's.
Be a good loser.
Be a good winner.
Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
Keep it simple.
Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the
same river.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things
you didn't do more than the one's you did.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to
acknowledge those who helped you.
Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a
few minutes.
Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
Once in a while, take the scenic route.
Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas
sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial
their job.
Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
Become someone's hero.
Marry only for love.
Count your blessings.
Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
Wave at the children on a school bus.
Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability
to deal with people.
Don't expect life to be fair.
NO matter WHAT, just keep thinking positive.
Whatever happens, happens for the best
Have a firm handshake.
Look people in the eye.
Sing in the shower.
If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Keep secrets.
Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
Whistle.
Avoid sarcastic remarks.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per
cent of all your happiness or misery.
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
Lend only those books you never care to see again.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
When playing games with children, let them win.
Give people a second chance, but not a third.
Be romantic.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as
important as it first seems.
Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your
convenience, not the caller's.
Be a good loser.
Be a good winner.
Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
Keep it simple.
Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the
same river.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things
you didn't do more than the one's you did.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to
acknowledge those who helped you.
Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a
few minutes.
Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
Once in a while, take the scenic route.
Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're
terrific.'
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas
sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial
their job.
Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
Become someone's hero.
Marry only for love.
Count your blessings.
Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
Wave at the children on a school bus.
Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability
to deal with people.
Don't expect life to be fair.
NO matter WHAT, just keep thinking positive.
Whatever happens, happens for the best
Last edited by Smita on Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
me-32, dh 40
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]
ttc 4+ years
4 failed IUI's
1st ICSI +ve 17/6/05:)
Baby girl Dhruvaa born on 14/02/06
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;53;30/st/20060214/n/Dhruvaa/dt/8/k/07ce/age.png[/img]